Existence (6 page)

“I don’t want to stay. I’m angry and I just want to leave.”

“Please, Pagan, don’t get in your car. Go back inside.

Forget the stupid kid and enjoy the rest of your day. Don’t let something that idiot did send you running.” I stopped walking and looked at him. “Why do you care if I leave? Are you the new hall monitor and I missed the memo?”

His frown deepened; blue eyes turning icy blue as if a fire had ignited behind them. “I’m begging you to go back in the school.”

“Why?” He ran his hand through his dark, silky hair and growled in frustration. “Do you have to question everything?

Can’t you just listen for once?”

That was it. I’d had more than enough for one day. First Leif proves he’s a grade-A jerk, and then the soul who won’t leave me alone decides to get annoyed with me. “I’m leaving 39

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here. You can’t stop me. I don’t have to listen to you. If you don’t have a good excuse then there is no reason for me to stay.” I twirled around on the balls of my feet and stalked to my car. Guys were annoying, alive or dead, it didn’t seem to matter.

I quickly cranked the car and focused on getting out of the school parking lot. I didn’t want anyone to see me and report me before I could get out of here. I couldn’t believe I’d actually shed a tear over this. Crying wasn’t my thing. It had to have been the humiliation. I wasn’t accustomed to it and obviously didn’t know how to deal with it.

I adjusted the rear view mirror to see if I looked as bad as I feared, in case my mother came out of her writing burrow when I got home. If my mascara was smeared my mother would notice. I wouldn’t be able to hide the frustration. Fake smiles weren’t a talent of mine.

Sighing, I glanced back at the road. Attempting to fix my face without the help of soap and water was a hopeless cause.

The stop sign I’d stopped at a million times surprised me. I hadn’t been paying attention and I’d forgotten to slow down.

It was too late to slam on the breaks. I glanced over just in time to see a truck coming directly at me and in one split second the realization hit me: I wouldn’t be able to stop in time.

Everything went black and the screeching wheels and honking horn fell silent. A spinning sensation and a sharp pain shot through my body. I tried to scream for help but nothing came out. I began suffocating. Something heavy was pressed against my chest and I couldn’t breathe. I gasped and reached into the darkness for help. I would suffocate if I didn’t get the heavy weight off my chest. I fought to open my eyes but the darkness held me under. Warmth spread over me as I grabbed something in the darkness. I froze, not sure what I’d found when I realized I could breathe again. The lights suddenly came back on and the world became blindingly bright. I couldn’t open my eyes because of the 40

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pain. Someone carried me a short distance and then I felt the cool ground under my back. The abnormally warm hands cradling me disappeared. I tried to protest. I didn’t want my rescuer to leave me, but I couldn’t find my voice. I tried to sit up and intense pain overtook my body. The world went silent.

A hauntingly sweet sound played in the darkness. I turned my head to find the source of the music. My neck was stiff and my head began pounding so loudly it dulled the sound of the melody I’d been trying to find. I stopped moving and kept my eyes closed, waiting for the pain to stop.

“And she awakes,” a voice said in the darkness. I recognized it and instead of fearing it the sound soothed me.

The music started playing again and I realized it was the soft strum of a guitar. A low hum joined in and I lay still, listening in the darkness, and glad that the music filled the void, assuring me I wasn’t alone.

Needing to see him, I opened my eyes and realized the lights were off. I lay still while my eyes adjusted to the dark room. I wasn’t in my bedroom. The machine beside me and the needle in my arm were the only clues I needed. I was in a hospital room. The guitar stopped playing. Afraid to turn my head again, I carefully shifted my body instead.

The soul sat in a dark corner, watching me. “What are you doing?” I managed to ask in a hoarse whisper.

He smiled, stood up, and walked over to me. “Well, I’d have thought it would’ve been obvious.” He held up the guitar in his hands. Not only could this soul speak, he also played musical instruments. I wanted to ask more but my throat hurt too badly. He sat down in a chair someone had pulled up beside my bed. “You probably don’t need to talk.

You were in a car accident and you’ve suffered a serious concussion along with a broken rib. Other than that, you’re just badly bruised up.”

