Earthling Ambassador (6 page)

“I have a selection of possible gifts at home for you,” said Georgio. “So you've nothing to worry about—so to speak! And here's something to keep you focused on the task at hand.”

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a very large, bright yellow plastic watch.

“It's a countdown watch,” explained Georgio. “It lets you know exactly how much time you have to complete your mission before the garbage starts to fall.”

Nicola looked at the watch.

It said:

ONLY
THREE
DAYS REMAINING UNTIL THE END OF THE WORLD--TIME TO GET CRACKING
!

“I think you'll find it very motivational,” said Georgio.

“Thanks,” said Nicola faintly. She strapped the watch on her wrist and decided to try not to look at it that often.

Georgio glanced out the window and saw a huge expanse of red, rippled sand. “At last! Here's where we park our spaceships when we visit Earth.Terribly inconvenient.”

As Nicola looked down, she saw what looked like an enormous, bright pink powder puff shoot vertically into the sky and then vanish.

“How annoying! That's the Wardrobewhizonic Ladies and their silly frilly spaceship!” said Georgio. “How did they beat us, Plum? I thought our helicopter was much faster than theirs!”

“They probably didn't stop for a spot of leisurely cloud-swimming,” said Plum.

“Ah, good point,” said Georgio hurriedly. “Well, Nicola, that far more sensible spaceship you see there is the one we'll be traveling in.”

He gestured to a sleek silver spaceship sitting majestically in the middle of the desert. Nicola thought about how Tyler would
love
to be here right now seeing a real spaceship and thought about how she'd describe it to him.To her, it looked like a piece of giant cutlery, but Tyler would probably be hoping for a more technical description.

Plum expertly glided the helicopter down toward what looked like a parking bay on the spaceship's rim. Apparently, the helicopter clipped conveniently on to the side of the spaceship, like a small dinghy on a boat. They all climbed out into the hot dusty desert air, and Georgio punched a security code onto a panel. A hatch opened silently and they entered the gleaming, massive interior of the spaceship. Nicola felt like she was inside a vast computer. She was surrounded by what looked like thousands of flashing lights, glowing buttons, switches, and levers.There were signs everywhere saying things like WARNING!, DANGER!, and VERY,VERY HAZARDOUS!

“Gosh,” she said feebly.

“Yes, it's my brand-new model
Mercury 5000
.” Georgio proudly patted a nearby console. “It has a ten-volume instruction manual, which I haven't quite gotten around to reading yet, so I've had to hire Plum to fly it for me, just in the
interim
, you understand.”

Plum went off to change into another uniform that looked more like a business suit. Her dark wraparound glasses were replaced by spectacles and her ponytail was neatly coiled into a knot at the back of her head. It seemed that flying a
Mercury 5000
spaceship was a much more serious affair than flying a helicopter.

Georgio led Nicola down a long corridor to a row of purple passenger pods.

“No space suits?” asked Nicola nervously as they buckled themselves in.

“Fortunately, we developed the necessary technology to replace those unflattering suits about a billion years ago,” said Georgio. “Oh dear, space travel is such a terrible
bore
!” He wriggled around, stretching his long legs out in front of him. “Have you brought a good book to read, Nicola?”

“No,” answered Nicola. “I didn't know I'd need to bring a book.”

“Never leave your planet without a book.” Georgio pointed a solemn finger at her. “That's my number-one travel tip.”

“Okay,” said Nicola, not bothering to mention that she'd never left her planet before. Actually, she'd never left her
country
before.The farthest she'd been was Adelaide to visit Great-Aunt Annie.

Plum's voice crackled over the loudspeaker. “This is your pilot speaking. My name is Plum.”

“Yes, yes, we know who you are!” said Georgio irritably. “Just get on with it!” He began patting at his pockets feverishly. “Oh, no! I don't have my book!”

“Never leave your planet without a book,” said Nicola in the same serious tone that Georgio had used.

“Why, that's what I always say!” Georgio looked quite intrigued. “What an extraordinary coincidence.”

