Dream Wedding: Dream Bride | Dream Groom (11 page)

“Are you excited about the island?” she asked, trying to pretend his plans didn’t matter to her. After all, she reminded herself, they shouldn’t.

“I’ve been there before. They have a rich oral storytelling tradition and I’ll be recording and annotating many of their tales.” His gaze lingered on her face. “You’d like it. It’s a strictly matriarchal society. The men exist to do the hard physical labor, but all the decisions are made by the women. I find it restful. There aren’t any pressures to act macho.”

“Oh, right. I would guess you like it because the women there probably wait on you hand and foot.”

His smile was modest. “There is that. But it’s also very beautiful.”

“I’m sure it is.” She forced herself to keep smiling. Later, when she was alone, she would try to figure out why her chest was suddenly tight and it hurt to breathe.

“What’s next for you?” he asked. “After the article, I mean.”

“More work. I’ve put together some of my best writing. When I finish this story, I’m going to go to New York and see if I can get a job there. At least that’s the plan.”

“Sounds like a good one.”

“I’ve wanted this for a long time.” Chloe frowned. She
had
wanted this for as long as she could remember. Growing up, she’d dreamed about leaving Bradley and making it in the big city. But right now, the idea of being away from everything she’d ever known only sounded lonely.

“Have you ever thought about doing something else?” he asked.

She stared at him. He hadn’t shaved that morning and stubble darkened his cheeks. His hair was slightly mussed, his clothes as wrinkled as hers. Yet he was the most handsome man she’d ever met. What was he asking? Was he hinting that he might like her to come along? Would she be willing to do that? What about her career? What about not getting involved?

“I can be flexible,” she told him.

“That helps,” he said, and though she waited, he didn’t add anything.

Chloe fought against the disappointment. She was being a fool, she thought. Wanting something didn’t necessarily make it happen. What was wrong with her? She wasn’t usually this scattered. Maybe it was because Arizona had become so important to her in a relatively short period of time. It made everything so confusing.

Jeff sauntered over to the table. The two men spoke. Chloe watched Arizona. When he smiled, her lips curved up. His hands moved as he talked, and she remembered those same hands on her body. She was glad she was with him. She wanted to talk with him, hear his stories, be close.

The realization hit her with all the subtlety of lightning splitting a tree in two. She felt just as ripped apart inside. The reason she felt so confused and unsettled wasn’t because Arizona was so appealing, or because the circumstances were new. It was because she’d fallen for him. She, a woman who constantly resisted getting involved, had fallen for a man who specialized in leaving everyone else behind.

* * *

A
RUMBLE
OF
a distant engine cut through the silence of the afternoon. Arizona glanced at his watch. Two-thirty. Right on time. Jeff shook his hand.

“Let me know what you find,” he said, pointing to the acrylic box. “Good luck this summer.”

“You, too,” Arizona said, then watched his friend head back to the main part of the dig.

“What’s that noise?” Chloe asked. She rose to her feet and stared up at the sky. “A helicopter?”

“It’s our ride home,” Arizona told her. “The lecture series starts the day after tomorrow. There isn’t time to hike out. We should be at the airport in about forty minutes. We’re on the five o’clock flight to Sacramento. You’ll be home by bedtime.”

The noise got louder.

“We could have used a helicopter to get here?” Chloe asked.

“Sure. What did you think that circle was for?” He pointed to the huge white spot on the dirt. “It’s the landing pad.”

“I see.” She turned to him. “So why exactly did we hike in here? I mean, what was the point?”

There was something stiff about her posture. Her face was unreadable.

“Are you angry?” he asked. She didn’t answer. He scrambled to explain. “I thought it would be fun.”

“For you,” she said curtly.

“For both of us. The weather promised to be excellent, it’s a pretty easy hike. I wanted to spend time with you. I thought you wanted the same.”

He could feel the shifting emotional ground underfoot and struggled to stay upright. It was clear that he’d done something wrong, but for the life of him, he couldn’t figure out what.

“Which part was more enjoyable?” she asked. “Was it watching me try to be a good sport my first time camping out, or did you like getting it on better?”

“Chloe, no. It wasn’t like that. I enjoy spending time with you. I thought you felt the same. With our schedules, we haven’t been able to be together as much as I would have liked. I thought this was a good way to make that happen. I wasn’t trying to trick you into anything. I didn’t force you last night.”

