Ella Finds Love Again (7 page)

One load would have been enough for her purposes, but Ella went back for more. This might soon be her house, and already responsibility for it draped over her like a blanket. She only wished the necessary feelings for Ivan would envelop her as easily as the obvious needs for a woman in the family did. Oh, to just feel even a tingle in her emotions at the sight of Ivan. Would the time come when she would deeply desire his arms around her?

Aden’s love had been like that, but the memory was almost faded now. With a sigh Ella dropped her load into the wood box. The pieces clattering loudly as they spilled against the walls of the box. She grabbed a few cut logs that seemed driest and put them in the stove. She pulled a few thin slivers of wood off the pieces, lit them with a match, and held them under the logs. Unexpected help came from the coals under the ashes, their warmth still there from last night. She found a small kettle, dipped water from the bucket into it, and slid it onto the stove. The fire would continue on its own, so she could now go upstairs to get the girls up.

At home on Chapman Road she would have let them sleep in, but with the preparations for the funeral, someone might need an item from the main house and stop by. Surely they would think it strange if the girls were still in bed. As their mother-to-be, she needed them awake and up.

Ella was halfway up the stairs when baby Barbara cried from the bedroom below. Something must have awakened her. Ella hurried back down and opened the door. Barbara was wide awake, kicking her feet, her diaper obviously heavy.

“Phew!” Ella said, laughing as she came closer. “So that’s why you’re up.”

Barbara’s face broke into a broad smile as her hands started going as energetically as her feet.

“So you’re glad to see me?” Ella asked, smiling gently.

Lifting her out of her crib, Ella lay Barbara on the dresser top. Apparently this was where Ivan changed diapers. Nothing else looked suitable for that purpose. The baby continued to make chortling noises and kicked her legs as Ella worked.

At least Ivan knew how to change diapers. Not many men did—or were willing to try. He really wouldn’t have to either. There were relatives who would take on the care of the three girls if Ivan consented to splitting them up. That Ivan wanted to keep them together as a family showed his heart. He was a
gut
man and would make a
gut
husband.

“I’ll love him someday,” Ella said out loud, and the baby laughed heartily, still kicking her feet.

“That comment wasn’t meant for you, silly.”

As Ella lifted the newly diapered Barbara from the dresser, she heard the patter of little feet coming down the stairs. She paused, listening with a warm heart to the familiar sound. Stepping outside the bedroom, she peeked up the stairs, but saw no one. Soft noises came from the kitchen. Ella entered to find both girls seated on the table bench rubbing their eyes sleepily.

“You’re up—and all by yourselves.”

They stared at her.

“Why are you here?” Mary asked. “You said you couldn’t stay.”

Ella caught her breath, remembering the complications. She put baby Barbara in her high chair and sat down next to Mary.

“Mary, your grandmother died last night over at the
dawdy haus
,” Ella said as she gave her a hug. “That’s why I’m here.”

“What does ‘died’ mean?” Sarah asked.

“It means your
grossmamm
went to heaven,” Ella said. “The angels came to get her last night.”

“Like they did for our mamm,” Mary said. “The angel came for her too. That’s why we have another mamm now. One that lives down here with us.”

Ella caught a glimpse of movement outside the living room window and took the opportunity to distract Mary.

“Come over here and see this,” Ella said, taking Sarah’s hand. Mary followed slowly behind them.

“See the long black car at the
dawdy haus
? They have come to pick up your
grossmamm
’s body.”

The two girls watched in silence. They could see the front door of the
dawdy haus
held open by Susanna. Their father appeared first, followed by
Englisha
people, and then the stretcher covered with a white sheet.

“Is
grossmamm
covered up?” Mary asked.

“Yah, they will take her into town, and then bring her back this afternoon.”

“I thought she went to heaven,” Sarah said as the stretcher was slid into the black car.

“Her soul was taken by the angels. That’s just her body,” Ella said.

They watched as the doors to the black car closed and it pulled slowly across the snowy lawn and onto the main road.

