Ella Finds Love Again (6 page)

The sky had just the slightest hint of light on the horizon. The cloud cover was still heavy, but snow was no longer falling. When the barn door opened, a dim glow of light spilled onto the snow, revealing Ivan’s form in the doorway.

He must be staring out toward the road,
Ella thought.
Has he been able to get out and spread the news of his mamm’s passing already?
She looked down. There were no footprints in the snow. No path shoveled to the road. The road itself still looked closed. So though he hadn’t been out yet, he would surely leave soon. Necessity demanded it.

She would fix breakfast for the girls, and Ivan could eat over at the
dawdy haus
. This might keep the girls from further associating the two of them together. That decided, there really was no rush. This was a Sunday morning, and the girls would likely sleep for some time. She might as well make herself useful in some way, and helping with the milking seemed the most obvious choice. Since the snowstorm meant no one else knew about the death in the family, the neighbors weren’t here to take over the duties of the house and farm.

What was she to wear? She certainly couldn’t milk in her best dress. Ella paced the floor, thinking, watching the road for the headlights of county snowplows that would open the roads so Ivan could get out.
The front yard will need clearing for the funeral,
she thought
. When help finally comes there will certainly be plenty to do, the teams of horses pulling flip shovels, tossing and pushing snow into high banks.

But for now she needed to help with the milking. First she had to find a chore dress. Perhaps there would be one in Ivan’s bedroom. He would not likely have disposed of Lois’s dresses. The thought of going through the closet in Ivan’s room left her cold, but clothes were clothes, whoever had worn them in the past. She needed to be practical about this. Wasn’t she already trying to be practical about her marriage plans? Wearing Lois’s dress might help things along.

Ella retrieved the lamp from the kitchen and cautiously opened the bedroom door. The bedcovers were still thrown on the floor, and baby clothing was strewn around. Baby Barbara slept soundly in the crib. The man certainly could use a wife. But what would Ivan think if he knew she was in here? And wearing one of Lois’s dresses was not something that could be hidden when she arrived in the barn.

Lois had been Ivan’s wife—unlike what Ella had been to Aden. What would Ivan think about that? The difference between them was vast. Ella carefully set the kerosene lamp on a dresser. When she opened the closet door, the baby stirred. Ella froze until the even breathing started again. As she expected, one side of the closet still held dresses.
Are they the right size?
Ella couldn’t remember exactly how Lois had looked, but she reached for a dress. A dark blue one looked worn enough for her purposes, and she took it off the rack.

Holding the dress up against her side, there seemed no reason the dress shouldn’t fit. Perhaps a little long, but that wouldn’t matter for chores. Now where to change? Ella glanced around. There was no way she could undress in here. She made a quick dash upstairs to the spare room, changed, and then came back down again.

Ella left the kerosene lamp burning in the living room in case the girls should awaken before she came back. A search in the closet by the front door revealed an old coat and boots, no doubt the ones Lois used to wear. Ivan apparently had never gotten rid of any of his wife’s things.

A picture of Ivan’s face rose before her. The distress in it, the words he had spoken to her in anguish, “I loved Lois too much. And this is why
Da Hah
has taken her from me.”

Yet
Da Hah
had also taken Aden, and she loved him just as much. Perhaps that’s why they were safe together, she and Ivan. Ella felt a touch of her old bitterness rising as she stood in the cold mudroom. What a messed-up world, but there was one small comfort. At least she would never be able to love Ivan as much as she had loved Aden.

With coat and boots on, Ella opened the front door, kicking a small drift of snow away with her foot and finding the steps already cleaned. Ivan must have made another round through the path this morning after the snow stopped. At the junction toward the barn, Ella expected to follow only footsteps, but she found a freshly shoveled path. Gratefully she made her way to the barn door.

For a moment she paused to look toward the east. Gray clouds still hung heavy on the horizon, but she could see small patches of dark blue here and there. The sun would soon be up, and the snowfall obviously was over.

The smell of the barn greeted her as she opened the door and stepped inside. The scene was familiar, with the line of cows tied to stanchions. Ivan, sitting on a three-legged stool, had his back turned toward her and one knee was propped against a cow’s leg. He must have heard her but likely thought she was Susanna.

