Every Shattered Thing (Come Alive) (16 page)

I turn to face him and rub his arm. “What do you mean...
demons?
”

Kevin takes a deep breath and rubs his hands against his thighs. His eyes aren’t focused. His thoughts somewhere completely other than where we are. I wait, knowing he will eventually start talking, once his words are formed to his satisfaction. He strokes my hand and looks at me.

“Did you ever hear about that party at the Williams’ place?”

“The one like, two years ago? Where that girl was raped and no one would come forward to say they knew who did it because they didn’t want to be known as someone who was there?”

Kevin inhales quickly. “Yeah. That’s the one.”

I’m not sure where this conversation is going, but my stomach starts doing flips. I try to ignore it and focus my attention on Kevin, hoping he will reassure me, and quickly—my nerves are already shot.

He picks up a nearby rock and throws it, grimacing. He always takes his time when there is something important he needs to tell me.

“After it all went down, I couldn’t take it. I was there. I came forward. I came forward and talked to the police—letting them know even though I didn’t know who did it, I could help them—tell them who I saw and try to get to the bottom of this. I know Jamie. She’s a friend of mine. And that night she was
toasted.
I tried to take her home but she had none of it, got mad at me and made a scene. Hearing about her experience and how no one believed her and no one had the guts to talk...it infuriated me.”

“What happened?”

Kevin sighed and looked off into the lake, his eyes on a boat cruising before the last bits of sunlight escaped from the sky. “I became the prime suspect.”

“Wait. Are you serious?”

“Yeah.” He laughed. “Poetic justice? I don’t know. I step forward, thinking I’m going to help a friend, and I end up getting screwed in the end.”

“Well, couldn’t Jamie vouch for you? I don’t understand why she didn’t say anything.”

Kevin looked at me for awhile before responding. “She was too drunk to remember anything.”

I close my eyes and take a long breath before opening them again and focusing on Kevin.

“So what happened? I mean, no one talks about that party anymore. It’s old news. And isn’t she at like, UConn or something, playing basketball?”

“Yeah. She is—and she’s doing really well. I talk to her every once in awhile. The case closed because of lack of evidence, but her parents still believe it was me.”

He shivers and looks at me, rubbing his forehead.

“The whole ordeal almost broke up my family. My dad started spending more time at work, my mom started taking these nerve pills...it was crazy. One minute I have everything in the palm of my hand, and the next minute my future hangs on this girl who can’t even remember me trying to help her the night before.”

I lean my head against his shoulder and tuck my hand into his jacket pocket for a second to melt my stiffening fingers. Everything people told me about Kevin makes so much sense now. Even though they’re wrong, I understand where they’re coming from. For the longest time I thought they were just crazy or jealous or mistaken. They
were
mistaken—but the reality didn’t help. Not in high school.

“That’s why people tell me to watch out for you, isn’t it?”

Kevin bursts into a short chuckle, “People really told you that?”

I nod, “Oh, you know...kids at school. The ones who make it their job to spread rumors and warn others about impending doom. They cornered me after school one day and told me in no uncertain terms that I was making a huge mistake.” I laugh. “They never bothered talking to me before and I don’t think they’ve even glanced my way since. But, for awhile there, I was their primary target. They wanted me to see the light and come to Jesus and shit.”

He shakes his head. “That's unbelievable. What’s crazier, is that these are probably my friends—

or were, before.”

I lean into him and smile. “They don’t matter. Obviously. I didn’t listen.”

He kisses my knuckle. “You're right. They don’t matter. I have a past I haven’t even lived. I’m not even sure I’m going to get away from it. Small town rumors make for big town disasters, and I really need to get out of here for my sanity. My mom still struggles and I don’t know if I’ll ever get my dad’s approval for anything I do. I think he still questions whether I raped Jamie.”

I study his face. “Really?”

Kevin rubs his hands on his jeans and squints at the sunset. “I’m pretty sure my mom still takes those pills. And if anyone found out that she does, she’d be devastated. She has this overwhelming desire to please everyone, to make it seem like we’re this perfect family with no problems ever. It’s all about appearances—all about what makes the Matouse family worth envying. Every day though, I see her popping the pills. She thinks no one sees. And no one envies us. At least, no one my mother wishes would envy us. Everyone sees the facade.”