Her expression softened slightly and he saw the pain in her eyes. How in God’s name had he hurt her? He took a step toward her. She held up a hand to stop him.

“Don’t sweat it, Arizona. You’re a hundred percent right. You didn’t force me. I practically begged for it.”

“Chloe, don’t.”

“Don’t what?” Her dark eyes spit fire. “Don’t tell the truth? So I assume you had a radio with you the whole time? You could have called in the helicopter if something had gone wrong.”

“Sure. If we’d had an accident.”

“Or if I hadn’t been good enough in bed.”

With that she swung on her backpack and walked away. He collected his belongings and ran after her. The helicopter was on the ground, making it difficult to talk. He grabbed her arm and forced her to stop and face him.

“What’s going on?” he asked. “How did we get here?”

“I don’t like being made a fool of. You tricked me.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the helicopter, but I’m not sorry about what happened. I don’t think you are either.” She flinched, but he kept on talking. “Don’t make me out to be the bad guy. What we shared out there wasn’t just sex and you know it. It was very special. I’m not going to regret that. I’ll admit I didn’t make you any promises. I don’t do commitments, but if I remember correctly, they’re not your style either. So why are you so upset?”

Her gaze was steady. Strands of red curls fluttered around her face. “I don’t like being the entertainment.”

His temper flared. “It was never like that and you damn well know it.” He ground his teeth together. “Fine. Let’s play it your way. I brought you along to have my way with you. It was great. Thanks, babe. Now can we go home?”

Something dark and ugly flashed in her eyes. Regret came on the heels of his anger and he was instantly sorry. But before he could say anything, Jeff pulled open the helicopter’s door and motioned for her to step inside. Arizona followed.

They fastened their seat belts. The pilot glanced over his shoulder and when Arizona gave him a thumbs-up, guided them into the air.

Normally Arizona enjoyed flying. Helicopters hugged the ground, allowing him to see things not visible from planes. But today the scenery didn’t interest him. He looked at the woman sitting stiffly next to him. Her gaze was firmly fixed on the window.

“Chloe?”

She didn’t respond. It was noisy and she might not have heard him. Or she was ignoring him. Arizona leaned back in his seat and folded his arms over his chest. They were stuck with each other until they arrived back in California. At some point in the journey he would get her attention and explain it all to her.

* * *

H
E
WAITED
UNTIL
they were seated in the first-class section of the plane. While other passengers were busy stowing luggage and finding their seats, he leaned close and reached for her hand. She tried to pull back, but he wouldn’t let her.

“Chloe, you have to listen to me.”

She stared out the window. “No, I don’t.”

“Unless you start humming loud enough to drown out my words, you’re going to hear me anyway, so why not listen?”

He took her silence as grudging agreement.

“I’m sorry,” he told her. “I was a complete jerk. I should have told you about the helicopter and given you the choice. I really didn’t take you out in the woods just to take advantage of you. Obviously I hoped we would become lovers, but my main goal was to spend time with you.”

She didn’t say anything, but he thought she might have relaxed slightly. He rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. “I’m not sorry we made love. I’ve wanted you from the first moment I met you. You’re beautiful and exciting. I’m lucky to have met you. I’m arrogant enough to think you might have wanted me, too. Even if you didn’t, the lovemaking was spectacular enough to have changed your mind.”

A faint smile tugged at her lips. She turned to look at him. “Even if you do say so yourself.”

He shrugged. “You weren’t going to say it.”

She took a deep breath, then let it out. He squeezed her fingers. “I didn’t set you up.”

“I know,” she said softly. “It’s just, when I realized we could have flown in, I felt really cheap and stupid.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want that.”

She nodded. “It’s okay. How long can I throw stones? I had a condom with me, too.”

“I remembered that, but I wasn’t going to mention it.”

“Probably a wise idea.” She studied him. “I’m fine. I understand and I’m not angry.”

“Or hurt?”

“That will take a little longer to get over.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to keep apologizing. I’m fine. We’re fine.”

But they weren’t. He could hear it in her voice. “You’re not telling me something. What is it?”

She was silent for so long, he thought she wasn’t going to answer. Finally she shrugged. “It’s nothing. I just wish…”

Her voice trailed off.

What did she wish for? That things were different? That they were different? Did she want more than he was capable of giving? Women usually did. Normally that made him feel annoyed with them, but with Chloe he felt a sense of panic, that if he couldn’t provide what she needed, he would lose her.

