Down to Ash (#Dirtysexygeeks Book 2) (22 page)

“Yup.” Iris made a popping sound with the extra emphasis on the “p.”

Deflated, Ash glanced around at the traffic around her. “Okay. I'm going to get over him and move on.”

Iris laughed and laughed.

When Ash had heard enough, she hung up on her friend. She was starting to feel like no one saw her side of things. Vic was scared—bone-deep scared—he'd hurt her. Did it never cross his mind that she could take care of herself and him?

That was the biggest point of contention, and one that wouldn't be solved by exchanging “I love you” and “I love you more” declarations, especially if there was even a niggle of worry on Vic's part that he was just another notch on her belt. He wasn't. He never had been,
apparently
.

She wouldn't, couldn't go crawling back to him. He had to trust her or they wouldn't fizzle out. They'd implode.

But she put her head back on the steering wheel for a little while. She needed a moment, because she was
in love
with Vic.

*****

Victor opened his apartment door and then had to lean against the doorjamb when he saw the visitor. Shock would have tumbled him onto the floor if he hadn’t.

“Porter,” he said with no inflection.

His friend shoved his hands into his pockets, the sun setting against his back. Well past high noon. Well past words they should have said a long time ago.

“Victor.”

Both men knew where they stood. Victor had broken the brotherhood code by sleeping with a best friend's sister. Both men had made Ashley cry, and that was probably the only rule in their friendship—not just between Porter and Victor—that no one had dared to break before. And because it was Ashley, that outweighed anything else.

Victor felt he had the upper hand. He'd done what he'd done to protect her. Porter had just been a dick. So, Victor stood there, brows raised, waiting for his friend to make his case.

“I've apologized. Have you?” Porter's tone bordered on belligerent.

Fuck. So, Victor was the only one in the wrong. And he was dead wrong—no question about it. Wade's words had had more than enough time to sink in and to start gnawing at his bones. If Ash's safety was top priority, he could have just ended things, but he'd ended things and made her feel unwanted.

Ash had done exactly what the Goon Squad had instilled in her—when a man tried to make his faults her insecurities, her job was to call him on it, and if he didn’t stop, she should have walked away.

She had.

The follow-through was now on his shoulders, because Porter had already made amends with his sister. Porter stood at Victor's door, probably the last place he wanted to be. If Ash weighed the the apologies, her brother would have an edge.

Bastard. “Did she tell you to come over here?” Victor asked.

“She did when I saw her at work earlier, and she won't forgive me until I do.” Porter glanced down. Sighed. “I guess this is my blessing. If you love her, I won't stand in your way. I won't make this difficult.” Having uttered those words, Porter's gaze narrowed to slits. “My blessing isn’t permission for you to have a free-for-all. Ashley is still my baby sister. You've already broken her heart. Fix it or I’ll be forced to break you.”

Victor wanted to laugh. Male-posturing. Fuck. He'd often wondered if that was the only reason countries went to war.

“Duly noted,” he said, because he understood that the threat was necessary. “Oliver, Wade, and Grady made similar overtones during the past few days.”

Wade's words had dug at Victor, but he still didn't know how to fix what he'd broken. “I don't know what to do. She's right to be mad.”

Porter whipped out a smile. “Ashley can be a bit mercenary when she's pissed, so you're on your own there. Coming here is my apology. I'm covered.”

No other words needed to be spoken. One woman had stood between them—an incredible one. One they both loved. The conversation didn't fix it all. Nowhere near close. Victor had broken Porter's trust, but they'd try to make things right for Ash. They'd also do it because twenty years was long enough to be considered family—to be brothers.

“Porter.” Victor’s words came out gruff. “I'm sorry.”

His friend lifted one shoulder in a shrug, his face an embarrassed grimace. “If I wanted to be honest with myself, I'd say I saw the way she looked at you and vice versa.” He glanced down, pushed back his shoulder and then met Victor’s gaze. “I never wanted—I only wanted...” Porter sighed. “It was a too high of a demand. It was a selfish fucking rule. I deserved to get my teeth kicked in.”

