Drowning to Breathe (36 page)

Bones crunched and blood splattered.

Rage spiraled, spinning and curling and whirling until it sucked me down to a place where all my dark and ugly reigned. That place where Shea had shone so bright it’d been obscured. Nearly forgotten. A place I’d begun to pretend didn’t exist. It was a place so dark I couldn’t see. A place screaming echoes of pain so loud it erased all logical thought.

A place so foul it wiped out my humanity and obliterated my mission.

The goal I had come to attain.

Because ending him would do better.

“Freeze!”

The command boomed against the static buzzing in my ears. Everything slowed. My mind was just able to comprehend the furor of bodies rushing onto the scene. I became aware of the guns pointed in my direction.

Frantic, I clamored to my feet. Eyes blinking through the haze of bloodlust, I tried to focus on the swarm of officers stepping through the broken door, others coming around the side of the house to surround me.

“Get down…on the ground…hands behind your head,” one shouted.

Slowly, I dropped to my knees, hands raised in surrender, before I slumped forward and put them behind my head.

Officers surrounded me.

My face was pressed into the ground, and I reared with the overwhelming violence still skimming through my system.

Nausea swelled.

A knee was forced between my shoulder blades, and my arms were wrenched back as cuffs were slapped on my wrists.

“You are under arrest. You have the right to…”

The reality of what I’d done hit me.

An officer yanked me to my feet, jumbled words vying to press into my senses. “…remain silent. Anything…”

Through the blur of voices and pain and regret, my clouded gaze lifted to Jennings who was sitting up on both his knees, attempting to climb to his feet. Blood smeared across his face.

But there was no shock in his expression. No regret or worry of negative consequence.

Those vile eyes just smirked back at me as he reached for my phone where it lay next to him in the grass. It had fallen out of my pocket.

Fuck.

He held the face out toward me. Shattered into a million splintered pieces. But the red dot could still be seen, indicating it was recording.
The bastard knew.

Chills cinched my entire body when he leveled me with a baleful gaze.

He mouthed a single word.

“Yes.”

A silent admission of guilt that no one was ever gonna hear.

Then he tucked my phone into his back pocket, gestured just as casually at the cameras mounted on the wall.

Cameras probably inside as well.

I wondered when you’d come.

Jennings had completed his mission.

Getting me out of the way so he could get to Shea.

That fucking bogus suit asking for custody of Kallie. Every time he’d gotten in my face. He’d incited and provoked and spurred until he had me ensnared.

He’d removed Mark.

He’d found the best way to remove me.

Shea was right.

He watched for weaknesses.

Knew exactly how to wreck and ruin.

He knew Kallie was Shea’s weakness.

And without a doubt, he knew Shea was mine.

LAUGHTER BOUNCED OFF THE
walls of Kallie’s room. Bold and bright enough to fill up all the aching spaces inside me. Enough to sustain and encourage when part of me wanted to break.

It gave me the courage to shun the creeping fear and push on with our lives.

The kind of life I’d always promised to give my daughter. Only now, that promise had extended to me.

I pushed all thoughts of Martin aside and smiled at April who tucked a big lock of curls behind Kallie’s ear, my precious child beaming with all the teasing April had been tossing her way.

“Oh right…I see how it is. The two of you just up and ditch me the second something better comes along.” My best friend shook her head in feigned offense and tucked a few more of Kallie’s shirts into her suitcase.

I knocked my hip into April, grinning just as wide. “You know you’re going to love it. This big old house to yourself for the next who knows how long? Maybe it’s time you started doing a little
entertaining
of your own.”

While we were away, April would stay here, taking care of my cherished home.

She straightened the pile and added more, shaking her head while she did. “Only if I can find a man hanging around Savannah that looks half as good as yours.”

Just the mention of Sebastian spiked my pulse, need fluttering low in my belly at the mere thought of him touching me again. “Um…you have seen my husband? I’m not sure that’s possible.”

Almost two weeks had passed since the last time I’d seen him. Every day had felt like forever and the next even longer. They’d finally wrapped up the tour and returned to California two days ago. First thing in the morning, Kallie and I would be boarding a plane to reunite with him.

Threads of anticipation and warmth weaved through my chest, an intricate pattern of desire and comfort.

Never would I have thought a man like him could have provided me both.

The man hard and rigid and bold, yet still so impeccably soft.

God, I couldn’t wait to get wrapped in the safety of his arms.

Over the last few months, I’d gained another best friend. I also gained some of my confidence back. Since moving back to Savannah, I’d known joy. A true sense of family.

But it was Sebastian who’d completed that family.

That didn’t mean my emotions weren’t all over the place. This morning I’d hopped out of bed more excited than I’d been in a long, long time, then this afternoon I’d fallen to my knees and hugged a quilt my grandmother had made to my chest while I’d wept. Leaving this house, even if only temporary, felt as if I were leaving a piece of myself behind.

But all great relationships required sacrifice.

And I would make this one, whether if it was for a moment or a lifetime.

Did I hope we ended up back here? In this home I loved with all of me? With the sound of Kallie’s voice and the laughter of the children we added to our family echoing through it?

Yes.

But the love I had for Sebastian was so much greater than any place, because there was no way what I felt for him could be contained by walls or floors or ceilings.

