Dream Wedding: Dream Bride | Dream Groom (26 page)

“More!” she called out. “More and more and more.”

“Ah, the greed is setting in,” Cassie said with a laugh. “It sure doesn’t take long.” She bent down and swept the girl into a hug. “Yes, we’ll get you more. Unfortunately you won’t eat very much of it, so that means I’ll have to help. Like I need more chocolate decorating my hips, thank you very much, young lady.”

Against his will Ryan found his gaze focusing on Cassie’s hips. They were round and womanly. Did she really think there was something wrong with them? He loved the shape of her hips. He’d spent many pleasant moments thinking about touching them, of having her on top of him and grabbing those perfect hips to guide her up and down on his….

“Unk Ryan, there.” Sasha pointed to the next house.

“As my lady wishes,” he said, forcing his mind away from his passionate, albeit inappropriate, thoughts.

This time Sasha raced up to the house and eagerly knocked on the door. When it opened she held out her pumpkin. “Candy,” she said.

The man at the door laughed. “Not the traditional greeting, but it gets the point across.” He dropped two wrapped pieces into her pumpkin.

Sasha smiled at him, set her container on the ground, then carefully took out one candy bar and handed it back to him. He took it and winked.

“You don’t have this thing figured out yet, do you?”

“Candy!” Sasha said loudly. “Candy, candy, candy. Tanks!”

With a little wave, she turned and headed for the street.

“What about this?” the man asked, still holding the treat she’d given him.

“I think she wants you to have it,” Ryan told him. He took Sasha’s free hand. “How long do you think she’ll hold out?”

They ducked around Darth Vader, a ghost and a kid in a really ugly slobbering-monster mask.

“I thought we’d go to the end of the block,” Cassie said, pointing to the stop sign three houses up. “We can cross over and come back on the other side of the street. She should be tired by then.”

They continued to walk from house to house. Sasha collected more candy than she handed back. Around them the sidewalks filled with more families. Ryan saw parents with their children, groups of kids alone. Several people stopped to tell Sasha that she was a beautiful princess. The child beamed with each compliment and Ryan felt an odd sense of pride, even though he had nothing to do with Sasha’s appearance.

He felt a sense of community that was as tempting as it was unfamiliar. He wanted this all to be real. For the longest time he’d thought his brother was a fool, that John had sold out for something insignificant and that he would live to regret cutting back on his hours so that he could spend time with his wife and daughter. Now Ryan knew that John had made the right decision. He’d had no business judging his brother’s actions.

Cassie and Sasha chatted with each other, occasionally drawing him into the conversation. But he was content to mostly listen while he mulled over his own thoughts. They turned up another walkway. Sasha was a couple of steps ahead when Cassie tripped over an uneven flagstone. Ryan grabbed her around the waist to keep her from falling. She clutched his arms.

Their combined actions brought her up against his chest. He felt the pressure of her breasts against him. One of her thighs slipped between his and bumped his rapidly swelling arousal.

The need was as instant as it was unexpected. One minute they’d been talking about upcoming movie releases for the holidays and the next she was in his arms. It took all his self-control to keep from hauling her closer and kissing her until they both forgot all the reasons they had to maintain distance in their relationship.

“Ryan?”

It was too dark for him to read her expression, but he heard the question in her voice. What the hell was he doing?

“Are you okay?” he asked, trying to sound casual. He released her and, when he was sure she’d regained her balance, stepped back a few feet. “You nearly took a header there. That path is pretty rough. Watch your step.”

She drew in a shaky breath. “I will. Thanks.”

For a second he thought she was going to say more, but thankfully she turned away. “Sasha?”

The little girl had paused halfway up the path. Now she waved and headed toward the front door. “Candy,” she called over her shoulder.

“That’s right,” Cassie told her. “You can…” She groaned. “Sasha, wait. Don’t go there.”

Ryan heard the concern in her voice. He scanned the front porch and saw what had alerted Cassie.

Fake cobwebs hung from the eaves of the porch. Candles flickered on the porch railing and in the corner two masked kids giggled together as they watched Sasha approach. Spooky music rose to a crash of cymbals, drowning out Cassie’s plea that they not scare the little girl as she approached.

