Don't Tell the Teacher (7 page)

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Authors: Gervase Phinn

BOOK: Don't Tell the Teacher
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Well, frankly, sir, I just don't care!
So there!

Letter Home

Dear Mrs McNamara,
I'm writing this to say
That your son was very naughty
When he came to school today.

The bell had gone for lessons
When your Darren wandered in,
Then he talked all through assembly
And refused to sing the hymn.

He doodled on his reading book
And wouldn't work in class,
And at break he broke a window
And dropped litter on the grass.

Your son just would not eat his lunch
Despite the dinner lady's plea,
Then he hid behind the curtains
And refused to do PE.

I have to say I do not like
Your Darren's attitude.
When the head teacher had a word with him
He was very very rude.

He stamped his feet and shouted,
Then slammed the classroom door,
And screamed and shrieked and yelled and howled
All down the corridor.

Now I'm sure you will appreciate
That the situation's grave.
I think you should keep your son at home
Until he can behave.

The thought of Darren coming back
Fills everyone with dread.
After all I'm just a pupil
And he's the deputy head.

Examiner

The school examiner, Mrs Best,
Who spent her life devising tests,
At last is sadly laid to rest,
And now in heaven she's assessed.

Kinds of Poem

Alphabet Poem

Here the alphabet is used as the structure for a twenty-six- line poem.

Calligram

The words used in a calligram – also called concrete or shape poetry – form the shape of the topic described.

Cautionary Verse

A narrative poem which often features a disobedient child or a foolish person who, as a result of his or her actions, comes to a sticky end. It teaches a salutary lesson.

Conversation Poem

A free verse or rhyming poem in which two characters hold a conversation.

Diamont

A seven-line poem written in the shape of a diamond which contains a contrast of ideas or descriptions. It ollows this pattern:

Line 1:

The topic

(1 word)

Line 2:

Describes the topic

(2 words)

Line 3:

Expresses some action

(3 words)

Line 4:

Relates to the topic

(4 words)

Line 5:

Action words about the opposite of the topic

(3 words)

Line 6:

Describes the opposite of the topic

(2 words)

Line 7:

The opposite of the topic

(1 word)

Epitaph

A short, often very simply written poem in memory of omeone who has died. You can see epitaphs carved on ombstones in the churchyard.

Free Verse

A poem without rhyme.

limerick

A short and amusing verse of five lines which follows a ixed pattern:

Line 1:

hymes with second and fifth lines

(8 or 9 syllables)

Line 2:

hymes with first and fifth lines

(8 or 9 syllables)

Line 3:

hymes with fourth line

(5 or 6 syllables)

Line 4:

hymes with third line

(5 or 6 syllables)

Line 5:

hymes with first and second lines

(8 or 9 syllables)

Parody

A poem which copies the structure of a well-known poem
for comic effect.

Rhyming Poem

Rhyme is when two words sound alike. Sometimes poems use rhyme to get our attention or to make us listen, sometimes to create a pleasing musical effect. Rhyme also gives pattern to the verses in a poem. In most rhyming poems the rhyme appears at the end of the line. In some it occurs in the middle of the line (internal rhyme). Full rhymes occur when the words sound exactly alike (as in ‘high' and sky'). Near or half-rhymes are when the words sound similar but are not full rhymes (as in ‘mine' and ‘grime').

Rhythmic Poem

All poems have rhythm – that is, a pattern of beats or ounds. Some poems have a slow and stately rhythm, thers a regular singsong rhythm.

Riddle

A riddle is a word puzzle. Some riddles are one line and thers are much longer; some are easy to solve and others re very difficult.

Index of First Lines

‘And the prize for the best attendance this year goes to William Webster 

41

Anne's grandpa wears glasses

20

As you sit all tense in the dentist's chair

  
5

Bully

  
7

Dear Granny and Grandpa

19

Dear Martin

45

Dear Mrs Auchterloonie

  
2

Dear Mrs McNamara

54

I really am excited!

38

I'm a daydreamer, a daydreamer

14

In a dark dark town

33

In the Home Corner

23

Inspector

  
8

‘It's your turn to take the dog for a walk,'
said Dad to Lizzie

  
9

Little Lizzie felt quite dizzy

30

Mary in a pale blue cloak

37

Matthew saw a grey squirrel

  
1

Miss Cawthorne says I can't play conkers any more

34

Miss Perkins has a vulture

27

Mrs Moore

24

Mum: And where have you been until this time?

11

My best friend

  
4

My father drives an ambulance

39

My story on Monday began

42

On Monday Miss Morrison

52

Our English teacher, Mr Smart

53

Please, don't bring me back to the zoo

16

She secretes them in spaghetti

31

The boy

48

The chief defect of Henry Smails

47

The great green shiny monster stands still

13

The school examiner, Mrs Best

56

There was an old teacher called Blewitt

51

There's a new kid

22

To the boy with his head

17

‘Twas Monday and the quembling staff

49

Up and down, up and down, on the escalator in he town

29

‘What is the point,' asked Dad

32

When I threw a lump of mud at Michael Morrison

  
5

When Leroy laughed

36

When we had PE

44

‘Will you come out of the bathroom!

40

‘You are not going out like that tonight!

10

‘Your picture's most unusual,' Miss Moore, our teacher, said

28

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