But how could he lose what he didn’t want and had never had?

“We’re fine,” she repeated. “We both went into the situation aware that it was temporary. Neither of us wants to get involved and we’re not. We had fun. What’s not to like?”

She gave him a big smile and squeezed his hand. It didn’t work. She was hiding something. But as surely as he knew the sun would come up in the morning, he knew she wouldn’t tell him if he asked.

As the plane taxied to the end of the runway, he leaned toward her. Chloe rested her head on his shoulder. He couldn’t escape the feeling that he’d really messed things up between them, but for the life of him, he couldn’t figure out what…or how. And until he knew that, he couldn’t begin to make things better.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

C
HLOE
PULLED
INTO
the driveway and stayed sitting in her car. This was
not
how she’d wanted the past couple of days with Arizona to end. She’d hoped they would be fun and pleasant and something she could be excited about remembering. The worst part was she couldn’t exactly explain what was wrong.

It was something about the helicopter, she knew. He’d asked her to hike in with him and there had been no need. She understood what he’d told her, that he’d wanted time for them to get to know each other and that they would have a good time together. But…

But why did it hurt so damn much? She rested her head on the steering wheel and drew in a deep breath. She felt stupid. Which didn’t make sense. No wonder Arizona was confused—she couldn’t make sense of it herself. She’d agreed to go into the wilderness with him. She’d even brought along a condom. So the fact that they’d become lovers shouldn’t be such a huge shock. She’d wanted it, too. But telling herself that didn’t make the pain in her chest go away.

She got out of the car and pulled her backpack from the small trunk. She’d barely made it to the base of the rear steps when the back door opened and Cassie stepped out onto the porch.

“You’re back! I’m so excited. I’ve been sitting here waiting. I want to hear every single detail. Start at the beginning and talk slowly.”

Chloe stared at her sister’s happy face. Cassie grinned like a Cheshire cat. “Was it wonderful?” she asked. “Did you two do the wild thing?”

Without warning, Chloe burst into tears. One minute she’d been fine, but the next sobs choked her as tears poured down her face.

Cassie was at her side in an instant. “Oh, Chloe, I’m so sorry. Come on. Come inside. I don’t know what’s wrong, but I do know that we can fix it together.”

Chloe found herself led into the kitchen. Cassie took her backpack from her and set it in the corner. She settled her sister in one of the kitchen chairs, disappeared for a second, then returned with a box of tissues. While Chloe tried to bring herself under control, Cassie started heating milk for cocoa.

The familiar smells made Chloe want to weep more. Their mother had often made cocoa to help them through life’s troubles when they were growing up. It remained a tradition today. Chloe wished that her problems were as simple as they had been all those years ago. The warm drink frequently worked when she’d done poorly on a spelling test or had been teased by a boy in school, but she doubted it was going to help tonight.

Still, she took the mug Cassie offered and when her sister took the seat across from her, she tried to smile. “It’s not so bad,” she said. “I’m fine.”

“Oh, I can tell.” Cassie tucked her thick, dark hair behind her ears and leaned forward. “Start at the beginning and tell me what’s wrong.”

“I don’t know where to begin.” She took a sip of the steaming liquid. The rich chocolate taste comforted her. “It’s all so complicated. I never meant—” She broke off and glanced around. “Where’s Aunt Charity?”

Cassie frowned. She’d never understood Chloe’s reluctance to trust their aunt. “She’s out with friends. Dinner and a movie. She’ll be home late. Quit stalling. What’s going on?”

Chloe resisted the urge to unburden herself. “I can’t. You’ll get angry.”

“Why? You haven’t done anything to me. I’m your sister, I care about you. I want to help.”

“I know, but you’ll be hurt and—” She pressed her lips together. She had really made a mess of things. “I never thought it would get so complicated.”

“Chloe, you’re not making any sense. What is too complicated? I know this is about Arizona, but I don’t know how. Did something bad happen? Did he hurt you?”

“No,” Chloe answered, knowing what her sister was asking. Arizona had hurt her but not in a way that was anyone’s fault. “I want to tell you and I will, but please don’t be mad.”

Cassie made an X over her heart. “I swear.”

