Every Breath You Take (7 page)

“You wanted to rule the world,” Jason said.

“Well, I don’t know about all that,” Natalie said, laughing. “But uh, I definitely do plan on having executive VP of marketing and communications in front of my name one day. Anyway, I figured out the only way I was gonna be like Amanda was to go to college as far away from Braxton and that house and everything else as I could.” Natalie shrugged. “So I did. I was lucky that my counselor really encouraged me, and, well . . . there was just something about Brown. . .”

“So why’d you transfer?”

Natalie snapped out of her reverie, the rest of the story about to tumble from her lips in a tipsy torrent. No. Not yet. “That’s a story for another day.”

He sighed and took her hands in his, playing with her fingers. “I’m gonna hold you to that,” he said.

“Okay.”

“Tonight’s been fun,” he said, pulling her into a kiss, his breath sweet with orange chicken and fruity moscato. They melted into each other and his hand grazed her nipple. She froze, having both welcomed and feared this moment.

He pulled back and looked at her. “You okay?”

“Yes. No. It’s just. . .”

“I’m moving too fast, huh?”

“No, it’s not that, it’s—” Natalie groaned and pushed her face into her hands. “Oh, God.”

“Come on,” he said. “Talk to me. What’s up?”

“Well, it’s just . . . I mean, I’m. . .”

He took a deep breath and searched her face. “Is this . . . is this your first time?”

“What?”

“I mean, hey, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Really.”

“No, no, no. No.”

“No. . .?” he nodded and shook his head at the same time in an attempt to follow her muddled signals.

“I mean, no, I’m not a virgin, but I’m not all that . . . experienced either.”

“Okay. . .”

“Ugh. What I mean is . . . I’ve been with guys right? Just not that many. I mean, there hasn’t been anyone special. Like really special.”

He rubbed her shoulder then leaned in, trying to keep the smile off his face. “So . . . am I special?”

She swatted his thigh and rolled her eyes, giggling. “Stop.”

He laughed and kissed her neck. “Am I? Come on, tell me,” he said, continuing to dot kisses across her neck.

“No, really, stop.”

He obeyed, his hands in the surrender position. “Okay. I’ll stop. But you don’t have anything to be embarrassed about. Seriously.”

“You think so?”

“Would you rather be telling me about the fifty guys you’ve slept with?” he asked.

“Well, I would never sleep with fifty guys.”

“I didn’t think you would. Look. Whether you slept with fifty guys or no guys, no judgment. Really.”

She bit her bottom lip. “Really?”

“Really,” he said, smiling. “So . . . we should make our first time special.”

“Oh, jeez. You’re not gonna . . . bust out with champagne and tacky lingerie or something corny like that one night, are you?”

He tweaked her nose. “You can bring your own tacky lingerie.”

“Gross.”

“All right, all right,” he said, laughing. “No cheesy champagne and candles. But, maybe let me woo you a little. Can I do that at least?”

“Well . . . I guess I could do that. Just don’t buy me lingerie. Like you said, I can buy my own lingerie.”

He held out his pinky to her. “No lingerie unless bought by you.”

She hooked her pinky around his. “Deal.”

“I should get going,” he said as he gave her a quick kiss.

“You don’t have to. I mean—”

He kissed her again, and Natalie wanted to throw her arms around him, beg him to stay and make love to her all night, to show her it was okay to break the glass on all these notions and hang-ups she’d been lugging around for the past ten years. To not leave her. Instead, she let him lean back and pull her off the couch. “Come on,” he said. “Walk me out.”

Natalie sighed and allowed him to tug her toward the front door, her heart heavy with the possibility she’d scared him off and now he was just being polite.

He turned around to look at her before drawing her into a kiss. He pulled back, cupping her face in his hands. “Thank you,” he murmured.

“For what?”

“For finally opening up to me. Means you’re starting to trust me. Like I’ve been telling you to. That’s good.”

She grinned, relief flooding her insides. It wasn’t over. It was just beginning. “Thanks for being so trustworthy.”

H
indsight.

When she was lying in that bed, in that room, she would think about the path that had led to her prison, how hindsight had slithered around her neck and choked her like a vise.

How she had missed all those signs. How she had been asleep at the wheel.

