Drowning to Breathe (31 page)

“YOU DON’T REALLY BELIEVE
in Prince Charming, do you, Butterfly?” April teased, lifting the to-go coffee cup to her mouth.

Giggles floated on the breeze gentling through the afternoon air, and Kallie kicked her head back and let her sweet laughter free as she held her own tiny cup filled with hot chocolate between two chubby hands.

Her
big girl
drink.

“Uh-huh, Auntie April,” she said with all the childish authority she could muster.

She sat on her knees, chair pushed up close to the metal patio table where we relaxed on the wide sidewalk outside our favorite coffee shop in the old part of Savannah. Overhead umbrellas protected us from the sun, and a quaint, peaceful feeling held fast in the atmosphere.

“There
are
so, so, so many princes! I’ll show you. I got lots in my books right up in my room. And me and my momma are gonna get on a plane and fly far, far away and go to
Cowiforna
and my daddy is gonna take me to Disneyland and I’m gonna meet all of ’em.”

Love filled me so completely it became difficult to breathe. Every time my precious daughter called Sebastian
daddy
it stole my air.

And now it was becoming a true reality.

Permanent.

I’d been home for three days. Married for four. God, it still blew my mind.

I was married to Sebastian Stone.

Did I worry? Fear Sebastian and I had rushed into things too fast?

Of course. I was human…and a mother. A mother who’d lived as a single mother for a lot of years. I’d held onto old insecurities for so long, sometimes it was difficult to let them go, especially after Martin had returned.

But being with Sebastian made me feel freer than I’d ever felt.

And the truth was, I believed in us.

Life wasn’t worth living if we didn’t take the chance to go after what brought us the most joy. Wasn’t worth living if we didn’t fight to be with the ones we loved or work for the relationships that brought beauty into our lives.

Sebastian was all those things, and he was
worth
it.

Tamar smirked across at me, blue eyes twinkling as she wrapped her painted red lips around the straw of her iced cappuccino.

She’d been giving me crap about the whole eloping thing since the second she’d caught wind.

I hiked up a shoulder in a
What? And if you even say a single thing I will kill you
sort of way.

Her amusement only grew. “So the infamous Sebastian Stone became your knight in shining armor, isn’t that right, Shea?”

April chuckled and Kallie giggled like it was the funniest thing she’d ever heard.

“If the bill fits…” I trailed off suggestively.

“Oh, come on, Tamar, you’re just jealous you don’t have a superhot rocker there to worship the ground you walk on,” April cut in, taking a swig of her coffee and sitting back in her chair.

“Pssh.” Tamar rolled her eyes, pure sex and sass. “Like I need some cocky guy to make me feel good.”

Uncontainable laughter burst from April and me. I knew we were both struggling to hold back every inappropriate retort itching to fly from our tongues.

“Really? Sounds to me like that theory would get old and
fast
.” Over her cup, April wagged her brows, letting her attention dart down to Tamar’s hand.

I leaned in closer and murmured conspiratorially, “I’d be willing to make some bets Lyrik would be all kinds of happy to step in and take care of that little problem for you.”

I didn’t mind getting a rise from my friend. Any time the two of them were in a building together? The flaming sexual tension nearly burnt it down.

“Ha. I have exactly zero problems that need to be taken care of…all except for one. Him. Player doesn’t know when to take a hint. Every time he walks into the bar he thinks he’s going to get a little piece of this.” She shimmied her curvy body on her chair. “Not gonna happen.”

“Says the girl who once accused me of being completely blind when it came to what was happening between Sebastian and me.”

“So?” she defended.

“So take a look in the mirror, girlfriend,” April said with a slap to the table.

“Girlfriend?” Kallie asked in confusion, big brown eyes going wide as she tried to follow the conversation, so sweet and innocent and adorable.

My heart overflowed.

How had I gotten so lucky?

Tamar straightened, hesitated as she played with the straw on her drink. “I really can’t believe you’re leaving.”

The flippancy of our mood evaporated. “I can’t believe it, either. It’s almost unbelievable, everything that has happened in such a short time.”

April slanted me the smallest smile. “Guess I shouldn’t have been making all those claims that one day some amazing guy was going to come in and sweep you off those pretty feet. Didn’t expect that would mean he’d be sweeping you away to another state.”

I flinched at the flash of sorrow in her expression. It was true we’d become our own patchwork family. Kallie was a fundamental piece of April, too.

“You’re not giving Kallie or me up, April, and just because we’re going out there doesn’t mean we’re going to stay forever. Sebastian just has to be there right now. And…” I wavered on what to say, “I don’t have to be here.”

Yes. There was a huge part of me that wanted to be. Here. Home. But the bigger part
had
to be with Sebastian.

Tamar cleared her throat. “I think I speak for us all when we say we just want you to be happy.”

April sniffled and glanced away, before she looked back with a smile that was both forced and genuine. “That’s all we want.”

Tamar’s red lips curled. “Well…all except Charlie. I’ve never heard the old man rant and rave the way he did when he found out you were leaving. I thought he was going to have an aneurysm.”

I laughed and shook my head. “He’s just a tad protective.”

In his mind, we were
his
daughter and granddaughter, and as much as he’d always encouraged me to pursue my heart’s desires, I knew embarking on this new journey was tearing him up. The truth was, just thinking about severing even a fraction of the connection we had broke something inside me, too.

When I’d gone to his place on Monday, sat him down and told him I wasn’t going back to the bar and was going to California, I’d finally understood what it looked like for a man to blow a gasket. The full effect of his fatherly concern had overflowed in a slew of questions and what ifs and warnings.

In the end he’d pulled me to him, hugged me tight, and whispered, “You go, Shea Bear. Live your life. Love every second of it.”

