EXONERATION (INTERFERENCE) (3 page)

“I’m going home! I over-slept and I haven’t showered and I have work to do.”

“Then meet me at that old diner we used to go to, in an hour.”

“I have to go. Goodbye, Shane,” I started my car and moved forward far enough to be able to close the door. I left him standing there, staring after me. I knew it wasn’t the end, but I couldn’t deal with it. I couldn’t let him work his way into my daughter’s life or back into mine.

I went home and showered and changed. I was so behind in my work. The last week had left me constantly remembering things I had tried so hard to forget, that it was getting in the way of my job. I had start
ed working part time for my dad’s company when Shannon was a year old. I got to work from home and email my reports to him as I finished them. It was a far cry from my becoming a marine biologist, but it did offer me income of my own and I was able to work when I wanted, so I didn’t miss being with Shannon.

My father called, wanting to know why I hadn’t finished the work on two of his client’s accounts.

“Sorry, Dad. I um, I’m not feeling well.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I’ve been sick to my stomach,” I said, which wasn’t a lie, my stomach had been in turmoil since I took the cat to the vet that first night.
He was a vet…at least he got his dream.

“Hmm, maybe another grandchild on the way?”

“No, Dad. It’s not that.”

“Oh, well, when can I expect the reports?”

“I’m working on them now. I’ll see you at the play tomorrow night. I’ll email the files to you this afternoon.”

“Okay, but um, your mom and I are going to have to go to the dress rehearsal in the afternoon, remember? We’re heading to Bermuda with Parker’s
parents.”

“I forgot about your trip. Okay, well, I’ll see you there.”

“Okay, Pumpkin. I hope you feel better. And, I’d sure love it if you and Parker gave us another grandchild. Shannon could use a brother!”

“Did Parker put you up to that?”

“Well, he did say you were trying.”

“He may be trying, but I’m not!”

“What does that mean?”

“It means, I don’t want any more children, so you’re going to have to be happy with Shannon, or wait for Sam…”

“She’s not married!”

“Neither was I when I had Shannon!” I knew that would end our conversation once and for all.

“I’m sorry I brought it up! I’ll see you at the play.”

“Fine.”

Daddy’s Little Girl

I walked into the auditorium early Friday night and sat down in an empty row of seats up near the front. I stared off into space, thinking of Shane. Before he came back into my life, I had been able to shut him out, at least during the day. He had always invaded my mind at night. I dreamt of him nightly, that, I was used to, but now I couldn’t force him out of my head during the day.

One of the other moms, Annette, sat down next to me, talking excitedly about the play. Shannon and Annette’s daughter were both playing snowflakes in the Christmas play. I remembered Shannon bounding through the house earlier, taking bows and practicing her one line while wearing her white sparkling costume. I looked into her eyes, and I could see the excitement, and I could see her father. He was everywhere now. There was no escape.

“Rebecca?”

“What?” I said, turning toward Annette.

“Are you okay? I’ve been rattling on and you look…lost.”

“Oh, sorry. I’m not sleeping well. I have a lot on my mind.”

“Anything I can help with?”

“Oh, no, but thank you.” I looked around and the auditorium was starting to fill up.

“Oh, wow! Please, let him sit next to me,” Annette said, scooting closer to me and removing her jacket from the chair next to her.

“What?” I said, following her eyes. “Oh, no…” I watched him walk in front of the stage, walk right in front of me and then he sat down right next to me.

“What are you doing here?” I whispered, angry at his intrusion.

“I’m watching the play.”

“Please leave!”

“Why?”

“So, you two know each other?” Annette asked, waiting for me to introduce him to her.

“No, not really,” I said.

“We used to. I’m Shane.”

“I’m Annette,” she grinned. She was recently divorced and I could see the wheels turning in her head regarding the gorgeous man sitting next to me.

“Shane
, it’s nice to meet you.”  She actually batted her eyelashes at him.

“Yeah, you too.
”

“
So, who are you here to watch?” she asked.

“My daughter,” he said and faced forward.

“Oh, you’ll have to point her out. I’m here for my daughter, too. It’s nice to see that some dad’s take interest in their daughter’s lives. Unlike my
ex
,” she said, making sure he knew she was unattached. 

I sat there listening to her flirt with Shane…my Shane, and suddenly I couldn’t take it anymore. “Um, Dr.
Ramsay, I need to talk to you about Snowball,” I said, and stood up.

He followed me to the back of the auditorium. “You need to leave.”

“I’m not leaving. Shannon’s mine, too. I have every right to be here.”

“Please don’t do this. She doesn’t know you…anything about you.”

“That’s not my fault.”

“YOU LEFT ME!”
I shouted in a whisper.

“I had no choice! Do you really think I wanted…?”

The lights dimmed and suddenly the principal was standing on stage. I looked up at the stage and thought back to another play we’d attended, years before.               

I took a single empty seat in the back row. Shane followed and sat down in front of me. He was right there, within touching distance. I had to remind myself that I was here for Shannon. Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder. I jumped, completely startled by the unexpected touch.

I looked up to find Parker standing there. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“
Wh-what are you doing here?” I whispered.

The people sitting next to me shushed us and I took that as a sign to get up and move. I was terrified of a possible confrontation between my husband and my child’s father.

I ushered Parker to the other side of the room and we stood in the corner.

“What are you doing here?” I asked again.

“You were right. I need to be more involved in her life. I left early,” he smiled at me. 
Great, NOW he wants to be a father!

