Edie Amelia and the Runcible River Fever (8 page)

‘Did you hear that, Cheesy?' said Edie, taking a firm grip on the handle of the giant butterfly net, but by now Cheesy had put her head inside the canopy and pulled her jumper over her ears.

‘Hear what, Sparks?' she said grumpily. ‘I need more leg room in this thing!'

‘Dangle them over the side,' said Edie.

Cheesy was becoming agitated. ‘You
know, Edie, there's a first time for everything, and this is the first time I've ignored a city curfew, disobeyed the Mayor and evaded the police to boot. But I know what you'll say. You'll say my dad's done a runner and there's a note in hieroglyphics signed HC to prove it. Fly high? His balloon's a wreck. RRV? RRFD? RRFDD? Gobbledygook.' She sighed from under her jumper. ‘So, pray tell, why
is
your neighbour the Marauder escaping on the last bus?'

Their descent became markedly steeper.

‘I'll eat my kilt if this pram is roadworthy,' Cheesy added.

Edie thought it best not to mention that Michaelmas had said to keep it on flat surfaces. Mister growled as howling again filled the valley, and Cheesy, who'd heard it this time, yelped in fright.

‘It's the Fever Dog. It's after the flan!' Cheesy cried. The pram wobbled dangerously around a sharp corner, and they came so close to a tree that Edie could see the moss on its trunk and tiny insects making their way up and down the bark.

‘Cheesy, let's calm down and go over the facts,' said Edie, who also wanted to distract herself from what she imagined was lying in wait for them at the bottom of the valley. ‘Your dad wanted to fly in a record-breaking balloon challenge but couldn't because his balloon is ripped beyond repair and he can't afford a new one. He's been acting strangely, locking himself away in the basement with your mum's old sewing machine, holding a can of woodworm repellent in your kitchen and hiding boxes in your garage.'

‘But it . . . it doesn't explain . . .'

‘Here, you steer for a moment.' Edie pulled out her notebook and even with the pram careening along the road, began to jot things down in her most detective-like manner. ‘Today we saw your dad and the Marauder arguing. Your dad left with a big brown box. He and the Blank Marauder were being spied on by someone in a white coat. There was a shopping list for some very unusual items in your dad's pocket, a vanload of people from the Emergency Sewing Repairs Agency sewing in his basement, and
then there was another note at the Highland Fling Centre that said something about breaking a world record and flying high.'

‘I don't think my dad would
steal
things,' said Cheesy, ‘but he'd never give up on ballooning—he loves being up in the air more than anything.'

Edie felt a light bulb switch on in her brain. She grabbed Cheesy by her left plait.

‘Air!' she said. ‘Air! That's exactly right, Cheesy!' Edie jumped up in the pram, tipping it sideways.

‘Sit down,' Cheesy implored. ‘Now it's you who's gone loopy. What do you mean, “air”?'

Mister Pants began to wriggle and snort, as if he knew Edie was about to piece the clues together.

‘The vet,' said Edie. ‘She looked at Mister's eye.'

‘Yes, and she prescribed eye drops and a crazy eye patch, but what has that got to do with . . .?'

‘Listen, she sort of twisted my arm,' Edie explained. ‘She made me an impossible-to-refuse
deal where I do some proper detective work for her in exchange for treatment of Mister. And all to find out whether the Blank Marauder is responsible for some items going missing from her clinic.'

‘If she hurt you in any way I'll ruddy well stonk her one,' said Cheesy.

‘Er, thanks. I'll give you a clue,' said Edie patiently. ‘Look at what was scrawled on the note you found in your dad's pocket. What does it say?'

Cheesy squinted through her thick glasses to read Edie's notes. ‘
One thousand p j s
.'

‘I admit I'm not sure about that one,' said Edie.

‘
BT, two plus prop and 0
₂
canisters, twelve rolls gut. Key and “w'worm repell.”
which must be woodworm repellent,' said Cheesy.

‘“BT” could be a blowtorch. Two oxygen canisters and “prop” could be propane, right? And twelve rolls of reinforced thread used for stitching up injured animals,' said
Edie. ‘I'm not sure where the key comes in, but don't forget your dad had woodworm repellent in the kitchen. Now, what could all these separate items be used for?'

‘Hot-air ballooning,' they said in unison. Mister Pants gave a raspy bark like someone clearing his throat after a long illness.

‘We've got to get to the Flights of Fancy balloon hangar. It's in Runcible Valley,' said Cheesy.

‘But that's exactly where this bus is headed. Runcible Valley. The Blank Marauder must be going to find your dad. And I have a feeling they know something about . . .'

A howl filled the valley for a third time.

‘The whereabouts of the Fever Dog?' said Cheesy. ‘Er, is that flan still edible?'

