Dudes Down Under (3 page)

“
I do fine, and thanks for asking.”

Skeet came on over. “So, mate, did ya have an uplifting flight?”

“
Totally uplifting,” Tristan Jones said, and laughed. He extended his hand. “And you are?”

“
Skeet, mate. Call me Skeet. Phew, mate, that is some good lookin’ woman. She yours?”

“
Well, yeah, I guess she is. Izzy, come on over and meet Skeet. He kind of figured you and I were together.”

The vision spoke, “Well hi, Skeet … how ya doing?

“
Oh, mate, I been flat out like a lizard drinkin’.”

“
Say what?” came from four different directions at once.

“
Busy, mates, I been busy. Flat out? Ya don’t know that one, huh? Well it’s all good. Lucy has a dictionary sheet with some helpful Aussie expressions that you’ll probably hear a bit round here. Haven’t ya, Lucy?”

“
Yes, sure do … um ... we still have two more on board, yes?”

“
Oh hell, sorry, I forgot to wake 'em. Jack Starr and the other one, who I don’t know, but she’s a writer or something,” said Tristan Jones.

He stuck his frame back inside the helicopter and roused the last two occupants.

Lucy didn’t recognize the woman either. She was very attractive and beautifully dressed. She shook hands with the staff and just said, “Call me Terri, please.”

Lucy felt her knees go week when Jack Starr exited the chopper.
Oh my God, he is even more devastating in person. He has grown his hair longer. Poor Ginny. She is gonna flip out.

She managed to maintain her dignity, shook his hand and looked into those eyes for just a moment, then realized that she still had her hand in his and removed it with as much dignity as she could muster.

“
Pleased to meet you, Ma’am.”

Skeet gave her a nudge and she spoke, “Hi … um … welcome. I’m the manager.”

“
G’day, mate. She has a name,” Skeet volunteered. “Lucy is a bit, uh, over-excited. It’s the bloody heat.” Skeet was pleased with himself. He had handled that well, he thought. Lucy must be tired or pissed - bloody females.

Jack Starr grinned at Lucy and shook Skeet’s hand, then busied himself helping with the hand luggage.

Lucy jumped a buggy and headed up to the reception area fast. If she’d been a little overcome, God only knows what the other females were going to be like.

She hurried inside, relieved to see Didi with Ginny and a lot of curious eyes peeking from behind the drapes of the floor-to-ceiling windows leading into the Grand Ballroom.

She decided to let them have their fun. They knew it would cost them their jobs if any pictures were taken without the express permission of the guest concerned.

“
Ginny, promise me you will stay calm.”

“
Sure thing, Lucy, I didn’t know anyone on that damned list ‘ceptin’ for Ms Peters. Is she here? What’s she like?”

“
I’m here all right, girlfriend,” came a voice from behind Lucy, “and I am a truly great human being. How do you do?” Lana extended her hand.

Ginny passed out before she touched it.

Lucy was awfully tempted to leave her out cold, at least till the others had signed in and gone to their bungalows, or in for a drink. But she couldn’t do it. She gave Lana Peters an apologetic smile and grabbed the smelling salts, bringing Ginny around just in time to hear Ms Terry Writer scream.

“
Oh my God, it’s an alligator, it’s a live alligator!” She said the words and fainted. By this time Cyril had flipped over onto his back. His t-shirt said it all. “What A Croc!”

Skeet stepped over the woman and hurried across to Cyril. “Cyril, mate, you okay? The lady didn’t mean to frighten ya like that.”

Well I certainly hope that doesn’t happen too often. I’m sensitive, you know. Do you realize that she called me an alligator? An Alligator! Please explain to that woman that I am NOT amused.

“
C’mon, mate, it’s all right. C’mon, gimme a grunt. One for ‘yes, I’m okay’, and two for ‘I need a drink’.”

Must I? This grunting business is such a pain in the arse. So primitive. When will you learn to read my mind?

