Facing Fear (27 page)

Seeing her almost finishing her task, Rick opened the bedside drawer and pulled out the silk purse she had brought on her first visit. He had opened it that night after he’d let her go. It contained her hair ties. “Let me,” he said softly. She scooted closer as he drew out the ties. “Do you remember me playing with your hair?”

“Yes,” she replied just as softly, and blushed. “But you always took too long.”

“I missed the little things the most.” Rick played with the braid with sure hands. “Like watching you comb your hair at night. Tying it for you. Waking up with you in my arms.”

He wanted her to admit that back to him, too, but of course she hadn’t missed any of that the way he had. But she was here now, and he ought to be satisfied.

“Tell me the rest,” he urged, abruptly interrupting the direction of his thoughts.

Nikki closed her eyes. It was like watching a mini movie in her head, with herself as the main actress. Not any different from the way she plotted her novels, she mused. Except that her heroines never faltered as she did. Or allowed themselves to be used as pawns.

“I did the worst thing possible in that situation. I went to EYES to report this obvious corruption of the promotion process.” She opened her eyes and laughed hollowly. “I thought, ‘Internal Investigations will take care of this person who is trying to influence the board.’ They told me to keep it quiet while they checked it out. A few days went by. You didn’t say anything. No one said anything. I was so frustrated.”

“Why didn’t you tell me then what happened?”

“I knew you would go and confront Gorman,” she replied, misery swelling in her chest. “If there was an active investigation, and with another altercation on your record you would be censured. I wanted a fair review of both your records, and I thought I could do it the right way, the way they wanted you to do things—through red tape.”

Rick pulled the tie into a bow. He wounded the thick braid around his hand several times, slowly pulling her close. “There is no record of the complaint,” he told her quietly.

She had to lean over him to keep her balance. “I know that, too. After a week of silence, I couldn’t bear it any longer, so I checked with several sources. They never saw anything passed through their departments.”

“And?” he prompted. He needed her to explain the most important thing of all.

She sighed and planted a kiss on his lips. “I committed the second stupid act after that.”

He pulled at her braid, and she gave in and landed on top of him, her body fitting against his male contour. “And?”

“I…drugged…you.” Her eyes were haunted, miserable. “While we made love the night before the assignment. I downloaded some files from Gorman’s computer into a disk and then transferred it to your link. I didn’t have time to look through them to see what they were investigating, and I didn’t want to make waves for you. I thought once I found out what they were up to, then I’d also find out why they were ignoring my complaint. But with the assignment coming up, I barely had time. So I…drugged you.”

S
he didn’t betray him.

Rick had bet his life and career on the fact. He had lied to cover up for her because he believed that ultimately, the truth would prove her innocence. Yet sometimes, deep at night, doubt had crept in and nibbled at his determination. He had even dreamed of killing her often, because he felt betrayed by everything.

Not anymore.

The morning air had the crisp freshness of days when nature encouraged one to take the day off. So he did. He had no current duties at the task force anyhow. What he had were encrypted files that were best deciphered in the privacy of his study.

“Come on, slow poke.”

Rick looked ahead as he jogged on the trail. A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. First things first. He felt strong as a horse, light as mountain air, and giddy as a drunken teenager. And all because the woman he loved was beckoning to him with a grin that radiated mischief and seduction.

“You’re on a bicycle,” he pointed out as he advanced toward her at the side of the path. “It’s a little sadistic, don’t you think, to ride fast ahead for a quarter of a mile and then yell obscenities at your husband for not keeping up on foot?”

“You’re the one who wanted to do this ungodly exercise,” Nikki called back as she tapped one foot impatiently. “I didn’t want to get out of bed.”

True. He was the one who wanted to jog. He also didn’t want her out of his sight. Danger and uncertainty lay ahead, but he didn’t voice his fears. There were still unfinished things between them, but a human body can take only so much. The toll of the last few days reflected in the bruised shadows under her eyes, and he was determined to chase them away for a while. So he had called in for them both. Fuck Internal Investigations.

All his years alone, the best way he had found to refresh a tired mind was to go out and punish his body in relentless running. He ran from his troubles as well as the pain inside. Today he was going to start anew and run for joy.

Nikki turned as soon as he reached her in a mock bid to fly off on her bike again, as she had done several times already, and every time he had caught hold of the handlebars and tipped her into his arms. He barely paid attention to the familiar joggers going by who stared at them in amusement as they kept passing the same scenario of the two of them kissing passionately every quarter of a mile.

“Drop your bike by the side of the path and jog with me,” he ordered, his nose buried against her hair, taking in the sweet scent of shampoo and woman.

“Uh-uh. Jogging dislodges your brain. I don’t have much up there left to waste.” She smiled again, with that same glint of mischief that he hadn’t seen for a lifetime, and added in a soft shy voice, “Unless…you want to jog in bed?”

Rick gave a short laugh. There was something devastatingly seductive in this woman who seemed to be both his wife and not. The self-conscious touch in her sexiness only added to his hunger for her. She would always remain a little reserved and secretive.