I remembered the stop sign, and the truck had been coming at me too fast. I’d known it would be unable to stop 41

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in time.

“You were wearing your seat-belt and the truck hit the back end of your car and it flipped you a few times.” Did my mom know? She would be terrified. How long had it been? And why was a soul the only person with me? I glanced over to the machine my wires were hooked up to and, if I were reading it correctly, then I was indeed alive.

The sudden fear at the prospect I might be dead eased and I stared back into those intense dark blue eyes.

“Mom?” I managed to ask through my dry sore throat.

The soul smiled. “She just stepped out for some coffee a few moments ago. I expect her to be returning soon enough.” Mom was here and I would see her in a few minutes. I felt like a little girl, afraid of the dark. Tears stung my eyes as I glanced toward the door, hoping it would open to reveal my mother. A woman with short brown, curly hair drifted into my room without the use of the door. I studied her and she smiled at me but gazed right past the other soul in the room.

Once, when I was ten, I had been put in the hospital for pneumonia and I’d realized then that lost, wandering souls were in abundance inside hospitals. This one drifted over to some flowers I hadn’t noticed before by the window. She seemed to be smelling them and she gave a gentle tug to the bunch of ‘Get Well’ balloons attached to a dozen yellow daisies. I glanced back at the soul who sat beside me. He seemed to be studying me intently.

“You see her, don’t you?” he asked, and I nodded. He watched the lady as she glanced back at me one more time before drifting back through the wall. “Have you always seen them?”

I managed to smile at the way he referred to souls as if he was not one himself. I raised my eyebrows and stared at him pointedly. “You’re one of them,” I said in a whisper.

“Yes, I guess, to you, it would seem that way. However, there is a difference between souls and me.” I frowned. “What?” I knew he could talk to me and souls 42

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never spoke to me but he was still a soul without a body.

“I can’t tell you what I am. I’ve broken enough rules already.” He studied the machine beside me instead of meeting my gaze. The door to my room opened and my mother walked in.

Her eyes found mine and she gasped before running over to me, “Pagan, you’re awake! Oh, honey, I’m so sorry I wasn’t here when you woke up. All alone and confused in a dark hospital room.”

I peeked behind her and saw the soul standing there watching with the sexy smirk I was beginning to get attached to on his perfect lips.

“I just needed a little coffee and then I ran to get this magazine,” she said holding up a plastic green bag. “Let me get the nurse. You just be still. You’re a little busted up but you’re going to be okay.” Tears sprang to her eyes and she covered her mouth with her hand. “I’m sorry,” she said gazing down at me with watery eyes. “It’s just, I keep thinking about your car and how it would have completely crushed you if you hadn’t been thrown from the driver’s seat.

I always tell you to wear your seat-belt and the fact you didn’t listen to me saved your life.” She let out a small sob and smiled apologetically at me. “Oh, baby, I’m just so glad you have opened your eyes.”

I smiled at her trying to mask my confusion. “It’s okay,” I whispered.

She bent down and kissed my forehead. “I’ll be right back. I need to get a nurse. They’ve been waiting for you to wake up.”

She headed for the door and I stared back at the soul standing in the corner with the guitar in his hand. It struck me as odd to see him hold a guitar. Did people see a guitar floating in the air? Mom hadn’t seemed to notice, but then she hadn’t looked anywhere but at me.

“The seat-belt,” I whispered through my dry lips. I’d been wearing my seat-belt. I always did. He’d even said it 43

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was a good thing I was wearing it. Why did my mother think I hadn’t been, and that not wearing it had saved my life? He stepped forward, watching me closely. The expression on his face said he didn’t know how to answer me. Before he could reply, the door opened again and he retreated back to the corner. A nurse came bustling in with my mother behind her.

The answer to my question would have to wait.

* * * *

The soul left before the nurse finished with me and he hadn’t returned. The next time I woke up I quickly checked around the room, hoping he’d come back, but my mother now sat in his corner working on her laptop. She gazed over at me and smiled.