“Now we need to get your breakfast,” Ella said, turning away from the window. Soon she had oatmeal and eggs cooked. The girls ate eagerly but silently. Ella didn’t try to get them talking. Heavy things had happened while they slept, and it was best to allow their minds time to absorb it. She fed and cleaned up Barbara and then took her into the living room and put her on a blanket by the woodstove.

When they were finished, Mary and Sarah climbed up on chairs, wanting to help with the dishes. Ella allowed it. With the kitchen and dishes cleaned, Ella changed back to her own dress and then helped put boots and coats on the two oldest girls. When they were ready, she picked up the baby and bundled her into a warm blanket after putting on her coat and cap. She blew out the kerosene lamp and guided the girls out the door and carefully through the snow to the
dawdy haus
.

The girls were instructed to sit quietly and behave themselves. Ella then offered to help where she was needed, checking on the girls as necessary, and eventually allowing them to play quietly in an upstairs bedroom.

Lunch was served by the neighbors while everyone visited and pitched in to help.

The
grossmamm
’s body was returned in the late evening. Ella watched as the hearse pulled in from the main road, and the body was carried into the main bedroom downstairs. Ella would bring the girls down later to take them through the viewing line. Already a few buggies had pulled in, and a line was forming outside.

Eight

T
he next day the funeral was held. Buggies were parked all along the road at the graveyard, the snow cleared away from the ditches, and the horses tied to the fence posts. Only a small path remained where the
Englisha
cars could creep through. The drivers were mostly locals and respectful. At one point, Ella heard the impatient roar of a sports car, but when heads turned, the driver must have thought better of his speed and moved past the graveyard with hardly a sound.

The sky hung heavy with clouds, the low mountains in the west completely hidden from view. Ella, with Mary and Sarah beside her, was standing only a few feet from the open grave. Young Bishop Miller, from the neighboring district to the north, was getting ready to lead in the graveside prayer. It struck Ella as odd that he should be presiding at the funeral of the woman who might have become her mother-in-law. Bishop Miller had only months ago declared his love and asked for her hand in marriage. Ella had turned him down, much to the dismay of her mamm and daett. She glanced across the crowd to where her parents stood among the many mourners. They looked older than Ella remembered. She shuddered to think she would someday return here to see them buried.

Bishop Miller stared at the grave, his black hat in one hand, his prayer book in the other. He led out in a strong voice. He was a grand sight, really. He was confident as usual, his eyes focused on the white page. He was as good looking as ever. Ella couldn’t help but hope he had asked some girl or widow for her hand in marriage by now—revealing that he had forsaken any dreams that she would change her mind. Yet from what she heard, the bishop was still single. Surely she had nothing to fear from him. Bishop Miller was a decent man, though a bit overconfident and eager in love. Surely he wouldn’t bother her while she made up her mind about Ivan.

The bishop and Ella would have been wed this spring if she hadn’t said no. She was the first woman who had resisted his advances. Perhaps he would find that hard to take. He was a man of great power among the people, yet there were guidelines for appropriate behavior—even for him—when it came to matters of the heart.

Bishop Miller concluded his prayer and placed his hat back on his head. A few of the young men stepped forward, and the soft thud of dirt against the wooden coffin began. Another body committed back to the earth from whence it had come.

Ella glanced down the line of gravestones. Aden’s grave lay two rows over. She had avoided the spot when she came in with the girls. She’d noticed that Ivan had avoided the row of graves on the other side of the cemetery where his wife, Lois, was buried.

Two wounded hearts together, that’s what they were. Perhaps
Da Hah
was trying to mend them both. Ella squeezed Mary’s hand, who glanced up at her face, her eyes almost covered by her bonnet. The little girl shivered, and Ella quickly reached over to Sarah. She too was shivering. Ella pulled both girls against her and wrapped the bottom of her shawl over the top of them. Their shivers lessened.

Young boys and an occasional married man traded off with the shovels, and soon the mound was complete. Ella felt the move of the crowd as they slowly headed for their buggies. What did Ivan want done with his girls? He stood a few feet away, and she waited until she could catch his eye.

