Dream Wedding: Dream Bride | Dream Groom (22 page)

She nodded. “He’s done well. He takes management classes at the community college. One day he’ll be able to transfer to the university.” She paused, then added, “He’s very nice.”

“I’m sure he is.”

“He’s nothing like you, of course.” Her voice sounded defensive.

He raised his eyebrows. “Because I’m not nice?”

Cassie opened her mouth, then snapped it shut and closed her eyes. A bright flush swept up her cheeks. “I didn’t mean that the way it came out,” she mumbled.

He’d been interested before, but now he was intrigued. Not only by Cassie and her faux pas, but by the differences between himself and Joel. “So Joel and I don’t have much in common?” he asked in an attempt to rescue her.

She shot him a look of gratitude. “Not really. He’s lived in Bradley all his life. You’re a lot more sophisticated. Then there’s the age difference. He’s only a year older than me. We’re just the country mice here, while you’ve been all over.”

He thought about telling her that the big world beyond Bradley wasn’t as wonderful as she made it out to be, but doubted she would believe him. “How long have you two been dating?”

“Nine years.”

He blinked…twice. “I’m sorry, did you say
nine
years?”

Some of the color had faded from her cheeks. It returned now, although she didn’t turn from his incredulous gaze. “Yes. I started dating Joel when I was in high school.”

“And you’re not married?”

“No.”

“You’re not officially engaged?”

“No.”

“But you’ve been dating for nine years?”

“Why is that so hard to understand?”

“I’ve never known anyone who has done that,” he admitted. “I doubt I’ve dated anyone for nine months, let alone that long.” He couldn’t imagine any situation in which that made sense. Of course his personal life had never been all that important to him.

She shrugged. “We don’t want to make a mistake. Getting married is a serious commitment and we want to be sure.”

Ryan didn’t think they could be any
more
sure, unless they were planning to experience old age together first, to see what that was like.

He had several other questions he wanted to ask, but before he could, the doorbell rang. Cassie shot out of her chair.

“I’ll get that,” she said quickly and practically ran from the room.

Ryan followed. While he didn’t really have the right to intrude on Cassie’s private time, he couldn’t help wanting to get a look at the young man who had dated Cassie for nine years without “being sure” of his commitment. He walked into the foyer just as Joel stepped in from the porch.

The two men stared at each other. Joel was a few inches shorter, maybe five-nine or -ten, with wavy blond hair and glasses. He was slight, dressed in freshly pressed khakis and a blue, long-sleeved shirt.

Joel blinked first. He stepped forward, offering both his hand and an easy grin. “You must be Ryan Lawford,” he said. “Cassie has told me a lot about you. She’s really pleased to be able to help out. She’s the best,” he added, a note of pride in his voice. “Great with kids.” His smile faded. “I was real sorry to hear about your brother and sister-in-law. It’s a tragic loss.”

Until that moment Ryan hadn’t realized that he’d wanted to dislike Joel, or at least have the kid show up with hay in his hair, dressed like some hick out on the town for the first time in a year. Instead, Joel was exactly what Ryan should have expected. A nice, sincere young man with prospects.

“Thank you,” Ryan said, shook Joel’s hand, then stepped back.

Cassie moved to her boyfriend’s side and gave him a quick hug. “Hi,” she murmured.

They didn’t kiss, or show any outward affection, but Ryan figured that was because he was there, cramping their style. No doubt they would be more intimate later, maybe going back to Joel’s place and making love. There was a definite connection between them. He could see it in the shared glance, the way they stood so close together. He’d thought he would feel superior and a little worldly when compared with Joel and Cassie, but instead he felt inadequate and out of place.

“Enjoy yourselves,” Ryan said as Joel held the front door open for Cassie. “You’ve got a key, right?”

She gave him a quick smile over her shoulder. “Yes, you gave me one last week. Don’t worry, Ryan, I’ll be back before midnight.”

“You don’t have to be.”

Her dark eyes slipped away from his, as if she had something she was trying to hide. “I know, but it’s a weeknight. Joel and I both have to be up early in the morning.”

She gave him a quick wave, then they were gone and he was alone.

Ryan stood in the foyer until he’d heard Joel’s car pull out of the drive and the silence settled around him. Silence and loneliness. He was in a strange place and the only person he knew in town had just left for the evening.

