Drowning to Breathe (32 page)

“EIGHT O’CLOCK TOMORROW MORNING
bus rolls out for Denver.” I pointed at Ash, the guiltiest fucker of them all. “Don’t be late.”

He gave me a mocking salute. “Not to worry, dear Baz Boy. We won’t let you down. I’ll be sure of it.”

Ash in charge?

Awesome.

I sent a pleading look to Zee.

He just grinned and gestured between Lyrik and Ash. “Sorry, man, no can do. Claiming responsibility for these two is like pleading guilty for a crime I didn’t commit. No, thank you.”

Lyrik smacked him on the back of the head. “I’ll be committing a crime in about five seconds if you don’t watch yourself, little man.”

“Little man?” Zee bounced around, just asking for it. “I’ll show you
little man
.”

I shook my head as I began to back away, anxious to get back to the hotel so I could call Shea. “Serious…eight.”

Not sure when I’d gone and become the voice of reason for the band, when I started taking responsibility for everyone. Guess maybe it’d been a long damned time ago, and I was just starting to see it. Understand the loyalty that went with it.

Lyrik gestured with this chin.
Got it.

I turned and worked my way through the crowd.

We’d just finished up an outdoor show in Phoenix, which honestly had been cool as fuck. The crowd had been wild, sold out, the night air bristling with near-violent energy the music had stirred to life.

Now, the road crew was moving quickly, breaking shit down to get it packed up and ready to head to Denver tomorrow morning for our next show two days from now. Fans who had passes and some of the press were mingled around.

I was doing my best not to get noticed so I could get the hell out of there with as little fanfare as possible.

I dodged a few questions and even more girls who clearly wanted more than a pic, and rushed out to wait for the car I’d called.

Lifting my face, I pulled in a cleansing breath.

A smattering of bright stars dotted the blackened canopy above, barely peppering what promised to be a gorgeous night sky, although most of it was obscured by the glow of city lights. I was hidden down a small side street, but things were still bustling on the main streets flanking me, a stream of unending cars twisting through the urban maze. In the distance, the drone of cars flying down the freeway filled my ears, semi-trucks supplying the blare of their horn every now and then.

Still, something about it felt calm.

A black SUV pulled to the curb. I hopped in the back and shot the driver the name of the hotel where I was staying.

Releasing a heavy sigh, I relaxed into the leather as he took to the street. Streetlamps flashed through the tinted windows as he merged into the stream of traffic.

A smile curved the edges of my mouth as I dug my phone out of my bag and flicked into the messages. Knew there would be messages waiting for me.

There always were.

Sure, I had thousands of fans screaming at me night after night.

But these little gestures Shea sent my way? Her simple words letting me know I was never far from her mind? Those rang out so much louder than all of them.

Tonight there were three.

I grinned at the simplicity of the first text message.

Missing you.

God, I wondered if she could miss me even half as much as I was missing her.

Crazy.

I’d only left her at the airport three days before, and I was already back to missing her like mad, counting down the days until she met me in California and we could finally start this life together.

Funny, it was the little things I was missin’ most. Being in Shea’s kitchen, cooking with my girls, tucking Kallie in at night, waking up slow in Shea’s arms.

Yeah, we talked every day, but there was no substitution for the real thing.

The second message had the grin I wore turning wistful. Shea and Kallie were sitting outside with Savannah as their backdrop, heads pressed together, mounds of blonde curls framing their precious faces, caramel eyes warm and sweet. It filled me with a longing that physically hurt. Smiles went on forever, like they were touching me across the space.

Shea’d inscribed the picture the same as the first.

Missing you.

The third was another plain text.
Call me when the show’s over.
Doesn’t matter how late. Just need to hear your voice.

The driver pulled to a stop at the circular drive at the back entrance of the hotel.

“Thank you,” I said, quick to climb out.

Slinging my bag over my shoulder, I headed through the tall sliding doors that spanned the entire backside. My shoes echoed on the white floors flecked with gold. A fountain in the center of the lobby rose tall before water splashed back into the marble bowl.

The hotel was over the top like all the rest, but when you spend most of your time crammed on a bus with a bunch of guys, sometimes spreading out and indulging was a necessity. I was already checked in, so I took the elevator directly to my floor.