C
heesy lurched sideways. While they'd been talking, the pram had picked up speed and was now almost out of control. Mister, fearing another accident, began to whimper underneath his bonnet. Cheesy looked around for an instruction manual.

‘Did your dad happen to mention how the brakes work?'

‘I think he said to keep a low speed on flat ground . . .' Edie mumbled.

‘Jumping junipers! Kill the motor!' shouted Cheesy, pulling in vain on the lever nearest to her. ‘We're doomed! Abandon ship, launch the lifeboats!' Cheesy scrambled to her haunches, ready to jump. Edie tried to steer the pram onto a little bit of flat ground by the road without success. It was time to surrender.

‘Okay, Cheesy! Tuck your legs under. Go floppy before we hit. On the count of three, jump. One, two . . .' But before Edie could say ‘three', Cheesy jumped and hit the slope with a sickening thud. Edie grabbed Mister and tumbled out with him. As she flew through the air she thought how leaping from moving vehicles wasn't at all like it looked in the movies. Edie swallowed a mouthful of soil then one of grass. She and Mister rolled five times before coming to a stop.

‘Cheesy? Are you okay?' called Edie, getting shakily to her feet and brushing the dirt and grass off her jumpsuit. The mashed flan had landed beside her and the butterfly net was snagged on a bush. Mister shook himself free of his bonnet and trotted over to the flan. ‘Not now,' said Edie, beating him to it.

‘Blasted pram,' muttered Cheesy, climbing to her feet. She was limping slightly as she started off down the hill after the retreating bus. ‘Your neighbour got off at the last stop and went that way!' she said, pointing. ‘Well? What are you goggling at? You coming or not?' and off she went. Edie looked at her in astonishment. Her pram was in pieces all over the road and her kilt looked as though it had taken a mud bath, but here she was behaving like a regular thrill junkie. Edie gathered up what was left of the flan and stuffed it into her satchel. The town really had gone mad.

A large rectangular shed stood nestled right in the V of the valley, with
Runcible Flights of Fancy
written on its corrugated
wall. A picture of an orange balloon and a bird in flight kept the inscription company. ‘This is Dad's hangar. This is where he keeps the balloon!' said Cheesy, panting for breath.

Edie caught up to her. ‘Keep quiet, Cheesy. You don't want to give your dad a shock if he's in the middle of something.'

‘Duly noted,' said Cheesy, pausing to de-fog her glasses.

Realising how close they were to the entrance, the girls and Mister crept stealthily towards it. They could hear sounds coming from inside, as if birds or bats were fluttering about, but when they neared the doorway they could see no movement at all. The place was dimly lit and seemed to be empty except for Hogmanay's orange car and its trailer, a wicker hot-air balloon basket and an enormous plastic bag with KEEP OFF written on the side.

‘That's the bag he brought out of the basement,' whispered Cheesy.

‘I think your dad might be—' began Edie, but before she could finish telling
Cheesy her theory, an undignified scuffle took place behind the car.

‘Oof!' said a voice that sounded exactly like Hogmanay's.

‘Eeearghh,' replied a voice that sounded just like the Blank Marauder's.

‘Ye cannae stop me,' said the first voice. ‘D'ye nae ken that it's for the town I'm doin' this?'

‘I don't care. I want an explanation! You made up some cock and bull story about Doctor Stuart being in danger. I asked you to
lock up
the veterinary clinic while I went to find her, not
help yourself
to the supplies. That's Arabella Stuart you're messing with, you idiot!' said the second voice.

The two men came running into view.

‘Back off, ye Sassenach,' said Hogmanay, pulling a spray can from under the balloon company's orange overalls, which he had apparently pulled over his orange pleather jumpsuit. ‘For the
town's
good, I told ye!' With this he sprayed the contents of the can in the direction of the Marauder, who slumped slowly to the floor.

‘Ye'll come around in ten minutes, ye big wally!' said Hogmanay, patting the supine Marauder on the head. ‘It's only woodworm repellent.' Hogmanay dragged a small wooden box with airholes into the open. A gurgle came from the box as he retreated into the shadows.

Edie turned to her gobsmacked companion. ‘What on earth has he done now?'

‘I told you he'd gone bonkers,' said Cheesy.

The girls stayed outside in the dark, crouching down out of sight, but after a while they became more uncomfortable and less cautious. Edie tapped on her detective kit and pointed towards the trailer, a signal for them to move, so they crept as noiselessly as possible in that direction. The Blank Marauder was sleeping peacefully under the effect of the woodworm repellent and was making gentle humming noises. When they got close to the trailer Edie pulled out her torch, but before she had a chance to take a look inside the enormous plastic bag, the
sound of Hogmanay's footsteps echoed in the hangar.