I lean on him. “Sounds like she’s high strung.”

He nods. “Yes. That would be...an understatement. I think it’s why my dad started working so much. Now, she’s moved her focus to
me,
and my dad has all but checked out emotionally. It’s all about finding the perfect school and making the perfect grades and redeeming my reckless decisions...” He looks at me and gently squeezes my shoulder. “I want out, away from everyone’s blame and scrutiny.”

I laugh. “Tell me about it.”

He looks at me. “Speaking of which...what’s this about USC?”

I raise an eyebrow and he just waits. I pull my sweater tighter to my chest and Kevin pulls me closer and wraps me in his letter jacket.

“Okay. You’re cozy. Now talk.”

I smile and look at him.

“It doesn’t really matter. My dad has pretty much refused to even think about letting me go.”

“Seriously?” Kevin shakes his head. “Your father is
not
the voice of reason. He’s
using
you right now, Steph. Don’t ever let any of your decisions rest in what he thinks.”

I hear an echo of Emma’s words and my face softens.

“Fine. Whatever. He’s not the voice of reason.”

I give him a smile and make him wait for a little while before talking again.

“Mrs. Peabody sent USC some of my writing and they liked what they saw. They want me to come study creative writing and mentioned scholarships.”

Kevin sits there staring before reacting. Suddenly he breaks into a huge grin and throws his head back and laughed.

“Stephanie. This is brilliant. USC! They want
you.
Do you understand how awesome this is?!” He takes my face in his hands and plants a firm kiss on my lips. “You need to promise me something else.”

I stare at him hesitantly. “I don’t really like promises, Kevin.”

He shrugs his shoulders. “Doesn't matter. Not here. Not now. Promise me something.” he says, completely ignoring my concern.

People sure are asking me to make a lot of promises lately...

I hesitate at his persistence and nod. “Fine. What is it?”

“Promise me you’ll apply. Promise me you will at least pursue this. It’s too good of an opportunity, Steph. You have to go for it. This is your ticket. For once, think of no one else except for you.

What’s best for
you.
”

I’m lost in his eyes and words. I know what he’s asking and it makes me nervous. It makes me nervous because it makes me excited and my heart has started to beat normally again. Thinking of beaches and nights smelling the ocean air leaves me with nothing but anticipation. I smile and look at his hands, drumming an erratic beat on his knees.

He’s so excited,
I think.

“Okay,” I say, my heart jumping with hope at my agreement. I take notice of the message and reach for Kevin’s hand. “I’ll do it. But I’m going to need your help.”

He breaks into a grin and kisses me slow and my skin turns electric with his touch. Leaning back, he brushes strands of hair behind my ear.

“Tonight’s a night to feel alive, Stephanie—let’s go find us an adventure.” His eyes sparkle as he reaches to pull me from my seat, my legs stiff from sitting so long in one position. Once I’m standing he wraps me in an embrace and holds me close. I breathe in his scent and for the moment rest against his chest, forgetting completely what brought us here and what’s waiting for me back at the house. For the first time, I feel as though I have found my home.

Chapter Fourteen

We make our way down the lit path and find ourselves back at the meadow. It’s getting colder and I think I hear thunder in the distance, but I’m not sure. I pull my sweater closer around me and for the second time, Kevin notices me shiver.

“Here. Take my jacket. I have a hoodie underneath.”

I turn and smile. “Thanks.” I look at my hands, stiff with cold, and shove them in his pockets. I hide a grin when I feel lint, loose change, and what feels like a stale Sour Patch Kid.

He sees me fidgeting and laughs, “Oh. Um...sorry. My pockets can be a little messy, but they’re still warm.”

We keep walking, cutting across the meadow and meeting railroad tracks. Kevin smiles. “Wanna see where they lead?”

I take a look at the sky, knowing daylight may not last for very long with the weather changing.