Maybe he could call a friend and talk, he thought, then dismissed the idea. He didn’t have the kind of friends he could just call. Guys didn’t just call; there had to be a reason. Except for his brother. He and John had talked on occasion. But his brother was gone…forever.

Ryan stiffened as he realized, perhaps for the first time since the funeral, that John was never going to be coming back. The last of his family had died.

Except for Sasha. His gaze turned toward the stairs. Toward the toy-filled room on the second floor. He remembered Cassie’s comments that he had to take more time to get to know his niece, that they only had each other now. As she’d talked, he’d wanted to protest the additional responsibility, to tell her that he wasn’t interested. But now, alone in the too-quiet house, he thought it might not be so bad. Tomorrow he would start getting to know his niece a little more.

For some reason the plan cheered him. He returned to his makeshift office and got back to work. As he did, he suddenly realized that the quiet didn’t seem so lonely after all.

CHAPTER FIVE

C
ASSIE
SIPPED
HER
soda and tried to think of something to say. Although it was nearly ten in the evening, the restaurant bustled with an after-movie crowd. As usual, Cassie and Joel’s midweek date had consisted of going to a movie, then stopping for pie. Their other favorite date was to go out to dinner.

It was all just too exciting for words, Cassie thought sarcastically, then scolded herself for being critical. In the past she’d been very happy with her and Joel’s dating routine. The sameness had made her feel safe. But not anymore, she realized. Now she just felt trapped.

“The new shipment was just as bad,” Joel was saying. “Nearly all the lamps were broken. I called the distributor. I asked him what I was supposed to do with a hundred broken lamps. The very same lamps that are featured in the Sunday newspaper circular.” Joel paused to chew another bite of chocolate cream pie. “I told him that if he couldn’t get me a hundred perfect lamps by Saturday morning, I wouldn’t be doing business with him again.”

“Do you think he’ll deliver the lamps?” Cassie asked.

“Sure. He doesn’t want to lose the Bradley Discount Store account. It’s one of his biggest.”

None of this was fair, Cassie thought sadly. It wasn’t Joel’s fault that he wasn’t the most interesting guy on the planet. He started another story about yet another crisis with the delivery of merchandise. She tried to pay attention, but her mind wandered…about five miles east to the Lawford house on the other side of Bradley. What was Ryan doing now? Was he still working? Had he gone to bed?

Stop thinking about him! she told herself firmly. It was wrong to be on a date with one man and dwelling on another. If only things were different between her and Joel. If only there was more spark.

She studied her boyfriend’s face, the blue eyes, the wire-rimmed glasses, the freshly shaved jaw. He was a good man; nice-looking and kind. There was a time when she’d thought they would spend the rest of their lives together. What had changed?

She wanted to blame it all on her blossoming feelings for Ryan, but she knew it wasn’t about him at all. She’d felt restless and trapped for several months. For a while she’d thought the feeling would pass, but now she wasn’t so sure. Joel was steady, hardworking, honest and funny. They enjoyed each other’s company. She wanted to tell herself that was enough. She wanted to believe that craving more was just plain greedy. Unfortunately, she wasn’t sure.

“So you didn’t like the movie,” Joel said.

Cassie blinked. “What?” Hadn’t he just been talking about work? “The movie was fine.” They’d seen a spy thriller with a strong romance woven through the action scenes. Something for both of them.

Joel finished his pie, then pushed his plate away. He took a sip of his coffee and looked at her. “What’s wrong, Cass? You’re not really here tonight, are you?”

She shook her head. She wasn’t surprised by his observation. After all, they’d been together nine years. Of course Joel knew her.

“I have a lot on my mind,” she told him, then cleared her throat. “Actually, I’ve been thinking about Ryan.”

He nodded as if he’d suspected as much. “He’s an interesting man. What does he do?”

She was a little surprised he wasn’t angered by her confession. “Ryan owns a computer software design firm. They put out a few games of their own, but mostly they do subcontract work from large companies. He started it himself when he was barely out of college.”

She paused as she wondered if she should tell him that she’d actually learned all this during the past year, from Helen, Ryan’s sister-in-law, rather than from the man himself. In the week she’d been working for him, she and Ryan hadn’t had a personal conversation. Nearly everything they talked about revolved around Sasha.

Joel frowned. “This has to be a really tough time for him, what with losing his brother and all. I’m sure he appreciates your help.” He reached across the table and squeezed her fingers. “
I
appreciate that you were willing to drop everything and move in there to lend a hand. It shows the kind of person you are.”

