Do Elephants Jump? (35 page)

“Dead End” signs, versus “No Outlet” signs

“Deaf and dumb”

Decaffeinated coffee

leftover caffeine usage

orange pots in restaurants

“Deep-six”

Deer, automobile headlights and

Deer ornaments, plastic lawn

Dehumidifiers, operation of

Delaware, incorporations in

Dentist offices, smell of

Deodorant aerosols, shaking of

Desert, rising cool air in

Dessert, fast-food restaurants and

Detergents, laundry

bleach in

package sizes of

Detroit Red Wings and octopus throwing

Diagonal measurement of TV sets

Dictionaries

pronunciation and

thumb notches in

Diet soft drinks

calorie constituents in

phenylalanine as ingredient in

Dimples

auto headlamps

facial

golf balls

Dinner knives, rounded edges of

Dinner plates

repositioning of

round shape of

Dirt, refilling of, in holes

Disc jockeys and lack of song identification

“Discussing Uganda,” origins of term

Dishwashers, two compartments of

Disney cartoon characters

Donald Duck

Goofy

Mickey Mouse

Disposable lighters, fluid chambers of

Distilleries, liquor, during Prohibition

Ditto masters, color of

“Dixie”

Dixieland music at political rallies

“Dixieland”

DNA, identical twins and

Doctors, back tapping of

Doctors and bad penmanship

“Dog days”

Dogs

barking, laryngitis in

black lips of

body odor of

cavities and

circling before lying down

crooked back legs of

Dalmatians and firefighting

drooling in

eating cat feces

eating posture of

head tilting of

lifting legs to urinate in

miniature

poodles, wild

rear-leg wiggling, when scratched

“sic” command

sticking head out of car windows in

wet noses

Dollar sign, origins of

Dolls, hair of

Donald Duck, brother of

Donkey Kong, origins of

“
DONT WALK
” signs, lack of apostrophes in

Doors

double, in stores

knobs versus handles on

opening orientation of, in buildings

shopping mall entrances

“
THIS DOOR TO REMAIN UNLOCKED DURING BUSINESS HOURS
” signs, in stores

“Doozy”

“Do-re-mi”

Dots on cue balls, in pool

Double doors in stores

“Doubleheader”

Double-jointedness

Double-yolk eggs

Doughnuts

tissues and handling in stores

origins of holes in

Downhill ski poles, shape of

Dr Pepper

origins of name

punctuation of

Drains, location of bathtub

“Draw a Bead,” origins of term

Dreams, nap versus nighttime

Drinking glasses, “sweating” of

Dripless candles, whereabouts of wax in

“Driveway”

Driveways, driving on, versus parkways

Driving, left- versus right-hand side

Drooling, dogs and

Drowsiness after meals

Drugstores, high platforms in

“Dry,” as terms for wines

Dry-cleaning

French

garment labels and

One Hour Martinizing

raincoats and

Dryers, hand

in bathrooms

“off” switches

Ducks

lakes and ponds and

on Cadillacs

Duels, timing of

Dugouts, height of

“Dukes”

“Dumb [mute]”

“Dumbbells”

Dust, ceiling fans and

E

as school grade

on eye charts

“Eagle [golf score]”

Earlobes, function of

“Earmark”

Earrings, pirates and

Ears

hairy, in old men

popping in airplanes

ringing, causes of

Earthworms as fish food

Easter

chocolate bunnies and

dates of

ham consumption at

“Easy as pie”

Eating, effect of sleep on

“Eavesdropper”

Ebert, Roger, versus Gene Siskel, billing of

Egg, versus chicken

Egg whites and copper bowls

Eggs

color of

double-yolk

hard-boiled, discoloration of

meaning of grading of

sizes of

“Eggs Benedict”

“Eighty-six,” origins of term

Elbow macaroni, shape of

Elderly men

pants height and

shortness of

Elections, U.S.

timing of

Tuesdays and

Electric can openers, sharpness of blades on

Electric drip versus electric perk, in coffee

Electric perk versus electric drip, in coffee

Electric plug prongs

holes at end of

three prongs versus two prongs

Electricity, AC versus DC

Electricity, static, variability in amounts of

Elephants

disposal of remains of

jumping ability of

Oakland A’s uniforms

rocking in zoos

Elevator doors

changing directions

holes

Elevators

overloading of

passenger capacity in

“Eleventh hour”

