Facing Fear (24 page)

He had chosen to do it here instead of back home for several reasons. First, he was in the mood. It was a hell of a time to choose to take his good bureaucrat jacket off, but Nikki had unknowingly provided the incentive. She wanted her past. Fine. He couldn’t make her remember it herself, so he would try to get those damn files back for her.

Second, he did it out of a sense of perverse irony, like playing too close to a roaring fire. He had enjoyed himself immensely, even though someone out there had caught him at it. He knew it couldn’t be EYES. They would never suspect that he was hacking into their system from the inside. Besides, he had activated his password on his own computer, starting an autosearch program that activated movement through various departments before setting up the real laptop for what he had in mind.

So who was the troll who sent him the encrypted file? Another challenge, to test whether he could break into it. Rick glanced at the time at the bottom of the screen. Nikki hadn’t called him all day. He would give her another half hour and then go look for her. Meanwhile, he would play with this encryption.

It didn’t take him long before he got the file to release its zipped contents. Rick stared at the screen. The surrounding boxes, scattered piles, and furniture receded from his awareness, and there was a kind of muffled silence as his brain acknowledged what he was seeing. The loud thumping must be coming from inside his head. It couldn’t be his heart because it had just stopped and died.

It was a picture of a smiling Nikki on a couch. A man sat beside her, with silver eyes that stood out because of his tanned face. At their feet, a young half-Asian little girl was on the floor between them, smiling toothily.

The caption underneath read
HARD QUESTIONS GIVE HARD LESSONS
.

“W
here are you?” The low masculine voice coming from the speakerphone, as always, sent a warm, tingly sensation through her.

“I’m on my way to you,” Nikki said as she maneuvered a left-hand turn. It was much later than she had thought, and she was surprised he had not called her all day.

“Where are you coming from?”

“I had to stop back at my apartment to pick up some things.” It was an evasion, but she didn’t want to talk about the day’s events over the cell phone. She hesitated, then added, “That is, if you want me to go back with you?”

She had wrangled over the decision, whether to stay where she was and wait for him to tell her, or to go to him on her own. She had been alone for so long, she was afraid of letting go of what made her feel secure. Going to him meant more than just taking on a lover or a man in her life. This was Rick Harden, whom she had avoided thinking about all this time. Going to him meant giving up part of herself to be somebody else. She shook her head. To be
her
. Leah. He saw her as Leah, and she wasn’t that person any longer.

There was such a prolonged pause that she thought the call had disconnected. “Rick?”

“Yes, I want you,” he replied. “It’s raining here, so drive carefully. Just wait for me in the car and page me when you get here. No need to get wet and go through security.”

He rang off. Enigmatic as always. What did she expect? “Hi, honey, how was your day?” She smiled, then bit on her lip. There was a time he had asked that question, she was sure of it. Was their relationship back then as normal as it was tense now?

It started drizzling, then turned into a steady rain as she drove on. She went through the checkpoint that led her into employee parking and after finding an open space as close as she could, she called his beeper and waited. She left the headlights on so he would know her location. The windshield wipers went back and forth as she stared at the brightly lit entrance. It made the rest of what she could see appear darker and less recognizable.

That uneasy feeling that encompassed her every time she focused on this building gnawed at her again. It looked like any ordinary federal structure, with its lit windows where people worked late. Yet the dark shadows cast by light and reflection appeared menacing to her overactive imagination.

Again an earlier odd notion rang in her brain.
The building was sick
. How was she going to transfer that sort of reaction into proper bureaucratic wording in her report? EYES would sneer her out of the committee meeting. She wondered whether they would use her past to question her conclusions, say that she was not quite right in the head. Or maybe they would use her relationship with the O.C. of Task Force Two to undermine her objectivity.

Speaking of which, the operations chief was walking in the rain toward her. She would recognize that proud stride anywhere. The headlights put him in harsh relief against the black and gray background. As he came nearer, she could see the lines of rain falling hard on him.

He opened the passenger door and climbed in. The interior lights caught the harsh planes of his face. The flash of green eyes with wet eyelashes. Then the door slammed shut and the streetlight nearby muted all the colors. It didn’t lessen the tempo of her heartbeat at the sight and smell of him.

“You should have told me you didn’t have a raincoat or umbrella,” she said.

In answer, he turned and reached for her. His kiss was hard, bruising her lips. His hand held the back of her head firmly as his tongue swept into her mouth. He tasted of the storm. He kissed with the same ferocity of one, leaving her breathless.