Cassie wanted to scream. “I’m not a saint,” she said testily. “Sasha is a sweet little girl and I like taking care of her. Looking after one child is much easier than watching six and Ryan’s paying me a lot more than I make at the preschool. There isn’t much that’s noble or self-sacrificing about what I’m doing.”

“You’re too modest. Most people wouldn’t have bothered to offer their services in the first place.”

“I know, it’s just…” She glared at him. “Aren’t you the least bit jealous or concerned about the situation?”

Joel released her hand and straightened in his seat. “What situation?” he asked in genuine bafflement.

His confusion only added fuel to her temper. “I’m living with a very attractive, very single man. He and I are alone in that house, day after day. A twenty-six-month-old toddler isn’t much of a chaperon.”

Joel stared at her for a couple of seconds, then started laughing. At first it was just a chuckle, but the sound grew. He slapped both hands on the table. “Jealous? Oh, Cass, don’t worry about that at all. It’s nice that you’re concerned about what I’m thinking, but don’t be.”

She thought about strangling him but knew she didn’t have the physical strength. There weren’t any weapons close at hand, not even a fork—the waitress had cleared away Joel’s plate and flatware. Which left her glass, a straw, his cup and a spoon. Nothing lethal there. She settled on glaring.

Finally he stopped laughing enough to give her a lopsided smile. “Really. I’m not worried. A man like Ryan would never be interested in a woman like you.”

It wasn’t anything she hadn’t told herself a dozen times in the past week. But whispering it in the quiet of her mind was very different than hearing someone else say it out loud.

“I see,” she said sharply. “So I’m not sophisticated enough. My job isn’t intriguing, and I don’t go to the right parties or know the right people.”
I’m not pretty enough,
she thought, but she couldn’t bring herself to say that one aloud.

“Exactly.”

She looked away and concentrated on keeping her hurt from showing. She knew she wasn’t anything like the women in Ryan’s world. If she were more like her sister, the situation would be different. Chloe was tall and beautiful. As a journalist, she had a glamorous profession. She could talk to anyone in any situation. She wasn’t a preschool teacher whose idea of a hot night on the town was a movie with her boyfriend of nine years.

“Cassie, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Blinking back tears, she kept her gaze firmly on the collection of plants in the bay window to her right.

“I can see you’re upset. Did I say something?”

She turned back to face him. “Nothing but the truth. You’re right—a man like Ryan wouldn’t be interested in me. I know that, but it’s not the point.”

He looked bewildered. “Then what is?”

“You’re supposed to be worried,” she told him. “You’re supposed to care that I’m living with another man, that we’re in close proximity all day long. You’re supposed to think that I’m special enough to tempt anyone. But you don’t.”

The last three words came out softly as she tried to control her suddenly quivering lower lip. He stretched his hand across the table. “Cassie, don’t. I think you’re very special. You’re a wonderful young woman and I’m lucky to have you.”

She waited, but he didn’t say anything about how a man like Ryan could be interested in her. Obviously he hadn’t changed his mind on that one. He didn’t see the problem and she wasn’t going to explain it to him.

“Are you angry?” he asked.

She shook her head. “It’s late. Let’s go.”

The drive back to Ryan’s was silent. Cassie saw Joel darting her little glances as he tried to assess her mood. Part of her felt guilty for being angry with him, while the rest of her felt it was justified. She didn’t understand what was going on or what she was feeling. She just knew she wanted things to be different.

When they pulled into the driveway of the old Victorian house, he put the car in Park and looked at her. “Do you want me to walk you to the door?” he asked, his tone cautious.

She shook her head. “Don’t worry about it.”

He leaned close and kissed her cheek. “I had a good time tonight. I hope we can get together soon. I miss you.”

The streetlight didn’t offer much illumination and she could barely make out his familiar features.
Do you really miss me?
But she only thought the question instead of asking it. She wasn’t sure anymore.

“Why don’t you ever just take me?” she asked suddenly.

“Take you where?”

She nearly groaned in frustration. “Sex, Joel. I’m talking about sex. We never do more than kiss and most of those are chaste. Don’t you ever want to rip my clothes off and do it right here in the car?”

He glanced at the narrow bucket seats, then at her. “There’s not much room.”

She made a low strangled sound in her throat. “Never mind.”