I went straight for Austin’s door adjacent to my suite and knocked.

A few seconds passed before I heard a rustle on the other side. My baby brother’s hair was a complete disaster when he finally cracked it open. Grey eyes squinted out at me. “What’s up, man?”

“Just was wondering how you were.”

He gave me a half-assed grin. “Same as when you checked on me before you left.”

The smile I returned was a little self-conscious. Couldn’t help that I worried about him constantly, even when he kept telling me it was time he figured out shit for himself. This kid had become my responsibility a long damned time ago. “You get dinner?”

“Yes,
Father
, I did,” he said with eyes bugged out. “Did you want to do a plate check?”

Sarcastic little punk.

Laughter bubbled below the surface. I did my all to contain it.

“Watch yourself, man, or I’m going to be coming through that door to kick your ass instead of telling you not to hesitate to order room service. Next time I won’t be so nice.”

So what if I loved it when it was like this? When we could just joke around without any strain weighing us down. When I knew things could be good for him and he had the whole world at his feet. It was just waiting for him to get brave enough to take a step. It gave me the kind of hope I thought we’d lost a long time ago.

Back in L.A., I couldn’t shake the worry from plaguing me, his mood dark and ominous, expression filled with shadows and memories and suffocating regret. Once we’d left, his spirits seemed to improve, and each day the kid seemed to become lighter and lighter, the smile that was so rare resurfacing on his face.

Just like now.

That smile broadened as the sarcasm grew thick. “Oh, yes. Now there’s the big brother I know and love. Some things will never change.”

“Whatever.”

But both of us knew everything had changed.

I gestured with my chin toward my door as I drummed my fingertips on his doorframe. “I’ll be in my room if you need anything.”

A grin pulled hard at his mouth. “Ah…figured you might be. We all know how these nights go down now…the rest of the guys out partying, living it up on the town, while you tuck tail and head back to your room. Big, bad Sebastian Stone pussy-whipped. Don’t act like I can’t see that leash strapped around your neck.”

Fighting the laughter rolling around in my chest, my teeth clamped down on my bottom lip.

“Watch it, man, or I’m going to make that ass-kickin’ a reality.”

Liked seein’ the smile on his face. Needed it. Life was coming together in a way I never thought it could, everything important to me flourishing. Thriving. The band and my baby brother and a breathtaking love I never saw coming.

“Bring it on. Wouldn’t want you to get rusty or anything,” he ribbed, rubbing it in a little deeper as he stepped back and widened his door, just begging for it. “Last thing we need is for you to go and get soft on us.”

Taking two steps to the side, I slid my keycard through the slot of my door, still leaning back so I could toss him a wry smile. “Someone around here needs to be.”

“Thought that was Zee’s job.”

“Touché, little brother, touché.”

I opened my door and Austin stepped back in his. “Fine, asshole, leave me for your
wife
. I’m bored as fuck in here.”

“You could come in and hang out with me,” I hollered.

“And listen to you two going on and on about how much you miss each other, making fucking kissing noises and all that mushy bullshit? Um…no. I’d like to keep my dinner down, thank you very much. We all hear it enough on the bus.”

He took another step back and let his door fall closed.

“You’re just jealous,” I called out with the shutting of my own door.

His muddled answer echoed through the wall. “You might just have me there, big brother.”

I was still shaking my head, my face full of a smile, as I crossed the living area and headed into the huge bathroom I really didn’t need, then hopped in the shower big enough for five. I lathered up, rinsing off all the sweat from the show, jumped out, and dried just as fast.

Couldn’t wait to get to my girl.

Grabbing my phone, I tapped out a text.
Turn on Skype. Need to see your face.

Two seconds later, my phone blipped.
Okay.

I frowned, expecting a smiley face or a silly heart or an
I can’t wait
, but I guess that would just take more time.

I dragged on a clean pair of boxers, pulled my laptop from its case, and flopped down at the center of the bed. Couldn’t wait to catch a glimpse of her.

God, Austin was right.

I was whipped.

Locked down.

Gone for this girl.