“
So c’mon, mate. What’ll it be?”

Cyril grunted twice, of course. It was past time for his beer.

The other guests were so busy laughing, it took quite some time to get them signed in but not nearly as long to get them drinking. Dinner would be room serviced to their cabins, first night only.

All-in-all a great beginning, and still more guests due to arrive over the next four hours.

The second chopper was due in at 5:00 p.m.

By the time the remaining guests arrived, it was decided to leave Ginny passed out on the floor, just to save time.

The earlier arrivals were having a whale of a time between watching Ginny faint and Cyril getting drunker by the minute because everyone was buying him drinks. Not to mention that the guests themselves were getting as pissed as farts trapped in a pickle jar, and a good time was being had by all.

Most of the luggage had been delivered to each guest’s bungalow, with only a few pieces stacked neatly in the foyer awaiting their owners. Cyril was happily investigating the designer labels; his sense of style insisted that only designers were worthy of his acknowledgement. A handsome piece of luggage caught his drunken attention. He swayed on over to investigate.

Well, well, what have we here? My God, are you a relative? What on earth - or other places - have they done to you? You can’t be shaped like that. Is it painful? Do tell. Whatsa matter, catfish got your tongue? Speak up. You must be from Dad’s side of the family, poor thing. Perhaps you’re dehydrated. Shall I have one of my humans fetch you a beer? Oh my, you are in a bad way. You need water. Uh-huh, I’m brilliant. C’mon mate, I’ll help you, even if you are decidedly strange. How do you eat? What do you eat? Do you eat?

Cyril picked up the luggage and waddled outside to the closest pool.
Don’t fret now, mate, you’ll be just fine in a few minutes
. He dropped the luggage into the water and watched as it sank to the bottom.
Ah, the satisfaction! How marvelous! Who knew good deeds would feel so, um, good?

The next guests were beginning check in when the whining voice of one of them entered the reception area well before her body arrived.

“
Crap, I didn’t know she was on the guest list,” said Jack Starr. “She sounds pissed, as usual.”

“
Well then, she’ll fit right in, mate. Most of us round here are pissed a lot of the time,” Bluey said in his off-hand manner.

“
Oh? Truly? Well you all seem so laid back to me. What are you pissed about?”

“
Come again?”

“
What reason do you have to be pissed?”

“
Don’t need a reason here in Oz, mate - anything will do, you know, sun came up, let’s all get pissed.”

Lucy had been listening in, together with ‘The TV hostess with the mostest’, Lana Peters.

Ms Peters spoke up. “Uh, guys, I don’t think you are on the same page here.”

“
Huh?” Bluey answered.

“
Well,” she said with a big smile, “what do you mean in Australia when someone is pissed?”

“
Pissed? Shit, lady, pissed is pissed, drunk as a skunk. Everybody knows that, for fuck’s sake, don’t they?”

“
Bluey!” Lucy flashed him a warning glance.

“
What? Oh, oops!”

Lana Peters graciously ignored the language. “Well, in the States, pissed means, um, angry, you know, not a happy camper.”

“
Ya shittin’ me.”

“
No, sweet cakes, I’m not.”

“
Well, I’ll be buggered.”

Lucy knew it wouldn’t be long before she needed to deal with Bluey. Not everyone would be as laid back about his language and lack of manners as Lana Peters had been. He needed some major work done on his attitude. She would deal with Bluey a little later.

It was time to hand out the dictionary of Aussie expressions that she had compiled. Although she had been going to wait till orientation tomorrow morning, she decided to give Jack Starr and Lana Peters an advanced copy.

“
Guys, this may assist a little to cut down on the misunderstandings, I hope. I’ll give everyone a copy tomorrow when we all meet up. You two can have a giggle ahead of time.”

She handed them the printed sheets and watch in delight as they started roaring with laughter - and that was just the As. Lucy, assured that these guests were comfortable and well taken care of, got right back to business.