“Erm. Not really,” began Nicola, but then Plum's voice came on again. “Passengers, please remain seated at all times during blastoff. Ten, nine, eight, seven . . .”

“If only we could watch a movie to pass the time,” said Georgio worriedly. “We're about to suffer from acute boredom.”

Nicola realized that Georgio was a little like her dad. He'd rather be eaten by a crocodile than be bored.

“Three, two, one—blastoff!”

The spaceship filled with bright eye-hurting flashes of turquoise and yellow lights. It shook so much that Nicola held on tightly to her armrests. It felt like she was being spun around in a tumble dryer. She caught sight of Georgio with both his arms stretched high in the air as he let out a tremendous yawn.

There were three loud thuds:

And then silence.

“Well, thank goodness.” Georgio slapped his knees with satisfaction. “I'm quite exhausted. Did you enjoy your trip?”

“What trip?” asked Nicola. “Five seconds must have passed!”

“Actually it was 3.4928494092 seconds,” said Georgio. “What a bore, eh? Let's hope you don't suffer from space lag. Come on, I'm sure you're dying to stretch your legs!”

Nicola unbuckled her seat belt and followed Georgio down a short flight of stairs out of the spaceship wondering what strange and wonderful sights she was about to see.

“Welcome to Globagaskar!” cried Georgio, and he flung open his arms.

Nicola's foot hovered over the last step of the spaceship. The word momentous came into her head.This was definitely a
momentous
moment. She thought about how Neil Armstrong had said “One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind” when he first walked on the moon.

She should say something similar. She cleared her throat and said slowly, “One small step for Nicola, one giant leap—
WHO-HOA!
” she shouted.Then
splat,
she was facedown on the asphalt ground.

“Yes, well, hurry up,” said Georgio. “And I don't know what you've learned from those ridiculous science-fiction television programs they show on your planet, but here on Globagaskar, we walk upright. On our feet.”

Nicola picked herself up. She felt so ashamed. How would she ever manage saving planet Earth if she couldn't even manage one teeny tiny momentous moment?

There was something very, very familiar about this place. Nicola peered about, trying to adjust her eyes to the gloom.

“This looks just like—” She couldn't put her finger on it.

Then it hit her. “This looks just like a garage!”

“Well, I expect that's because this
is
a garage,” said Georgio. “We've parked in the garage of the local community hall where we hold our Save the Little Earthlings Committee meetings.”

“Let me know if you need me to do any more flying for you,” Plum came down the stairs of the spaceship and tossed Georgio a set of keys. She was dressed now in a black leather jacket with her hair all loose and messy.

“Plum also flies an aero-motorbike.” Georgio shook his head admiringly. “You wouldn't catch me on one.”

“I'm off to meet my boyfriend,” said Plum. “Best of luck at the palace tomorrow, Nicola. I hope you save your planet. It's one of my favorites.”

“Thank you,” said Nicola. Oh, for heaven's sake, even Plum was depending on her!

“Right,” said Georgio. “This way, Nicola.”

He pressed a button on the wall and it slid smoothly open.

“After you.” Georgio waved Nicola past him. She stepped tentatively forward, then jumped in fright when she heard thunderous applause.

She was on a stage. A group of people just as tall as Georgio—some even taller—were standing in a semicircle below her, clapping vigorously. She looked around to see whom they were applauding and realized she was the only person on the stage.These giant people were all cheering for her! She stood awkwardly, biting her lip. Should she bow? They were much too happy to see her.They were clearly expecting something she couldn't possibly provide. She wanted to say, “No, no, it's just me, ordinary Nicola!”

Georgio came striding onto the stage behind her and went straight to a lectern with a microphone.

“That's right, ladies and gentlemen, it took some doing, but I have found the Earthling Ambassador. May I present the first ever Earthling to grace our planet . . . Nicola Berry!”

The audience clapped even louder. Nicola squirmed and plucked at her Earthling Ambassador sash.

