Esrever Doom (Xanth) (28 page)

“Bombe,” Zosi agreed.

That glance had really communicated!

The men looked blank.

“Bombe,” Yukay explained. It was pronounced the same, but Kody heard the different spelling. “An eye scream dessert. See if Sniffer can find one.”

“Find a bombe,” Kody told Sniffer. He hoped the robot had a better idea of it than he did.

The robot puffed out smoke and started moving. They followed, alert for dangers along the way. Soon they came to a literal candyland. The rocks were chocolate, lollipops grew from the ground, the trees were covered with candy balls, and Ivan harvested a walking stick that was a sugar cane made of solid sugar. This was a child’s delight, but they knew better than to stuff themselves with sweets.

And there was the bombe, a round dish of ice cream—eye scream, Kody corrected himself—holding another kind of eye scream inside. In the shape of an eyeball, of course. This time they indulged themselves and ate it. It was sinfully delicious.

The sniffer had pretty well proved itself.

12

G
HOST

“One last thing we should do, before we move on,” Yukay said. “We need to calibrate our two kinds of Bomb locators to be sure they align. Then we’ll be sure we know what we’re doing.”

“Calibrate?” Kody asked.

“You can tell how close we are, but not specific direction. Sniffer can tell what direction, but not proximity. We need to know both, so we don’t make any mistake or walk into any ugly surprises.”

“Good point. The three of you and Zap all look perfectly normal to me.”

Yukay looked around. “Zosi looks a degree uglier than she used to. Ivan looks a shade more brutish. And you, Kody, are stomach-turning loathsome.”

“That suggests we are closer, as we expected.” Kody looked at Ivan. “How do you see the rest of us?”

“If I hadn’t had the chip, I would have vomited on Yukay when she touched me last night. Zosi’s no prize either. And Yukay’s right: you are loathsome, worse than before.”

“And you, Zosi?”

“It’s a good thing it was dark last night, in the bedroom, or I might have retched. Ivan’s not a lot better, and Yukay is the crone of crones.” She smiled. “But I never judged you by your appearance. I love you for other things.”

Kody had to smile. “So we are agreed: the contrast is stronger than it was. So we are closer to the Bomb. But we still don’t know how close. It could be several days’ walk away, or several minutes’. We need a better measure.”

“Squawk.” On the griffin’s side was the word
PERSPECTIVE
.

“You’re a genius!” Kody said. “That’s magic that works in both Xanth and Mundania.”

“But how do we apply it?” Yukay asked.

“We move sidewise and triangulate.”

But the faces of the others were blank. This was not magic they understood.

“I will demonstrate,” Kody said. “Um, I think I will need a compass. But maybe I can make do with the sun and shadows.”

They still looked blank.

“Zap, you stand here, with your back to the sun,” Kody said. “See where your shadow points: pretty much west. So I take my position due west of you, so your shadow points right toward me.”

“This is weird magic,” Ivan muttered.

“Now I will travel crosswise, going north,” Kody said, walking a few paces. “And sight on Zap again. And lo: she’s no longer aligned with her shadow. The angle is different. I can tell by that that she’s about as far away from me as the distance I just walked north. I am triangulating: sighting along two sides of a triangle. From those two sightings I can tell about how far away something is.”

“But you can see Zap without all that,” Ivan protested.

“But I can’t see the Bomb. But the same technique will work on that. We can get an approximation today, and know how near or far from it we are.”

It took awhile, but finally they came to understand the magic of perspective and triangulation and agreed that it should work.

They did a sighting based on Sniffer’s pointing and judged its direction. “Just about due west,” Kody said.

Then they marched north a distance and sighted again. It was still pretty much west. “That means it’s not too close yet,” Kody said.

They went farther north, to take another sighting. And something bothered Kody. There was a bit of clouding at the edge of his vision that disappeared when he looked directly at it. Was he having a vision problem? He dismissed it and walked on.

He saw a vague shape. It reminded him of something, or rather someone. Was his imagination playing tricks on him?

Then he got a better glimpse. “Naomi!” he exclaimed.

The others looked at him. “Is that guilt getting to you again?” Yukay asked.

“Maybe. I thought I saw her. And of course that’s impossible, because—”

“Because she’s dead,” Yukay finished. “But it’s not impossible. You could be seeing her ghost.”

Kody paused. “Are ghosts literal too, in Xanth?”

“Oh, yes. If a person dies and can’t make it immediately to Heaven, Hell, or somewhere else, s/he may hang around the place where s/he died.”