But he grabbed her arm before she could reach for the door handle. “What’s going on? Are you unhappy with me or the relationship?”

“I don’t know.”

He stared at her. “I thought this is what we both wanted. I thought we agreed to take things slowly.”

“It’s been nine years. You’ve never even touched my breasts. Does that seem natural to you?”

Joel shifted until he faced front. He tightly gripped the steering wheel. “I respect you. Of course I’ve thought about us…well…being together…that way. After we’re married. I am more than just my animal passions. I thought you were, too.”

She ignored the judgment inherent in his comment. “Not all the time. Sometimes I want to be swept away and I’ve always wanted you to be the one doing the sweeping. Please, Joel.”

He swallowed hard. “Please what?” He sounded faintly panicked.

“Just kiss me like you mean it. Please.”

“All right.”

He turned toward her and drew in a breath. They reached for each other, but their arms tangled, and with the awkward angle, not to mention the hand brake between them, they couldn’t find a comfortable position. Finally Cassie simply grabbed the front of his jacket and hauled him close.

“Kiss me,” she ordered.

He pressed his mouth to hers. She angled her head and parted her lips. He neither moved more nor responded to the invitation. Instead he froze in place, not kissing her back, not putting his hands on her body, just sitting there. Like a fish, she thought sadly and slowly straightened.

“Enough?” he asked.

At first she thought he was being sarcastic and punishing her, but then she remembered this was Joel and that wasn’t his style.

“Thank you,” she whispered. Sadness swept through her and she knew tears weren’t far behind.

“It’s better this way,” he said kindly. “We really should wait.”

“I know,” she said as she collected her purse and opened the car door. “Good night.”

She stood on the porch and watched him drive away. What had seemed so right for so long now felt very wrong.

It wasn’t that she objected to waiting to make love. She thought it was important to choose one’s partners carefully. Given the choice, she would rather just have one lover for her whole life. But she wanted passion in addition to affection and respect. Was that so wrong?

She also didn’t remember talking to Joel about putting off intimacy until after marriage. From what she could recall, he’d made that decision all on his own. She wouldn’t mind so much if only she could be sure it was all going to work out when they finally did it. But she wasn’t sure. Shouldn’t they be having trouble keeping their hands off each other? Shouldn’t they be breathless and aching with desire? That’s what she’d always read about. That’s what Chloe talked about when she shared bits and pieces of her relationship with Arizona.

Cassie unlocked the front door and stepped into the silent house. Ryan had left on a light by the stairs. She moved toward it and sighed. Maybe passion wasn’t in the cards for her. Maybe she was better off settling. Joel loved her and she loved him. Maybe it was wrong to look a gift horse in the mouth.

But in the darkness of her bedroom, she searched her heart and found that this was too important an issue on which to compromise. She deserved more than just settling…and so did Joel.

* * *

T
HE
NEXT
MORNING
, Ryan hurried down to breakfast. He told himself he wasn’t actually interested in Cassie, and he certainly wasn’t going to ask about her date, except in the most general, socially correct way. A pleasant “how was your evening?” was expected, even welcome, in most work situations.

He entered the kitchen and paused, taking in his niece and Cassie along with the swept floor, the clean counters and empty sink. Except for the bits of hot cereal on Sasha’s face, hands, arms and the front of her bib, not to mention the tray of her high chair, the room was perfect. Nothing like the disaster he’d been living in before Cassie had shown up to straighten out his and Sasha’s lives.

He stood in the doorway unobserved. Cassie was back in jeans and a sweatshirt. Her thick short hair swayed with every movement. She’d pulled up a chair next to Sasha’s high chair and encouraged the child to keep eating, all the while sipping on a cup of coffee.

She’d come in much earlier last night than he had expected. It had been barely ten-thirty. Not that he’d been watching the clock, he assured himself. He’d just happened to go up to his room to read, and had heard the front door opening. He had thought she would stay out much later. Not that he cared, of course. His was only the most passing of interest in a trusted employee’s well-being.

Ryan grinned. Even he was having trouble buying that line. Okay, he could admit it to himself. He was dying to know if Cassie and Joel had made love last night. Probably because it had been so long since he’d had the pleasure of being with a woman, he told himself. He was intrigued by Sasha’s nanny. But just because he’d finally noticed her didn’t mean—“Unk Ryan!”

He glanced up and saw Sasha had spotted him. Her baby face split into a grin and she waved her spoon at him.