Dismantling Evan (41 page)

Hearing him say that sounds foreign and out of place. “Move on? Like move away?” I ask intently to make sure I’m understanding him.

He shrugs. “Yeah. Maybe it’s time.”

I shake my head, and think of how my mom and dad’s conversation might have gone the night they decided to move us here to Braxton Springs because of me.

“So you think running away will make everything better? Hiding will make everything better?” I state flatly.

Brody furrows his brow and moves closer to me. “You want to talk about hiding with me?”

“Giving up here and going somewhere else won’t change anything Brody,” I argue back.

“Giving up? You of all people should lecture me about hiding and giving up,” he says, loudly.

I grab my things and head straight to the door. “If you want to hide, run away, and give up. I’m not going to tell you it is a great idea, Brody. It’s a lousy idea and you’ll regret it.”

I pull the door shut behind me, but Brody pulls it back open and follows me out into the front yard. “Like you, California?”

I spin around and glare at him, waiting for him to explain what he thinks he knows.

“You don’t think I really see you, Evan, but I do! I didn’t need fucking Celine to tell me that you had some problems! I already knew! And, it didn’t bother me that you had them, because everything else about you made it so worth being close to you Evan. I will take all your sadness, all your moodiness just so I can be close to you!”

I can’t move a muscle as he steps closer to me. “I know you Evan. And running, hiding, being invisible? You have done it. You are still doing it. You are still hiding who you are from everyone around you.” He scoffs with annoyance.

He shakes his head and walks in a wide circle before coming back at me, “But I know you Evan Phillips!”

I scramble to keep the discussion on him and the fact that them leaving would be a terrible mistake. “What if your dad comes back?”

Brody groans and chuckles. “Of course, bring the discussion back to me to avoid talking about you... still hiding Evan?”

Even though his words bite, I keep on track, not wanting to let this go. Let him go. “What if he comes back and can’t find you because you have moved? That would destroy all the hopes of seeing your father again!”

Brody folds his arms over his chest and looks down at me. “I’m never going to see my father!”

I shake my head. “How could you say that? There is still hope! He could be out there...”

Brody roars suddenly, sending me back a step. “He isn’t coming back okay! We will never see him again!”

I step up to him and yell back. “He is missing! He is out there! There is still hope!”

Brody puts his hands on my shoulders and looks me in the eyes as he tries to speak calmly, “Evan, listen to me!”

I shake my head, denying him my attention. “No! You are giving up on him now too! Just like you are giving up on your life here in Braxton Springs.”

“Evan!”

“No!”

He shakes me suddenly and his voice breaks over his words, “Listen to me! My father fucking walked away from his position one night and the next morning they found his body mangled and riddled with bullets on the edge of the base!”

His bloodshot eyes are so close to my own and his hot breath is so suffocating I have to blink and breathe in deep to try and catch my breath. He lets go of me and I stumble back away from him. He turns his back to me and puts his hands over his face as he crouches to the ground.

I stand there frozen, watching Brody’s shoulders shake as he silently cries.

“He’s dead?” asks a rigid and sad, all too familiar voice. Gavin stands at the foot of the porch looking from me to his brother.

“Gav,” Brody whispers.

Gavin turns and runs back into the house almost knocking his mother over as she stands at the door.

“What is going on? Gavin!” she calls after him, then looks back at Brody, “What happened, Brody?”

Brody climbs up the steps, slowly approaching his mother. “He knows, ma.”

She pinches her eyes tightly as she thinks through what he is really telling her.

He repeats himself. “He knows.”

“He knows? How does he know Brody?” Her anger is instantaneous and she rushes back into the house yelling, “Gavin! Gavin?”

Brody is left standing on the porch, his head downcast and his arms hanging by his side.

“No! Brody, he is gone! He is gone!”

When he hears her scream, Brody rushes back into the house. It only takes seconds before Brody is back out front with his car keys in his hands.

“Evan, what in the hell is going on?” my dad barks as he and Mom come walking across the lawn towards us.

Mrs. Ferguson comes back out the front porch. “Brody, you have to find him! Oh my God, my baby is gone!”

I look back at Mom and Dad as they stare at me with sheer terror. Brody is climbing into his car and I only have a second to decide if I am going with him.

“I have to go with him! Gavin is gone. We have to find him!”

I start toward Brody’s car, but Dad catches my arm. “No, you can’t.”

I pull my arm away from him and back away. “I have to.”

“Evan, you aren’t thinking!” Mom yells.

“I am thinking, Mom. I have to help find him. Please stay with Mrs. Ferguson.”

“You can’t run off like this, Evan!” Dad yells over Brody’s engine.

I yell back at both of them. “What if this were me? What if I ran?”

Neither of them say anything.

“I have to help. You would want the same for me!”

Brody starts to back out, but I turn and pull on the door handle. As soon as I open the door he warns me. “Evan, you aren’t going with me. Get out!”

“Yes, I am,” I demand, scooting into the passenger’s seat.

I watch Mom and Dad make their way hesitantly up to Mrs. Ferguson on the porch as Brody backs out swiftly, then steps on the gas.

We look for hours with no sign. Asher and Nikki are driving around looking for him too. We circle back to Brody’s house at least five times hoping we might see him walking back home. I text my mom and dad a half dozen times, but they have came up just like us - empty handed.

We run through all possible scenarios. We call Lia, but she hasn’t seen him. I tell her I will call with any news. We drive past the DQ, a good five miles from the house. We don’t think he could have got farther than that so quickly on foot. At midnight there is still no sign and we pull over to the curb.