As Chloe tried to speak, fresh tears filled her eyes. She wiped them away with the back of her hand, then took a sip of the cocoa. “It’s all because of that stupid nightgown,” she said at last. “We had sex and it ruined everything.” The knot in her stomach tightened. She’d made a complete fool out of herself and she had only herself to blame. What on earth had she been thinking? Why had she given in? He must think… Chloe realized she didn’t know what Arizona thought of her, which, in a way, made things worse.

“I don’t understand,” Cassie said. “What does the nightgown have to do with anything? Did you take it with you and wear it?”

“No.” Chloe sniffed. “I lied. The night of my birthday, when I wore the nightgown, I did have a dream. I dreamed about Arizona. It was so incredibly real and passionate. I didn’t know what had happened. I couldn’t really believe the family legend was anything but a joke. I was embarrassed and I thought it was stupid. That’s why I didn’t tell you. Then when I saw him on the television, I was so stunned, I didn’t know what to say. Since then, everything has been out of control. I’m confused and scared and I’m really, really sorry.”

Cassie glanced down at her mug. “I see. You didn’t trust me.”

Her words and her stiff posture screamed her hurt. The knot in Chloe’s gut doubled in size. “I knew you’d be upset. You have every right to be mad at me, Cass. I can’t explain what I was thinking except I was stunned by what had happened.”

Cassie didn’t look at her. She shook her head back and forth, making the gold heart earrings catch the light.

Chloe stretched her hand across the table and touched her sister’s fingers. “I never meant to hurt you. You are my closest friend in life. I was very upset by what had happened and I didn’t want to talk to anyone about it.”

At last Cassie looked at her. “Besides, I was the one so excited about the legend. If I’d known you’d dreamed about Arizona, I wouldn’t have been able to keep the information to myself.” A smile tugged at her lips. “Imagine if I’d blurted it out that first night he was here for dinner.”

“It would have given us something to talk about.”

Cassie nodded. “I understand, Chloe. I’m a little hurt, but I’ll get over it. Let’s talk about you and what happened. You dreamed about him, and then you met him. Was that like the dream?”

“Not the meeting.” She quickly explained about going into work that morning and finding out that Arizona was her new assignment. Everywhere she went, pictures of the man stared back at her. She described seeing the scar on his arm in her dream, then finding out he had the same scar.

“How did you know about the scar?” Cassie asked. “What was he wearing in the dream?”

Chloe cleared her throat. She could feel herself blushing. “Nothing. We made love, several times. It was amazing.”

Cassie laughed. “No wonder you were stunned the next morning. There’s nothing like finding out your fantasy lover is a real person to get your day started.”

“Exactly. It was so spooky. You know I don’t believe in the legend. I’m a reporter. I want to be able to prove my facts. I couldn’t figure out what was going on and it frightened me.”

“Plus you wouldn’t want Arizona to know too much,” Cassie said. “After all, he spends his life exploring the mystic. You couldn’t be sure what he would make of the whole nightgown legend once he found out he’d been the subject of your dream.”

“Exactly.”

Cassie took a drink of her cocoa, then placed the mug on the table and cupped it with her hands. Her eyebrows drew together. “I still don’t see the problem. You and Arizona get along well. I think you like him. I know he likes you. You made love and I’m guessing it was lovely. So why are you so upset?”

“Because it’s all too strange. Yes, we get along and have fun together. The sex was amazing.” She didn’t want to think about that, about how she’d felt when he touched her. “That’s not the point. It’s more complicated. I refuse to fall in love with anyone ever. I won’t let myself feel that kind of pain again. Arizona might believe in myths and stories, but he doesn’t believe in love, romantic or otherwise. He’s the kind of man who wants to spend his life roaming the world. While I want to travel, I do also want to settle down and make a home. Eventually.”

“You already have a home.” Cassie waved to encompass the kitchen and the entire house beyond. “You have roots. You’re from Bradley.”

Cassie’s tone was light, but Chloe heard the envy in her sister’s voice. She never knew what to say about that—about the fact that she’d inherited the house.

Cassie shrugged. “Where you settle isn’t important. So he wants to travel, possibly more than you do. Compromise. Couples have been doing that for generations. How do you think marriages last?”

“No one is talking about getting married. That’s the last thing I want to do.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I refuse to love him. I don’t want to get involved with anyone. We’re friends and we had a great time together.”

“Then why are you crying?”

Chloe couldn’t answer the question. Nothing made sense. She wanted to explain about the helicopter and feeling tricked, but she’d had time to think and she didn’t believe Arizona had deliberately set out to deceive her. She’d overreacted. Probably because she was feeling a little overwhelmed by her reaction to him.