“I know you're all dying to hear from Nicola herself, and in just a moment I'll ask her to say a few words.”

What?
Now she was going to have to give a speech? This was starting to seem more like a really difficult school assignment than a top secret mission.

“However, I would first like to introduce each of you to Nicola. As you know, Nicola, every member of the Save the Little Earthlings Committee had a hand in coming up with the list of questions that helped identify you. First up, may I present . . . Mr. Rory Racrory!”

A bald, bespectacled man stepped forward, blushed, and bobbed his head. “An honor to meet you, Nicola.”

“Rory is Globagaskar's leading letterologist,” said Georgio. “He suggested I needed to find someone with at least one letter
r
in their name.”

“Yes, indeed, my studies show that people with
r
s in their names tend to be rational, reliable, and relentless,” said Rory. “The more
r
s the better, I say!”

Mmmm
, thought Nicola.
Could it be that Rory is partial to
r
s because he had so many of them in his own name?

“Next we have the lovely Mrs. Molly Smith.”

A plump, freckled lady with red curly hair waved cheerily up at Nicola. “Hello, Nicola! I included the question about freckles, because I've always found you just can't trust a person who doesn't have at least three freckles.”

Nicola smiled politely and thought,
You're all as mad as hatters!

A woman in a gauzy robe with hundreds of clinking silver bracelets sliding up and down her arms stepped forward.

“This is Ileria,” said Georgio. “She's a highly respected astrologer who told us the Earthling Ambassador's birthday would be in March, April, December, or June.”

“May the stars align in your favor, Nicola!” Ileria bowed deeply.

“And next we have law enforcement professional, Sergeant Tom Atkins,” said Georgio. “He very sensibly recommended we check for skills indicating courage, such as backward Rollerblading.”

A square-chested man in what looked like a police uniform gave Nicola a sharp salute. “Greetings, young Earthling.”

Nicola straightened her back. Could he tell just by looking at her that she wasn't really a courageous person at all?

“Next is Pamela George, one of this planet's most reputable color experts.”

A woman wearing a large purple hat, long purple gloves, and a flouncy purple dress said, “Hello, dear. I made sure we checked you had something purple in your wardrobe because research shows people who like purple are passionate, talented, and capable of achieving great things.”

Nicola winced. She didn't even like purple! The only reason her bathing suit was purple was because she'd been in a rush to buy a new one for the swimming carnival and that was the only one left in her size.

Georgio said, “Here we have our Committee psychic, Ella Bell, who predicted that something of great importance would happen on an Earth beach beginning with the letter
B
.That's why we thought it might be a clever idea to ask if your favorite beach began with the letter
B
!”

An extremely ordinary-looking woman in a skirt and blouse said, “Hello, Nicola. Congratulations.”

She certainly didn't look like someone with special psychic abilities.

“And last but not least is pet shop manager Mr. Puck.” Georgio indicated a man with a colorful parrot on his shoulder. “Mr. Puck suggested we look for someone who owned a pet fish because fish owners tend to be extremely responsible.”

This was getting worse and worse. Nicola's pet fish before Goldie had
died
because she'd overfed it!

“It's an honor, Nicola,” said Mr. Puck.

“It's a horror, Nicola!” squawked the parrot.

The parrot is right
, thought Nicola despairingly.

“My wife and daughter are also on the Committee,” said Georgio. “But my daughter had her soccer play-off tonight, so you'll be meeting them at my place for dinner.”

“Don't forget your own question, Georgio!” called out the freckly woman, Molly. “That was the best one!”

“Ahem!” said Georgio, “Yes, well, moving right along.”

“Don't be shy, Georgio,” said the sergeant. “Your question was the one about whether the Earthling had ever convinced someone to change their mind when their mind was already made up.”

Nicola looked up quickly at Georgio.That was the question he'd said was an error and now they were saying it was the most important one of all! Georgio gave her a barely perceptible shake of his head. He obviously didn't want her to mention it.What was going on?