Naturally Ivan didn’t stand beside her at the graveside. They weren’t married yet, but now he approached her without hesitation. He knelt down to peek into his daughters’ faces hidden under Ella’s shawl and their bonnets.

“It’s time to go,” he whispered. “You’ll go home with Ella from here. Then I’ll pick you up as usual on Friday.”

Mary nodded and Sarah shrugged her thin shoulders.

Ivan looked up at Ella and she nodded, her question answered. She needed to retrieve baby Barbara and get the girls out of the cold as soon as possible.

“They buried Mamm here too,” Mary said, her hand pointing across the graveyard, her voice barely audible.

Ivan looked at her from eye level and reached to brush her cheek with his hand. “Mary, you do know that Mamm is in heaven, don’t you? It’s just her body that’s in the grave.”

“That’s what Ella said,” Mary whispered.

Ivan nodded.

Ella watched and wondered,
Oh, why can’t I love this man? He has such a tender heart.

“Why can’t we all go home…back to
our
house?” Mary asked, a little louder now.

“Shhh…” Ivan whispered, brushing her cheek again. “You will go to Ella’s place, and I’ll pick you up there as usual. Be a good girl now.”

Mary nodded, but it was obvious she hardly understood. How could she when even Ella didn’t understand why
Da Hah
tore hearts apart and then tried to put them back together again so clumsily. Were the old people really right when they said
Da Hah
knew what was best? There sure wasn’t much comfort in those words at the moment.

“I’ll find Barbara,” Ella said, as Ivan stood.

“Susanna has her,” he said, motioning off to his left. “Thanks so much for what you’ve done. I know you didn’t have to, and that it was hard. Especially stayin’ overnight. I can only say
Da Hah
has been more than kind to me.”

Ella nodded. That was a longer speech than he usually made, and she gave him a smile—warm, she hoped, and sincere.

He responded by moving his hand toward hers and then stopping. She could almost read his thoughts:
No. After all, this is public.

Ivan finally nodded and moved away in silence, melting into the crowd.

Ella watched him go and then turned to where Susanna stood holding baby Barbara.

“They’re sweet girls,” Susanna said, handing Barbara over. “But they need a mamm.”

Ella didn’t respond, and Susanna apologized. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it quite so.”

“Well, you’re right. They do need a mamm. And perhaps someday I can be a real mamm to them.”

“You would be just wonderful,” Susanna said, looking relieved. “I really didn’t mean anything by my careless words.”

“I know,” Ella said, shifting Barbara on her arm.

“I’ll carry her to the buggy,” Susanna said, offering to take the baby again.

Ella nodded and handed the baby back. They walked single file through the crowd, pulled along as everyone continued moving toward their buggies. Holding the girls’ hands, Mary in front of her, and Sarah behind her, Ella pressed forward. A few people recognized them and nodded, but no one attempted conversation.

The clouds still hung heavily overhead and the mood was somber.

Ella helped the two girls into the buggy and reached back to Susanna for the baby. With Barbara inside, she was ready to climb in when a hand tugged on her arm.

“Ella!” her mamm said, gasping for air. “I thought I’d missed you…with all these people around.”

“Mamm!” Ella said, turning with a cry of pleasure and embracing her mom. “I didn’t know if I’d get a chance to talk with you. I did see you go through the viewing line.”

“Yah, we sat out in the barn service,” Lizzie said, gently releasing from their embrace. “It’s been so long now. And we don’t get to see much of you anymore.”

Her daett stepped forward and said, “I guess our Ella is a big girl now.”

“Oh Daett, it’s so good to see you,” Ella replied, uncertain whether to shake his hand or not. How did one greet one’s father after not seeing him in a while? He nodded, giving her arm a quick squeeze.

“And the girls,” Lizzie said, looking inside the buggy. “My, my…you two get bigger every day.”

Mary and Sarah sat on the seat with broad smiles.

“Have you heard from Eli?” Ella asked. Wasn’t that the question that lay close to all their hearts?

“He has an apartment in town,” Lizzie whispered. She glanced around quickly. “They are talking of marriage, I’m afraid.”