The clouds have completely taken over the sun and are rolling with the prelude to a storm.

I shrug. “Sure. You wanted an adventure, right?” Pointing at the sky, he follows my gaze and opens his mouth in surprise.

“Oh!” He grabs my hand and squeezes it. “Perfect. Let’s do this.”

The hint of a smile forms on his lips and he catches me staring. The smile spreads across his face and he moves his hand right under my face, pulling me closer.

“You know you can kiss me any time you want to, right?”

I swallow.

“Um...”

He steps even closer and brushes his lips with mine, and I swear. The wind picks up around us and blows my hair up and out and I pulls me in even closer and I can’t breathe but he’s kissing my neck, my throat, and
oh god those lips.

I’ve kissed people before. This is something different. This is a cold rush of wind and the warmth of summer. This is the crash of an ocean wave. I gasp when he nibbles my lower lip. My hands run through his hair, tugging on strands before moving down his arms and around his waist. I want him closer.

I’ve never wanted anyone close but damn. I want
him
close. I want to feel every inch of him.

Pathetic fallacy. Mrs. Peabody told us about it in literature. Sometimes, the atmosphere mirrors that of the characters. It’s the gloomy weather and pointed description of the castle in
Wuthering Heights.

It’s picnics on sunny days with someone you love.

It’s the electric feel of Kevin’s hands reaching places they’ve never explored while the storm inches closer and closer.

It’s more than I can handle. I pull away, slowly, and rest my head against his chest. The tears are flowing and I’m trying to keep them as silent as possible but it doesn’t work. He tucks his finger underneath my chin and lifts my head gently.

“Steph?”

I place my hands on his chest where my head rested and avoid his gaze. “I just..I just need a minute.”

He wraps his arms around me and my head falls right underneath his chin.

“It’s just so different,” I whisper.

He says nothing, just kisses the top of my head and briefly tightens his hold before releasing me.

“Come on. We still have a little while before the storm hits.” He helps me walk up the soggy embankment to the tracks. “This is something else I use to do when I was younger and needed to get away from everything.” He focuses on the ground beneath us, looking for possible grooves which would cause me to trip. “But, when I was younger it was less of me getting away from a serious crisis and more me just wanting to get away from my overbearing parents.”

“At least you have parents who worry about you.”

He nods. “Yeah. Before, I saw it as something I hated. They just ‘didn’t get me’ and only wanted to ruin my fun.” He picks up a stick and examines it before tossing it aside. “Before the party, before everything got weird, they were simply trying to protect me.”

“Do they know about me?”

Kevin smiles and continues to walk, measuring his words before he speaks. “Yeah.” He looks at me and puts his hand up as a promise. “They don’t know anything else other than you being my girlfriend. I haven’t said anything about...your situation.”

“Do you think your mom would like me?”

He’s quiet again, this time for a longer period of time. When he does begin talking, his words are quiet. “I don’t know. My mom has this tendency to take everything at face value. Because of this, she’s already pinpointed girls she wants me to date. Girls who know how to put on a pretty face for the adults and usually turn around and party harder than anyone I know. Girls I would never dream of dating.”

I notice the darkening clouds and their similarity to the growing storm inside me. Apparently I had been holding my breath, because I exhale slowly and press my lips together. His parents know about me. For some reason, this excites and terrifies me at the same time. What if I screw something up? What if he realizes my situation is too much to handle?

He stops walking and pulls me toward him again. His voice breaks through my downward spiral and I notice the emotion just beneath the surface of his eyes.

“Stephanie...I don’t want you to worry about my mom. She doesn’t matter. I’ve spent way too many moments worried about what they think and I forgot about what was important, what I needed to rely on wasn’t them but something bigger, something more stable. It doesn’t matter to me if she likes you or not. This won’t change my feelings for you.” His voice moves to a whisper and he comes closer. “I know what I want.”

He leans forward and kisses me again, this time slow and gentle, before turning again toward the trail.

I stretch my shoulders and walk beside him a little more until we find ourselves getting ready to cross the bridge. I stop for a split second and Kevin looks at me.