Domination & Submission: The BDSM Relationship Handbook (36 page)

Crock pots, double boilers, and fondue sets are a
convenient way to melt paraffin for making your own candles or for wax play
itself.   Do keep in mind, however, that just because you adjust the
temperature of your crock pot, that doesn’t necessarily change the temperature
of your
molten wax.
  You should also be sure to regularly
stir
your
molten wax, as the temperature of the wax can vary widely in different parts of
the same pot.  You should be able to obtain all the materials you’ll need
for candle-making at your local hobby store, to include paraffin, wicks, dyes
(crayons work beautifully), molds and
thermometers.

There
are
several safety concerns you should
be aware of, when it comes to wax play.   First and foremost, you
should always be aware of the temperature of the molten wax you are using. 
This includes knowing how different factors can affect that temperature. 
Molten wax will cool as it falls through the air onto the skin, for
example.  The closer you hold a candle to your subject, the hotter the wax
will be when it reaches the skin.  Molten wax that
pools or puddles
in low areas, cracks, and crevices will retain more heat and will have a higher
risk of causing burns or unintended pain.  That could be
especially
problematic
if those
cracks and crevices
just happen to be where you keep your
naughty-bits.
 

All types of wax have a
flashpoint
, which is
the temperature at which the wax will burst into flame.  Under normal
conditions your wax will never get that hot in the course of a wax play scene,
but accidents
do
happen.  Keep your molten wax away from hot
objects, heating elements, or open flames and remove unnecessary objects which
are flammable from your play area.  Want to know what’s worse than molten
wax that has reached its flashpoint and has burst into flames? 
 This:
molten wax that bursts into flames and
startles you into dropping it
,
and is now spreading flames across your floor towards the curtains.  On a
somewhat related note, it’s usually a good idea to keep a portable fire
extinguisher handy.

The one thing that some people sometimes find
exasperating about wax play is the
mess.
  A little forethought can
go a long way towards avoiding those kinds of frustrations.  Avoid getting
wax in your bottom’s hair.  It can be exceedingly difficult to remove,
once there.  Some folks have had luck using nit-combs to remove hardened
wax from their hair.  Wear expendable clothing, and cover your furnishings
or carpet with a plastic drop cloth to protect them from drips and
spills.  When accidents happen, use a hot iron and a paper towel or old
t-shirt to blot the wax out of whatever it’s gotten into.  Be sure to keep
the iron’s temperature set low enough that it doesn’t melt the material,
particularly if it’s a synthetic.  Depending on the situation and
material, a hot blow-dryer may work even better.  To remove hardened wax
from your bottom’s skin more easily, consider a light coat of oil massaged into
the skin prior to the hot wax session.

Wax play can be a
great
way to introduce
someone to sensation play, express your artistic talents, or just enjoy a slow,
sensual evening of eroticism with your partner.  It can also be a fun
learning experience for a small gathering of intimate friends or munch
groups.  It’s safe, sexy, fun, and artistic.  What’s not to like?

Role play accessories may or may not technically
qualify as BDSM toys in the strictest sense, since
one
person’s role
play accessory may simply be a regular part of another person’s daily
wardrobe.  We’ve already covered quite a few of the items that can be used
in role play, such as impact toys and bondage gear.  Given the breadth and
scope of all the other items which
could
be considered role play
accessories, I’ve chosen just a few of the possibilities to illustrate a couple
of the more interesting types of fetish play, and perhaps give you some ideas
for accessorizing on your
own.

Pony Tack and Accessories

The ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle (384 BC -
322 BC) is well-known for his writings on physics, politics, ethics, and logic,
but few people are aware of the fact that he purportedly enjoyed being ridden
like a horse.  Today we call it pony play, and it is an increasingly
popular form of BDSM animal role play. 
Ponyboys
and
ponygirls
generally fall into three categories:  cart ponies, riding ponies, and
show ponies.  There
can
be, and often is, a great deal of overlap
between the three groups.  The role play accessories related to pony play
are highly specialized, both in the sense that they are not typically used in
any other kind of scene or activity
outside
of pony play, and also in
the sense that each category of pony play requires specific kinds of gear or
tack,
as it is referred to by pony play enthusiasts.  Tack that is fairly common
to
all
three categories of ponies includes a crop, bit or bit gag,
collars, butt-plug or harness pony tail, wrist and/or ankle cuffs, bridles,
reigns, plumes, harnesses, spurs, and hoof-mitts or hoof-boots.  Less
common, but still applicable to all forms of pony play are items such as
blinders, breast reigns, masks, horse-head hoods, hobbles (which limit leg
movement), martingales (which minimize head-tossing), polos (wraps for a pony’s
legs), tongue-ties or tongue-ports (for securing the tongue), and specialized
leather, latex or PVC body suits.  This list
barely scratches the
surface
when it comes to the incredibly wide assortment of available pony
play toys, tack, and accessories.

