Dusk (Young Adult Paranormal Romance) (19 page)

“Sometimes that’s the most brilliant, and most difficult, thing to do.” His hand found my face and moved softly against my cheek. “I think my work here is almost done.”

“Don’t say that.” Dread blasted through me and fear clogged my throat. I wasn’t ready for him to go. “I still need you.”

He smiled and brought his other hand to my face. “You need me less than you think you do. There’s strength in you that you haven’t even tapped into yet. You proved that today.”

I shook my head. Regardless of how much I might be able to move forward on my own, the fact of the matter was that I just didn’t want to be without Adrian.

I loved him.

“I wish I could tell him that I forgive him,” I whispered, knowing he would realize I meant my father. “And that I could ask him to forgive me.”

Adrian’s head lowered, his intense gaze searching my eyes. “I think you’re ready for that.”

Ready? Ready for what? There was no way for me to talk to my father again. It was totally impossible.

Except that this was Adrian, the
Messenger.
Adrian who had taken me back to see things about my father that I’d needed to know. Adrian who could teleport. Adrian who could bring a calming breeze.

“You can do that?” My voice was almost non-existent, but I knew he heard me.

“It’s tricky,” he said. “And it’s a skill we use sparingly. But for you, I believe it’s exactly what you need.”

“How?” I asked, my mind racing with questions and possibilities.

“Come on you two,” Mr. Austin called, sticking his head back into the auditorium. “Time to get moving to your classes.”

“Tonight,” he said, pressing a soft kiss to my cheek. “At the clearing. I’ll show you.”

*     *     *

I emailed Lea as soon as I got home. I’d put it off long enough, and I was finally in a place where I felt like I could be honest about what had happened without sounding like a whiny child. Without going into the gritty details, I told her pretty much everything.

Dear Lea. I’m sorry I’ve been so out of touch. My family has been through a terrible crisis, and I just couldn’t bring myself to talk (or type) about it. It’s a long story, that began back in April, but I’ll spare you the worst of it. Basically, my dad was unfaithful to my mom. He admitted it, and apparently it only happened once. He moved out, but he and Mom had decided to go to counseling and try to work things out. I was just angry. Livid, actually, and I refused to speak to him unless it was to tell him how much I hated him. Before our family counseling could even get started, Dad died in a car accident. Needless to say, it’s been a long, difficult summer. But I’m finally recovering from the hurt I felt toward Dad and the guilt I felt because of my actions before he died. I’ve met a guy, a really wonderful guy, named Adrian. He’s helped me through this in so many ways. I don’t know what would’ve become of me if he hadn’t stepped into my life. I know it was no accident that he came along when he did. I hope you’ll forgive me for being so bad at writing. I will be better at it now. And let me know how Ruby is doing. I’ve been thinking about her. Love, Zoe.

I hit send and immediately felt a weight lift from me, as if by finally putting into words what I’d been through had given the events less power over me. Thinking back over the last few weeks, I had to admit that each time I’d opened up about things, the knot inside my chest had loosened.

Within minutes a new message from Lea appeared in my inbox. Given that Kenya was eight hours ahead of Kentucky, I was surprised.

Hello Zoe. We have a new computer at our home and I am up late surfing the internet because our connection is working well tonight. I am so very sorry to hear of all you have been through. I cannot imagine how much you have been hurt, and I completely understand why you have kept to yourself these last months. I will be praying for you, friend, and I’m very glad that you have found someone to share your burden. Angels are everywhere, Zoe, and it sounds as if you have found one. Please keep me posted on how you are. Even though we are separated by an ocean, I treasure our friendship. By the way, Ruby is doing much better! Much love, Lea.

Lea seemed to put everything in perspective. And though Adrian might not be an angel, he was pretty darn close.

*     *     *

I relayed the events of the day to my mom during dinner. My heart felt lighter than it had in months, and I found it surprisingly easy to share things with Mom, the way I had before everything fell apart.

“That must’ve been difficult,” Mom said, stabbing a bite of chicken with her fork. “But I’m very proud of you.”

“It was difficult at first, but the more I talked the easier it seemed. And when I finished, I was so relieved.”

Tearing off a bite of buttery garlic bread, I thought of Adrian and our plans for later in the evening. Anticipation simmered inside me at both the thought of seeing him and the thrilling possibility of seeing my dad once more.

But I reminded myself that moments like this one between Mom and me had been so few and far between that I should enjoy it.

“I’ve been thinking about these,” Mom said, reaching into her pocket and sliding my keys across the table toward me. “I thought you might like to have them back so you can drive to meet Adrian later.”

I knew this was a major milestone. Mom had taken my keys after the first time she discovered I’d been out drinking with Nikki and Courtney. Cringing, I remembered how I’d acted when she confronted me, telling her I didn’t
give a shit
what she said. I was so bound and determined to do whatever I wanted, no matter the repercussions. Looking back, I had no idea how she’d stayed so calm. Some super-secret Mom trick, I figured. She just looked at me, told me how much she loved me, and that she would do whatever she had to do to keep me safe.

“You may be dead set on defying me by taking part in this kind of dangerous behavior, but you will not drive your car under the influence,” she’d said. I’ll never forget the deep look of sadness in her eyes as she took my keys and dropped them in her pocket. “These are mine until further notice.”

“Thank you,” I whispered. Simple words and not nearly enough to express what I felt.

When I reached to pick up the keys, her hand covered mine and squeezed. The smile she gave me said more than any words about how far we’d come.

“Adrian’s picking me up tonight,” I said. “Is that okay?”

“I should be really worried about that motorcycle,” Mom said, chuckling. “But for some reason I feel all right about it.”

Yeah, he had a way of smoothing things out.