Of course, with the benefit of hindsight, there were so many things she would go back and change. She would have broken off with him much sooner. Not been with him at all. Not made all those promises of forever. She meant them at the time and had no way of knowing they would come back to trap her.

He barged into the room, as usual, having no compunction about invading her personal space or lurking around the edges of her privacy. His rationale was that she’d never had any secrets from him, so why would she start trying to hide things from him now?

He set her breakfast tray down on the corner of the bed, preparing for the morning ritual. Her heart lurched at the sight of food, weary at the appearance of the pancakes sprinkled with powdered sugar and fat strawberries. Was it actually arsenic masquerading as powdered sugar, like that book Christine told her about, where the kids in the attic unknowingly gobbled up poisoned donuts courtesy of their wicked grandmother and evil mother?

Though she was wary about eating, her mind rampant with all sorts of extra ingredients lurking in the crevices—antifreeze, ground glass, rat poison, among other possibilities—hunger won out every time. She choked down every meal, every cup of water. And every day, she prayed this wouldn’t be the day she’d be attacked by violent spasms, or that frothy vomit wouldn’t come trickling out of the corner of her mouth, signaling her lonely, bitter end.

He shoveled the pancakes into her mouth, watching her, as always, making sure she chewed and swallowed, monitoring every agonizing bite.

Yet another thing she’d come to dread.

He looked at her and asked her why wasn’t she happy, which prompted her to immediately slap on a smile. Any hint of despondency would unleash a tirade about how ungrateful she was to him for saving her from her horrible, empty, unhappy life. And indeed, that was how he saw himself, as her knight in shining armor, slaying dragons, real and imagined, to protect her from the evils of the world.

He held up another forkful of pancakes and started chattering away about what they would do today. This was usually her cue to tune him out, to let her mind float back to a time when she could do whatever she wanted.

“Y
ou nervous?”

“No,” Natalie said.

Jason gave her a knowing sideways glance. “No?”

“Okay, maybe a little.”

He laughed as he maneuvered his shiny cobalt blue BMW into a space on Sheridan Road just vacated by a dusty green Jetta.

“Why are you nervous?”

“I mean these girls are . . . tough.”

He turned the car off and they got out. “Well, see, what I didn’t tell you was, ever since you told me about us all getting together, I started training.”

“Let me guess,” she said, laughing. “You ran up the steps of the Art Institute and did your best Rocky imitation.”

“Nah, not enough stairs,” he said as he threw out mock jabs, bobbing and weaving around her. “You liked
Rocky
didn’t you? Tell the truth.”

“I told you, I loved it. Way more than I thought I would.”

“See? I know what I’m talking about,” he said, ducking around her again.

She grabbed at his waist and pulled him to her. “You’re crazy,” she breathed, holding tight to him.

“True. So remind me again. Christine is the Latina?” he said, giving her a quick kiss before digging into his pocket for his wallet and a credit card to feed the parking meter.

“Right. From Little Village by way of Mexico when she was, like, five. Who now lives in a phat Old Town condo and wears so much Armani she probably has stock.”

“Damn. Maybe I should have gone into hedge funds after all.”

Natalie laughed. “Yeah, but as she’ll tell you, she’s just a girl from the neighborhood.”

“And Brandy’s the blonde? Kinda cranky you said.”

“Yeah. That’s an understatement. Brandy and I interned together, and she and Christine used to be in the same summer volleyball league a million years ago, which, if you know Christine, is kind of funny. Anyway, a big group of us met up for drinks one night and we turned out to be the last girls standing, and we just kind of clicked.”

“What, you didn’t go running up and down the beach in the summer chasing after a ball?”

“Hi, have we met?”

He laughed and gave her a quick peck on the cheek as they hurried down the sidewalk to deposit the ticket inside the car before heading to Duffy’s a half block away, where Natalie would be introducing Jason to her girlfriends for the first time. He held the door open for her as she searched the typically crowded bar for her friends. Christine shot her hand up in the air and waved them over. Natalie tried to breathe her jitters away as she walked toward the table where Christine, her fiancé, Brian, Brandy, and her latest fling were wedged around sweaty glasses of beer, wine, and cocktails.

“Hey, chica.” Christine smiled and gave Natalie a hug while Brandy did the same.