Emergency Broadcasting System, length of test

“Emergency feed” on paper towel dispensers

Emmy awards, origins of name

English, driving habits of

English horn, naming of

English muffins

in England

white particles on

Envelopes

Christmas cards, paper bands on

colored stickers on

computer scrawls on

red letters on back of

return windows on

size of, in bills

Escalator knobs, purpose of

Escalators

green lights on

rail speed of

Evaporated milk

refrigeration of

soldered cans and

Evolution, loss of body hair and

Exclamation marks in telegrams

Executions

autopsies after

hours of

“
EXEMPT
” signs at railroad crossings

Expiration dates

on bottled waters

on fire extinguishers

on toothpaste

Exposures, number of, in film

Exterminators, hard hats and

Extremities, wrinkles on

Eye chart, E on

Eye closure during kissing

Eyeglasses and nerdiness

Eyes

bags under

floaters and

pain, when tired

position, during sleep

rubbing of, when tired

sneezing and

Fading, causes of

Fahrenheit scale

increments in

zero degrees, meaning of

Fainting and women, lessening of

“
FALLING ROCK
” signs, purpose of

Falsetto voices

techniques for men producing

women’s inability to produce

“Fan [loyal partisan]”

Fan speeds, order of

Farm plots, circular shape of

Fast-food restaurants, dessert and

Fat people and alleged jolliness

Fathers, new, passing out of cigars and

Fats, on nutrition labels

Faucets, water

“FD&C,” meaning of, on food and shampoo labels

Federal Express, hours of employees of

Feet, swelling in airplanes of

Fences, height restrictions of

Field goals, measurement of

Fifty-five mph

reasons for speed limit of

speedometers and

Fighting Irish, Notre Dame and

Figure skating and dizziness

“Filibuster”

“Filipino,” spelling of

Film

countdown leader on

measurement of, in millimeters

number of exposures in

prints, after theatrical runs

wagon wheels in, movement of

width of

X- and XXX-ratings

Filters, cigarette, brown spots on

“Filthy lucre”

“Fin [five-dollar bill]”

Fingernails

biting of

growth of, versus toenails

growth of, after death

lunula on

yellowing of, and nail polish

Fingers, length of

“Fink”

Fire, crackling sound of

Fire extinguishers, expiration date on

Fire helmets, shape of

Fire hydrants

freezing of water in

shape of valve stems of

Fire trucks, roofs of

Firearms, confiscated, after arrests

Fireplaces, rain in

First basemen, ball custody of, in baseball

First class mail, priority mail versus

Fish [see also specific types]

biting in rain

eating preferences

fear of, in aquariums

floating upon death

pebble spitting

return to dried-up lakes and ponds

saltwater coloration

sleep patterns

urination

Fish tanks, oxygen in

Flagpoles, balls atop

Flags, Japanese, red beams and

Flags, U.S.

half-mast

on airplanes

“Flak”

“Flammable,” versus “inflammable”

“Flash in the pan”

Flashlights, police and grips of

Flat toothpicks, purpose of

“Flea market”

Flies

landing patterns of

winter and

Flintstones, Barney Rubble’s profession on

Flintstones multivitamins, Betty Rubble and

Floaters in eyes

Floral graphics on mattresses

Florida, cost of auto rentals in

“Flotsam,” versus “jetsam”

Flour, bleached

Flour bugs, provenance of

Flour tortillas, size of, versus corn

Flu, body aches and

Fluorescent lights and plinking noises

Flush handles, toilets and

Flushes, loud, toilets in public restrooms and

Fly swatters, holes in

FM radio, odd frequency numbers of

Food cravings in pregnant women

Food labels

“FD&C” on label

lack of manufacturer street addresses

Football

barefoot kickers in

college, redshirting in

distribution of game balls

goalposts, tearing down of

measurement of first-down yardage

origins of “hut” in

Pittsburgh Steelers’ helmet emblems

shape of

sideline population in

tearing down of goalposts

two-minute warning and

yardage of kickers in

“Fore,” origins of golf expression

Forewords in books, versus introductions and prefaces

Forks, switching hands to use

“Fortnight”

Fraternities, Greek names of

“Freebooter”

Freezer compartments, location of, in refrigerators

Freezers

ice trays in

lights in

French dry cleaning

French horns, design of

“French” bread versus “Italian”

“French” style green beans

Frogs

eye closure when swallowing

warts and

Frogs of violins, white dots on

Frostbite, penguin feet and

Fruitcake, alleged popularity of

“Fry”

Fuel gauges in automobiles

“Fullback”

Full-service versus self-service, pricing of, at gas stations