Existence (9 page)

Existence

“I do believe this is your first football game,” my mother said, grinning from the kitchen sink where she stood draining bow tie noodles.

I shrugged. “I guess.”

She glanced up at me. “And you’re going out with the quarterback when it’s over?” I started to answer her when a soul walked into the kitchen through the closed patio doors. I stiffened. It’d been a long time since a soul had wandered through our house. The soul appeared young. Her hair hung down her back in long, curly blond locks. It seemed to float around her waist. I started to do the standard and act like I didn’t see her, but she stopped directly in front of me and began studying me. Her eyes seemed translucent and her eyelashes were incredibly long but so blond they were almost undetectable. Her head tilted to one side as she walked closer to me, watching me as if I were some sort of science experiment that befuddled her.

“Honey?” My mom’s voice woke me up out of the trance.

I jerked my gaze away from the soul, which proved hard because she stood so close to me that I could reach out and touch her.

“Um, yes, sorry.” Mom no longer seemed amused.

She frowned at me with the colander of noodles held forgotten in her hands. “Are you okay, Pagan? Maybe you should stay home and rest. A whole week of school had to have been difficult after what you’ve been through.” I forced myself not to shiver when a cold hand touched my hair.

“It’s pretty.” The musical sound of the soul’s voice startled me. I jerked back from her.

“Pagan?” I took a deep, calming breath and forced a smile I hoped was normal.

“I’m fine, just a little nervous. I need to finish getting ready before Miranda and Wyatt get here.” Mom nodded and her smile returned. “Alright, then. I 61

Existence

guess nerves are understandable when one is going on a date with such a hottie.” She winked and I held my fake smile before turning and fleeing the room. I closed my bedroom door and turned to watch and see if the soul followed me.

“Are you looking for me?” The musical voice came from behind me. I swung around in surprise and let out a startled yelp.

“What are you doing?” I asked, confused. Why had souls proceeded to start talking to me? She giggled and it sounded similar to a chime of bells.

“It is appointed,” she said simply and walked closer to me. I held out both hands as if it would hold her off.

“Don’t come any closer,” I said, realizing for the first time in my life I was completely terrified of a soul.

She frowned. “You’re not very friendly.” I let out a short laugh, “What? I’m not friendly to a ghost who floats into my house and starts touching me? Well, excuse my rudeness but this is a little disturbing.” Her frown seemed to take on an understanding expression. “Ah, yes. Well, I guess I just assumed you were used to us.”

So she knew I could see souls. “Who are you?” I asked again, wishing my voice at least sounded steady instead of unmistakably trembling. She didn’t answer, but went back to studying me silently. “I need to get ready to go before my friends get here. If you have no purpose for being here then could you just go find another house to wander through?” Her tinkling laughter filled my room again. “I do not wander through the homes of people,” she said as if I’d just said the silliest thing she’d ever heard. “It is appointed,” she said again, smiling brightly.

I started to ask her what she was referring to when, once again, I stood alone in my room. I turned around in a circle, expecting to see her drifting around but she was gone.

Needing to hear the normalcy of my mother’s off-key singing while she cooked dinner, I went and opened the door to my 62

Existence

bedroom. I needed to see Dank. I wanted answers. Before Dank, souls didn’t talk to me. I had liked it that way. I would like to keep it that way. I did not like the idea of souls walking up to me and touching me and talking to me. I could deal with their presence but I preferred to ignore them and in return get treated like everyone else. I made one more quick sweep of my room and closed my door quietly. Putting some distance between me and the door, I walked to the other side of the room. The last thing I needed was for my mom to hear what I was about to do.

“Dank,” I said aloud. He had talked to me from across a crowded hallway. I figured he could hear me anywhere. But then I wasn’t the expert on soul beckoning. I’d never felt the need to beckon one before. I waited but nothing happened. I turned around to check behind me. “Dank?” I said again, feeling stupid. The room remained empty. With a defeated sigh I went back to my bedroom door and opened it again. I needed to stop playing with the supernatural and get ready.

* * * *

“GOOO PIRATES!” Miranda cheered loudly from her seat beside me. We were up by two touchdowns and the crowd began cheering wildly. Only four minutes left in the game and I hadn’t seen Dank anywhere. Apparently, Kendra hadn’t seen him either because I’d watched her on the football field cheering. She kept scanning the crowd for him.

Her reasons for wanting to see him were completely different from mine of course. Not to mention the fact that hers were not nearly as important. With every scowl on her face, I knew she didn’t see the elusive Dank Walker. I needed to find him before the game ended. Going out with Leif afterward to celebrate the victory would be hindered by the unanswered questions in my head.

“Would you stop scanning the crowd for the rock star and watch your boyfriend,” Miranda hissed in my ear. I should 63

Existence

have known she would figure me out.

I frowned. “I’m not looking for the rock star. Football just bores me.”

Miranda laughed and rolled her eyes. “You would date the mouthwatering quarterback and then admit you’re bored by football.”

I shrugged and then turned my attention back to the action on the field. The moment my eyes landed on Kendra, I saw her face light up as she zoned in on someone toward the bottom of the stands. I couldn’t see him from where I sat but I knew he’d arrived. That would be the only reason Kendra would have exchanged her annoyed expression for one of utter delight. I glanced over at Miranda and Wyatt who both were watching the game. Kendra’s expression wasn’t something they were paying attention to.

I reached for my purse. “I’m going to go get a drink, do you want one?” I asked hoping they said no. I didn’t want to be rushed. I needed to get Dank alone and get some answers.

Miranda stared up at me as I stood and shook her head.