“I don’t know what to think. Maybe if we hadn’t made love things would be more clear.” She rested her elbows on the table and cupped her head in her hands. “I feel like I’m caught up inside a tornado. Every time it sets me down, I have to get my bearings all over again. Just when I get that all figured out, I’m caught up again, with no control over my destiny.”

“Sounds to me like you’re falling in love with him.”

Chloe sucked in a breath. “No,” she said firmly. “That’s not possible.”

Cassie ignored her. “Of course it is. You’ve cut yourself off from your heart for so long, you can’t recognize the symptoms. Why else would any of this matter?”

“It’s not that.”

“What else could it be? You’re worried about what the man does for a living and how much he travels. If this was just a fling you would be grateful that he was leaving and that you would never have to see him again. Instead it bothers you. You want to find a way to blend your lives. That’s what loving someone is all about.”

“No. I don’t love him. I don’t want to love him. I don’t want to love anyone.”

Now it was Cassie’s turn to reach across the table and touch her hand. “Yes, you do. Chloe, it’s time to let go of the past. You tend to hang on to things for too long. I miss Mom and Dad, too, but I’ve let it go. I have the memories. What I learned is that you never know how long you’re going to have, so love fully. You learned not to trust them. You probably would have gotten over that if Billy hadn’t died and you can’t forgive him for being wrong. He was your first love. I remember you told me he’d promised you he would get well, and you believed him. Then he died. It’s been nearly eight years and you’re still mad at Aunt Charity. It’s not her fault that she wasn’t in the country when her brother was killed. Was she supposed to live next door all those years, just in case?”

“Of course not.” Chloe knew her voice was stiff, but she was having trouble speaking past the tightness in her throat. “I’m not a closed, unforgiving person.”

Cassie’s fingers squeezed her own. “That’s not what I meant. You’re a wonderful person and I love you very much. But sometimes, you’re so stubborn I just want to shake some sense into you. Let the past go. Look forward for once. Don’t lose this wonderful opportunity with Arizona. When are you going to meet someone like him again?”

“You make it sound so simple.”

“It can be, if you let it.”

Chloe looked at her sister. She wanted to believe her, but she couldn’t. Cassie was right—after nearly eight years, she
was
still angry at Aunt Charity. The woman should have known that her brother had died. There was no excuse for staying out of contact for more than three years. If not for her, Chloe and Cassie wouldn’t have been sent to foster homes. They wouldn’t have been separated. She wouldn’t have met Billy.

Chloe stiffened.
She wouldn’t have met Billy.
Was that what she wanted? To never have known him?

She turned the thought over in her mind. She regretted his death. It had hurt to love him. But even knowing he was going to die, she wasn’t sure she would have wished him out of her life. She’d learned a lot from him. She’d learned about courage and dignity. She’d learned about giving her whole heart and she’d learned about pain.

“What are you thinking?” Cassie asked.

“That this is all so complicated. I should have been more like you and gotten involved with someone like Joel.”

“He could never make you happy.”

Chloe wanted to ask if he made her happy, but this wasn’t the time.

“What are you going to do now?” Cassie asked.

“I don’t know.” Chloe gave her a smile, squeezed her hand once, then rose to her feet. “I can’t make any decisions until I’ve thought this through. I’m not going to call him or anything. I’ll let him make the next move.”

“You need to distract yourself.” Cassie glanced at her watch. “It’s not that late. Do you want to go to a movie or something?”

“Not tonight. I think I’ll try to work on my article. I won’t be able to get Arizona out of my mind, so I might as well take advantage of that.”

She headed for the stairs, then paused and faced her sister. “Thanks for listening to me. I appreciate it.”

“That’s part of the job.” Cassie grinned. “At least there’s good news about the situation.”

“What’s that?”

“Now that you’ve slept with him, you really will be able to write an ‘intimate’ portrait of the man.”

* * *

A
RIZONA
LEFT
THE
hotel bar and headed up to his room. He wasn’t much of a drinker, but one beer didn’t go very far to help him forget his troubles.

As he left the elevator and started toward his room, he wondered again what had gone wrong with Chloe. Okay, he should have told her about the helicopter, but he really didn’t think it was that big a deal. If she hadn’t been receptive, he wouldn’t have tried anything. It wasn’t as if he’d had to talk her into making love with him.