Unsuspectingly, Sasha trotted right up the front steps and headed for the door. Ryan raced after her, passing Cassie in three strides. Even so, he was too late.

Sasha innocently reached for the bell beside the door. As she did so, the two monsters sprang toward her, yelling and waving their arms. Sasha let out a screech that took ten years off Ryan’s life, dropped her pumpkin and fled down the stairs. In her haste, she lost her balance. Ryan scooped her up before she tumbled to the ground.

“Hush, sweetie, it’s okay,” he said.

Sasha screamed and sobbed, clinging to him. Cassie rushed over and hugged the child. The three of them stood huddled together, the two adults murmuring promises that nothing bad was going to happen to her. Ryan could feel the tremors rippling through her.

“We’re really sorry,” a young voice said. “We were just playing. We do this every year. Most people know to keep the little kids away if they get scared. We’re sorry, mister.”

Ryan saw the two “monsters” in question had pulled off their masks and were maybe eleven or twelve. The boys looked as shaken as Sasha, probably because they were under orders not to frighten small children. One of them held out Sasha’s pumpkin.

“Here’s her candy. We gave her a couple of extra pieces.”

“Thank you.” Cassie took it, then smiled at the boys. “It’s not your fault. She’s only two and doesn’t really understand what’s going on. We know you didn’t scare her on purpose.” She kissed the top of Sasha’s head. “Let’s go home.”

Ryan nodded. The toddler’s tears had slowed, but she still trembled. “I’m glad you spoke to those two boys. I wanted to blister their hides and I would have overreacted.”

“I don’t think they were being deliberately cruel. I saw the cobwebs and candles when we were walking toward the house. I should have realized what was going on.”

“It’s not your fault,” Ryan told her. He shifted Sasha. “Should you be holding her instead of me? I mean, I got to her first, that’s why I grabbed her.”

In the dim light from the streetlamps, he saw her smile at him. “She’s
your
niece. You should be the one holding her. I think it’s great.” She turned her attention to the child. “Better?” she asked.

Sasha nodded. “Bad boys,” she said.

“Not bad, just playing. I’m sorry you got scared. But you’re safe now and we’re not going to let anything happen to you. Okay?”

Sasha nodded.

She was so damn small, Ryan thought as he carried the toddler the rest of the way home. The world was a large and difficult place. He would have to protect Sasha as much as he could, all the while teaching her how to survive. The enormity of the responsibility made him shudder, but he couldn’t back away from it now—he was all Sasha had.

When they arrived at the house, they said quick goodbyes to Chloe and Arizona. The doorbell rang again and again as more children stopped by for candy. With each cry of “trick or treat,” Sasha clung tighter to Ryan’s neck.

“She’s not having much fun anymore,” Cassie said. “Why don’t you put her to bed while I man the door.”

“Me?” Ryan shook his head. “You know how to do that stuff. I’ll—”

Before he could finish his sentence, Sasha raised her head and looked at him. “Unk Ryan,” she said. Tears stained her face; her eyes were puffy from crying.

How was he supposed to say no to her?

“You need to do this,” Cassie told him. “She doesn’t need a bath. I even brushed her teeth before we went out and she hasn’t had anything to eat since, so don’t worry about that. Put her in a nightgown, get her in bed, then read to her. She looks tired and I’m sure she’ll fall asleep fairly quickly.”

He wanted to protest that he wasn’t ready to handle this sort of thing. Instead he nodded and carried his niece upstairs to her room. It only took a couple of minutes to get her out of her costume and put her into her pink kitten pajamas. Then she was tucked in bed and he was searching for the right story.

“Unk Ryan?”

He looked up from the bookcase. Sasha’s big blue eyes were filled with tears again. “Me don’t like monsters.”

“I know, sweetie.” He sat on the edge of the mattress and pulled her close. “I’ll protect you. I promise to check the whole house tonight. Every closet, every door. You’ll be safe. Uncle Ryan will keep you safe.”

He didn’t know how much she actually understood. At first he thought he’d gotten through to her because she was quiet, but then he realized she couldn’t talk because she was crying too hard. He drew her up onto his lap and rocked her. She cried as if her little heart was breaking. Finally she murmured a single word.

“Mommy.”

