Eight Inches to make Johnny Smile (4 page)

****

As the meeting ended and people began to drift away, Mary took Mat’s arm and firmly walked him to one of the stands, where they sold low-fat crisps and snacks. “Mat. I want your opinion about our snack range. You’re a man of the world, what could we do differently?”

Mat struggled to come up anything useful, wanting to get home to dream more about Johnny and have a cup of tea, but Mary resolutely held his arm and looked at him menacingly.

“Uur. Well, there’s a good range, Mary. Why don’t you have the stall nearer the doors on the way out, so people can have a look as they leave? Maybe?”

She was paying no attention to his advice at all, looking over his shoulder, mouthing words at someone.

“Oh, yes, lovely, Mat. Thanks. I’m off now, you don’t mind helping Johnny pack away, do you? No. Bye then, love.” She winked dramatically at him, and was off. She just about ran to the doors where four of the others waited. They all nodded at him meaningfully, pointing at Johnny, while he stared at them in confusion, shrugging his shoulders. Eventually they went, blowing him kisses.

Just him and Johnny left.

Johnny was engrossed in sorting the week’s leaflets and putting everything away. He looked up as Mat walked over to him, and gazed around the now empty room. “Where’s Mary and Ada gone? They usually stay to help me clear up.”

Mat shrugged. “I dunno, they shoved me over here, then buggered off all together.”

“Oooh.” Johnny rubbed his chin, grinning. Suddenly, Mat got it too.

“Aaah.” There was a heady moment, and then he had to fill it. “So, I’ll clear the tables. You just tell me what to do, okay?”
Bloody Mary
. It was just like kids at school all over again, trying to embarrass him. Poor Johnny was far too nice to be pissed off, but he was probably secretly mortified at being left alone with Fat Mat.

He couldn’t look at Johnny, as he banged the desks and began piling them on top of one another. That was it. He wouldn’t come here again. Why couldn’t people just leave him alone?

He finished the last table, turned, and the kiss came from nowhere. Johnny’s hands on his face were firm and strong, holding his jaw as he came so close their bodies met. Mat held in his stomach as far as he could, too shocked to react, as Johnny kissed him once softly, and then pulled back. “Can I?” he asked, tentatively, as Mat gripped Johnny’s hips, nodded fervently, and kissed him back.

He forgot his stomach, and just thought of the man in front of him. They were both stubbly, Mat’s lips rubbing against Johnny’s mouth, chin and cheeks as the kisses became more frantic. Johnny moaned into his mouth and held Mat’s hair to keep his head still. His mouth was forced wide open and Johnny’s tongue met his, both probing and touching, desperate for more.

Johnny’s thigh forced his legs open, and began to rub against him. Mat’s senses were overloaded as he held Johnny firmly and thrust back. The wet feeling of Johnny’s tongue as he fiercely licked and sucked sent him mad. He wanted closer; he wanted.

Johnny’s super-size sweater had many layers, but Mat’s hands finally found the bottom, and stroked up onto skin. He didn’t intend them to go any further, but the softness and warmth of Johnny’s sides had his cock straining to be free.

Johnny melted into him, roughly grabbing his neck and forcing their mouths together, tongues deep and electric.

Mat’s hands stroked up Johnny’s sides, and around to his back, just wanting more of this gorgeous man.

It happened so fast.

Johnny was off him, pushing back and yanking on the sweater to pull it back down, as he ran.

“Johnny, wait. I’m sorry. Johnny!” Mat ran after him, blood thundering in his ears and confusion pounding at him.
What happened?

But Johnny was gone. As he drove off, he didn’t look back. Not at Mat, or the leaflets he had left, or the community centre doors swinging open and banging shut in the wind. He just drove off, away from Mat, who held the wall for support and felt the ground and his life just slip away.

He felt nothing as he put the boxes and bags in his car, turned off the community centre lights and locked up. He could give all the weight stuff and the community centre keys to Shelly. She would know what to do with it. He would never go back and Johnny need never look at his stupid, fat bastard moon face ever again.

He drove in a daze, leaving the weight stuff in his boot and getting to his flat. As he locked the door behind him, the hotness of the tears made him furious with himself: that he had ever wanted, and been hopeful, that a lifetime of failures and sly looks had not been enough to stop him making a fucking idiot of himself.