“He’s always careful. And I wear a helmet. Actually, he bought me my very own.” I cleared the dishes and loaded them in the dishwasher. “What time should I be home?”

I couldn’t remember the last time I’d asked or cared about my curfew.

“It’s a school night, so sometime before ten, okay?”

I nodded, happier than I would’ve imagined to be having this normal conversation with my mom.

I wished I could tell her what I’d learned about her medical bill. I was pretty sure she had no idea. It would’ve been the kind of thing she’d have told me as she tried to get me to open up about dad. Knowing what he did for her – for us – had given me so much peace, and I wanted her to feel it too.

Turning it over in my mind, I came up with a plan.

“Remember that fishing tip Dad was saving for?” I asked, snapping the dishwasher lid shut and turning it on.

Mom nodded. “He was so excited about it, even though it was a year away.”

“Didn’t he have a bank account set up?” I sat back down at the table. “Where he was keeping the money he saved?”

Mom’s eyes narrowed, and I worried she would wonder how I’d known about the account. But the three of us lived in the same house, so if she asked, I’d just tell her I’d overheard something.

Which wouldn’t exactly be untrue.

“He did,” she replied, apparently unconcerned about my knowledge of Dad’s savings. “But he closed the account a few days before he died. I assume he needed the money for living expenses since he’d been staying in Lexington after he moved out of the house.”

“Surely Uncle Nolan wasn’t charging him rent,” I offered. I took a deep breath and continued with what I hoped would point her toward the truth of what he’d done with that money. “Maybe he paid off a debt or something.”

She opened her mouth as if to object, but stopped. I watched her expression change as she worked her way back to those first few days after his funeral when everything was so chaotic.

And saw the moment the truth hit her.

Her eyes misted over and small smile played on her lips. “You know,” she said with a heavy sigh. “I bet that’s exactly what he did.”

I heard Adrian’s bike rumble into the driveway. He came to the door and exchanged the normal pleasantries with Mom, like the true gentleman he was. I could tell she was still elated from the revelation that Dad had paid that medical bill. My heart was joyous and full that after all she’d done for me, I’d been able to help her just a little.

I felt the soft breeze swirling around, lifting my hair off my shoulders, Mom, Adrian, and I talked on the front porch. His calming presence never ceased to amaze me.

Waving goodbye to Mom, I took my helmet Adrian that held for me and walked beside him toward the bike. I had no idea what I’d experience tonight.

The thought thrilled me.

“H
ow about a walk in the water before we start?” Adrian asked as we stepped out of the trees and into our clearing.

Our clearing.
That’s how I thought of this place now.

Smiling, I nodded. Adrian bent to unlace his boots and I kicked off my flip-flops. A moment later, jeans rolled almost to our knees, we stepped hand in hand into the cool water.

“Nice way to spend a late summer evening,” he said.

“Very,” I answered, leaning into him. “Kind of romantic.”

“We haven’t had enough of that.” He kissed the top of my head. “I’m sorry for that.”

“Not your fault.” I shook my head. “Circumstances.”

He pulled us to a stop, the pebbles slick and cool beneath my feet and water splashing gently around my ankles. The sun still shone bright behind the trees but dipped lower in the sky as sunset approached.

Adrian turned to face me. The look in his eyes left me breathless. His gaze was full of softness and longing. And did I dare to think it… love?

“I came here on assignment,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “I was supposed to help you forgive.”

“You have.” I stepped closer, grasping both his hands in mine.

“I never expected to fall in love with you.”

Fireworks exploded inside my chest and my knees wobbled. Of all the things I thought he might say, I never imagined this. That he would say it first, in the moments before he would take me to see my father one last time. That he could even love me at all.

It was so beyond anything I deserved.

“It’s muddied the waters a bit for me,” he said. “Loving you and being assigned to you.”

“Adrian, I –”

He stopped my reply with a touch of his finger to my lips. Just as well, since I had no idea what I was about to say. I wanted to tell him that I loved him, that he wasn’t in this alone, that I was so grateful for every moment, every smile. There was so much inside me for him that I didn’t even know where to start.

“I told you before that I’ve wondered about my motivations,” he began. “When I manipulated time to go back and video Nikki putting those things in your locker, I was afraid I’d crossed the line. I did it because of my feelings for you, not just because of my assignment.”

“Adrian, I need to tell you –”

He stopped me again. “But I realize now that anything done out of real love isn’t selfish. I didn’t do it to try to impress you or to make you like me more. I wasn’t thinking about any personal benefit. The truth is, I’d have done it even if you hated me. Because I love you.”

I felt a tear escape my eye, and I knew if I blinked more would roll down my cheeks. But I could not take my eyes off Adrian. The fierce look of love on his face and the sincerity of his words were stunning.

“When I talk about my Boss, you know who I mean, right?”

I nodded. Even if we’d never said it out loud, I knew. Adrian worked for God. As surreal as that sounded, I knew it was true.

“He’s the most unselfish person there is. And he does great stuff for us all the time. He saves us from terrible things, and most of the time we don’t even know it. He does all this not for any kind of personal gain, but because He loves us.”

I nodded, and for the first time in my life I felt and understood the kind of love I’d always heard about, the kind of love Adrian was talking about.

“Real love isn’t selfish,” Adrian whispered. “It’s selfless.”

His heavy sigh let me know he was finished. Maybe now he’d let me talk. I reached up and twined my arms around his neck, tip-toeing to get my face closer to his. His arms circled my waist, helping me keep my balance on the slick stones beneath my toes.

“I don’t know why you worried so much,” I said, a smile spreading across my face. “You’re the most selfless person I’ve ever known. And I love you, too.”