Now Ryan felt tightness in
his
chest. None of this was fair.

“I know,” he murmured. “I know you miss her. I know I’m a poor substitute for both your parents. I wish I could offer you more, but I’m it. I don’t know how to do things, and to be honest, kid, there are times when you terrify me. But I’m not going anywhere. We’ll figure this out together.” With a lot of help from Cassie, he reminded himself. He wouldn’t have survived this without her.

Sasha continued to cry and he continued to hold her. Eventually she fell asleep. Carefully he lowered her into her bed and pulled the covers up to her chin. Then he sat in the darkness and wondered what the hell he was supposed to do now.

CHAPTER EIGHT

T
HE
LAST
OF
the trick-or-treaters had rung the doorbell about a half hour before. Cassie moved restlessly in the living room and wondered what Ryan was doing. He’d been in with Sasha for so long that if he hadn’t had to come down the stairs—which she could see clearly—she might have thought he’d slipped into his office. But he hadn’t. He was still with his niece.

She moved to the front door and stared out through the beveled glass. The darkness seemed thicker than it had before when costumed children had brightened the sidewalks. She sank onto the wooden bench there, then sprang back to her feet. She wanted to be doing something, but she wasn’t sure what—nothing felt right.

Part of the problem was her concern for Sasha. The poor girl hadn’t needed a scare like the one she’d experienced. It wasn’t a fun way to end her night. Cassie knew the boys had only been playing, but Sasha was too young to understand. At least she would probably forget between this year and next.

The good news was that in her time of need, she’d turned to her uncle and Ryan had been there for her. Slowly, uncle and niece were forming a family.

This was what she wanted, Cassie reminded herself. This was what she would have chosen for Sasha. She was pleased and relieved. At least she wasn’t going to have to worry when Ryan took the girl back to San Jose, or whatever he decided to do with her. But the knowledge that they were bonding also left her feeling like an outsider.

Cassie leaned her forehead against the cool glass. Telling herself that everything was happening the way it was supposed to didn’t help. Everything was mixed-up. She knew in her head that Ryan and Sasha had to form a family unit. Originally she’d been concerned that he would simply ignore the toddler and not want anything to do with her. But when she’d reminded him of his responsibilities, he’d come through like a seasoned parent.

So what was the problem? Maybe it wasn’t about Ryan and Sasha at all, but about Ryan himself. The man had no flaws. Oh, he could get caught up in work and he liked to think he was the center of the universe. On a good day, he wanted to be treated as such, but Cassie wasn’t talking about the details. She meant the inner being that made up the essence of Ryan Lawford. He’d resisted dealing with Sasha, but when push came to shove, he’d been there. Now, only a few short weeks into the relationship, he was terrific with her: patient, caring, making the little girl feel that she was the most important part of his life. Acting as if she was. How was she, Cassie, supposed to resist that?

It’s just a crush,
she reminded herself. Her feelings, whatever they were, had no basis in reality. In fact—The sound of footsteps broke through her thoughts. She turned and saw Ryan heading down the stairs. He looked tired and drawn.

She crossed the foyer and touched the curving end of the banister. “Is everything all right?” she asked. “Did Sasha have trouble falling asleep?”

Dark emotions filled his green eyes. “At first she was worried about the monsters. I told her I would protect her, but I don’t know if she understood what I was trying to say. Then—” He cleared his throat. “She was asking about her mother.”

His expression turned haunted and he swore under his breath. “How am I supposed to deal with that? I can’t fix her problem. There’s nothing I can say or do to make it better.”

“You’re right,” Cassie said gently. “You can’t fix it. No one can. You can only be there to help her get through the tough times.”

“Maybe.” He shrugged. “I held her. I rocked her in my arms and let her cry her little heart out. I thought I was going to go crazy listening to the sobs. I didn’t know what else to do. I’m useless.”

“No. You’re exactly what she needs.”

“Yeah, right. What with all my experience with kids.” His mouth twisted. “I’m screwing this up.”

His pain called to her, making her want to step closer and offer him comfort. Knowing that he would refuse, she held back. “You’re doing everything exactly right. There
are
no set rules. Every parent has to find his or her way in the dark. Sasha isn’t going to understand any complicated explanation about what happened to her folks. She only knows that she misses them deeply. Most of the time, when she’s happy, she’s fine, but when something rocks her world, she cries out for them. That doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong.”

