Enlightened (Red Flags) (15 page)

I watched Jason try and process what I'd just said.

"What did she tell you?" he asked, sitting up a little straighter, eager for information.

"She just told me about your family, and how things work.  I can tell you this, after the picture she painted; I dislike Jacob about as much as I dislike Stacey.  Your dad isn't far from those two."

A smile spread across Jason's lips.  I found myself staring at them and remembering all the times he used those delectable lips on my body, but quickly regained my focus, remembering that he had a shit ton of explaining to do.

"My dad can be a definite asshole…"

"Can be?"  I interrupted, annoyed that he still found any traces of good in his dad.  "Your dad has treated you like shit and put you against your brother for years.  He's part of the problem, Jason."

"He's still my dad, Cara."

I shook my head, still not understanding, but I let him continue.

"My family is all sorts of fucked up.  Money is just a way to hide the problems."  I stared intently, finally beginning to hear what Jason should have filled me in on a long time ago.  "Jacob's always had dad's attention and admiration, but he couldn't get over the fact that I was just better than him in almost everything.  For some reason, my parents each took a kid, only my mom didn't completely disregard Jacob the way my dad did me."

"Why did that happen?" I asked, wondering how parents could love one kid over the other.

"I have no idea, but it's always been this way." 

"I've been told you pretty much disowned your family." I wanted so badly to wrap him in my arms, but refrained from doing so. 

"Damn.  Did everyone around me all of a sudden become fuckin' reporters?"  Jason asked, looking a little embarrassed.

"No.  But they filled me on what happened when I left.  You should be grateful you have someone in your corner."

"I am.  Trust me, I am."  He shifted his weight so he was now completely facing me.  "I've got a part-time mom now and that's about it.  My life hasn't been so great lately."

Thinking about the sudden shift in his life brought the for sale sign that I saw in his yard, the night of Chelsea's party, back to mind.  I wanted so badly to know what was going on with that, and why he was trying to make things right with me if he was just planning on leaving town.

"Why is your house for sale?"

"I have to cut ties with my dad," he quickly responded.  "It was my dad's house, but it recently got signed over to me.  As soon as all of the paperwork went through, I put that shit up for sale."

"Where are you going to live?" I asked, wondering if he would leave San Diego altogether.

"I'm staying in La Jolla.  I love it there. I'm just getting out of that damn house."

I nodded my head.  Hearing that Jason wouldn't be leaving San Diego settled some fears that had been rising since the day I found out that the house was on the market.

"Look, Cara.  I have a whole host of shit to sort through, and a lot of my mistakes have been a long time coming. But I'm working on them, I'm really working on me, and I need you. I need you to help me be the man I know I can be."

I smiled, but didn't want to relent.  There was still so much to tackle. I felt like we had only begun to scratch the surface.

"What about Damian?  He filled me in on a bit, too."

I watched red flash through Jason's face and I knew I was about to hear a very conflicting story to what I had heard earlier in the day.

"Damian Rossi is a fuckin' prick," the anger inside of him triggered his thick, southern drawl.

"So are you, Jason," I quickly shouted back, before I'd even thought about what I was saying.

He nodded his head softly and closed his eyes before speaking again.

"You might be right about that, but he's the worst kind of prick. He preys on girls' weaknesses.  Did he tell you he knows Stacey?"  I watched him wince after saying her name, knowing it was toxic on my ears. I simply nodded my head.  "After I ended my engagement with her, he swooped in and tried to act like her fuckin' knight in shining armor.  He succeeded, for a while, but when she wanted to come back to me, and did, he filled her head with all sorts of lies about me and her sister.  Instead of asking, Stacey believed him, and decided to sleep with both of us, but she's a cheap whore and sloppy as hell, so I figured it out pretty quickly."

I could feel my stomach churn as the sudden need to vomit was back, aching in my throat, threatening to unleash itself all over my beautiful bamboo floors.  I stood and walked into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water, gulping it down without stopping for a breath.  Jason watched me and made his way into the kitchen as well.  I placed the now empty bottle down on the kitchen island and Jason grabbed both of my hands, staring down on me.

