Everything is Changed (17 page)

jake

I've waited nearly eight minutes for Alex to show. If he doesn't hurry, we'll be late for school. I hate not being on time. Alex doesn't care as much as I do. Particularly now that he's leaving. I'm just about to text him when I hear, ‘Sorry.'

I look up and see Alex jogging down his street towards the intersection we always meet at. A piece of toast is hanging out of his mouth and he's brandishing a banana.

‘Here,' he says, handing me the banana. ‘Sass thought you might be hungry.'

I smile at the idea.

‘Actually, it's her way of bribing you because she wants you to come and watch her netball grand final tomorrow. I told her it's unlikely because it's at eight.'

‘In the morning?' I say, horrified.

Alex nods and swallows the last of the toast. He's messier than usual. His hair is still wet and his shirt is stained with something that looks like spag bol.

‘I'll try,' I say.

He shrugs. ‘Think she likes you more than me. She didn't ask me to come.'

‘Yeah. Course she likes me better. I'm much more likeable.'

‘In your dreams, Jake.'

We head across the road and down the hill towards school, neither of us saying anything. I know I have to ask him but I don't want to know. But I also don't want to leave it until school because then I'll see them together and it will be even weirder.

‘So?'

He looks across at me and raises an eyebrow. He's going to make me ask.

I sigh. ‘How was it?'

He smiles and I want to head butt him in that perfect face.

‘Great. She's great.'

‘Great,' I say.

‘No really, Jake. She's amazing. It was perfect.'

Now it's my turn to look at him with my eyebrow raised, but he's staring off into the distance like he's remembering just how perfect she is.

‘Except for her love of horror movies, which, as you know, is not really my thing.'

I laugh. ‘Bet you didn't tell her that you get terrified, though. Did you?'

‘Nope. I closed my eyes.'

‘Idiot.'

‘Well, I didn't want to sound pathetic.'

‘Don't worry, I'll tell her you hate them.'

‘Thanks.'

I smile as thinly as possible. I know I never said I liked Ellie before Alex asked her out, but the thing is I'm not sure it would have made any difference even if I had. As we reach the school gates, the bell goes and without looking at each other, we start to run.

‘Get us a pie if you're there first,' I call after Alex as he heads to the portable.

‘Righto,' he calls back.

I'm in the canteen before anyone else. Our geography teacher was away so the relief teacher let us go early. Tien made some crack about it being a relief, but he and Lucas were the only people to laugh.

‘You right, love?' says the canteen lady, adjusting her hair net so it doesn't droop over one eye.

‘Two pies, please,' I say, hoping I have enough money to shout Alex.

She slides the pies into two paper bags and hands them across. I scrape out all the change I have and still don't have enough to pay for sauce.

Usually Alex and I meet up under the tree out the back near the basketball courts at lunchtime. I walk out of the canteen as heaps of kids start heading in. In about three minutes this place will be heaving with queues.

Tien and Lucas are shooting hoops on the court when I walk up.

‘Got me a pie, Jake?'

‘Nah, it's for Alex.'

‘You've been dumped for that new girl. Saw them near the library when we came through,' says Lucas as he shoots a perfect three-pointer.

‘Nah, he'll be here,' I say, my voice sounding strange.

I sit down under the tree to wait for my pie to cool and to watch Lucas and Tien shooting goals. Tien misses most of them but he doesn't seem to care. I look around for Alex but he's nowhere. I check my phone but he hasn't texted. Suddenly I'm not hungry at all. I can't believe I've been ditched already.

‘You guys can have these,' I say, walking over and putting the pies on the court.

‘Are they stale?'

‘No. I'm just not hungry.'

‘Lovers' tiff,' says Lucas with a grin.

‘Fuck off,' I say as I walk away. I can hear Tien laughing.

I know I shouldn't head round to the library, but I have to find out if he blew me off for her. As I walk past the quadrangle where all the nerdy kids hang out with their books, I see Alex and Ellie chatting in the corner. They couldn't be any closer. Her hand is on his knee and he's staring into her eyes and it makes me livid.

‘Oi,' I say way too loudly and earning myself at least a dozen shooshing noises from around the place. I stride over to where they are sitting and drop down right next to them on the bench.

‘So this is where you've been hiding?' I keep it light, pretending I'm not being eaten up inside.