Cart ponies
will naturally require a cart, carriage, chariot, sleigh, sulky, or
wagon.  As pony play accessories go, these items can be among the most
expensive. 
Carts and sulkies
are typically lightweight two-wheeled
vehicles similar in appearance to Chinese
rickshaws
which are pulled
behind the pony. 
Chariots
are similar to carts and sulkies in
construction, being a lightweight two-wheeled vehicle; however the rider
remains
standing
as the chariot is pulled.  A
wagon
is a
four-wheeled vehicle that is designed to be pulled by a single pony or a pair
of ponies.  Replace the four wheels with runners designed for use on ice,
snow, or grass, and it becomes a
sleigh.
  Finally, a carriage is
considered the largest of the pony conveyances; it can be designed to be pulled
by as many as
six ponies.
  Pony carts can be quite expensive to
purchase, which is why some pony enthusiasts acquire the necessary skills to
construct their own.  In addition to a
cart
, cart ponies usually
require
long reigns
, and specialized
belts or harnesses
to which
the cart can be attached.  This helps to reduce the strain on the pony’s
arms, and allows the arms to be posed or bound behind the back for aesthetic or
postural purposes.

Riding ponies don’t pull their owners behind them;
they
carry them
and, therefore, typically will require a
saddle
.  
Saddles may be the kind made for
real horses
, or designed specifically
for humans who like pony play.  Of the latter variety, there are saddles
specifically constructed for
two-legged
and for
four-legged
human
ponies.  Since the human back is not really designed to support the full
weight of an adult rider (particularly in the four-legged configuration) riders
often support the bulk of their own weight with their
own legs.
 
Even so, the right saddle fitted and used appropriately can make the ride far
more pleasant for
both
the pony and rider.

Show ponies are ponies who are specifically trained
to compete in shows.  They wear very elaborate tack, such as ornamental
plumes, harnesses, bridles, boots, tails, and learn various skills.  These
skills may include a variety of gaits, jumps, dances, or
dressage
techniques.   The highly ornamental tack worn by show ponies is
usually unique or custom-made, so there are few generalizations that can be
made about it other than to say it’s fancy, fascinating, and fabulously
fetish.

Pet Play Accessories

While
pony play
is technically just another
form of
pet play
, the need for highly specialized tack and accessories
in pony play puts it in a
toy category
all its own.  Pet play
in
general,
however, is usually far less complicated or expensive.  Pony
play
aside
, pet play typically falls into three categories:  puppy
play, kitten play, and miscellaneous or generic pet play.  As you might
imagine, the toys and accessories used in pet play are relatively simple,
inexpensive, and may even already be sitting unused, somewhere in your
house.  For puppy play, you might consider a muzzle, mittens, butt-plug
tail, collar and leash, a simulated doggy bed, pet cage, dog food bowls, and
chew toys.  For kitten play, kitty ears, butt plug tail, cat collar, cat
toys, scratching post, and simulated catnip might be more appropriate. 
The third general category of miscellaneous pets can consist of anything from
aardvarks to zebras, and their associated accessories.  I know of at least
one couple that enjoys role playing as penguins.  I would assume that,
beyond the occasional dead fish and a lot of ice, it’s a role that should be
fairly easy to accessorize.   

Age Play Accessories

Age play
accessories
fall into that classification of toys that is so broad and nonspecific that it
becomes practically meaningless.  There are, however, some
exceptions
which
we’ll take note of here.  First, we should probably clarify that
age
play
refers to a
wide variety
of activities that aren’t just limited
to
Daddy Dom/babygirl
kinds of role play.  Age play is widely
enjoyed by people of all ages, genders, and sexual orientations, and can be
sexual or
nonsexual
in nature.  Age play involves at least one of
the people in a scene assuming the mannerisms, appearance, and/or attitudes of
a person whose age differs significantly from his or her own
actual
chronological age
and at least one other person interacting with him or her
age-appropriately,
if not
societal-norms appropriately
.  It
doesn’t
always
have to be about role playing the part of someone
younger,
even though that is most often the case.