He crammed the chocolate in but didn’t even taste it. The chunks went down whole, followed by more. His fingers shook as he called the takeaway delivery, then switched off his phone, threw it at the wall and sat alone, waiting for his food.

The headache woke him. For a while, he tried to sink back, not really remembering but with enough awareness to know he didn’t want to wake up. It was two days since he had kissed Johnny. The following morning, he had dumped the stuff outside Johnny’s house at four a.m. on his way to work, giving up the walking and stopping at McDonald’s for breakfast.

His phone remained switched off, was probably broken, and fortunately no-one in the group had his address. Johnny had his work address, but it was unlikely
he
was going to ever bother Mat again, now he knew what a disgusting elephant he was.

Mat had cried bucketfuls, and eaten enough to fill a house since then. It wasn’t even just the shame of being turned down like that – he had known worse. Once, when he was a student, a handsome guy had chatted him up and they had got drunk together. On the way home, the guy had kissed Mat, then a group of men appeared with cameras and flashes, handing over money to the guy and telling him he’d won the bet. The next day, the pictures of Mat and the guy were plastered all over the halls of residence with the title ‘Andy and the Monster’.

Mat had only ever had two relationships, the last was when he was twenty years old and four stones lighter. Neither had been much more than a few sad hand jobs and a lot of heartache. What really fucked him off now was that he was left with nothing – no Shelly, no group and no Johnny to ogle.

He had been greedy again, trying to take too much. His body was stretched and full of his excessive appetite, yet he felt so empty that no amount of fast food could ever fill him again.

****

He was greeted at work by Jayne on reception, who handed him a load more envelopes. “More for you, Mat. You have a load of admirers, honey.”

He smiled bitterly, and took the pile. He could bin them later with the last lot.

He walked through the office, aware as always of the giggles of Simon’s crowd. No doubt this load of envelopes was from them. At first he got on with his work, but he could hear them in the distance, jeering as he made the tea, and suddenly something snapped.

He snatched up the pile of envelopes and charged over to the group, then plonked himself down in the empty swivel chair next to Simon. “Get off on this, do you?” he snarled, shaking the pile of letters at him. “Calling me names, making my life hell, sending me crap? Do you? I’ve had enough, Simon.” Shocked faces stared back at him as he ripped one open. “Well, let’s open them, shall we? All enjoy your wit together.”

“Sorry, Mat. I didn’t know it upset you. I’m an arse sometimes, you should have told me. Sorry.” Simon held his hand out, but Mat ripped open the card and began reading.

Dear Mat,

I loved seeing you today. I’m pretty shy, but would you meet me for a coffee?

Here’s the recipes I promised.

Johnny. xx

Two kisses. It was dated two weeks ago.

Cold sickness crept through Mat, and a fuzzy yellow haze descended. He could hear vague voices, then a cup of tea was thrust into his hand, and Simon patted him on the shoulder. “Here, Mat. Drink this, mate. You look like shit. I don’t know what you mean about these letters, I never sent them. I will admit it was me who sent that underwear catalogue and the tent booklet, though. That was me, and I’m sorry.”

One of the others said, “Simon, you really are an asshole. You sent him stuff? Mat, we’re sorry. I never knew he did that. You should report him to the boss for that.”

“I’m sorry too, Mat.”

“Me too, Mat. Sorry.”

He finally looked up, and did not see the mocking faces he’d expected. Even though he was past hoping now, and he had accepted that he was a loser and a fat bastard and a moon face, and all those other insults people had thrown at him over the years, the sympathy hit him and he felt shaky and tearful. The letters. Johnny had sent him letters.

A tissue was pushed into his hand, and Simon gathered together the mail that had fallen to the floor when Mat first went dizzy. “Looks like you have an admirer, mate. This Johnny, he likes you. I didn’t know you were gay. Nice to meet a fellow man magnet. I really am sorry, Mat.” Simon held out his hand again, and this time Mat took it.

“I’m sorry too. I overreacted, it’s just… I’ve had so many insults off people. I’m trying to lose weight, but it’s not easy.” He smiled weakly and made his way back to his desk with Simon.

“So what’s the problem with Johnny then? Sounds like he’s really keen to me?”

Mat shrugged, and pretended to get on with his work.