He’d taken care of me for so long, and even though I could tell him nothing would change, we both knew it would. There was a small part he had to let go—the part as my ultimate protector and confidant—as Sebastian had come in to take that place.

“My daddy had to go to wook,” Kallie began to prattle, leaning her elbows on the table and clasping her hands together, her smile all tiny teeth and hope and unending faith. “And when he gets all done is when we get to fly way, way, way up high in the sky, right, Momma?”

She looked at me for confirmation.

“Yes, Butterfly. We’ll be going soon.”

Just a week and a half.

Concern and yearning rolled through me like a lopsided ball. My longing for Sebastian in the days he was away, fighting for dominance with my love of this place.

Desperate for that connection, I reached for her. “Come here, sweetheart. Why don’t we send your daddy something to make him smile while he’s at work?”

I scooted back my chair, the metal legs screeching against concrete. Kallie grinned and giggled as we pressed our cheeks together and I snapped our selfie on my phone.

So what if I’d already texted him earlier today just to tell him I missed him? I did it again, only this time I went into the photo editor and printed it across the image, sent it to him with all the devotion dwelling in my heart.

Missing you.

I knew he wouldn’t respond until very late tonight after the
Sunder
show in Phoenix. But every night, he was faithful to call me, to love me from across the miles.

Faithful
.

The truth was I had
faith
in him, gave it to him in every aspect.

Tamar glanced at her phone. “It’s getting late. I better go before Charlie gets all riled up again if I get to work late tonight.”

She stood and dropped a quick kiss to April’s cheek, then came toward Kallie and me and leaned in, smothering Kallie with kisses before she hugged me.

Her voice a tight whisper, she said, “We really miss you there, Shea. It’s not the same without you, but we all know it was time. Charlie more than anyone else.”

Thick appreciation gathered at the base of my throat, and I swallowed around it as I smiled at my friend who was so rough on the exterior. But I knew better. Underneath the ink that covered her skin, concealed under the sass and sneer, was someone generous and kind and tender.

I fought a smile.

Just like Sebastian.

Without a glance back, she turned and strutted away.

I dug in my wallet and tossed a tip on the table, and April and I held Kallie’s hands, swinging her between us as we headed toward where we’d parked along the street.

I lifted my face to the sky. Branches rustled on the changing trees that boasted the most beautiful colors a person could ever hope to see—fiery oranges, golden yellows, and reds so deep they were almost black.

Savannah in fall seemed to possess a certain calmness, a peace and tranquility I’d only found in this place.

How could I leave it?

I clicked the fob to Sebastian’s Suburban.

I loved that he’d left it with me. Not because it was a possession or something to take from him. But rather it felt like a promise, a reminder we were one no matter how much time or distance separated us. I helped Kallie crawl into her seat, set a quick kiss to the top of her head as I buckled her in. “All set?”

She threw both her hands in the air with her butterfly flourish. “All set!”

April climbed into the front passenger seat, I climbed into the driver’s. We drove the short distance back to my house. The house I loved. The one place that had been my childhood safe haven when my life had been so unsure—the pressure and the burden and the coercion.

As I pulled into the drive, I wondered if I would willingly leave it behind. If I could. If I should. If I would let this beautiful home that housed my most cherished childhood memories go because it no longer had the capacity to house my desires.

Simply because the rest of my heart was waiting for me on the other side of the country.

Find love and bring it here.

My grandmother’s words flowed through me on gentle waves. A soft reassurance that maybe
that
didn’t have to mean this house. That maybe the only thing she’d wanted was their kind of love
for me
—one she’d shared with my grandfather—one that was never-ending and overpowering.

That
here
was home, wherever that may be.

Here. With her. Where her spirit always seemed to hover, as if I reached out and fluttered my fingers through the dense air I could touch her.

Here. With my daughter.

Here. With Sebastian.

No matter if here meant Savannah or California.

I cut the engine and hopped out, quick to open my daughter’s door. In the backseat, she was singing, setting free her tinkling, angel voice, belting out a silly song as she flapped her hands and kicked her feet. I unlatched her buckle and began pulling her into my arms.

Somehow, in that moment, every part of me felt at peace.

I was doing this. Moving on. Putting my past behind me and running for the future I had with Sebastian.

“Shea Bentley?”

I froze.

Dread lifted the hairs at the nape of my neck and I stiffened, like an omen fisted the base of my spine. Holding Kallie close with one arm, I pressed her face into my shoulder, my free hand at the back of her head.

Protective.

Possessive.

Slowly, I turned around.

The man standing in front of my house appeared completely innocuous.

Harmless.

Khaki pants.

Solid blue, short-sleeved, button-up shirt.

But the way my heart rate spiked, my instincts told me he was anything but.

Locking my daughter to me, I lifted my chin in challenge. “Yes?”

He strode forward and produced a large manila envelope. He pushed it my direction, and the air in my lungs suddenly felt like sharp shards of ice.

Panic raged like wildfire. Flames licking at my insides, singeing me. My knees went weak. As if I were weightless. Lost in space that held no form or air or hope.

My world tumbling. Crashing. Shattering.

I stumbled back.

“No.”

He shoved the folder into my hand.

No.

April ran to us, took Kallie from my shaking arms, shushing away my daughter’s fear while her knowing eyes watched me.

“Let’s get inside,” she said quietly, leading me with one hand while she held Kallie with the other. The farthest I could make it was across the porch and inside the door before I fell to my knees on the hardwood floor.

Shaking, I fumbled with the metal clasp and ripped open the seal. A stack of papers slipped out.

But it was the little individual piece that fluttered out on its own that captured my attention. Down, down it fell. Landing face up.

Words pressed into the paper in fierce handwriting I recognized immediately.

I will guarantee your silence.