Every Which Way (Sloan Brothers) (43 page)

Severine tilted her head back to stare back up at the sky. And when Mathias left, Jayni replaced him.

“Hi, sweetie.”

Severine turned. “Hi.”

Jayni held out a plate of pizza on a plastic plate. “I brought you some food.”

“Carbs are dangerous for an emotional girl.”

Jayni laughed and sat next to Severine. “I know. I’ve already had three slices.”

She let Severine eat before she tried to start a conversation. Her fingers rubbed in circles against her temple.

“Was what Macsen said the truth?” Severine asked.

Jayni’s hand briefly paused, before it disappeared altogether. Slowly, she nodded her head, and the sadness was back in her face. “Severine, have they ever talked about Laurena?” Lily quietly asked.

Severine shook her head. “I didn’t know
it
had a name.”

“She was never around,” Jayni said slowly. Her eyes settled on the tree in front of them as she continued. “Things between Owen and Laurena were a disaster from day one. She came from
Germany
, couldn’t speak a full sentence in English, but she used that to her advantage and roped their father.”

Severine stared at her sadly. She was hearing the truth. Before this moment, she would’ve loved to understand everything. Now, it was painful to listen to a family story filled with downfalls.

“Laurena used the kids as pawns. They were more of a trade-off than her flesh and blood. When they divorced, things got nasty. She wanted everything: the farm, the money. Just for spite, she requested full custody of the boys.”

A tear fell down Jayni’s cheek, and she wiped it away and smiled at Severine apologetically. “Her love is impossible to see. If you give her what she wants, she’ll reward you with attention. But, if you don’t, you no longer exist for her.

“Macsen was the youngest. He gave her that attention. She used his love and warped it. Laurena manipulated him to think things. He did what he did to keep her. I don’t have to think on it. I know it.” Severine felt her stomach crumble over Jayni’s explanation. “He was only a kid,” she continued, “but lines were drawn after that. Mathias and Thayer ended up living with Owen’s father, Eugene, for a few years. They moved to
Missouri
to live with Owen and me when they were teenagers.”

The puzzle pieces came together perfectly. The final masterpiece was horrific. “That’s why you have a cabin in
Tennessee
.”

Jayni nodded. “That was
Eugene
’s home before he passed away. We use it regularly when we visit Mathias.”

“And where was Macsen?”

“He stayed with Laurena. She was never in one place for too long.”

“Why did he stay with her?” Severine whispered. “He could’ve changed it all.”

“Everything that was said in there was the most Macsen has ever said...in front of any of us. None of us knew about you and Macsen, but it’s clear you brought something out of him.”

“Something dark and ugly?” Severine tried to lightly tease.

Jayni’s lips fell out of the flat line they had settled in, and she gave a weak grin. “It’s more than I’ve ever seen from him.”

“Why does Macsen go to school here? Why go to the same college as someone you can’t stand?”

Jayni shrugged and responded slowly, “We didn’t pay for Thayer’s schooling. We have good and bad times at the farm. He got a full ride to go here. Macsen is attending with his mom’s money.”

Severine shook her head and stared down at the ground. This story was crushing her. “The money she got from Owen.”

Jayni nodded. “He’s not bad. Macsen has good in him. Things are just more twisted for him. He’ll never like me because of what Laurena has said. But I think in the past few years, her control has started to wear off. I think he came here to be closer to Thayer. If there was any plan behind Macsen going here, it was to see if he could get his brother back.”

“Okay,” Severine said slowly. Not everything lined up perfectly. “Why would they live together?”

Jayni sighed. She seemed exhausted. “Owen pays for this apartment. He told them if they were willing to live together and not kill each other, he was willing to pay their rent.”

Severine gripped her hair in frustration. Stories were sometimes better left in the dark. The story of the Sloan brothers made everything seem obscured.

Jayni rubbed her back. “I know what I see between you and Thayer. There’s something there. Don’t let what you heard earlier affect that. None of it stems from you, Severine. Having all four of them together is painful. Someone usually ends up storming away.”

Severine would be that person.

People came together. Together, they’d fall apart. And no matter what Jayni said, it wouldn’t change the truth that on one minuscule level, Severine had caused a deeper rift.

“I think I’m gonna leave,” Severine pronounced awkwardly.

Jayni nodded and stood. “I know this visit started off on an odd note, but we’d love to see you before we leave Sunday.”

“I hope.”
But it won’t happen
.

Jayni accepted Severine’s answer and opened up the patio door for them to walk through. Thayer glanced up from where he sat on the couch. He looked severed and blindly pieced together. Fear was in his opaque irises. He held out his hand to her, and Severine’s fingers immediately linked with his like a lifeline, a pardon from tonight.

Goodbyes were mumbled and they slowly walked outside to her car. Severine trekked across the parking lot at a deliberately slow pace. She felt as if somehow they were kissing away their future.

“Where do we go from here?” Severine asked finally.

Thayer swallowed and stared down at the ground. That was never good.

Fear took over Severine’s body. She gripped Thayer’s jaw and forced him to look at her. “Do I give you time? Do I step away?” Her hold from his face disappeared. “Help me out, Thayer. I don’t know what to do.”

“Neither do I.”

His brief response scared her. “Can’t we let go of this?”

“What you heard is going to give you doubts.”

Severine opened her mouth. Thayer sealed it shut with a kiss. “You can’t answer that quickly. It’ll be in your head that you started something between Macsen and me, when in reality, it’s been like this for years.”

Severine anxiously opened her mouth. “Jayni told me. I know everything.” Maybe if he knew she had discovered the truth, he wouldn’t look crushed.