S/he? “This isn’t that place.”

“But you are the one who killed her. That will do.”

“She’s haunting me?”

“Not necessarily. She liked you, and maybe that emotion survives her death and keeps her close. Maybe she still has something to tell you.”

“I have something to tell
her
: I’m supremely sorry about killing her.”

“I’m sure she already knows that.”

“So what does she want with me?”

“You’ll have to talk with her and find out.”

Kody shook his head. “I’m not used to this kind of dealing.”

“Don’t be negative. It might be important. Remember, she was the alter ego crafted by the enemy. She could know things.”

Kody resumed walking. The apparition became stronger. It was as though the ghost were still zeroing in on him, somewhat the way he was trying to zero in on the Bomb. What did she have on her vaporous mind?

When they reached another reasonable distance north, they stopped for another sighting. This time the direction was a little south of west. “Still not really close,” Kody said. “I think we have at least another day’s walk ahead of us.”

You do
.

Kody looked around. “What?” Then he saw the ghost. She remained translucently faint, but it was definitely Naomi. “Did you just speak to me?”

“No,” the others said almost together.

“Be quiet,” Yukay said. “He’s trying to communicate with the ghost of Naomi.”

“Squawk.”

Kody looked at Zap. “You’re aware of her too?”

“Squawk.” And on her side appeared the words
YOU DO.

“You heard her too!”

The griffin nodded.

“Then maybe she can manifest to all of us,” Kody said. “Not just to me.” That was oddly reassuring.

I’ll try.

“Folks,” Kody said. “She says she’ll try. Maybe if you all try to tune in, you’ll see or hear her.”

The others, who of course believed in ghosts, concentrated.

“I’m beginning to see her,” Zosi said. “Oops, she’s naked.”

“She was when she died,” Kody said. “That must lock her into that state.”

“Fortunately she looks ugly.”

“Not to me,” Kody said. “She’s beautiful.”

“So death has not reversed the Curse,” Zosi said. “That’s unkind.”

“But it makes sense,” Yukay said. “We have established that the Curse affects the viewer, not the viewee. So she looks the same as she did in life, and we see her as we did before.”

“I’m seeing her,” Ivan said. “As ugly as ever.”

“Yet for me, as pretty as ever,” Kody said. “It’s a good thing she’s not wearing panties; I’d freak out. As it is, I feel a little giddy.”

“Try your chip, Ivan,” Yukay said.

“Good idea.” Ivan unwrapped his chip of reverse wood and held it in his hand. He looked at the shimmering image again. And promptly stiffened into a freak.

“Without bra or panties,” Yukay said. “That’s potent.” She went to Ivan, held a handkerchief before his face to block off the image, and snapped her fingers.

“Huh?” he said, shaking his head.

“Put away your chip. You can’t handle her nude image. You freaked out.”

Ivan wrapped and pocketed his chip. Now he was out of danger.

Gradually Naomi became clearer, until she was like an animated glass statue, visible but not yet lifelike.

Now Zosi took the initiative, perhaps because as a lifelong zombie she had a greater familiarity with the dead. She went to hug the ghost, putting her arms carefully around the form without impinging. “We’re sorry you died. We’re glad to see you back. But why have you come?”

You need my help.

“We need your help,” Zosi repeated. “In what way?”

NoAmi is vicious. She’ll kill you if you let her. You’re not ready to face her.

“Let’s find a place we can be comfortable,” Yukay said. “Then we can talk with Naomi at our leisure. We can sure benefit from what she has to tell us.”

They cast about. Soon Zap discovered a sandalwood tree, with sandals hanging from its branches. Under those branches it was quite pleasant, as the tree maintained an environment that would not rot or warp its offerings. They found a blanket tree, harvested several large blankets, and suspended them from the branches to form a crude enclosure. It wasn’t as nice as the house cat had been, but would do.

“We’re depending on you, Zap, to sniff out any dangers before they reach us,” Yukay said. “Because we may be distracted, communicating with Naomi.”

“Squawk.”

“Is that feasible?” Yukay turned to the others. “She says Sniffer could help with that.”

Kody faced the robot. “We fear bombers. That is, folk or animals who might come to bomb or otherwise harm us. Can you be alert for them?”

“Beep.”

“Thank you,” Yukay said. “We do appreciate your effort.”

Kody, bemused, did not comment. The wood-burning robot hound was becoming increasingly like a person. It was probably the ambient magic of Xanth.