Adult babies and diaper lovers (AB/DL) enjoy
activities that involve at least one of the partners assuming the role of a
baby or toddler still in diapers.  Obviously then,
diapers
should
probably be at the top of any AB/DL’s list of must-have accessories. 
Diapers in adult sizes come in a huge variety of styles, including the
old-fashioned cloth diapers and the new-fangled disposable ones.  The
disposable variety is also available in a wide selection of printed cartoon
character and other fun designs.  In place of, or to supplement the adult
diapers, you can also find adult-sized pull-ups, plastic diaper covers, nappy
pants, and diaper-doublers, which are pads which make a diaper more
absorbent.  Some of the other accessories that can enhance AB/DL play
include adult-sized onesies, twosies, pajamas, changing mats, safety-pins,
bibs, pacifiers, baby bottles, cribs, baby beds, and play pens.  Oh, and
whatever
you do
, don’t forget the
plushy toys.

Age play, apart from
AB/DL play,
tends to
fall into four general age divisions:  prepubescent, pubescent, teen, and
senior
age play
, which is relatively rare.  The toys, accessories, and
clothing appropriate for each type of age play is entirely a matter of personal
kink, preference, and taste.  Obviously, they will differ
significantly
based on not only the role play age assumed, but by whether the activity is
sexual or nonsexual
, whether it involves
other types of play
such
as spanking, bondage, or even
medical
play, and the degree to which the
activity becomes less of a
scene
and more of a
lifestyle. 
Equipping
yourself for a Saturday night
age-play scene
is always going to be a
lot
simpler and cheaper than equipping yourself for a 24-7
Little’s
lifestyle.

BDSM furniture
is a truly
fascinating
subject, a subject about which I hope to write an
entire book someday.  I believe that what makes BDSM furniture so
interesting is the fact that each piece is typically a unique, one-of-a-kind
work of art, often produced by the owner’s own two hands as a labor of
love.  For that reason, there are few generalizations that can be made
about them other than to describe their form and function, but even that can
problematic given the boundless creativity that is often used in the production
of some of these pieces.  In the following pages, we’ll take a look at
several types of BDSM furnishings in terms of their form, function, variations
on the theme, and safety considerations, when applicable.  I’ll refrain
from attempting to make any generalizations about them regarding construction
material, workmanship, availability, or pricing, since practically every piece
is going to be an exception to the rule.

Crosses

The most common type of BDSM cross is the
St.
Andrew’s cross,
but it is hardly the
only
type you’re likely to see
in private or public dungeons.  The St Andrew’s cross, which is also
sometimes referred to as an
X-frame
or
saltire cross
, is
patterned after the type of cross upon which the Christian apostle Saint Andrew
was purportedly crucified in the 1
^st
century AD.   It
consists essentially of two cross-beams in the form of a large letter “X”, with
hardware at the ends of the beams to facilitate the attachment of wrist and
ankle restraints.  It may or may not be padded, may be completely vertical
or canted, and can be constructed from practically any sturdy materials. 
Sometimes, additional braces, beams, or restraining hardware are added to
enable the immobilization of the torso, neck or head.  Other interesting
modifications may include suspending the cross or placing it upon risers,
hinges, or swivels.  A raised vertical cross with a centrally positioned
swivel can actually allow the cross to be
spun like a pinwheel
, though
even just a little of that can quickly become too much of a good thing. 
Bottoms may be attached facing the cross or facing outward, depending on the
type of play being contemplated.

The most common configuration for a cross is to
attach it
securely
to a wall; you should always ensure that it is anchored
to the wooden studs in the wall, and not just to the plaster dry-wall. 
Another common practice is to use the cross as a free-standing device with a
tripod-base configuration.  Never simply lean a cross against a wall or
another object.  Attaching someone to an
unstable
cross where there
is even a tiny risk of it falling over could turn out to be
exceedingly
dangerous.