“Hey, everyone, this is Jason—Jason, everyone.”

As she expected, Jason was quick with handshakes and smiles as introductions went around the table. They all settled in for drinks and dinner and as the alcohol and conversation flowed, Natalie felt her shoulders loosen and her breath slow. Jason would give her knee a few reassuring squeezes and sideways smiles when no one was looking. He smoothly fielded the interminable, probing questions lobbed his way, displaying the charm, authenticity, and good humor that had woven around her from the minute they finished their cheesecake at Tavern at the Park. She could see from the impressed glances that passed between Brandy and Christine, he had their seal of approval as well. Eventually, the three guys got into a spirited conversation about some football game, while Natalie and her girlfriends engaged in innocuous gossip about work and mutual friends. She was unable to take her eyes off of Jason, though—pride, happiness, and relief coursed through her at the sight of her friends and the man she was completely out of her head for getting along so well. The few guys she’d brought around the girls had either elicited lukewarm observation (“He’s okay . . . doesn’t seem like your type, though,”) or vehement disapproval (“Seriously? Well . . . at least you’re not sleeping with him. Are you?”).

Brandy tapped her on the shoulder. “Let me out so I can go to the bathroom.”

“Actually, sweetie, I’ll go with you,” Christine said, already standing and grabbing Natalie’s hand. “Come on,
‘
cause you know we all have to go together.”

Brian laughed and nodded in Jason’s direction. “Well, man you’re about to get the bathroom test.”

Jason winked at Natalie. “Hope I pass.”

“Hey,
querida
,” Brian called out to his fiancé. “Go easy on him. We like him.”

Christine winked and Natalie smiled at Jason as she allowed herself to be pulled off to the ladies room.

“Okay, you didn’t tell us how hot he was.” Brandy swatted Natalie on the shoulder as soon as they were alone.

“I told you he was cute.”

“Okay, cute yeah, but not
‘
dayum he’s fine!
’”
Brandy screamed as she and Christine fell into laughter.

“Honey, he’d better be your plus one at the wedding,” Christine said.

“Jeez, you bitches move fast,” Natalie scoffed. “We’ve barely started dating. I don’t want to freak him out by bringing him to a wedding. He might think I have ideas.”

“Oh, get over yourself,” Christine said. “The wedding would just be like another date.”

“Seriously, cheapest date ever,” Brandy said. “Someone else pays for the dinner and booze, and then he gets laid at the end of the night.”

Christine burst out laughing and Natalie rolled her eyes. “You’re gross.”

“Oh please, honey, it is way past time for someone to come along with a bolt cutter and take off that padlock. I mean, he looks pretty cut. I bet he won’t have
any
trouble getting that thing off.”

Natalie dropped her face in her hands as Christine and Brandy both howled, their shrieks bouncing off the bathroom walls. “Would you shut up?”

“Come on, chica, we’re just happy for you, that’s all. He’s awesome. We approve.”

“Yeah, we’re just busting your balls. Seriously,” Brandy said.

“I’m gonna bust something over your head,” Natalie said.

“Okay, okay, all jokes aside, so you like this guy,” Christine said.

“I do. He’s sweet and funny and smart, interesting and . . . and . . . nice.”

“Well, girl, hang onto him then, because those guys only come around once in a while. So I’ve been told,” Brandy said.

“I’ll see what I can do,” Natalie said as she reapplied her lipstick and ran a swipe of powder across her nose.

They rejoined the table and the rest of the evening passed in a blur of laughter and an abundance of side conversations among everyone. As Saturday tiptoed into Sunday, the group’s enthusiasm began to wane as yawns started to chime around the table like bells.

Everyone trooped out into the hot, humid night, where Natalie, Brandy, and Christine promised to meet midweek for dinner while the guys did what Christine called “the bro handshake thing.” On their way back to the car, Jason grabbed Natalie’s hand and kissed it.

“So . . . how’d I do?”

“I don’t know what you put in those girls’ cocktails, but they were all about you.”

“Oh yeah?” he said as he unlocked the car and opened her door.

She waited until he slid into the driver’s seat, smiling as he enveloped her hand in his once again. “Well, no surprise, they thought you were hot and just now when I hugged Christine . . . she whispered ‘good job.’”