“I guess.” He sank onto the bench by the front door. A bowl of candy sat on the small table next to him. He reached in and pulled out a small candy bar, then held it out to her. “Want one?”

“Sure.” She took it, then settled into the seat opposite his.

Ryan unwrapped a piece of chocolate for himself and ate it. When he was done, he leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees.

“I didn’t think it would be like this,” he said. “Dealing with Sasha, I mean. When I found out John and Helen had made me her guardian, I was annoyed and frustrated, but I never got how big a responsibility it was.”

“It’s a challenge,” she agreed. “But it’s worth it.”

He raised his head and met her gaze. “I didn’t understand that part, either. But I do now. She’s kind of like a tick that burrows under the skin. First you notice a bump and don’t think much about it. The next thing you know, you’ve got a raging infection all through your body.”

He grinned. “Sorry, that was kind of gross, and I didn’t mean it in a bad way. It’s just that for the first couple of weeks, I thought of Sasha as a responsibility I didn’t want to deal with. I was very happy to pass her on to you. Now I look forward to spending part of my day with her. The little kid has gotten under my skin.”

His words created a warm feeling in Cassie’s stomach. Ryan had come to care about his niece. They would do well for each other, she thought, pleased that the sweet child would always have a family of her own. Someone who knew her history and could, in later years, tell her about her parents. Roots were important—Cassie knew that firsthand.

Ryan fished another candy bar out of the bowl. He offered it to Cassie, but she shook her head. He opened it and took a bite. After he’d swallowed he said, “I was thinking about my brother earlier. He was about ten years older than me. We had different fathers, but that didn’t matter to us. We were really close. Apparently my mother had bad taste in men because neither of our dads bothered to stick around long enough to see us born.”

He made the statement lightly, but Cassie caught the tension in his body. She knew exactly what it felt like to be abandoned by a parent, but she kept her compassion to herself. She had the feeling that at this moment in time Ryan needed to talk more than he needed to listen.

“Our mother worked hard.” He shrugged. “She was always urging us to get ahead. John became a doctor.” He gave her a quick smile. “Mom was really proud of him. I was, too. It’s tough to get through all the training but he did it. Then he turned around and paid back his loans in record time.”

He straightened on the bench and leaned his head against the wall. “About five years ago John called me to tell me he’d met Helen and they were getting married. I was a little surprised. In our family we were big on work, but relationships had never been that important. When I pointed that out John said he didn’t care. He’d fallen in love and he wanted to get married. He told me that he and Helen had also talked about starting a family. That one really threw me.”

“You’ve never thought about doing that yourself?” Cassie asked before she could stop herself.

Ryan shrugged. “Not really. I never saw the point. There have been women in my life, but no one I wanted to marry.”

Cassie wasn’t sure what to make of that statement. He’d had women. Did that mean they’d all been lovers? Did he take women to his bed for a few times, then send them on their way? Or was it a mutual decision? Was that what other people did? She couldn’t even imagine.

“He told me he wanted to slow down,” Ryan continued. “I remember staring at the phone not believing what he was saying. I’d just started making a success of my own company and I was working eighteen-hour days. Who had time to slow down? I couldn’t believe he meant it. Worse, I thought he was selling out.”

He drew in a deep breath, but he didn’t speak. Cassie observed him, watched the play of light on his strong face, the twitch of a muscle as he clenched his jaw. At times she still didn’t understand Ryan, but right now she knew exactly what he was thinking.

“You understand now,” she murmured. “His actions didn’t make sense five years ago, but you’re starting to understand what he was trying to tell you.”

He nodded slowly. His gaze was steady and direct. “What I remember most about my mother is how hard she worked. She’d been poor for a long time and I understand that it’s difficult to let go of the past, but the last few years of her life, she could have slowed down some. She had two sons who were sending her money every month. But she wouldn’t spend it. We sent her nice clothes and things for the house. When she was gone, we found all of them, still in their boxes. She never wore them or used them. I don’t understand that.”

Cassie didn’t either. “Do you think she was saving them?”