Alex leans forward and I can tell he's slightly embarrassed and it makes me pleased because at least he cares enough to blush. ‘Sorry … lunch …'

I shrug, feigning indifference. ‘Yeah, yeah, better offer … I know how it goes.'

Ellie elbows me and I feel the warmth of her skin as it touches my bare arm. If it was anyone else he'd hooked up with, I'd be happy for him … really I would.

‘Join us. I'm just educating Alex on the rules of zombie films,' she says grinning.

‘Give it up, Ellie. He's not interested. He likes spinach movies,' I say, using the label I give all the ‘boring but good for you' films Alex makes me watch. Ellie laughs and says to Alex, ‘So the indie movie you picked wasn't for me at all?'

Alex throws me a look. It's a ‘why don't you get the hell out of here' look. But Ellie is watching him so he lightens his voice as he answers. ‘Sprung. Thanks, Jake.'

‘Don't mention it. If there's anything else you need to know, just ask me, Ellie. I know all Alex's deep, dark secrets.'

Ellie laughs but I don't join in.

Instead, I walk off feeling weird because in all the time we've been at school together, Alex has never made me feel like I'm not wanted.

So of all the places in the world I could go, I choose the science lab. I can see Mr Cap through the window. He's reading some book at one of the desks and I knock lightly on the door. He takes ages to look up, but when he does, he gets up straightaway and walks over to unlock the door.

‘Jake, bit early for class …'

‘Yeah. I just thought maybe you had stuff that needed cleaning …' It sounds really poxy as I say it, but it's true. I thought if I could spend the rest of lunch washing beakers, maybe I could forget about Alex and Ellie for five minutes.

‘I've been at this school for nearly nineteen years and in all that time, not one student has ever volunteered to give up their lunchtime and clean. But I am not one to knock back a volunteer so please … come in.'

I walk in through the door and instantly feel my shoulders drop. There's just something about the lab that always makes me relax.

‘You can take your pick … washing test tubes or beakers … the year sevens are yet to be recommended for their cleaning abilities,' says Mr Cap.

The sinks are groaning under the weight of half-washed glass.

‘I'll start with the beakers,' I say, pulling out the rubber gloves and turning on the taps.

Mr Cap is behind me. I know he's watching me, wondering what I'm doing here. But he won't ask anything because he never does.

‘You'll have to act surprised when I hand back the chem tests, but you topped the class …'

I drop the beaker I'm washing but grab it just before it hits the others in the sink. I half turn my head to see if he's serious.

‘Should start thinking about next year, Jake. I think science is your thing.'

I can't help myself. I turn back and smile into the basin of soapy water. Nobody's ever said I had a thing before.

‘Okay.'

‘Okay,' says Mr Cap.

I keep washing, turning the sponge gently around the edge of the glass, watching as the water changes colour with all the remnants of the chemicals. The only noises in the lab are the water running as I rinse the soap from the beakers and the few voices that drift in from outside.

‘I always wanted to be a scientist,' Mr Cap says, breaking through the quiet. ‘And then it didn't really pan out that way. So I became a teacher. And I don't mind teaching because every now and again you get a student you know will go a long way.'

I feel the blush starting at my ears and I don't know where to look. I force myself to turn and face Mr Cap, my hands still sunk into the soapy water.

‘There are some really good programs for year ten students, and I think we should sit down and go through them all, Jake. Have something to work towards. What do you think?'

I nod, feeling my whole face burn.

‘Good. Now, get back to work,' says Mr Cap with a smile, before turning back to his book.

My hands are not moving under the water. I realise that I'm still stuck in Mr Cap's words. Other than Mum, who is always so busy, I don't really have anyone else to talk to about what I want to do when I finish school. Even Alex and I don't talk about that stuff much.

I finish washing the beakers and slide them onto the drying rack, then make a start on the test tubes. They're harder to clean well, so I have to use this thin brush with a curved end to get right to the bottom. By the time I've done about fifteen, my hand hurts, but I want to finish them all before the bell. I'm still smiling just a little at the idea of science being my thing because it's not Alex's thing, it's not something he's already mastered that I'm still struggling at, like almost everything else we seem to attempt together. So this can be something separate from him, something that's mine. And if it means coming in every day at lunch to wash beakers and test tubes, then that's fine too. I want Mr Cap to know how serious I am about this.

‘I've finished …' I say, turning around.