I don’t want to say anything, but it has to be said. “Should we file a missing person report with the police?”

“Not yet. If the cops go after him, it might scare him, making things worse. Let’s keep looking all right?” Brody takes my hand in his and locks our fingers together.

“I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t do anything, Evan. It was my fault. I shouldn’t have lost it. If I hadn’t said anything out there...”

“Brody, I’m sorry about your father.”

Silently we look at each other and the sadness settles on Brody’s face again.

“There was a time that hiding was all I wanted. Now, with you, I don’t want to hide and I’m not going to give up on me... or you.”

Brody squeezes my hand tightly and I whisper tenderly, “Don’t give up on me. Don’t leave.”

Brody’s phone suddenly pings and we both jump as he fumbles to get it out of his pocket. “It’s Ash. He says to come to his house.”

As we pull up to his house, Asher is standing in the driveway. Brody rolls down his window and Asher leans on the frame and says nervously. “He was here.”

“When? Why didn’t you stop him?” questions Brody

Asher shakes his head. “I didn’t see him right away.”

“Why not, Ash?” Brody’s temper flares.

With some hesitation, Asher says, “He was already running down the street. When I went back into the house to call you, I saw the closet door that leads under the stairs wide open.”

Brody loses his patience. “So?”

He tilts his head and closes his eyes. “That is where we keep our guns, Brody.”

The blood drains from my body.

Brody tightens his hands on the steering wheel as he asks Asher, “Are any missing?”

“Yes,” Asher says, softly.

“Are they loaded?” Brody shoots back.

Asher shakes his head. “I don’t know man. Some of them were.”

Knowing that Gavin has a gun, Brody tells Asher to stay put and be on alert before driving back to their house.

As we enter the front door, Lia is sitting in the living room with her mom, Brody’s mom, and my parents.

Seeing Lia and her mom here, I get hopeful. “Has he come back?”

Mrs. Ferguson is the first to respond. “No,” she whimpers as Mom holds her.

Lia looks at me. “He was walking in front of my house, pacing back and forth. I ran out to him and asked if he was all right and if Brody knew where he was. He wouldn’t answer me. He just kept rocking side to side, looking down at the ground. Then he asked me if I was all right. I told him I was, then he nodded and walked away. I called to him. Told him to come back so we could take him home. I stood in front of him, but he pushed me out of the way.” Lia pauses and shakes her head.

Brody leans back in the chair. He frowns silently for a minute then confesses, “Asher said he was at the house and he has taken one of Mr. Vega’s guns.”

Within the hour, two police officers arrive at the house to talk with Mrs. Ferguson and Brody. Nikki’s mom had walked over bringing coffee and food while Lia, Nikki, and I hovered around the kitchen table, lost in our own thoughts.

Mrs. Ferguson spoke to one of the officers about Gavin needing certain medication for his mental disorders. “He can’t be without it,” Mrs. Ferguson sobbed.

I remember Brody telling me about the mood stabilizer and some of the others he was still taking. I worry mostly about Gavin having a debilitating seizure out there, wherever he is.

They search Gavin’s room and the perimeter of the house. I tell them about my work shed, but they come back with nothing. They put out an amber alert and gather a small search team of officers. They label him as being “armed” and warn to not approach him, which sends Mrs. Ferguson into another round of crying, asking why this is happening.

“We just found out that we could get him the help he needs with our insurance,” Mrs. Ferguson says as she weeps in Brody’s arms.

By three o’clock, we are all exhausted and find it hard to focus on anything. Nikki, Lia, and their mothers head home. Nikki and Lia both say they plan to go to school. “I’m not the one that needs to change,” Nikki barks.

Before Lia leaves, she pulls me aside and tells me she has started getting help for her cutting. I tell her she’s brave. Before we part she says, “We all need help with our secrets sometimes.”

She couldn’t be more right.

I excuse myself to use the restroom, but Mom stops me as I get part way down the hall. “Honey, are you okay?”

I nod numbly, “Yeah, as much as can be expected.”

She brushes my shoulder tenderly with her hand. “You should go home and sleep.”

I shake my head before she finishes saying her peace. “No, I have to be here for them, Mom.”

I’m surprised when she doesn’t argue or demand that I go home. Instead, she says, “Okay. I’ll tell your dad to head home and we’ll stay.”

I throw water on my face before I leave the bathroom. I turn off the light then look down the short hall at Gavin’s door. It is ajar and the light is on.

Pushing the door open wider, I step into his room. His desk is clear; no laptop or folder with papers he had in it.

“Hey, what are you doing?” Brody frightens me a little as he walks up behind me.

“I was just looking.”

“For clues?” he asks. I look at him curiously. “Gavin never wants me in his room. Says it is the only place that is truly his. A place where he can be himself.”

I sit next to Brody, on the bed, and immediately feel something hard and flat under me. I rise and push back the unmade bed sheets, pull out a yearbook at hold it in my hands. I remember throwing these types of memories away when I moved here. Why would Gavin hold onto them for so long? I fan through it slowly. A black circle around a face catches my eye and I flip back to it. Another black circle is around another face. I point down at the pictures. “Who are these people?”

“What?” Brody asks absently, sounding exhausted.

“Who are these people in this year book?”

Brody looks down at the pictures. “That’s Spencer and that is Celine. We were in fifth grade there. “His voice shares a mild distaste, but I figure that is all he can muster at four thirty in the morning after the hell he has been through tonight. The hell we all are going through, worried to death about Gavin.

I sit for a moment and continue to flip through the book, finding more circled faces. Anxiety floods my body and I tremble with fear for what I think Gavin is planning to do.