“Good morning!” The fear I’d seen in her eyes last night was gone...she looked less tense and more like my mom again. Now that I’d awakened and the nurse had assured her I would recover just fine, she seemed less tense and more like my mom again.

I smiled. “Morning.” My throat felt a bit better thanks to all the ice cubes I’d eaten. I reached for my cup of water and Mom jumped up quickly.

“Don’t move. Your broken rib is going to require that you be still for a while.” She put the straw to my lips and I took small sips of the cold water. It felt wonderful on my sore throat. “Miranda has already called this morning and I told her you woke up last night. She is on her way, with Wyatt,” Mom paused and glanced back at the door, “and Leif Montgomery has been in the waiting room all night. He even slept in there. I went and let him know you’d woken up and I told him to go on home because you couldn’t have visitors, but he stayed. The nurses felt bad for him and gave him a pillow and blankets.” She trailed off as if not sure exactly why he’d wanted to stay in a waiting room all night. The memories of his not showing up for our study session 44

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because of Kendra resurfaced. I didn’t feel sad anymore or disappointed. The tears I’d shed over him had been pointless.

Mom chewed on her bottom lip. “He said he was the reason you left school upset. I haven’t asked you why you weren’t at school or what happened because I didn’t want to upset you.” She stopped talking and studied me, waiting for me to say something. What could I say? I really didn’t want to see Leif. I’d almost killed myself acting like a silly girl with a crush.

“He’s been here all night?” I asked, wanting to make sure I understood her correctly.

She nodded. “He’s been here since he found out about your accident. He came with Miranda and Wyatt, but he wouldn’t leave with them.”

“Okay, um, if he wants to come in, then that’s fine.” Mom appeared relieved. I guess she’d worried I might tell the poor boy who’d waited all night in an uncomfortable waiting room that I didn’t want to see him. She hurried out the door and I heard Miranda whisper something as they passed each other. No doubt they were discussing my agreeing to let Leif in to see me. Miranda walked inside and put her hands on her hips and gave me a big cheery smile.

“Look at you, all awake and gorgeous,” she said, walking over to me and sitting in the chair beside the bed. She grabbed my hand and I saw the glistening in her eyes as she fought off tears. I squeezed her hand and her bravado cracked. She let out a sob as tears started running down her face. I glanced up at Wyatt, who stood behind her watching me. He shrugged and gave me what I could tell was a forced smile.

Miranda choked on a sob. “I’m sorry. I said I wasn’t going to cry. I really had myself all worked up to be bright and cheery but I keep remembering your car and hearing the words ‘she was rushed to the hospital unconscious’ over and over again in my head.” She wiped her wet face and smiled 45

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through her tears. “I’m just so glad you’re okay. Yesterday was the worst day of my life.” She took our joined hands up to her mouth and kissed them.

“I know,” I said simply. Because I did. If it had been her in this bed instead of me I would’ve been terrified.

“Ironic isn’t it. The one day you decide to break the rules and skip school and not wear your seat belt, which is weird since you’re the Seat Belt Nazi, it all blows up in your face.

Makes you want to keep walking the straight and narrow doesn’t it?” Wyatt asked with a grin on his face.

I smiled because laughing hurt, and Miranda rolled her eyes but a smile tugged on the corner her mouth. “Yes, I guess so.” I wanted to clarify the fact I’d been wearing my seat belt but I couldn’t explain something I didn’t understand, so I kept my mouth shut. A knock sounded on the door and Miranda stared at me, chewing her bottom lip nervously.

She lowered her voice to a whisper. “He hasn’t left since he got here with us yesterday. He even missed football practice.”

I watched as Leif walked inside the room. His eyes met mine and he paused a moment before walking into the room farther. I wasn’t sure exactly what to say to him or what he could possibly say to me. He was a guy I tutored and he’d slept in the waiting room all night because I’d acted ridiculous over his blowing off our study session. He was obviously nervous and I knew Wyatt and Miranda’s presence wasn’t helping matters. I didn’t intend to tell everyone my accident was his fault. I didn’t believe that. I knew I’d caused this. Letting him off the hook would be easy enough.