Mr Cap slowly marks the page he's reading and closes his book. ‘So have I. Good timing, Jake. For I believe the bell is about to go in three, two, one …'

We both wait. And wait. And then just as I'm about to give up, it cuts in, that electric sound, marking the end of lunch and the beginning of more learning.

‘No scientific precision today. Oh well,' Mr Cap says, standing up and smiling at me. ‘Thanks for your help. Come back any lunch. There's always dishes. And let's have a chat about next year.'

‘Okay,' I say, walking out into the corridor as the other kids are pouring in from outside. I see Alex and Ellie holding hands, and I realise I'm now the third corner of a triangle that wants to be something else. In other words, I'm on the way out.

alex

Today's the day. I've showered. Twice. Rolled on way too much deodorant and shaved the straggly hairs that were starting to grow on my chin. Now if I could only work out which shirt to wear, I'd be good to go.

‘Orange or blue?' I ask Sass from the doorway to her room. She's lying on the floor reading a book the way she usually is on a Saturday. She makes me wait until she's finished her page before looking up.

‘Blue,' she says without giving it proper thought.

‘Really?' I love my blue t-shirt but it's a skater sort of t-shirt and I'm not convinced that it's right for a date.

‘Orange,' she says, not even bothering to look up this time.

‘You're no help.'

I walk back to my room and stand among all the clothes I've thrown everywhere trying to find the right thing. I'm going blue. Jeans. Vans. Pretty much what I wear to school so it doesn't look like I've made too much of an effort.

Lottie pushes open my door with her nose. I click my fingers and she scampers over to my bed, then tries to scramble up. I give her a bit of help and she licks my face as a thank you.

I sniff under my arms again and they smell okay.

‘Where are you going, Alex?'

I look up and see Sass in my room.

‘She's a walking, talking girl,' I say sarcastically.

‘Shut up. I finished my book. Came to help.'

‘I've got a date,' I say, liking the sound of the sentence.

Her face lights up in delight. ‘Ooh. Name?'

‘Ellie Telford,' I say, immediately regretting giving her the whole name because I know she'll go to her room and Google her.

‘Short for Eleanor?'

‘I dunno.'

‘You should know. Those things are important,' says my sister.

I smile at her and she smiles back.

‘I'll find out.'

‘Where are you going?'

‘Movies.'

‘Not something dumb,' she says, like I have no idea how to pick an appropriate film.

‘Really? I thought a war film would be good.'

She rolls her eyes at me and, just like that, I can feel my world tilt ever so slightly so it's almost back where it should be.

‘Wear the orange,' she says as she walks out.

‘Too late.'

‘You'll regret it!'

I open my cupboard and look in the mirror. I look fine, just like normal, except for the tiny nick on my chin where the razor blade cut. At least it's dark in the movies so maybe she won't notice.

I head for the door and Lottie trails after me. I move so fast; Lottie barks like crazy at all the excitement.

‘Stay, Lottie.' I say it as firmly as I can, which just makes her lick my ankles. I reach down to pat her back, and she stops moving, her stillness telling me she wants more patting.

Mum and Dad are doing their usual Saturday afternoon routine, the paper spread all over the dining room table. I manage to walk past them and into the kitchen without either of them even looking up. I'm about three-quarters of the way into making my Vegemite sandwich when I hear Mum say, ‘It was just down the road.'

My stomach lurches. I leave the bread on the plate as I try to settle my body. I know what she's going to say. I know exactly what she's going to say.

‘Bloody kids, I'll bet,' says Dad in his most judgemental voice.

‘They don't know. He's in a coma. Imagine,' says Mum in her most outraged voice. Mum loves graphic injury. It's like she's so desperate to feel alive in whatever way she can that pitying some poor bastard who has ended up hurt in a particularly gruesome way makes her feel electric.

‘If he dies, I hope they go away for life.'

‘They have to catch them first,' says Mum.

I lean against the bench as they keep talking. I can hear the anger. The suspicion. Before long Dad will blame it on some foreigner.

I know I have to go. She'll be waiting for me at the cinema but my legs are frozen to the spot and I don't feel like I can move at all.

‘Well, I'm glad we're moving soon,' says Dad, pushing back his chair and making the legs squeak on the boards.

‘Yes. Thank god,' agrees Mum, like this place is the reason things like that happen on the freeway.

‘Alex?'

I look up to see my dad staring at me from the doorway.

‘Just getting a sandwich,' I say, quickly returning to the bread.

‘Did you hear about that man on the freeway?'