“No, the game is almost over and we’re going to the Grill to celebrate. We can get drinks there.” I slipped my purse on my shoulder. “I’m thirsty now. I’ll meet you on the field when this is over.” Miranda peeked around me and out into the crowd. I didn’t have to ask to know she was searching for Dank. Luckily he hadn’t walked into view.

Miranda glanced back at me and shrugged. “Okay.” I turned and walked away quickly before she spotted Dank or decided she wanted something from the concession stand.

Dank stood with his arms crossed, as if he were bored, watching the game on the field. His eyes found mine the moment I came around the corner. A small smile touched his lips. I didn’t have time to deal with his smart comments about my coming to find him.

“I need to talk to you alone, now,” I said in a whisper as I walked past him and into the dark parking lot. I didn’t turn 64

Existence

around to see if he was following me. I could feel his presence. Once I knew we were out of sight of everyone else, I turned around and faced him. “Who is she?” I demanded.

Dank frowned. “Be more specific, please.” I sighed and closed my eyes against the distraction his eyes always presented. Seeing him in the moonlight made it hard for me to concentrate. “The soul who came into my house and touched me and talked to me. She said ‘it is appointed’ to me twice.”

Dank visibly tensed and stepped closer to me. “What?” he asked with a look of surprise on his face.

“A soul came into my house. She touched me and talked to me. Souls never talked to me, before you. She even came into my bedroom,” I said in a whisper, afraid someone might overhear me.

“She said ‘it is appointed’?” he asked with a tight edge to his voice. I could tell he was trying to control his temper, I just didn’t know why he was angry. I nodded, watching him closely.

He stalked farther into the darkness and then turned his angry glare up to the sky. “Don’t fuck with me,” he said loudly in a cold, hard voice. I backed away, not sure what he was yelling at. He stood with his back to me taking deep breaths and I waited, wishing I hadn’t brought him out here into the darkness alone.

He turned slowly around. Even in the darkness I could clearly see his blue eyes. They reminded me of bright sapphires reflecting rays of the sun. “I’m going to be watching.” His voice sounded much deeper than before. I took a step backwards, terrified by the startling glow in his eyes and the growl I could hear coming from deep within his chest.

“If she comes near you or any other...soul, comes near you and talks to you again, then you warn them that you’re going to tell me. Do you understand?” I was scared. Not of Dank but of...something.

65

Existence

“Who is she?” I asked again.

A tortured look came over his face before he turned away from me. “Someone who has come to right a wrong.” I stepped closer to him, needing to know more, but he shook his head in protest and then he was gone. I stood alone in the dark parking lot. In light of current events I didn’t like being out here alone. Even if I knew Dank was close enough that he would come if I called him. Cheers erupted from the field, signaling that the game had ended.

My questions were still unanswered. Frustrated with Dank and his determination to be evasive even though he seemed to be the cause of my screwed up life at the moment, I walked quickly back to the brightly-lit stadium. The field was full of celebrating pirates as I walked into the throngs of students and parents. I began searching for Miranda and Wyatt. A familiar chuckle caught my attention and I turned to see Kendra with her hands on Dank’s chest as he stared down at her with a smile on his face. I froze.

He seemed carefree and pleased by the attention of the blond cheerleader, when moments ago he’d been cursing at the sky and telling me to threaten any more talking souls I came in contact with. The urge to walk over to Kendra and jerk her by the hair until she was a good ten feet away from Dank was hard to resist. His eyes lifted from Kendra’s and found me. He nodded as if to say hello before gazing back down at the girl in his arms. I swallowed the feeling of betrayal and tore my eyes off the two of them. Dank didn’t belong to me so he wasn’t actually betraying me. That reminder didn’t make me feel better. At times it seemed as if Dank Walker and the soul were two completely different beings. The soul I trusted. Dank Walker confused me.

“Pagan!” Miranda’s voice cut through the celebrating voices. I turned around, not sure I could face her right now. I glanced back at the parking lot, thinking of a way I could escape. But home didn’t seem safe anymore. The beautiful blond soul scared me. “Pagan?” Miranda called again and I 66

Existence

turned my attention back to the crowd, knowing I should go to her. Leif would be expecting me. However, the me he would be getting wasn’t the one he deserved. I wasn’t cheering about the victory. Instead, I was terrified of the unknown.

“
Go to them. I’m here. You’re safe.
” Dank’s voice came through loud and clear over the excited voices of the crowd.

Just as before, no one else seemed to hear him. I searched the faces around me for his familiar one.

“Jeez, Pagan, are you deaf! Where’ve you been? Come on.” Miranda grabbed my arm and began pulling me back through the victorious crowd. I let her pull me and forced myself to smile. Leif would expect me to. Miranda and Wyatt would expect me to. I was going to end up being diagnosed as mental if I didn’t get a grip on myself.

“There he is!” Miranda yelled back at me as she pulled me toward Leif. He’d just emerged from the field house, freshly changed into a pair of faded jeans and a clean jersey. I took a deep breath and put a smile on my face. He glanced our way and I waved at him. A huge grin broke out on his face and he ran toward me. Before I knew it he was pulling me up against his chest. I didn’t have time to prepare myself for his lips covering mine. His arms around me were gentle because of my still healing ribs. He reminded me of warmth and safety.

I ran my hands up his chest, hoping to hold onto him a little while longer and pretend I really was safe. His hands slipped into my hair and tilted my head back as he took the kiss deeper. I drank him in. I needed this sense of normalcy. This false sense of security. Leif was real and represented all things secure. I needed that connection to the world. I needed what he offered right now. However, dancing dangerously in the back of my mind, were thoughts of another mouth, which seemed to stir things much wilder inside of me. A craving that represented all the things I feared. I closed my eyes tighter, trying to fight off the desire to have Dank’s arms pulling me close, his perfectly sculpted 67