"I know how much you despise her, and I definitely wasn't trying to rehash my filthy past to hurt you, but I'm done hiding shit. I need you to know everything so you can make a clear decision on if you want to be with me or not." 

"It's just so damn disturbing," I muttered, shaking my head in disbelief.

"I know it is, and I'm certainly not proud of it, but it is what it is."

"So what's your theory on her baby?" I asked, almost wishing that I had kept my mouth shut.

"I really don't fuckin' know.  It could be Jacob, Damian, or even Dev.  But I know one God damn thing, it ain't mine.  I haven't touched her in over a year, Cara.  Over a year."  Determination filled his eyes and the conviction behind his words made me believe him.

"Do you really think it could be Damian?  He didn't even know she was pregnant."

"Him or Jacob are my guesses, but she played fuckin' Dev like a fiddle, so who knows.

I thought back to the day I'd met the crew at the paintball facility.  Dev seemed like such a nice guy, much too nice to be with anyone like Stacey.  I remembered Becca telling me that he was so head over heels for Stacey, that he would take what he could get from her.  It made me wonder if she had a golden crotch, because her personality stunk to high heaven.

"This is too much.  It's just too much to process right now," I muttered feeling flustered by the bombardment of a tangled web of deceit from all of the players in Jason's life.

"I know it’s a bunch of bullshit, Cara, and you certainly don't deserve it, but you need to know that I want to be with you more than I want to take my next breath."

I watched as tears filled his eyes.  Jason blinked, trying to keep them contained when one escaped and slowly rolled down his face.  The sight of tears falling from his eyes filled mine, and I allowed my tears to fall as well. 

He wiped my tears away with the pad of his thumb. "Why are you crying?" 

"Because you are.  Because there is so much hurt in your world that has found its way into mine, and I just don't know where to go from here."

He smiled and continued to stroke my face.

"I know I'm a very broken man, Cara, but you make me feel whole.  Please, don't give up on me."

I looked into his sparkling brown eyes and shed a few more tears.  I wanted him, I wanted him bad, but I was also afraid of my world being torn to shreds by him again.  It hurt being with him and it hurt like hell being without him.  I felt like I was in the middle of a very cruel game of tug of war, and I wanted nothing more than to break free of all of it, but watching the pain soar through him hurt me just as much.  There was no doubt in my mind that he was being truthful, but fear paralyzed me, and kept me from jumping right back into his arms again.  As much as I wanted to be with him, Stacey was a lingering problem, and not one that I wanted to pull back into my life at the moment.

"I love you, Jason.  I've never stopped loving you, but I can't give one hundred percent of me and only get fifty percent of you."

"I know.  And trust me, Gorgeous, you've got me.  All of me." 

He pulled me in for a hug and I buried my head into his well-toned chest.  He held me there for a few minutes, kissing the top of my head, but not saying a word.  It felt so right being in his arms again, and I didn't want him to let me go, but he pulled back, smiled, then planted a warm, soul bearing kiss on my lips.  I felt the immediate tug that I normally experienced whenever Jason was affectionate with me.  Shockwaves coursed through my body as we stood, lip-locked together.  When he pulled back, I felt my erratic breathing slowly begin to work its way back down to normal.

"I won't keep you all night, but I needed to be able to get my side out in the open," He said, looking relieved that I hadn't pushed him away.

"I'm not promising anything, Jason," I said, my voice still a little shaky from the passionate kiss he had just supplied me with.

"I know, but knowing that you still love me is a good enough start." 

He turned to leave, and pulled me behind him by my hand.  When we got to the front door, he stopped, looking me in the eye again and whispered, "Don't give up on me."  He kissed me softly and walked out the door.

I shut the door and leaned back against it, trying to replay what had just happened over in my head, but feeling completely overwhelmed by it all.  I was in no way ready to thrust myself back into a relationship with Jason, but our physical, as well as our emotional connection, was still there, and the powerful feelings evoked when we were together had me feeling like an emotional mess.