“Think about it. I’ll still be here.” His words were like a storm. Its intent was to clean the surface but all Severine felt was the thunder, and all she saw was the lightning striking around her.

“I didn’t see you doing this,” Severine accused.

A harsh noise came from the back of his throat. His eyes flashed with frustration. He gripped her face in his hands and hovered above her. His lips bore down on hers and wouldn’t let go. The intensity was still there. His tongue licked against her closed lips repeatedly. Severine’s tears pooled out quickly.

Repeatedly, her hands pushed at his stomach. He didn’t budge; instead, he situated himself close enough to where she couldn’t hide from him.

Her mouth opened on a gasp. He consumed every part open to him. And, for once, Severine held back. Her hands shook against her jeans. He was so close, but right now Thayer felt out of her reach.

Severine never wanted the truth to come out. She never wanted her fragile feelings to be exposed. There’d be nothing left of her. But she was close to losing everything. That last bit of armor slowly fell away inside Thayer’s apartment.

Her heart was homeless.

All it wanted was a shelter.

Things between them were going to fade and it terrified her.

The truth was, he knew her. He knew every game and every deceptive trick tightly zipped up within her boots, but it was the same for Severine. Thayer didn’t have to say anything. His actions showed his desperation. It felt like the beginning of the end.

He wrenched away, long enough to jerk her face up to look at him. “Touch me.”

It might be the last time she had him this close. She should’ve held tight, but she couldn’t. She refused to think anything between them was over. Severine’s lips shook as she answered him, “No.”

His body bowed to hers, and Thayer nestled his nose against her neck. “I need this. I need reassurance that you still want this.”

She pushed, and he shifted away. “This is all a big wave off then, no? If you won’t be here tomorrow.” Severine sputtered out.

“I wouldn’t put everything I had into a wave off. I don’t think I can do that with you!”

“Then why are you doing this?” Whether he knew it or not, he was crushing her.

He looked just as tortured as her. None of it made sense. “Meet me in thirty days,” he swallowed, “in two months, a whole fucking year. I don’t care how long. I’m gonna be here. I’m in love with you.”

“I don’t need space. You’re not giving me a decision in any of this. You’re telling me what’s going to happen!”

“I’ve waited too long for you! I want a future with you more than the present. All my family fuck- ups will come back and repeat themselves. That’s why I’m doing this. That’s why I’m telling you this and giving you a chance to walk away!”

Emotions she never knew she could possess consumed her. Her breathing came out steadily, when inside she was gasping for air. He pulled away and she wanted to plead for him to stay.

She opened her car door and turned back to him. “I love you,” Severine blurted out. “You’ve taunted me from day one. There has always been this warning above your head, that you’d be bad for me, that together we’d be too much...”

He shook his head at her words. Severine continued, “We proved my subconscious right.”

*    *    *    *    *

Severine waited until she was back at the dorms to break apart.

The drive from Thayer and Macsen’s was normally a short trip. Her lungs felt compressed as she drifted from Thayer. It was hard to regret him. He showed her that love did have a beautiful melody. She wanted to sing out the hymn, over and over.

The shaking in her hands became impossible to constrain. Her grip became tighter and tighter until her circulation cut off. By the time she pulled up into a parking spot, her hands were numb, just like her heart. But feeling would tingle back into her fingertips. It was hard to say when her heart would revive itself back to life.

Bricks weighed her down as she took the stairs up to her room. If dreams existed, she’d fly away from all of this. If wishes could be granted, she’d clench her eyes tightly and make the clock wind all the way back to the moment Lily asked her where she wanted to study.

She’d warn herself. Her shaking hands would grab Severine as she yelled at her to go anywhere else to study—every other place but there.

“Hey, you okay?”

Severine slid her key into the lock and looked up to see Anne walking down the hall with an armful of books. Fibbing about her feelings wasn’t an option. She shook her head and glanced back at the door before opening it wide.

Her walls screamed of Thayer.

Anne wordlessly took Severine’s hand in her own and guided her into the room. When the door shut, her sadness spilled out in waves. Her back hit the door, and she slid to the ground. Anne followed down the same path.

“I know everything,” Severine mumbled out.

Anne kneeled in front of Severine and peered closely at her. “What?”

“Thayer and Macsen. I know everything between them.”

A piece of toilet paper dangled in front of her. Severine grabbed it and blew her nose loudly.

Anne sat down Indian style on the cold floor. “It’s that bad?”

“It’s all a disaster,” Severine admitted.

“And where are you now?”

“I don’t know,” Severine hiccuped. “I went over there for reassurance and left with a mutilated heart.”

The tears kept coming. Anne stayed next to her, remaining silent the whole time. Her presence was enough.

When she thought of all the ‘almosts,’ it made everything worse. Eyes weren’t created for sight. They were the portals to someone’s past. How could Severine miss the story of the Sloan brothers? Maybe because she expected an anecdote and not a nightmare?

She leaned her head against Anne’s small shoulder, and everything gushed out of her soul like a flood.

That night, Severine fell asleep wondering if Thayer would keep true to his word. Because it was known that time separated everything. Time healed wounds. Time made you forget. That’s what Severine feared the most.

Three Months Later
...

Chapter Forty-seven

What does a heart bleed out when it’s crushed?

Its contents could show someone so much of who they really were.

Severine finally understood herself. Her pain screamed to her the truth. It was caustic to admit that she had to search for the sun hidden by shadows. When everything parted, she wanted to discover Thayer. If he could accept her for her faults, then so much was paved out for them already.