I closed my eyes for a second and then glanced over his shoulder and saw Shane watching us. The curtain went up and suddenly the stage filled with snowflakes and Christmas trees. I did my best to focus on the play, but I had never been so distracted in my life. When the play was over, I had to figure out how to keep the two men from seeing each other. As luck would have it, Parker found some old friends and he was busy chatting while I collected my little snowflake.

Shane walked up and bent down to talk to her. “You were wonderful. The best snowflake I’ve ever seen.”  He handed her a gift bag. “Don’t open it until you get home, okay? My mom used to collect these. I thought it was fitting, considering what a beautiful snowflake you are, and…” he looked up at me and added, “…you share the same name.”

She hugged Shane and said, “Thank you. I’m glad you got to see me in the play. I’ll tell Snowball you came. I prayed you would!” she smiled and hugged him. I watched him close his eyes and hug her back
; as if he actually regretted the years he’d missed. But it was his choice to leave me, and finally I couldn’t take it anymore. 

“Shannon, let’s go.”

“I’ll see you soon,” Shane said, looking directly at me.

“Honey, Daddy’s over there. Why don’t you go see him?”

“Daddy came? Yay!” she screamed and ran off.

I motioned for him to follow me to the hallway on the other side of the building. “I don’t know what you think you’re doing. But, you need to stop this. You can’t be a part of her life now! It’s not fair to her. She doesn’t know you!”

“And whose fault is that?” he said, with a fire in his eyes I’d never seen before.

“Yours!
You left. Do her a favor, and do it again! Just leave! Disappear! That’s something I know you’re really good at!”

He looked me in the eyes and said, “It’s not going to happen. I have a choice this time. They can’t get rid of me now
.” he said and walked off.

I stared after him, not sure what he meant by that.

When we got home, Parker actually tucked Shannon into bed. I paced the living room, wondering where I was going to see
Shane next. He came back into my life just as suddenly as he left. I was confused, hurt and angry. I started to pour myself a drink and realized I’d done that three nights in a row. I made tea instead, but it didn’t seem to drown my sorrows…or more to the point, knock me out like the scotch.

“She’s really wound up. I didn’t think she’d ever fall asleep,” Parker said, coming up behind me.

“Yeah, she was great. It was a cute play.”

“Yeah.
So, who gave her the snow globe?”

“The what?”
I turned, facing him.

“The snow globe.
She said something about the vet…and I don’t know. She was jumping on the bed, shouting her one line over and over again. I was having a hard time following her.”

“Oh, um, the snow globe.
It um, I, I don’t know.”

“She said the vet gave it to her?”

I shrugged my shoulders, playing dumb.             

“Hmm, well, it doesn’t matter. So I came home for a couple reasons…” he put his hands on my shoulders and started massaging them.

I pulled away. “I um, I have to kiss her goodnight.”

When I walked into Shannon’s room, she was sound asleep. The snow globe was displayed brilliantly on her nightstand. I picked it up and shook it. It lit up with glistening snowflakes and when I wound it, the song played ‘Daddy’s Little Girl.’ I almost dropped it when I heard it.

“It’s pretty, huh Mommy?” Shannon mumbled, still half asleep.

“It’s beautiful
, Honey,” I said, the tears starting once again.

I tucked her in and headed to my bedroom.

“Parker, what are you doing?”

He was standing in front of the window in my room.  “I was hoping we could talk.”

“About?”

“A son.”

“Is that why you came home early?” I asked, angry for his ulterior motives.

“I came home to be a father to Shannon, a husband to you…and yes, hopefully to convince you that I’m worthy of a child, another child.”             

“Worthy? You haven’t been a father, yet
: a provider, yes; but not a father. The subject’s closed.”

“I’m re-opening it. I have rights as a husband to want another child. If the roles were reversed, I’d give you what you wanted. I’ve given you everything you could possibly want or need. I’m only asking for one thing.”

He stepped toward me and said, “Please, Rebecca. Let me be your husband. Let me in. Please?” He pulled me to him and leaned down to kiss me. I turned my head. He sighed and let me go.

“I’m sorry, Parker. I can’t give you what you want.”

“Is it that you don’t want any more children, or is it the thought of my touch that keeps you at arms-length?”

I didn’t know how to answer him. I did want more children, but not with him. And the thought of his touch turned my stomach. “I just…can’t. It’s not a good time for another child.”

“Shannon’s six, it’s the perfect time. She could be your little helper. She’d love a brother.”

“No. I’m sorry.”

He walked toward me again and pulled me to him. “Okay, if you don’t want another child right now; then let’s get to know each other again. We’re married, let’s act like it. Make love with me…please?” he pleaded.

“Parker, I’m tired.
I um…I, not tonight.”

He sighed. “Don’t you mean, not any night? You’re my wife.”

“You have lovers. You don’t need me.”

“I
had
lovers because I
don’t
have you. I don’t see any of them anymore. I haven’t for weeks now.” He reached out and touched my hair. “I can make you forget him, if you’d just let me.”

It was all too much. I couldn’t handle one more thing. Shane was back and thoughts of him were all-consuming. I couldn’t handle the pressure from Parker now, too. I pushed him away, taking my anger for Shane out on my husband.

“I SAID NO!”

He looked hurt and angry, and frankly I didn’t blame him. He’d been there for me through it all. He hadn’t abandoned me…Shane had. I was pushing the wrong one away. “Parker…I’m sorry.”