“Maybe.” Victor glanced up at the ceiling and then down to his friend. “Ashley would want us to hug to really make sure we forgave each other.
Supernatural
has her convinced man tears are good tears.”

Porter snorted and tilted his head back. “Deeaaaannnnnn.”

Without missing a step, Victor yelled back in a dramatic tone. “Sammmmmmy.”

His friend laughed. “Hug accomplished.”

“Fuck, now I want an Impala.”

Porter's gaze turned serious. “And Ashley? Do you...” He shuddered, but he was trying. “...still want her?”

Victor pushed his door open wide so Porter could step inside. “That might take some planning. ”

Porter hesitated, but when he stepped forward, he pulled Victor into a hug. A real one. Porter rested his fist on Victor’s shoulder blade. Victor did the same. Two short pounds on the back and they broke apart.

Victor shook his head, amused and a little embarrassed by the intimate embrace. “We never speak of this again. And if we do, it's only to Ashley.”

Porter laughed. “Agreed. You should know I brought my grandmother's wedding ring with me. And you're going to give it to my sister.”

Of course. Victor should have seen that one coming. Not that the thought hadn't been far from his mind. There had always been one woman for him. Always. And, God, it killed him that he'd messed it up. Trying to make things right with Porter wouldn't end his suffering. Victor wouldn't feel right until Ash...Until she knew without a doubt he loved her. He could only hope she'd want him back.

He smiled, but the gesture was bittersweet. “Finally, you're saying something that could actually be helpful.”

Porter smirked, looking proud and pleased, and then he walked in.

They were good, and that was just the start.

~Gamer Truth: There are button-mashers and there are strategists. Both can kick ass.~

The next afternoon, Victor spent most of his lunch locked in an internal debate while his ham and cheese sandwich grew stale. The unanswerable question: What should he do first with his Ashley problem? He finally decided to send Ash a chat message through
World of Warcraft
.

Armyof1: Wanna game?

AshThis: Porter talked to you, didn't he?

Armyof1: Yes. Why?

AshThis: Men. Go away.

He smiled. She was actually talking to him. He hadn't expected that much. Then again, when Porter had showed up at his house, his friend had also admitted to talking to Ash first. Knowing Porter, he'd probably said something along the lines of “shotgun wedding.” No one was exactly rational when it came to Ashley, least of all her brother.

Victor pulled his laptop closer and considered his next move. He grinned when the right idea came to him—to pull her pigtails.

His fingers flew over the keyboard as he typed his next message.

Armyof1: Call me. We need to talk.

AshThis: No.

Armyof1: I can always come to your office.

AshThis: No.

Armyof1: You're Grumpy Cat now?

AshThis: Bite me.

Armyof1: I would, but you don't want me to come to your office.

It took her a minute to reply and what she sent was a typed out message that looked like a middle finger. So, yeah. She was still pissed at him. He laughed, proud of her stance and her ingenuity at showing it. But... he pulled her pigtails harder.

Armyof1: I love you.

His phone rang and he answered without saying a word. She started yelling at him anyway.

“Really, Vic! You don't have the balls to say it to my face but in
World of Warcraft
?”

He took note she didn't deny that she believed the words. She was just upset he'd said them in a game. “I told you we needed to talk. And if you think about it, we're gamers. Fitting.”

She was quiet for a beat, and then she threw back, “Not good enough.”

Ash couldn't see it but he shook his head in disagreement. “It's a start. So am I coming to your office or not?”

“Not.” No hesitation.

Yup. Royally pissed at him. “Okay then. I love you, Ash.”

She hung up. He checked the time and then began to move stuff from the top of his desk. She blew into his office five minutes later, slamming the door behind her—a whirlwind of pissed off woman.

Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes bright from anger. And she was beautiful, always to him and he needed a moment to catch his breath. Still, he was so fucking scared he'd hurt her. A smarter man—a stronger man—would have left her alone and let her get over him, but he wasn't those things. He couldn't take another moment without her.

“It's not going to be that easy.” Her voice was low and tight. “You can't say you love me and then expect me to crumble and give in to whatever you want. Fuck that. I love you is not a goddamn apology.”