Chapter 12

I went to bed last night after averting the onslaught of questions by Chelsea.  The moment the door shut, she wanted to know why Jason was there and what had happened, since I was obviously a ball of emotions. With the way I was feeling, I decided that for once, I didn't want to delve into all of the details, and just told her that Jason and I talked about us and what we wanted to do from there on.  Of course she threw in her two cents, but I cut her short.  Honestly, I didn't want anyone else's opinions on the matter.  I was well aware of everything that had happened and where things stood.  Whatever decision I made would be my decision and mine alone. 

I had spent too much time worrying about the feelings and opinions of everyone around me, and for once, I just wanted to make my own decision based on my own conscience.  Seeing the affection and conviction in Jason's eyes made me feel for him; much like the way I had before everything blew up on me.  While I was still very much afraid of jumping back into his arms, I saw a beaten down guy who just wanted to be loved.  He had made some changes in his life, mostly ridding himself of the toxicity that was his family, and I was proud of him.  Family should be everything, but for him, it was his biggest source of contention.

I finally dragged myself out of bed, knowing I had to get to work to spend another full day with Damian.  Learning what I'd learned about him was also weighing on my mind.  Stacey was a whore to me simply because she was still devilishly pining for Jason. But to know that she willingly slept with Jason, Damian, and Dev because she was so desperate for whatever she was desperate for, cemented that title for her.  I would never know her appeal and frankly, didn't care to find out.  

When I finally made my way downstairs, Chelsea was sitting at the table, eating a bowl of cereal and reading a magazine.  The sound of my heels broke her focus, prompting her eyes to lock with mine.  I lightly smiled, not saying anything to her, but her inquisitive stare told me she was ready to ask questions, and I wasn't wrong.

"You okay?" she asked, setting her magazine down on the table.  "You look worn out."

I looked at her over my shoulder while holding the door to the fridge.  What was I supposed to say? I'm okay. I just have an ex-boyfriend whom I still love very much, who has the family from hell, but is willing to change everything about himself to be with me?  Or the fact that the one person that I despise more than anything in the world has ties to seemingly every man in San Diego and somehow it keeps coming back to me?  I sighed and grabbed a bottle of orange juice and the cream cheese for a bagel.

"I'm alright.  I just have a lot to deal with right now."

"I can see that.  Hell, if I had a bunch of men after me, I'd be worn out too."  She paused for a second and threw her long sandy colored hair into a hair tie.  "Italian Stallion is a bright spot, though."  Her wink made me frown.

"Damian is not a love interest.  He has ties to Stacey.  He's toxic."

Chelsea's mouth dropped.  "What do you mean he has ties to Stacey?"

I went about toasting my bagel, in hopes of quelling the ache in my stomach. 

"She's the reason Damian and Jason don't like each other.  When Jason ended things with Stacey, she moved on to Damian, but then cheated on him with Jason."  The re-hashing of all of this was starting to piss me off all over again.

"She's even more disgusting than I originally thought.  That bitch is like a fucking revolving door for any dick that wants in and out."  Chelsea frowned, setting her face into a deep scowl.  I felt the same way, but didn't feel the need to say it.

"Well, I'm off to work."  I said, taking my orange juice and warm bagel from the counter.  Chelsea merely smiled and went back to reading her magazine.

When I arrived at the office, Amanda had a steaming mug of coffee sitting on my desk waiting for me.  She also had a ton of messages, but the most important being that William wanted to see me, pronto.  I didn't know what could be so important, and chills streaked down my arms as I walked over to his office, finding him in a rather heated telephone conversation.  He looked up and signaled for me to take a seat in front of his desk, which I did--cautiously.

"Cara," he said in a rather brash tone after slamming the phone receiver down, "This photo shoot is very important to the campaign.  I need to make sure that Mr. Rossi is happy with everything, so while I'm putting you in charge of it, you are in no way to make him unhappy with our efforts.  You got that?" 

I sat dumbfounded for a second, wondering if I had done something that had gotten back to William without my knowledge. 

"Yes," I answered nervously, unsure if he was going to hurl some complaints my way.