I breathe. I breathe again. Smear the Vegemite in a thick line right down the middle of the white bread.

‘Yep.'

‘Bloody awful,' says Dad, opening the fridge and taking out a bottle of beer.

‘Want a beer?' he calls to my mum.

‘No thanks. Can you put the kettle on for me,' she calls back.

So it's a usual afternoon in our normal house, except my hand is shaking as I lift the sandwich to my mouth. Dad uncaps the beer and tosses the lid onto the bench as he walks out. He forgets the kettle, so I flick it on and busy myself making a cup of tea for Mum, just to stall going out into the lounge.

I hear my parents talking about house prices as I stir the sugar around and around, wondering how long I can stay here before somebody drags me out. Ellie will be waiting for me. I have to go.

‘Here Mum,' I say, placing the hot cup down onto the table.

She looks up at me with a smile. ‘Thanks, Alex.'

‘I'm out for a few hours,' I say.

Dad nods, not looking up from the property pages.

‘Where are you going?' says Mum.

‘Just out with a friend.'

Mum sips her tea. Dad reads. And I leave.

*

Ellie's wearing jeans and a black short-sleeved shirt with a frilled collar. She's got her bright cherry-red Docs on too and her hair is tied back in two short ponytails. She looks pretty much like she always does, but seeing her standing near the lolly counter makes me suddenly shy. When she spots me, she gives that lopsided smile that sort of does me in every time.

‘Hiya … thought I was running late,' she says.

I walk up and stop, unsure of whether I should lean in for a kiss or shake her hand or try not to touch her at all. I stand there with my hands pushed into my pockets, feeling ridiculous, and realise I haven't answered her. ‘Yeah, sorry …'

She shrugs one shoulder and leans up to kiss me on the cheek. As she pulls away, I know I'm blushing and she laughs and it makes me think I've done something dumb, but then she rubs the spot on my cheek where she kissed me. ‘Sorry, I left lipstick.'

‘Oh,' I say, wondering if it's all gone but not wanting to check either.

‘We should get our tickets. Think it's about to start,' she says.

I nod and then have the next nervous thought. Do I pay? I can. I have heaps of cash because Dad's always generous with my allowance, but will she want me to? Or am I breaking some rule?

‘I'll get the tickets,' I say, stepping forward to where a guy who looks even younger than me is waiting behind the counter.

‘Okay. But can we see the horror film?'

I look at her and laugh, then realise she's serious.

‘Sure. I thought …'

‘Yeah, you thought I'd like that indie American chick flick … nah,' she says. ‘Do you want an ice cream?'

I nod and she moves off further down the counter.

‘Two tickets to the horror film, please,' I say to the guy behind the counter, not even knowing what the title of the movie is. He prints them out and hands them to me. ‘Thirty-two bucks.' I pay, wishing we weren't seeing it but not knowing how to admit that to Ellie.

‘Alex, I need some help!'

I look up to see Ellie struggling to hold a giant bucket of popcorn, a huge drink and two ice creams. She looks like she's going to drop the lot. Laughing, I grab the drink from her and one of the ice creams.

‘So this is mine … what are you having?' she jokes. I bump her playfully, but it makes her tip the popcorn tub to one side and a yellow stream of popcorn rains down on my foot. She laughs as she rights it again.

As we walk super close to each other towards cinema nine, I realise it's the longest stretch of time I haven't thought about the accident. Maybe Ellie is the answer. Maybe being with her will let me forget.

‘I've wanted to see this for ages,' she says as she sits down in the middle of one of the rows. There are hardly any other people here, so we have our pick of seats. I sit down and my knee bumps against hers. I don't want to move it away, but maybe I should. I have no idea what the etiquette is. It takes a second for Ellie to get organised with her drink and her popcorn.

‘I love this director,' she whispers as the trailers start. ‘His last film was amazing.'

‘Great,' I say, still wishing we were in another cinema.

‘Did you see it?'

I shake my head.

‘You do like horror films, don't you?'

‘Yeah. Course,' I lie.

She smiles at me and I feel myself grinning back foolishly. Lucky it's so dark.

‘I might grab your hand if it's really scary,' says Ellie, breathing her words near my ear and making my whole body tingle.

‘Okay,' I say, looking down at her hand that's hovering close to mine. Suddenly being in a horror film doesn't seem so bad. If it means I can hold Ellie Telford's hand for two hours, I'd watch pretty much anything.