“
Bluey, my office. Now!”

Skeet looked across at Bluey who didn’t appear to be overly concerned at being called to Lucy’s office.
Arrogant little prick. I hope Lucy gives him the bullet. We can find another ten just like him on the mainland. He just won’t learn and I don’t like the way he looks at our Lucy. Neither does Cyril. Bluey wants to watch his arse. Cyril would love the chance to take a piece of him.

“
You asked to see me, Lucy?”

“
Bluey, ah yes, Bluey, I’m getting fed up with your attitude. I cannot keep reminding you to watch your mouth. You are never where you are meant to be and have taken so much time off. It’s not good enough. Frankly, I think it’s time I paid you up. You can finish at the end of the week.”

“
You’re kiddin’, right? You can’t fuckin’ do that, bitch.”

“
Yes, Bluey, I can. I’ll pay you a month’s wage in lieu of notice. As a matter of fact, there’s a chopper doing a mainland trip tomorrow morning. I think you had best be on it. That’s all.”

“
Oh, no, that isn’t all. You’ll be hearin’ from my lawyers. This is a case of wrongful dismissal if I ever saw one.”

“
I have given you more than adequate warning about your attitude and your totally irresponsible demeanor. This is the fourth and final time I will do so. I do not intend to spend the next month apologizing for your oafish behavior. You must do as you see fit. I’ll have your pay made up immediately. Goodbye and good-luck.”

Bluey shoved the chair he’d been sitting on so hard it flew across the wall, slamming the door as he went out to punctuate his temper.

Lucy was shaking and relieved to sit down. That was difficult. She had never had to dismiss anyone before. It didn’t feel good. But after repeated chances and warnings, it was clear that Bluey had no intention of even attempting to do as he was asked. She dialed reception on the in house phone, “Ginny, send Skeet up to my office, please. Oh, and Ginny, I want you to ring me if Bluey goes anywhere near the Grand Ballroom, got that?”

“
Um, Bluey, yeah sure, Luce. What’s up?”

“
I’ll be telling everyone tomorrow after Orientation. Just do it. Thanks, Ginny.”

Lucy hung up and walked briskly outside. She had hated having to fire Bluey. She lit a cigarette with hands that shook a little and took a deep drawback, calming herself before she returned to reception.

So far, so good. Let’s hope the remaining guests arriving will prove as pleasant as the people already in the Grand Ballroom
. She could hear the laughter and relaxed just a little, then she headed back inside to ready herself for round two, just as Izzy Jones came out of the ballroom in search of her luggage.

Izzy strolled across to the luggage stacked neatly near the doors. “That’s odd, I could have sworn it was here. Lucy, did my overnight bag go up to the bungalow already?”

“
Well no, not yet, Izzy. Is something wrong?” Lucy calmly joined her and hoped the answer would be no.

“
I’m certain I placed my Hermes bag on top so I could get to it easily if I needed it. It doesn’t appear to be here. Maybe I left it on board the chopper.”

“
I’ll certainly check that for you right now. Describe it for me.”

“
Just a Hermes bag. You know, crocodile skin, with the logo.”

“
Uh-oh! Croc skin, huh?” Both women turned around just as Cyril was doing his best to be invisible as he crept out the door.

“
I think we may have a problem, and it’s making a getaway. Cyril, stop right there. What have you been up to? Have you been a naughty crocodile?

Moi? This is the thanks I get for saving a life. Well, I do believe I’m offended, which is a pleasant change from offensive, I might add. You do realize that the life I saved was probably one of my relations. Who in their right minds stores things inside a crocodile? I mean eeeww, wouldn’t they be awfully slimy when you took them out? Damn, you humans can be strange. Follow me, I’ll show you the scene of the miracle.

“
Why is he grunting like that?” Izzy asked in a worried tone.

“
He wants us to follow him, I think. I have an awful feeling he may know exactly where your bag is.”