April chuckled as she organized more of Kallie’s things. “Nice. Go and get my hopes up and then turn around and burst my bubble by bringing me back down to reality. Some friend you are. Take all the good guys and don’t leave any for the rest of us.”

“Ha. That pack of wild boys? They are far from
mine
.”

“Oh, please.” She rolled affectionate brown eyes. “Any one of those guys would walk through fire for you. When did that happen?”

I gestured to Kallie who was lost in concentration as she strategically packed her backpack with things to entertain her during the flight. “I’m pretty sure it was
Kallie
who happened. She has every last one of them wrapped around her fingers.”

All the guys adored her.

Would it be strange staying with them at the
Sunder
house while Sebastian and I figured things out? Should I be worried I was bringing her into a household of revelry and overindulgence, exposing her to things she shouldn’t see?

On some level, yes, but on a higher level, no. Because Sebastian said the guys were ready. They were on board with a new set of rules. Ones they’d promised to uphold for the sake of my little girl.

And if we did decide to stay in L.A., we wouldn’t be staying in that house for long.

It’d be temporary until we found a new home. New walls to create a million treasured memories. New floors to build a beautiful, breathtaking life.

I had faith in at all.

That my precious daughter would end up where she should be. With Sebastian and me. In a family that loved her above all else. Where Sebastian and I loved each other just as much. An indestructible foundation that could never be collapsed or defeated.

A tease slipped into my words. “I’m sure we could put some work in on wrapping one of them around your finger. None of the guys are all that bad to look at.”

Understatement of the year. Each of them had their own special lure, an appeal of their own.

She huffed. “Um…no…and thank you. I do believe I prefer my boys a little tamer. If I don’t find him in the library, then I don’t want him.”

I grinned. “Come on…don’t you want to add some excitement into your life?”

Her brows disappeared behind her blunted bangs. “You mean trouble?”

I laughed outright. My best friend was spot on.

My cell rang from my bedroom. “I’ll be right back, I’m going to grab that.”

“No problem. Kallie and I will keep doing our thing, won’t we, Butterfly?”

“Yep!” she said from her perch on the floor, shoving as many books into her bag as she could.

I let my fingertips glide over the top of her head as I passed, a gentle,
I love you
, because you could never have too many.

I rushed to my room. A small frown formed when I saw Lyrik’s number lighting up the screen, and I felt an unanticipated tremor rumble under my feet.

“Hello?” I answered, both hesitantly and urgently.

“Shea.”

Just the tone of his voice dropped me to my knees.

Kallie and I touched down in California late Saturday afternoon. Anthony picked us up at the airport and drove us toward Sebastian’s house in the Hollywood Hills.

My forehead rolled against the window, and I stared out at the city that blinked by unseen, a desolate blur of gray and color and pavement that whirled together to form a darkened cloud.

My baby girl sat behind me in her booster, her gaze also tuned to the city that whizzed by, but her constant curiosity and fascinated questions were absent from her tongue.

Everywhere hurt—my head and my stomach and this aching in my chest that made me feel as if I couldn’t breathe.

My lungs collapsed.

Right under the rubble that had become my life.

Why did he do it?

An unbearable silence filled up the confines of the car. Questions that begged to be asked were locked up with grief and the wrenching knowledge that none of us had answers.

The mood was such a contradiction to what I’d imagined less than twenty-four hours ago. Instead of the happy homecoming with laughter and kisses and thrumming, ecstatic hearts, I felt as if mine were being crushed.

I pressed my hand to my stomach and tried to still the turmoil, the hollowed out sickness that moaned from within.

Simple, simple dreams.

Why, Sebastian?

Why?

Hesitation rippled through the silence, and I could feel the overt worry in Anthony’s gaze as he quickly cut his eyes my way then back to the road again. Finally he spoke, his tone laden with concern. “I didn’t know if you would come.”

I turned to look at him. My chin trembled. “How could I not?”

In admission, he lifted his shoulders helplessly while still keeping both hands on the steering wheel. “People deal differently. Get scared. Give up. I wasn’t so sure where you’d land.”

“How could you think that? He’s my husband.” The words came on a wave of vehemence, the thought of losing him more than I could bear.

And even if he weren’t my husband, if his birthday night had turned out any other way, I would still be here. Here with him and for him and fighting with everything I had.

Just like somewhere inside me I knew he’d been fighting for me, too.

Anthony’s lips pressed into a thin line, and I knew it was sadness that tipped it down at one side. He cleared his throat.

“Please…don’t take that the wrong way. I have seen people bail when I least expected them to. But honestly? I would’ve been surprised…shocked really…if you weren’t right here.”

His voice softened and he laughed quietly. “Never thought Baz would love someone the way he loves you.”

He glanced in the mirror at Kallie and quieted his voice more. “The way he loves her. I guess that’s what shocked me most.”

He peered my way, then back to the road, his throat bobbing like it hurt as he swallowed. “And I always wanted it for him. But it did scare me that if he did find somebody—” Another pleading glance. “Someone like you…it would make him more dangerous than ever. With his love comes passion, Shea, and that passion is probably the strongest thing I’ve ever seen. He’s a fight-to-the-death kind of guy. He’s always been, and he’s always going to be. Those of us who love him? We’ve accepted it.”