“I told you I could handle the chores.”

“It’s me,” Ella said. “I can help.”

Ivan jerked his head up, scraping it on the cow’s belly. The animal lurched forward. Only his knee held the cow’s leg back long enough for him to snatch the half-filled bucket of milk to safety.

Ella laughed.

And Ivan turned red.

“That’s not nice,” Ivan said. “I wasn’t expectin’ you.”

“I wasn’t expectin’ to come out, but I thought you could use help. And I hope you don’t mind the dress. It was Lois’s.”

His eyes swept her figure. “You’re wearing her dress
and
coat.”

Yah,” she said. “Is it wrong? If so, I can change back into my own clothes. I only had my good clothes to wear.”

He swallowed hard, his blue eyes finding her face. “No…” He forced a smile. “That’s as it should be. Are the girls still asleep?”

“They were when I checked last, and I left the light on in the living room…just in case.”

He nodded, seeming to approve, and turned back to the cow.

“Have you let people know yet?” Ella asked.

He shook his head but didn’t turn around.

“Let me finish the milkin’ then. And you can go tell them. The undertaker needs to be told.”

“It’s still early, and the roads aren’t passable.”

“The people need to be told. And the undertaker can be called from the pay phone. Surely you can reach that far,” she said, surprised at her boldness.

“Yah,” he said, considering her words. “In this you are right. I guess I was still in my own world of chores and things.”

“They would have come to help if you had let them know.”

“The snow just quit, so I couldn’t go before. It passed suddenly, like these storms do.”

“Were you up all night?” she asked. “You poor man.”

His back relaxed and he shrugged. “Maybe I got an hour or so in the rocker. Daett was mourning most of the night.”

“Let me milk the rest of the cows then. I grew up around this.”

“This one’s almost done.” He got up and pulled the milk pail away from the cow. “There’s only four more to go.”

“My hands still work,” she said, kneading them to demonstrate and smiling.

He nodded, giving her the milk bucket.

Ella emptied it slowly into the strainer while Ivan watched.

When she finished, he took a deep breath and exhaled. He looked relieved.

“I know how to milk,” Ella assured him, taking a three-legged stool off the wall and carefully sitting down next to a cow. She began the familiar rhythm of milking a cow by hand. Behind her the barn door opened and shut as Ivan left without further conversation.

Ella moved her fingers quickly, feeling the power in her hands, her muscles toned over the years.

“It’s been a long time,” she whispered. “I suppose it will be good to have cows to milk again, and to have a husband whom I can help with the chores.” She let her thoughts wander as she milked…about being a wife and full-time mamm.

The cow was out of milk, and it turned its head back to Ella. With a jerk the cow brought its leg forward, and Ella would have lost the milk pail if she hadn’t lunged forward, throwing her weight against the cow’s leg.

“Easy there!” Ella laughed. “Sorry, bossy. I guess I got lost in my thoughts. You won’t like me now will you? Maybe I can do better next time.”
Next time. Will there be a next time?
Ella got to her feet and emptied the milk into the strainer. This could be her place in a few months. Her house and barn—if she desired it. “It’s
gut,
” she whispered, “and right that I love the girls. But if only I could love the man.”

Seven

A
s Ella emptied the last bucket of milk into the strainer, she heard the recognizable rattle of a snowplow on the road. When the milk had run through, she pulled the cloth screen out of the strainer, glancing around for Ivan’s slop bucket. With a flip of her hand she tossed the dripping cloth in that direction. For a moment the cloth caught on the edge and then toppled inside.

“That’s a good toss,” she said, laughing as she realized she was talking to herself again. Being in the barn and milking the cows had awakened great waves of homesickness that now swept over her. She missed her family. If she were at home, Dora would be here helping her milk, and perhaps even Clara and Monroe. Eli too, though truth be told, he was gone now. Eli, with his stubborn heart, leaving to be near his
Englisha
girlfriend. The loss hung heavy in the damp air of the barn, and Ella set the milk bucket on the floor as tears formed, evidence to her sore heart.