I didn’t stand a fucking chance.

Shea accepted the call and my heart seized.

Those sweet eyes immediately locked on me. But they weren’t shining with happiness. They were fucking tormented. Swollen and red and brimming with tears she was doing her best to keep from falling. Shadows played around her, fed by the tiny lamp glowing from her nightstand. Her face twisted, agony written in every line.

Anger clawed at my insides. It was instant. The essential need to protect and defend.

A sob tore through her when she met my gaze. “Sebastian.”

My jaw clenched. “What happened?”

Her eyes squeezed closed and her mouth trembled. “Martin.”

The name shot me from the bed. It wasn’t like I hadn’t been waiting for it. Expecting it to strike from her tongue the second I’d seen the look shrouding her face.

Didn’t mean it didn’t send rage blistering through me, boiling in my veins, singeing my skin.

Felt like I was burning alive.

I ripped at my hair. Frantic, I looked around the room for my things. My gaze narrowed as I calculated just how long it’d take me to hop on a plane to hunt the fucker down.

Almost six weeks had passed since the last time we’d heard from him, and I’d gone and let myself relax. Took comfort in the time.

Realistically knew it would come to this, but that didn’t stop the boundless hate from rapid firing through every nerve ending.

And I didn’t even know what the piece of shit had done.

I paced, glancing back at Shea sitting there in the middle of her bed as I made each pass. Both of us coming apart.

“Where’s Kallie?” I finally managed to grate out, not sure I could take the answer. My mind tossed through every scenario.

“In her room. Asleep.”

Relief slammed me. I scrubbed both hands over my face, dragging them down as I looked to the ceiling. That tiny bit of solace had me slumping down at the edge of the bed, my back to Shea, head in my hands. I was doing my best to rein it in. But those urges were there. The need to fight and defend.

Fists and fury and unrelenting rage.

To stand up for my family.

To make it right.

“Sebastian.” I heard Shea’s plea clear as day. Knew she felt it, too. What I was itching to do.

Reluctantly, I looked back her.

“Don’t,” she begged through a whisper.

I swallowed hard. Containing it was almost too much. Violence skimmed beneath the surface of my skin. My hands clenched into fists, released, then fisted again. It was an act I might’ve hoped would soothe, but it only served to coil the anger tighter.

I shifted to face her. “Tell me.”

Quivering lips tugged at one side as she fought emotion, and all I wanted was to reach through the screen to get to her.

I hated we were so far apart.

I wanted to be there.

Holding her.

Protecting her.

Didn’t take lightly to the vows I had made.

My attention trailed the bob of her delicate throat as she struggled to form the words.

“I was served this evening.” She pulled in a rasping breath and forced it out. “He’s seeking full custody of Kallie.”

“Fuck,” I cursed, jerking my attention to the far wall. Bitterness burned. My knee bounced like a fucking short-circuited jackhammer, every cell in my body prodding me to get up and go. To fucking do something. Because sitting here idly sure as hell wasn’t going to fix this.

This was what we’d expected, wasn’t it? Relentless nagging that had smoldered low, just out of sight, a warning that the asshole wasn’t ever gonna let her live in peace.

A sob tore from her, and her confession tumbled over me like a rockslide as she cried through the slur of words.

“I’m scared. God…I’m so scared. And…and that’s exactly what he wants. He wants me scared. To know he’s in control. He wants to remind me he knows how to
hurt
me and he won’t hesitate to do it.”

“Why, Shea? Why the fuck does he want to hurt you so bad?”

Why the fuck did he want to hurt any of us like this?

I was sick of this shit not making sense. Sick of Martin holding Mark and Austin over me like a shrouded mystery. Sick of Shea putting a veil over whatever she thought needed hiding.

But I knew…

Knew whatever lay beneath them both was a fucking nightmare.

Her eyes squeezed closed, her face sodden with tears as she frantically shook her head. “Don’t you get it? He knows how to control you, too, Sebastian. He knows your weaknesses. He studies and anticipates exactly how someone will react and uses that to his advantage. He knows you’re aggressive. He knows you’re willing to protect those you love, and this is exactly what he wants. To
provoke
you so he can separate us.”