Other types of crosses that you might encounter
include the basic cross (which resembles the familiar Christian symbol),
inverted
basic cross, triangle cross, folding or portable cross, seated cross,
cabinet-cross combo, cage-cross combo, or bench-cross combo.

As is the case with
any
form of bondage play,
the Top’s attention to detail as it pertains to blood circulation, respiration,
unintended wounds, and the bottom’s mental state or pain tolerance can be the
deciding factor that ultimately determines whether or not it is a safe
activity.

Benches, Chairs, & Stools

For the sake of simplicity, we will be lumping all
BDSM benches, chairs, and stools into the generic umbrella category of
benches.
 
The near-infinite number of variations in designs and innovations make it
increasingly difficult to know where to draw lines of differentiation.  In
fact, the lines have even become increasingly blurred between
tables
and
benches, as well, since many products can serve multiple purposes or are
convertible.
 

BDSM benches run a close second to the St. Andrew’s
cross as one of the most popular types of dungeon furniture.  They are
typically easy to design and construct, or to adapt from other purposes, which
also makes them relatively affordable compared to other types of BDSM
furnishings.  Unused or discarded weight-benches and exercise contraptions
can be particularly well-suited for conversion to kinkier uses, which can make
your next trip to the Goodwill store a lot more interesting than it
used to
be.
 The most popular types of BDSM benches are spanking benches, sex
benches, gynecological/medical play, cock & ball torture (CBT), predicament
bondage, electrical play, tickle & miscellaneous other forms of torture,
and queening stools.

Spanking bench
is a generic term which refers to practically any kind of bench used in
impact play. 
It need not be limited to spanking alone, as it will
probably work just as well for flogging, cropping, whipping, caning, and
slapping.  There’s no single characteristic that makes a bench
definitively
a spanking bench versus any other kind of bench, other than a general tendency
to present the bottom’s
buttocks
prominently and accessibly. 

A
sex bench
is any bench designed primarily
to give a Top easy accessibility to a restrained bottom’s
genital area
and/or mouth.
  For that reason, it also tends to be ideal for CBT,
gynecological examination play, forced orgasm or orgasm denial play, or any
other type of activity that depends upon unfettered access to the restrained
bottom’s genitalia.  Sex benches can come in a variety of forms, including
simple short bondage benches, gynecological exam chairs, birthing chairs, leg-spreaders,
and modified horizontal crosses.

Any bench that doesn’t specifically fall into one of
the two categories above can properly and generically be categorized as a
bondage
bench
and used in an unlimited number of kinky ways, limited only by your
perverse imagination.  Two rather unique exceptions would be the
bondage
horse
, which typically resembles the sort of
pommel horse
used in
gymnastics, and the
queening stool
, which is a specialized stool that
allows ready access to a seated person’s bare genitals to the person lying on
his or her back below.  It is used primarily for
forced cunnilingus, or
face sitting.
  An interesting variation on the queening stool design
is the
smotherbox
, which works just like a queening stool, but consists
of a box specifically designed to restrain and position the bottom’s head in
the proper position for forced oral sex. 

Suspension Frames & Hoists

Suspension frames and hoists are a handy thing to
have around if you want to lift or suspend your bottom, raise specific limbs or
body parts, or place your subject into an elevated position for predicament
bondage.  Most homes are simply not built to support any significant
weight from the ceiling and, even when they
are,
not everyone wants to
permanently install
bondage gear
there.  As a result, some folks
find it more convenient to construct or purchase a sturdy frame to which they
can attach ropes, chains, or straps for bondage and suspensions that will
support the full weight of an adult.  Suspension frames can be constructed
from wood, iron, construction-grade aluminum, or steel pipe.

One of the advantages of a suspension frame is its
relative portability; when you’re ready to move into a new home, you should
theoretically
be able to take it with you.  Another advantage is the fact that some
types of suspension frames can easily be camouflaged as
something
else. 
A suspension frame in the garage looks an awful lot like an
engine
hoist frame
.  A suspension frame over your bed might be mistaken for a
canopy support. 
Put one on your backyard patio, and it looks like
part of an awning or sun shade.  Sometimes, the best place to hide
something is
in plain sight.