Lifting his head, he raked fingers through his rain-darkened hair, shaking drops of water onto the seats. “I didn’t want you to turn around to get me one.”

He drew her closer still, uncaring that his wet clothes were damping her dry ones. The dark interior of the car reminded her of how good he was in small spaces, and her body quivered at his possessive marking. Her lips. Her breasts. Every part of her responded at his touch.

“You didn’t call me and I wasn’t sure whether I…” She wished she could see his expression, tell what kind of mood he was in. She whispered, “This isn’t easy for me.”

“We haven’t had time to talk,” he agreed, “but you’re still coming home with me.”

There was an edge to his voice that suggested he wasn’t willing to compromise on this one point. “You can’t expect me to just move in and continue like nothing is happening. We’re already arguing over what we want to do—this morning, and now.”

His thumbnail caressed her pulse, an oddly possessive gesture, as if he wanted to unnerve her. His voice dropped an octave. “I know how to stop your arguing.”

His lips hovered inches above, his heated breath mingling with hers. She inhaled the musky scent of man and ozone, suddenly aware that there was a storm brewing that had nothing to do with the weather outside.

Pulling slightly away, she said, “You can’t use sex for everything, Rick.” Her voice came out breathless. It was too easy to think of Rick and sex.

His hold on her neck tightened. Then, as if he changed his mind, he released her. He leaned over and fastened her seat belt. Her breath caught where his hand touched her hip, as it provocatively slid down her inner thigh, evoking memories from a certain night. She eyed him warily as he paused. He
moved, fastened his seat belt, and placed his hand back where it had been. That whole leg seemed hotter than the rest of her body.

“Let’s go home, darling. It’s late,” he said, in that dark, edgy tone.

As she started the car, shifting gears, she was very aware of that hand resting firmly on her leg. Another possessive gesture.

Rick studied her for a few seconds.
Ask her
. “So, tell me about your day,” he continued.

“I found some things that might help me,” she told him guardedly.

“Good,” he said. She was nervous, probably gauging how much to tell him of what had happened today.

Ask her.
Or maybe he should tell her. Tell her that it was he who had snatched the files from her laptop today. He knew now that it belonged to her.

He was supposed to start working on the encrypted files downloaded from EYES. Instead, that faxed photo had sidetracked him. He had started reading the contents of the other files, and there could be no mistaking the owner. A romance manuscript. A file documenting departmental duties and security stopgaps. And lastly, the second most painful discovery of all—his own file, dated almost nine years ago. Nine years. She had known about him for nine years. And instead of contacting him, she had—

That photo in his laptop burned a hole in his brain.
Ask her.

“I have several encrypted files for you to look at.”

“How did you get them?” he asked casually. He felt her thigh tense under his hand.

“It’s better that you don’t know,” she replied carefully. “Your job is still at stake, and if they questioned you—”

Was she trying to protect him? The old doubts resurfaced. After all, she read his files without permission before she went on that ill-fated operation. For whom? He had spent all this time trying to find out the truth, to prove that his doubts were wrong, but now he feared that maybe, just maybe—no. Leah loved him. She would never have tried to hurt him in any
way. But who was the man with her, and what had she been doing with him all these years
when she knew where he was?

Ask her.

“Yes, of course, you’re right. What I don’t know can’t hurt me.” Her leg tensed like a coiled spring and she inadvertently stepped hard on the gas pedal, speeding up the car jerkily. He gave her a light squeeze, bringing her attention back. “What’s wrong?”

Nikki swallowed hard. “Nothing. Your hand distracted me.”

She kept her eyes on the road, refusing to glance in his direction. She wasn’t lying, not really. She couldn’t think properly when she knew how intimately close his hand was. His fingers curled possessively every time she changed gears, subtly caressing the inside of her thighs. The thin layer of clothing she had on didn’t check the warm curling heat gathering and tightening in her.

Those words. That was what she heard this afternoon.
What he doesn’t know can’t hurt him.
Had she said that? When and why?

“What else distracted you?”

He was sure she was lying. That nervous flick of her tongue betrayed her. The slight trembling of her leg betrayed her. She didn’t want him to know something. But then she didn’t want him to know lots of things about her. He frowned, recalling what he’d said—
What I don’t know can’t hurt me
. Was she thinking of that man in the picture? And the child? He smiled grimly in the dark.
Ask her.

He turned to study her profile. He wasn’t sure whether he wanted to hear that she had made another life with another man. His chest tightened up and the questions burned with agonizing echoes.