Then he opened all the letters slowly. There were fifteen of them, and another three dated after the kissing incident. Those, he left.

The letters were beautiful, and funny. They were all short, just a few lines with recipes or inspirational quotes. Some had little gifts too – a silly badge, a coaster, a fridge magnet that said ‘you are beautiful inside and out’.

He spread out the gifts and letters, and thought of Johnny sending them, never getting any acknowledgement but sending them anyway. Just hoping.

Cups of tea kept appearing at his side, and mysteriously all IT problem calls were diverted elsewhere. The morning ticked by with him touching every gift, and reading every letter at least five times, to see if there was anything he missed. There were eight coffee dates, three offers of help with his flat, and a movie date invitation. At least twelve dates.

In the end, he carefully placed everything in his rucksack, and took the rest of the day off. As he left, so many people called out to him, “Bye, Mat. See you tomorrow,” that he waved at the whole room, leaving in a fluster.

****

He didn’t stop at McDonald’s. Instead, he ate a baked potato at home and looked at the three letters Johnny had sent him since the kiss. He looked, touched, even held one to his cheek, thinking of Johnny’s hands there as he sealed the envelope. It took him until it was dark, but eventually, he opened the last one. It was a large, brown envelope with just one glossy sheet inside.

It was a medical photograph, of Johnny. He wore only shorts, and was standing in a hospital room. On his body there were blue marks, presumably made by a surgeon, showing where the operations would take place. There were probably several stones of excess skin. Most of it was pooled at Johnny’s stomach, but it also hung in saggy flaps off his legs and arms.

But what Mat saw through his tears was Johnny’s eyes, because they were so pained, yet hopeful, and they seemed to be looking right at him. He ran his hand over the photograph for a moment, thinking, then he got his coat and left.

****

It was not easy carrying eight takeout cups of coffee, so the barista had found him a coffee carrier. Mat managed to hold it with one hand, while he rang the doorbell. If Johnny wasn’t in, he would wait here all night, or for the rest of his life. He was a patient man.

He heard the footsteps, and then the door opened. It was Johnny, dressed in his characteristic baggy sweater and looking so good but so upset and white that Mat nearly dropped the coffee carrier. He held out the coffee to Johnny. “Eight coffee dates, a movie night, and three house renovations. Yes please, yes. I want them all, and I’m so bloody sorry I didn’t open the letters until today.”

The coffees probably spilt everywhere – he dropped them as they grabbed at each other. Johnny was crying and so was Mat, but it didn’t matter because there was no time for coffee with all that kissing to make up for.

Mat could just see a little from under the velvet ‘big boy’ eye mask, enough to notice the celebratory balloons and banners left over from the group party earlier. If he wanted, he could easily slide his hands out of the ‘Valentine Winner’ fluffy cuffs, but why would he ever want to? He was naked, spread-eagled and completely vulnerable. His nipples were tingling, and goose bumps began all over his body, not from embarrassment at being bare, but from sheer excitement and lust.

He was leaking pre-cum, and so far he had only been kissed and stroked.

The sensation started from his left ankle. It was a teasing and tickling, perhaps wet. It ran in a straight line from his ankle right up his leg. It stopped, and he whined. “More, more,” he pleaded. A nudging at the corner of his mouth, and a tiny spout gently pushed its way in. For a moment he couldn’t identify it, then…
chocolate
. It was chocolate.

The trickle dripped around his mouth and down his neck, followed by kisses, and he was straining up. It stopped, and the eye mask was pushed away. Light dazzled his eyes as he tried to clear his vision.

Johnny was licking up the chocolate. His tousled head was now down there at Mat’s ankles, teasing and licking, long licks and little nibbles. Mat shivered, and wriggled, trying to entice the head further up.

The tongue ran all around his thigh, pushing his legs further apart, spreading him as he licked and sucked, taking what he wanted.

The head began kissing, all around Mat’s lower stomach, the eyelashes lowered and that face completely focused on Mat and his body. Johnny liked to look. To stare, and stare, at every inch of Mat’s body. Mat was adored, and worshipped.

His breathing became erratic, as Johnny sucked his balls and sat between Mat’s legs. At first, they were both so bodily conscious that sex between them had taken place in the dark, but gradually Johnny had introduced light, and now they just couldn’t get enough of each other and even the world’s brightest light only made the passion greater.