Disillusion Meets Delight (2 page)

“None taken.”

“Besides, I am still getting over Josh and I am fragile.”  Josh McCoy is my now ex-boyfriend.  He was an Adonis and unfortunately, I never saw him as a result.  He spent more time in the gym and less with his lovely and supportive girlfriend.  We dated for nine months and despite our rocky romance, I had talked myself into thinking he was the “one.”  When he broke up with me on the morning of New Year’s Eve, I was devastated.  I was even more broken hearted when he moved into his new girlfriend’s apartment two months later.

“Nat, I know that it has been a difficult time for you, but you are a beautiful, educated woman with a lot going for her and it makes me sad to see you watch re-runs of the Golden Girls at night! It has been almost two years Natalie.  It’s time to move on.” She said in a soft, sensitive tone that made me realize that everyone had reached this conclusion but me.

Okay, so I think everyone is entitled to a self proclaimed pity party once in a while.  Last Thursday night was mine.  Actually, it swept itself into Friday and part of Saturday but I can confidently say that by Saturday night it was put to rest.  No sign of Kleenex wads, Fiona Apple CDs or The Notebook anywhere.  I decided it was time I turn over a new leaf.  If my life was going to improve, it was time I became proactive.  The new Natalie Everett is going to call people to plan events.  She will not wait for people to come to her; she will come to them first!  So, I called my girls and we made plans for a night of debauchery and bonding.

I decided to rummage in my closet and find the sauciest outfit that had buried itself behind old college sweatshirts and jeans from the Gap.  As I delved and almost got myself lost, I realized that it had been so long since I had been strappy, high heels, red lipstick and triple strength mascara “out” that I did not have a single thing to wear!  It seems that my desk job can suck the soul out of my body, but it replaces it with some wobbly substance that has fixated on my ass!  Not a single pair of my hot, little black going out pants could work themselves around my derriere enough to remotely look sexy.   This is the first night of the rest of my life and if I did not come up with something fast, I was in danger of regression.  Was I going to become the old lady with too many cats and a subscription to Reader’s Digest after all? 

After a few emergency phone calls and shots of Cuervo, I was back in the saddle again.  Mya was the first to come over with her size 6 Jimmy Choos for me to borrow.  Mya has grown quite a fondness to them.  In fact she has 18 pairs, which is rather frightening considering her collection is equal to the price of a decent used car.  It is kind of funny, because apart from her shoe fetish, Mya is very low maintenance.  Her small 5’3 frame fits well with her cute pixie haircut, which means morning prep takes minutes. For Mya, this is essential due to her busy schedule.  She is attending nursing school at the moment and would like to be a nurse practitioner eventually.  I think it is safe to say that out of all of us girls, Mya is definitely the most focused.  Of course, it also helps that she has absolutely no financial worries.  Grandma Landry won 34 million dollars in the California State Lottery and Mya was her favorite granddaughter.  As much as my grandmother loves me, the woman will take her money to the grave.  Once, I borrowed $150 to pay off an outstanding debt and found myself on the late payment list. She threatened to send me to collections and charged me with a late fee.  I swear my grandmother has distant relatives in Sicily.

“So, should we start out at Martino’s or try that new place on Broadway.  What’s it called?  Oh, crap what is it, Mya?”

“I don’t know.  Do you mean Doc’s?  I’ve heard that they have good music but their drinks are totally watered down.  I think they have good beer though, lots of microbrews and stuff.”  Mya says as she flicks through the latest Cosmopolitan.

“Maybe we should just go to Martino’s.  Everything is usually the same there.”

“Did I hear Martino’s?  Not tonight...”  Jenna enters with a look of panic.

“Jenna, are you still avoiding that bouncer?  I thought you were just going to tell him that you weren’t interested!”  Mya asks, putting down the very interesting top ten ways to find out if your man is cheating.

“I know and I did but he keeps calling.  I went on one date with him and he seems to think that we are destined for eternity!  Somehow, he found out where I lived and left a dozen roses on my car.  I don’t know what to do besides avoid him.”  Jenna has never been good about rejecting others.  She simply stops calling them, screens their phone calls and hopes that they will think she moved to a far away commune.  However, this one seems to be on to her sly game.  

“Jenna, how long has this been going on?  You went on that date months ago!  I think you have a stalker, girlie.  I watch Dateline and I know that these situations are not to be dealt with lightly!”  I advise her with a bit of frustration. Because of this dumb ass, we now have to avoid my favorite nightspot. 

“Natalie, I do not have a stalker.  He is simply enamored with me and does not want to accept that I don’t share his feelings.  Everything is fine, just fine.”  Jenna says as she downs a shot of Cuervo Gold.  “We are going to have a good time girls.  If that means battling my psycho bouncer at Martino’s then let the battle begin!” Again, a shot of Cuervo and we are finally out the door.

The male species is quite funny.  Take in point, my severely ex-boyfriend.  When a couple breaks off a relationship, it is usually because the two love birds can no longer communicate without beheading one another in 2.5 seconds.  So, why is it, that my ex feels the need to seek out my companionship like we are old football buddies?  Josh and I did not speak for nearly a year after we broke up. This arrangement was fine with me because the last thing I desired was to talk about how splendid his replacement, trust-fund girlfriend was.  I was pleased however, to hear that after seven months of alcohol induced bliss, she dumped him for some new guy who sells life insurance.  I hear she is engaged!  Karma, it’s a good thing.  Yet, now, Josh feels the need to make amends with me like he’s involved with some 12 Step Program.
 
It’s really annoying.

“Natalie!  Wow you look great I haven’t seen you in ages!”  Josh says as he takes a swig of Coors Light.  The music is just loud enough so I can’t really hear him but the lighting is not dim enough so I can read his lips. 