A
hoist
is any contraption used to raise or
lower a weight that is suspended by a rope, cable, strap, or chain. 
Hoists come in many forms, and can be manually operated, electrically powered,
or even pneumatic.  A hoist is by no means a
necessity
for
suspension bondage, but it
can
definitely make your life easier. 
Manually operated pulley or ratchet hoists can be purchased quite cheaply from
any hardware store, and even electrically operated winches can be surprisingly
affordable, if you shop around.

Sex Swings & Bondage Swings

Once you get your suspension frame set up, perhaps
you’ll want to check out the selection of
swings
that are available in
the fetish marketplace. 
Sex swings
and
bondage swings
are
essentially the same product, differing only in the degree to which one spreads
you apart, making your orifices more accessible, while the other binds you
up.  That, obviously, can make it a tad harder to get to your goodies.

Sex and bondage swings are uniquely susceptible to
being marketed as shoddily constructed
novelty items. 
I
highly
recommend
that you avoid ever purchasing one from your local
sex novelty shop
, as
you are virtually
guaranteed
to end up with a
piece of junk
that
will not only fail to perform as advertised but may, in fact, be quite
dangerous
to use.  Shop, instead, with reputable BDSM retailers.  Believe it or
not,
right now
, somewhere in the world, there’s a marketing executive
thinking, “Hey, you know those crappy leather
thigh cuffs
which have
been rotting in our warehouse for the last ten years?  Let’s connect two
of them with a twenty-cent strap, and sell it as a
sex swing!”
  Trust
me, that sort of thing
really does happen
.  How do I know?  I
know, because
I used to be that guy.

Stocks & Pillories

Stocks and pillories were popular in medieval times
as a form of public humiliation and punishment.  Today, they are found
only in museums, amusement parks, and BDSM dungeons.  The two terms are
often used interchangeably, but they are technically two very
different
devices. 
Both typically consist of hinged or sliding planks of wood with cut-outs used
for restraining certain parts of the human body.  A
pillory,
however,
is generally used to restrain the
hands and neck only
, and is affixed to
a pole or set of poles in such a way that the person in it
must stand.
 

Stocks,
on the other hand, are set
vertically
and used to immobilize only the
subject’s
arms and legs
while he typically
sits. 
There are
many other permutations, some of which immobilize
all three
appendages -
the neck, arms,
and
legs.  For the most part, all stocks,
pillories, and similar devices are generically referred to as
stocks.

There are quite a few online retailers offering
stocks and pillories; however, their relatively simple design makes it a
do-it-yourself project that is feasible for most people.  Some of the
fascinating DIY design variations that I’ve seen have included a
chain-suspended
pillory
, a
pillory table
which required the bottom to kneel beneath
the table and poke her head and hands through holes in the tabletop, and even a
barrel pillory with just a head poking out of the top of a wooden barrel. 
The possibilities are endless.

Racks

Racks
, which are
sometimes referred to as
torture
or
stretching racks
, have been
used for torture and sometimes even
execution
for over two thousand
years.  The traditional rack consisted of a wooden frame or table-like device
which sat horizontally or at a slight incline, with
ratcheting rollers or
cylinders
at each end.  Attached to the ratcheting rollers were ropes,
chains or cables which were, in turn, attached to wrist or ankle cuffs.  A
subject would be placed on the rack and restrained by the wrist and ankle cuffs
before his torturer would begin ratcheting the rollers tight to put
excruciating tension on the arms and legs.  Often, the person would be
held immobile on the rack by the tension while other forms of torture, such as
whipping, burning, or cutting were applied.  Eventually, the tension would
be increased and the subject’s cartilage, ligaments, and bones would begin to
pop, tear, and dislocate in a cacophony of gruesome sounds.  This form of
torture was
so feared,
prisoners would sometimes commit
suicide
rather than be subjected to it.

The modern-day racks used in BDSM play aren’t
quite
so draconian, but they
do
apply the same general mechanism to stretch a
person out lengthwise by his wrists and ankles, typically to immobilize the
subject while
other
things are done to him.   Due to the size
and complexity of their design, racks tend to be rather pricy if purchased, or
a true labor of love if constructed as a do-it-yourself project.

Cages

Cages are
cool.
 They just
are. 
Even if you haven’t got a single kinky bone in your body and have no
interest
whatsoever
in the fetish lifestyle, it’s still hard to look at
a small, elegantly constructed cage made specifically for a human being and
not
be completely fascinated by it.