Behind her a cow banged against the metal clasp holding her neck, reminding Ella of her present duties. That was
gut.
Responsibilities were a part of the flow of life, and they lifted a person out of despair and despondency. The cow mooed loudly, causing Ella to jump as she rushed to the front of the stalls to loosen the clasps. With the stanchions open, the cows seemed to know the way out, but they managed to bang their heads against the side boards anyway.

“Come on!” Ella hollered, slapping the backside of the nearest one. The slap was in vain as the animal didn’t increase its speed but ambled along, swinging from side to side in her slow walk.

Ella paused, listening.
Are those voices? Yes. People are outside and coming closer to the barn.

The barn door opened with a swoosh, snow flying everywhere. Ella flinched in surprise as two Amish boys entered, stomping their feet on the floor.

“Did we startle you?” the older teenager asked with a smile.

Ella didn’t recognize the boys—neighbors likely, notified of the need by Ivan’s report.

“You shouldn’t come bargin’ in like that,” Ella said, trying to catch her breath. “You’ll scare a poor soul senseless.”

The boys laughed.

“Any choring still need doing?” the youngest asked.

“I milked the last cow,” she said. “But the milk needs to be cooled. I don’t really know what else. Is Ivan around anywhere?”

“Not now. He came by our place on his way to make a phone call. We’ll look around,” the older said. “Finish what we can find. Ivan might be back by then.”

The boys looked around for work, and after a few moments the younger asked, “Say, are you Ivan’s girlfriend?”

Ella felt her cheeks flush. She probably should answer as quickly as possible. Their amusement would only increase if she waited or denied the obvious. Instead she took her time, stepping through the stanchions to face them.

“Now, would that be any of your business?” She tried her best to sound put off by their question, but the truth was she almost wanted to laugh at their frank, youthful curiosity.

Both boys raised their eyebrows at her attempt to hide her smile, their own ensuing laughter filling the morning air.

“We didn’t mean to stick our noses where they don’t belong,” the older said. “You know what I mean. We were just askin’.”

“Well, then,” Ella said, “I suppose I am. Now both of you get busy, and don’t be askin’ any other girls such questions. It’s not fittin’.”

The boys grabbed the heavy milk cans, showing little sign of the weight they contained, and disappeared toward the milk house and cooling tank.

Ella figured she should head back to the house in case the girls had awakened. As she stepped out of the barn, the first of the horse teams pulled in dragging a snow scoop. In the crisp morning air, with the sun just breaking out from behind the clouds, the young driver waved to her, his horses’ nostrils spouting white streams of air.

“Get-up,” Ella heard the driver yell as he held the huge snow scoop down. The horses knew what to do. At the end of the run, they turned sideways, and the driver flipped the scoop over, the snow tumbling into the beginnings of a pile.

Ella followed the snow path to the house, glancing over her shoulder. The driver was preparing for another run, and down the road another team was coming, the scoop tipped upside down and dragging behind. They would soon have the whole area between the house and barn cleared.

Figures appeared further down the road, walking. They looked like women, their forms gray and black against the white snow. They walked briskly, and Ella hurried to the house. At present no one was likely to come to the main house, but she needed to get inside to check on the girls.

Ella tossed her coat on a chair and opened the wood box in the kitchen, only to find it empty. Did Ivan keep the woodpile against the house replenished? At her house she had an outside opening directly into the wood box, but many of these older houses didn’t. There was only one way to find out.

She pulled the boots back on, slipping into Lois’s coat, and picked up a snow shovel leaning against the washroom wall. From the porch, she looked around the edge of the house. She didn’t see an obvious woodpile. Was it buried in the snow or did Ivan keep his wood somewhere else? Wherever the wood was, a long dig might be required. Ella looked down the side of the house and noticed a small rickety lean-to some yards away.

Yah, the woodpile. She headed in that direction, shoveling snow as she went. On the north side, the snow had drifted high against the lean-to, so she detoured around to the south side. Here the clear outlines of cut wood were evident under the snow. Carefully she knocked the shovel against the wood, dislodging the white piles. She filled her arms with wood and moved carefully back to the washroom door, making sure her feet didn’t slip on the steps.