At the next stoplight, slowly, deliberately, he slipped his hand between her legs. She gave a soft gasp and lurched forward. She finally darted him a glance, her eyes wide—yes, there was desire there. He pulled on her zipper. Hands on the steering wheel, she stared back helplessly, a small sound escaping her lips when he slipped his hand inside.

She was already wet. He stroked her with his finger. She gasped again, and that coiled anger in him formed into a solid determined ball. It didn’t matter about that photo. Tonight he would make her tell him she was his. He would make her answer his questions.

“The light’s green,” he told her softly. “Drive slowly.”

He opened a sensual world that went beyond what Nikki had ever experienced. At least in her limited new life. Where once, just the thought of growing comfortable with touching and being touched was an ambitious goal, she found herself yearning for Rick, and Rick alone. His touch melted the cold corners of her awareness where she had always feared to tread.

She quivered with both need and vulnerability. Part of her couldn’t believe this was happening. He could have her anywhere and she couldn’t deny him.

Here in the car, as he teased her at every traffic light. Red, and her heart beat in anticipation at what that hand was going to do when she braked. Green, and her whole being protested as he ordered her to start driving again.

This couldn’t be her, Nikki Taylor, who had sworn to be the mistress of her own fate. No, this was Leah Harden, greedily forcing her identity back into her psyche. And she couldn’t fight herself and the sensual journey Rick was initiating. There was another red light ahead. Her lips parted, her lower body tensing up. It was sheer torture as the car slowed down…and her body started up. He controlled her desire all the way to his place, and she let him.

No, she couldn’t deny him. He turned her on like no other man.

Here in his bed as her wet clothes melted off her body like magic. Dark magic. He kissed her from head to foot as she lay there on his big bed, waiting, waiting for him to finish what he’d started.

“Are you still afraid?” she heard him ask.

She stared into his green eyes and saw her hunger reflected in them. “A little.”

“Tell me what they did to you.”

Caught by surprise at his question, she jolted up, but he easily stopped her with a kiss, pushing her back against the soft pillows. He tasted of the storm outside—wild and demanding. She almost forgot his query when he reached down and resumed her sensual climb to oblivion. He bit her earlobe and her head lolled to one side submissively as his teeth found the most sensitive spot in the hollow of her neck. She moaned softly.

“Tell me,” he insisted in that dark, edgy voice. “Tell me what haunts you, Nikki.”

She shook her head but realized now that there was no escape from his lips, his hands, his steely determination to get what he wanted. He sucked on her breast as those fingers between her legs urged her higher. Release was so close. He paused.

“I…was tied down at first but they didn’t need to after a while,” she whispered, desperate for his touch. He nibbled his way back to her lips. “They called me names. Hurt me. They laughed. Rick, don’t make me go on.”

She didn’t want to say out loud what her body had suffered. Seeing it in her head was enough. Still having nightmares was enough.

“Like this?”

He tugged one of her arms above her and tied it to the bedpost with one quick twist. Just one hand. His eyes never left hers as he slowly moved down and put his mouth between her legs. “Like this?” he repeated softly.

Dear Lord. No, not like that. She gave him a strangled reply and arched up against his teasing tongue. He stopped the torture, nibbling the soft flesh of her inner thigh as she waited…waited…

He climbed back over her, took her free hand and put it over his hard erection. “Put me inside you, Nikki,” he rasped out.

He was doing something to her fears, changing that hated emotion to raw desire. How could she like this situation? She should be afraid—she shouldn’t like being tied up, held
down. But he gave her his most vulnerable part to control. It was hot and heavy in her hand and she owned it. She squeezed him tightly. He hummed with approval, waiting for her to do as he wanted.

It was a matter of taking control. She guided him to her heat and he nudged her open and slowly took over her willing body. He removed her free hand, lacing his fingers through hers as he pushed deeper. She welcomed him eagerly, her whole being centered where they were joined. He felt so good.

“Like this?”

“No.” He was dissolving all her ghosts. Those faces filled with ugly lust and those cruel hands. The pain of being forcibly taken. The humiliation of being nothing more than flesh. There was only Rick right now. The scent of Rick. The taste of Rick. And this sense of belonging. The force of his hips pushed her whole body up, sliding over the dampened bedsheets…and suddenly the room plunged into darkness.

He’d turned off the lights. Still embedded in her, he stretched out her remaining free arm over her head and secured it like the other. Her breathing quickened.