“Josh?  Um, hi, I’m just here with the girls having drinks.  Good to see you! Bye!” I try to make a clean exit but I’m trapped between a bachelorette party and a really big guy that needs to shower!

“Yeah, I’m here with Mark and Dylan.  Wow you look hot, Nat!  I’ve missed you.  Natalie Carlson sent me a wedding invitation a few weeks ago and my mom got really excited because she thought it was you.  She misses you too.”  Did I fail to mention that he still lives at home?

“That’s nice Josh.  Tell her I said hi.  I really need to get back to my friends though.”

“How’s your job going?”  I haven’t talked to you much since graduation.” 

“It’s going fine, great actually. Listen, Jenna looks like she is almost ready to buy a round of shots for those Asian businessmen.  I gotta go.  I’ll see you around okay?”  Unfortunately, my quick exit was not an excuse.  While I had been strolling down memory lane, Jenna and Mya had made some new “friends” and it looked like the beer goggles were definitely screwed on tight.

“Natalie!  Where have you been?  Meet my new friends George Wong and Harold Li!  Here, take some of their business cards too.”  Jenna passes out their cards as the gentlemen nod their heads as though I may be in need of some sort of computer engineering.  Where’s a decent bouncer when you need one? It appeared that Jenna’s stalker was off for the night which left me in charge.  

“You guys we need to go.”  I say as I put down Jenna’s Kamikaze and grab her jacket.  How did I become the sober friend?  I hate playing mom on girl’s night out.  Don’t get me wrong, I am all about taking care of my friends, but it’s kind of the dreaded responsibility.  

“Hey!  Josh is here!  Hi Josh!  Natalie, did you know Josh is here?”  Mya observes in her stupor as we step out of the bar into the cool autumn evening.

In the quiet cab ride home, I sit and think about what will happen to us in the future.  Jenna and Mya are my two closest friends.  No matter how annoying they can be, I don’t know what I would do without them.  I imagine that soon, Jenna will find a guy that will finally have the winning ticket.  She will fall in love with him and buy her house and have the happy family she has always wished for.  As for Mya, who knows if she will stay here, in Portland?  Nurses can get jobs anywhere.  Her boyfriend Kyle just got hired at an architect firm downtown, but he could move too.  Their relationship has evolved quite well in the last year.  Mya tries to be the independent wonder woman, but I could see her marrying Kyle if he asked her.  Despite my bitterness and envy, they are quite a couple.  He is always very trusting of her when we go out which is an important factor in a relationship.  Kyle does not play the jealous games that Josh would always play with me.  The last minute cancellations so he could hang out with the boys or the famous lines like “babe we are just friends, I have known her for years.”  Although I have learned many lessons from my failed relationships I keep wondering if I will continue this pattern of disasters.  As the world spins round and round, I never quite feel like I am in the flow.  Each day, a new man meets a new woman in the deli line or at the new hip restaurant.  They go out on a few dates and realize they are perfect for each other.  That eventually turns into love, marriage and children.  Sure, it sounds like a fantasy, but if you think about it, it is kind of realistic.  However, I am never able to fathom that fantasy becoming a reality in my life.  In fact, I question if I will ever find the right guy for myself and I sometimes wonder if I am not better off.

After an eventful evening last night, I decide that my Sunday needs to be quiet time.  After doing my boring chores of cleaning out the litter box and doing laundry, I reward myself with a trip to the video store.  Yes I know most video stores are now defunct but it takes me a long time to jump on these new bandwagons like getting your movies from a vending machine or in the mail.  Plus, the store I go to always has cool movies from the 80’s.   

As I walk into the video store, I notice that I really am the only one here.  I suppose this gives me ample room to stroll down the aisle and not be afraid I will step on the children as I do so.  People really should watch their children better in video stores.  Don’t they know that others are entranced in the video wall?   They cannot be expected to look down each time to see if little short people are in the way.  It creates far too many opportunities to miss a must see video.  I am not speaking from experience however, just an observation. 

“Ouch!” I bellow as I’m trampled by a tall man in the comedy section.

“Oh sorry.  You know, you really shouldn’t be sitting down in a video store.  It leaves many opportunities for someone to step on you.”  The man replies as if
I
am the one who has made the mistake of stepping on a grown adult!  As I stand up, I notice that he really isn’t that tall.  He is barely 6 feet.  Yet, his posture and disposition says something different. 

“Excuse me, but I was not sitting down.  This isn’t Barnes and Noble you know.  I was simply kneeling to see the movies on the lower shelf, if it’s any of your concern.  And why aren’t you looking where you are going?”  The rude 6 foot tall man rolls his eyes and proceeds to stroll down the aisle, apparently not concerned at all.  Who apologizes with a lecture?  That is not an apology!

“Jenna you won’t believe what happened to me today at the video store!” I say in a huff as I walk into my apartment, trying to juggle the cell phone, keys and keep the cat from running out the door in escape.

“Um, let’s see, they told you about this really cool thing called Netflix?” she thinks she is so funny sometimes. 

“No!  This totally rude guy stepped on me when I was kneeling down to look at the videos!” 

“Ooh what did you get?” 

“
The Breakfast Club
.  But that’s not my story Jenna!”

“Sorry, carry on.  So what happened?”

“He steps on me, then tries to make it seem like it’s my fault that I’m on the floor in his way!  It’s not like I’m a little kid.  I’m an adult for crying out loud!  You can’t miss me!”

“Was he cute?”  She asks in an eighth grader tone.

“Jenna, he was a total jerk.  I was not paying attention to his looks. But now that I think about it, he was kind of hot in a jerky sort of way.  He had dark hair and brown eyes and his mouth kind of curled a little bit when he got mad.”