“Nothing about us is easy. And no the words aren't an apology. The words are fact. We're...at war and we should know where we stand at the start of it. ”

He raised his brows, wanting her to say the words and put them out there between them. She loved him. Why the hell didn't she just say it? They could argue the details just fine, but fuck, she had to admit it.

She said, “And just because my brother told you to...”

Well, shit. She thought Porter had put him up to this, so he pushed, “Told me what?”

His question made her clamp her lips together. He leaned forward and sucked in a deep breath for fortitude. She smelled of her perfume, of heat. Jesus. Even in that critical moment, he wanted her. That's what she did to him, always. Why did it take him so long to do something about it?

But he wouldn't let her think for one minute that Porter had forced Victor to admit he loved her. She'd been right all those times to say it was just them—her and him.

So, again, he pushed. “What do you think Porter told me?”

She lifted her chin, not giving an inch. Not like she should have, anyway. “He's on board and has certain expectations from you.”

“And that means?” he asked.

She narrowed her eyes.

He put up his hands in surrender. “I love you, Ash. It's that simple.”

Did she know just how expressive her eyes were? He could see how happy the confession made her. Still...she was pissed.

“What else?” she asked.

He'd forgotten she could get under his skin just as easily. “What do you mean, 'what else?'” he bit out.

“'Cause I'm thinking six months from now, when you have a really bad episode, we're back to you pushing me away. You'll throw my past in my face. A past like yours, but because I'm a woman...”

He braced his hands on the desk, held her gaze and said, “And you'll leave. Again.”

She frowned, taking a cautious step back. “What?”

Victor had no trouble repeating the words. “And you'll leave again.”

“You pushed me out. You told me to go and that I wasn't welcome.”

“And when have you ever listened to me?”

He nodded at her silence. “I pushed you and you didn't even fight,” he said. “You walked. I can't help but think that small voice of doubt is right. I was just a fuck.”

She placed her hands on her hips and took a menacing step forward. “You expect
me
to grovel? No. Wait for you with my virginity intact until you decided to take your head out of your ass?” Her voice went high and sharp at the question, disbelief etching harsh lines on her face.

“Never wanted you to wait, but how am I supposed to feel when you don't think we'll last?”

“I...”

He held his breath. She crossed her arms and looked down. “I don't want to be my dad.”

He was a shit. Of course that would be her biggest fear. “I expect you to be Ash,” he said. “Stubborn, willful, and giving approximately zero fucks about what's socially acceptable because you follow your heart. I love you, Ash. You drive me nuts and I love you. You could never be your father. Even if you tried.”

“But...”

“Did you father, would your father ever hunt Porter down and let him know how much he cared? Even if it meant being hurt in the process?”

Ash shifted. “Never has or will.”

“I love you, Ashley.”

She looked away, and bit her lip probably a hide the tremble. “It's not enough.”

Those three words were like a blow to his chest, but he nodded. She needed to believe this time was real, forever. She also needed to be there for him as much as he was willing to be there for her.

Victor could kick himself. He hadn't just pushed her away, but had made sure coming back would look like a sign of weakness. “Do you want to know what Porter said to me last night?”

Ash dropped her hands from her hips and sighed. “So you guys are good?”

“Yes and no,” he answered honestly.

She swallowed, looking torn between wanting to know and wanting to walk out. “Fine. What did he say?”

“In a few words? The only thing he'd ever wanted for both of us was to be happy. So don't screw it up.”

Her eyes went wide and a bit misty. “My brother isn't the most insightful.”

“He is. In his own way. What he wants isn't important when it comes to us.”

Her jaw clenched. “Nope. It's not.”

He wanted to laugh because she wasn’t going to make groveling easy for him at all. He loved her more for it.

“He gave me his blessing and I realized I didn't need it. Didn't matter. I was going to do everything I could to make things right with you whether he approved of us or not. It's just you and me. It's always been just you and me.”

Her misty eyes threatened to spill over with tears.

“So, Ash, I love you and that's never going to change. How do you want me to show you? I'll do it.”