“I don’t know. Sometimes I think she forgot what she was working for. The process became important and she lost sight of the goal.” He shook his head. “Or maybe it’s something else entirely. All I know is that she died too young, surrounded by lovely things she wouldn’t let herself enjoy.”

He paused. “I wish…” His mouth twisted and he avoided her gaze.

“What?” she asked.

“I wish I’d spent more time with John. He and Helen kept inviting me here for holidays or just a weekend and I kept putting it off. I didn’t think it was as important as my work. I thought we’d have more time.”

Her heart ached for him. He was in as much pain as Sasha, but in a way Ryan suffered more. He wouldn’t cry out or allow himself to be comforted.

A vague feeling of disquiet settled over her. This was dangerous territory for her. Ryan the remote, successful man at the other end of the house was safe. She was allowed to have a crush on him without having to worry about getting into trouble. But this man was someone different. He wasn’t remote or hard to understand. If anything, she felt they had a lot in common. They talked and laughed together easily. She couldn’t have a crush on this Ryan because he was real. Once he was real, then her heart was at risk.

Don’t be a fool, she told herself.
He
might be more real to her, but
she
was still just the nanny to him. He never thought of her as a woman, someone who might interest him.

Ryan glanced out the window. “I guess we’re done with Halloween for this year.” He looked at his watch. “It’s after ten. I should probably let you get to bed.”

She nodded, thinking that she should make her way upstairs. Morning came early when there was a two-year-old in the house.

“I don’t suppose you’d care to join me for a quick drink,” he offered.

Cassie opened her mouth to tell him that wasn’t a good idea. Not with the way her body had gone on alert, every cell tingling with breathless anticipation. But her legs were suddenly heavy and the stairs looked too tall to climb right now. It was just a drink, she argued with herself. What could it hurt?

“That would be nice,” she said.

He rose to his feet, then started toward the study he’d taken over as his office. “I think there’s some brandy in here,” he called over his shoulder.

Cassie trailed after him. It was just a drink, she repeated silently. Nothing significant. It didn’t mean his feelings about her had changed. Oh, but she wanted it to mean something, she thought to herself as heat and excitement raced through her. Brandy. They were going to have a glass of brandy together. She thought people only did that in the movies.

She followed him toward the back of the house. While he opened the sliding doors that concealed the bar area in the study, she settled onto a corner of the dark blue leather sofa against the wall opposite the bay window.

A large desk dominated the room. Ryan had brought in a new fax machine, a printer, some other computer equipment she didn’t recognize and three filing cabinets. There were thick overnight envelopes on his desk and stacks of paper on nearly every free surface.

Ryan poured brandy into two glasses, then carried them over to the sofa. “I haven’t had this before,” he said as he handed her the quarter-full snifter. “But John always had excellent taste. I’m sure you’ll like it.” He touched his glass to hers.

He acted as if she did this sort of thing all the time, she thought with some amazement. No way she was going to tell him that she was more of a beer and white wine kind of girl. Cassie didn’t think she’d ever tasted brandy before in her life. While Ryan sat down on the opposite end of the sofa, she took a first, tentative sip.

The liquid burned her tongue and her throat, but not in a bad way. It really was exactly like what she’d read about in books—she
could
feel the fire all the way down to her stomach.

“What do you think?” he asked.

She gave him a smile. “I like it.” She took another sip and tried to act as if she did this regularly.

Ryan set his drink on the glass coffee table in front of the couch. “I have something I’ve been meaning to mention before, but there hasn’t been a good time until now.”

He paused and Cassie’s stomach sunk like a stone. What? Was he going to tell her he was dissatisfied with her work? Did he know about her infatuation and did that make him angry? Was it—“It’s about Joel,” he said.

She blinked. “Joel?” That didn’t make sense. “What about him?”

Ryan angled toward her and rested his hand along the back of the sofa. “You don’t see him very much. I’m concerned that your job is interfering with your relationship.” He leaned toward her slightly. “I appreciate how great you are with Sasha. You obviously adore her and the feeling is mutual. You work long hours. Again, you have my thanks, but I don’t want your personal life to suffer.” He gave a quick smile. “If I’m saying this all wrong, please forgive me. To be honest, I’ve never had this conversation with an employee before in my life.”