He tilted her head back and gazed down. How was he changed for her? Unlike her, he had become someone even he didn’t like. He wasn’t the Rick she had loved. Maybe that’s why she hadn’t told him…

“What’s wrong?” she asked, her smile disappearing. “Jogging in bed makes you frown?”

Rick shrugged away his thoughts and gave her a reassuring
smile. “No, but if you keep interrupting my run every quarter mile, we’ll never make it back to bed. Come run with me.”

“Someone will steal my bike,” she said, as an excuse.

“I’ll buy you another one.”

“I’ll be too tired to walk all the way back once we reached the end of the trail.”

“I’ll carry you back”

“You really want me to jog?”

Rick touched her cheek with his knuckles. “I want you by my side, not like some illusion up ahead all the time. I want to hear you breathe hard, so I know this is real.”

Her dark eyes shone with an inner light that warmed him more than the morning exertion. “Do you know at moments like these, if you close your eyes and listen, you can hear your
chuung
?”

She hadn’t said a word when he told her he was the one who had interrupted Erik’s little game yesterday. He admitted to reading her notes and story on the laptop, but omitted the fax that came right afterward. She wasn’t angry at all, as he thought she would be. She knew him for what he was, after all—a man who had no conscience.

Her reference to these private things, like her grandmother’s tales and references to some prophecies with something called
chuung
, of her hero on the run and the heroine who saved him, humbled him. She was forgiving and generous and he was a bastard. No wonder she still hadn’t decided whether she still loved him enough to tell him everything.

“Can you hear it?” Her eyes were closed.

“Yes,” he lied, watching her, loving her, and filled with the need to make love to her. “How come you aren’t angry that I went through your files?”

She opened her eyes and regarded him with her dark expressive eyes. There was a gentle sparkle in them, as if she had been waiting for his question. “Because I’ve been writing about you. It’s always been about you,” she told him. She pushed off him and guided the bicycle next to a birch tree. “I’m really going to regret this.”

Jogging in unison. This used to be his lone activity, where he
could reflect on and not lose sight of his goal. It reminded him that like jogging, it would hurt while he was doing it. He darted a look at Nikki, her face flushed, lips parted as she moved beside him. There was his goal, right beside him. His heart swelled at the sight of her. Maybe this was what she meant by hearing his
chuung
, that perfect pitch of sound and sight.

Nikki suddenly faltered and stumbled. Rick grasped her elbow to steady her. Her stunned expression made him realize that she hadn’t tripped. He followed the direction of her gaze.

A lone male stood nonchalantly at the end of the trail, studying them. Even from here, Rick could see those strange light eyes gleaming out of the tanned face. He was silent, waiting for Nikki to make the first move.

“Jed…” She said his name like a woman greeting a lover, the initial surprise on her face changing into an expression Rick didn’t care for. He watched her walk slowly toward the figure.

His soaring heart descended like a heavy rock in churning waters. Oh no. His hands fisted at his sides. He hated this helpless feeling of inevitability. The photo of Nikki and this same man with the young girl swam in his eyes, mocking him. A silent denial rose out of desperation. No, she wasn’t going back to the stranger. He couldn’t accept that. But she was already halfway to the waiting man she called Jed.

He didn’t like him already. The stranger didn’t change his stance, continuing to lean against a big wooden sign that posted the words
STOP. END OF TRAIL
. Arrogant bastard.

Jed. The very last person Nikki wanted Rick to meet.

The very person who had brought her back from the dead was as shadowy and unexpected as Death himself. Jed McNeil was the leader to a special covert group of nine commandos who infiltrated enemy networks like a virus, destroying from within. During one of these operations, he had heard about the few prisoners and had sought them out. She had been the only one left. Her heart filled with warmth as she took in the familiar angular features, with those striking eyes and the deep dimple in the chin. His lazy slouch against the post didn’t de
ceive her at all. It hid lightning speed and agile strength that could carry a body for miles down mountain terrain. There was only a very thin veneer of civilization masking the former Airborne Ranger.

She looked over her shoulder. She had assumed Rick would be right behind her, but he wasn’t. He had a grim air about him, his light mood all but gone. She glanced back at Jed. He hadn’t greeted her yet, but that was just like him. Jed McNeil never did anything one expected him to. She didn’t even question how he knew she would be jogging here on this trail. Jed always seemed to know things. She was close enough to catch the glint of humor in his eyes. She frowned. What was he up to now?

She turned back. “Rick?” She held out her hand, and after a moment’s hesitation, he came forward to join her. His eyes were very green, and they weren’t smiling like before. Maybe it was the morning sun, but the play of light and shadow flickering across his face gave him a menacing appearance. Her frown deepened. “What’s the matter?”

“Who is he?” His gaze didn’t leave her face.

“Come meet him,” she said quietly. One couldn’t just explain Jed in a sentence. It was simpler to introduce him. “It’s okay. I know him.”

“Did you tell him you would be here?”