“Now, Naomi,” Yukay said. “Is there any one of us you can most readily communicate with, to make it easier?”

Kody.

“That makes sense. Then he can channel you.”

Kody picked up on it. “First let me repeat: I am extremely sorry I killed you, Naomi. I didn’t mean to do it, and would have avoided it if I had been more alert.”

The figure thickened before him. She leaned forward and kissed him on the mouth. He felt the faint touch.

I know. I tricked you into it. The guilt is mine. I wish I could have loved you, Kody, without hurting Zosi. But that was not to be.
She shrugged.
Now all I can do is flash you.

He smiled. “Not to much effect. You have no panties.”

I have dream panties.
She reached into the air and picked something out of it. It was a green panty. She put it to her middle and it formed around her, along with a matching green bra. Then she turned in place, showing her pantied bottom and bra-ed bosom.

Fingers snapped at his ear. “Snap out of it, Kody,” Yukay said.

“I freaked out,” he said dazedly.

“You sure did,” Ivan said. “I saw the panties, but they sure didn’t freak me out.”

“They would have if you’d been touching your chip,” Yukay said.

“Bleep! I missed my chance.”

“All right, Naomi,” Zosi said severely. “You made your point. Now are you here to help us or hinder us?”

To help you,
the ghost said. She giggled naughtily.
But that certainly was fun.
She no longer wore the green undies and was safely nude again.

“How can you help us?” Yukay asked.

I can scout for you, warning you of nearby dangers. I can tell you what NoAmi is doing so she can’t ambush you.

Yukay nodded. “That would help.”

But there is more.

“More?” Yukay asked suspiciously. It was obvious that she had not been much amused by the green panties prank.

There is a community of ghosts I have contacted. For one reason or another they can’t go to Heaven or Hell, and are stuck here in Xanth with nothing to do. They are willing to help too. You can’t see or hear them, but I could relay their news.

“Their news?”

They could multiply the scouting twenty-fold. I don’t think any living creature could match what they could do.

“A community of ghosts,” Yukay repeated thoughtfully. “Helping us locate NoAmi without her knowing. That would help a lot.”

But they have a price.

“There’s always a price,” Yukay agreed, annoyed. “But what could ghosts want that we could provide?”

A house of their own, so they would no longer have to wander.

“They can’t just take over an existing house and haunt it?”

No. They don’t want to make trouble for the living folk. They want to reside where they can be safe and useful, as accepted citizens. They can’t build their own house, of course, being immaterial; they must take over an existing one.

“That’s a tall order,” Kody murmured. “Most living folk don’t much like haunts.”

“Exactly,” Yukay said. “Do they have anywhere in mind?”

No. But if we could find them a suitable house, they would be glad to trade their favors for it.
Naomi smiled.
That is, scouting, spying, keeping us informed. That sort of thing.

“Some living folk might like flashing by the pretty ghosts,” Ivan said. Yukay spared him a brief glare.

“The gourd,” Zosi said.

“The gourd?” Kody asked.

“That’s a daytime access to the dream realm,” Zosi explained. “The hypno-gourd. Usually the first thing a visitor sees there is the Haunted House.”

Ideal!
Naomi said.
They are here with me, and they heard. But they don’t know whether the Night Stallion would let them be there.

“The Night Stallion?” Kody asked.

“Pause here,” Yukay said. “We have some explaining to do.”

Of course.

Yukay faced Kody. “Here in Xanth there are a number of connecting realms, such as the Moons of Ida that we saw with Demo Derby, and Counter Xanth where Cyrus is exiled, and islands that come and go on their own schedules. The dream realm is another major one. Night mares carry bad dreams to sleepers who deserve them, to tweak their inferior consciences and encourage them to be better people in the future, if only to avoid worse dreams thereafter. Those dreams are crafted carefully in the dream realm, each designed for a particular sleeper; it’s a very serious business. There are a number of crews who act in those dreams, such as the walking skeletons. Princess Dawn’s husband Picka Bone is the son of Marrow Bones, who left the dream realm and became real. There is a kind of access to the dream realm via the peepholes of the gourds; folk who gaze into those holes enter that realm mentally while their bodies lie unconscious outside. So they are dreaming, but they have control where they go, to a degree. There is the Haunted House setting that greets most newcomers. This formidable realm is governed by the Night Stallion. He alone can grant permission for the ghosts to move into the Haunted House. So to make our deal with the ghosts, we need to talk with him.”