“No.”

“How did he find out where we are?”

“Because he’s Jed.” She squeezed his hand lightly.

She could feel the tension in Rick, and Jed wasn’t helping with his usual quiet amusement. She didn’t know why he was here but Jed always appeared at a time of his choosing. He was the most unpredictable person she’d ever met. Despite the feeling that an explosion was pending, she couldn’t help smiling at the sight of him leaning against the sign. He hadn’t changed, still playing mind games.

He was in his favorite getup—a jean jacket and faded jeans—and judging from his tan, he must have just come back from somewhere tropical. Rugged and powerful, he was the only man who evoked a responsive chord in her in
the aftermath of her imprisonment. She didn’t know how she was going to explain him to Rick.

“Jed.” For an awkward moment she found herself unable to take the few steps for a friendly embrace because Rick was purposely slowing their approach by pulling on her hand.

“Nikki.” His familiar husky drawl said her name in a soft greeting. Nothing else. He didn’t move any closer, either.

She realized that Jed was putting the burden of introduction on her and her eyes narrowed a fraction as she tried to gauge his motives. He was his usual unreadable self, his silver eyes gleaming in the morning sun. They roved over her in a lazy, thorough, head-to-toe inspection, and she felt Rick’s grasp tighten even more.

Nikki licked her suddenly dry lips. Jed McNeil never showed up for a friendly hi. This wasn’t going to be the first time, either. “This is a surprise.”

“It’s time to check up on you.” He cocked a dark brow, still waiting.

“Rick…this is Jed McNeil.”

There was an interminable pause as both men didn’t make a move.

“You can’t leave the introduction hanging, Nikki,” Jed finally chided. “‘This is Jed’ isn’t enough for a man holding your hand like that. And especially”—he looked at the man behind her, a corner of his mouth lifting—“for a man who’s more than a friend.”

Damn.
Nikki didn’t curse often, but this was one of those times.
Damn.
She had forgotten Jed had an innate love of double entendres. She didn’t want to do this now. Not yet.

But she was standing between two of the most uncompromising men in the world—one who had forced her back into living, and the other who was her life, who made her feel alive. She was unwilling for them to meet. It was like…acknowledging she had failed both of them somehow. She couldn’t be what either of them wanted. Not a woman for Jed. Not a wife for Rick. Neither Nikki nor Leah, she realized.

“Be brave, Nikki,” Jed scolded softly. It was a phrase he
used often between them, a private communication that meant a lot.

“Leave her alone,” Rick cut in brusquely.

“Too long, it seems.” Jed straightened up and for the first time acknowledged Rick. “Being a bureaucrat has made you soft, Harden. All this time I’d given you, and you haven’t figured out a damn thing.”

“What the hell do you mean, given me time? I don’t even know you.” Nikki had never seen Rick so angry before. He hadn’t raised his voice, but the glacial edge to it would intimidate a lesser man. His hold on her hand was firm to the point of forceful, and it made her wonder whether it was just because he didn’t want her to give Jed a hug.

“But I know you. I kept waiting for a sign that you really cared for her but all I saw was a bureaucrat staying within the safety confines of rules. You were paper-trailing yourself to death, man, and there was no end in sight. How long were you going to wait before you made your move? Another ten years, perhaps?”

“How long have you been watching me?”

“Years. We were both on the same quest, it seemed, except”—the well-cut mouth quirked up slightly—“I had your wife with me, and you didn’t.”

The words had the desired effect. Nikki’s hand was freed as she watched her husband lunge out at Jed. It happened so quickly she was momentarily stunned with dismay. Jed had deliberately taunted Rick, and Rick fell for it.

“No!” She ran forward to come between the two men. This wasn’t the balance in her life that she was seeking.

Rick grabbed Jed by the shoulders. The son of a bitch didn’t flinch or back off. In fact, he didn’t even move an inch. Only the gleam in his odd eyes warned him that this wasn’t a man to be trifled with.

Not that Rick cared. Jed McNeil could show up armed to the teeth and Rick still wasn’t going to give up Nikki, not without a fight. The way Nikki had looked at him was telling. This was a rival who could do the ultimate damage. He could take Nikki away.

“Rick, no!” Nikki tugged on his sweatshirt. Rick glared at Jed. The urge to draw blood stretched like a wire inside him. She gripped his tensed arm and added, “No, it’ll only make things worse.”

But it’ll feel so good.

“Go on,” Jed said, a hint of challenge in his voice now. “A little bit of action might loosen those atrophied muscles.”

Rick didn’t like the way the other man stood totally relaxed, looking at him as if there was nothing important going on. He hated feeling disadvantaged that his opponent knew more than he did. About Nikki. About his own past.

“Fight. Or let go,” Jed said, then cocked an eyebrow. “Kissing is out of the question.”

Rick sensed that Jed wanted him to lose his temper and start a fight. He pushed off and stepped away from the shorter man, who still somehow managed to stand there with his hands in the pockets of his jeans jacket. He wouldn’t play this game.