Fading (49 page)

"Babe, the only reason that photo is on display is because you're in it. You're perfect."

I don't even try to convince him of his talent because I know he would simply deny it. So, I let it be as we walk through the open doors. I immediately spot Stacy Keets, the woman that originally told me about this showing.

"Candace."

"Stacy, hi," I say as I give her a hug.

"That dress is amazing."

"Thank you."

"And this is...?" she asks as she glances to Ryan.

"Ryan." I say.

"Ahh, 'Nubile.' Beautiful photograph," she says as she shakes his hand. "I'm Stacy Keets. I work at the Henry Gallery."

"Ryan Campbell."

"Well, your piece is great. I saw a couple eying it a minute ago. Do you have more pieces?"

"A few. It wasn't ever something I intended to show anyone or have displayed, but Candace insisted."

"I'm glad she did. I'd love to see more of your work." Looking at me, she asks, "Do you still have my number?"

"Yes, I do."

"Give me a call," she tells Ryan. "We have some wall space opening up soon, so if you're interested, we can discuss the possibility of displaying some of your pieces."

"Will do. I'll have Candace give me your number."

Turning to me, she says, "And I owe you a congratulations. I heard about your audition from Sergej."

Sergej has been dating Stacy since I met her over two years ago. He has instructed my partnering studio since I first came to UW. He's originally from Russia, but moved to the States and danced for a company in New York before retiring and relocating here to teach.

"I hope it was all good."

Lowering her voice, she tells me, "He thinks people will be fighting for you to sign with their companies."

"I can only hope."

"No hoping. I'm looking forward to seeing you perform in May."

"Thank you. I'll be sure Ryan calls you," I say.

"Enjoy your night."

"You too, Stacy," Ryan says as he starts walking us to the bar.

Mark and Jase are already drinking and mingling when we walk over. I knew they would have a good time and they'd know several people here with them being architecture majors and art snobs.

"Hey, man," Mark says when he spots Ryan.

We all stand around and visit. After Gavin and his friend Chris arrive, I excuse myself and take a glass of wine from the bartender. Jase and I separate from the group and start to stroll through the gallery, looking at all the pieces. I know Ryan is here merely for my sake, so I don't mind that he spends the evening with his buddies. When we find ourselves in front of Ryan's photograph, which he'd titled 'Nubile,' Jase says in a quiet voice, "You're beautiful." He speaks to the photograph, not me. I stand there for a moment and only respond when he slightly turns his head to wink at me.

"How did you know?" I ask.

"Because of what he titled it." He turns to look back at the photograph and adds, "It could only be you."

I don't know how I would live without Jase. He's my rock. He's always stuck by my side and has been my strength when I had none left. I step closer to his side and hold his hand, and when he looks over at me, I tell him, "I love you, so much."

"I love you too, sweetie." He squeezes my hand and we continue through the gallery, admiring all the art on display. We don't speak with anyone else; we just spend our time together and enjoy each other's company. Eventually we find a bench and take a seat to give my feet a break in my platform heels.

"There you are," Ryan says from behind me.

Jase takes my empty wine glass and excuses himself to give Ryan and I time together.

Sitting down next to me, he says, "Where have you been?"

"Just walking around with Jase."

"I heard someone bought your photo," he tells me, and I'm so excited for him.

"Really?"

He doesn't respond, he just smiles at me and takes my hand. "Walk with me."

Sliding my hand into his, I follow him through the gallery and down one of the halls to a roped off area.

"What are we doing back here? We're gonna get in trouble."

Laughing at me, he says, "You're so cute."

We turn to go behind a wall, far from everyone else. He turns to me, pressing my back against the wall, hands on either side of me, caging me in. He doesn't even need to say anything when I reach for his face and bring him down to me. He's eager and passionate, and I know if he had it his way, he would take me right here against this wall.

"We should go," I say breathlessly between our lips.

He pushes himself against me as I grasp his shoulders, and I know it's
really
time to go.

"Ryan."

When he finally drags his lips off of me, he takes my hand and walks us out of the back exit, not saying goodbye to anyone.

When we arrive at his place, he opens my door and scoops me out of the car, cradling me with his arm behind my knees. Kicking the door shut, he carries me up the stairs to the front door and once we are inside, straight up to his bed.

He lays me down and runs his hands down the length of my body slowly, down my thighs, wrapping around to the backs of my knees and then slides past my calves. He slips off my heels and I hear them as they clatter onto the floor. Standing by the edge of the bed, Ryan stares down at me as he takes off his shoes and socks and shrugs off his jacket.

My heart is racing as I watch him, and when he lowers himself on top of me, he gently kisses me. The rushed intensity that I felt earlier is gone.

"I love you so fuckin' much."

Brushing my fingers through his hair, I smile and study his face, the way it looks right now in this moment.

"I love you, too."

"Make love to me, babe."

I know what his words mean. I've always let him be in control, not feeling confident enough in myself. But I love this man, and I want to give him what he wants, which is to give myself to him in a way I haven't yet.

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I nod as he pulls us up to our knees. I kiss him and caress his tongue with mine. Sliding his hands up my back, he catches the zipper and slowly pulls it down, loosening the lace on my body. One by one, I unbutton his shirt, and when I hit the last one, I run my hands up his cut stomach, over his chest, around his shoulders, and down his arms, sliding the shirt off. He covers my mouth with his, and when he does, I let the lace fall off of my shoulders. I sling my arms back around him and he lays me down, slipping my dress the rest of the way off.

His lips and tongue slowly drag against my heated skin as he makes his way up my legs, dropping kisses here and there along the way. He grabs onto my panties and starts pulling them down, taking his time as I lift my knees to help him. Leaning back over me, he runs his hands over my knees, up my inner thighs, and my breath hitches when he pushes his palm over my sex and up my stomach. I catch his hips with my legs, wrapping them around his waist, pulling him firmly against me.

He takes one of my legs and pulls it down from his hip as he unhooks his pants. When they land on the floor with the rest of our clothes, he leans over to the nightstand and puts on protection.

He reaches behind my back and pulls me up, sitting back on the bed as I'm straddling his lap. When he unhooks my bra,
the last piece of clothing between us, I lift up on my knees, wrap my arms around him, and gently slide myself on top of him. I feel my body instinctively tighten around him when he enters me, and I have to drop my head in the crook of his neck with the profound pleasure that is coursing through my body.

His breaths are heavy, and when I lift my head and look into his blue eyes, I slowly begin to move. Giving myself to him as never before, I lace my fingers through his hair and fist it in my hands. I can't help the moan that escapes me, and I don't even try to hide the waves of pleasure I feel from being with him like this.

"God, I love you," he says through his panted breaths, and when my hips rock into him, his head drops to my chest.

Grazing his hands along my sides, he begins kissing my breasts, and I start to feel the intensity building. Our moans become louder as they fill the room. When he grips me tighter in his hold, I rock into him again, clinging to him when he says, "Look at me, baby. I want to watch you come."

Leaning my forehead against his, our eyes lock onto one another. My body begins to shudder and clench around him, and when I hear Ryan moan my name, I know he's right there with me. Never taking our eyes off of each other, we ride out our pleasure until we have nothing left.

He's hot to my touch, and I can feel the sweat beading down my back when he slowly begins to kiss me. Laying us down, I brush a few locks of his hair from his damp forehead.

"'I love you' will never be strong enough for what I feel for you."

Pulling the covers over us, he wraps me in his arms, still inside me, and I know I'll only ever have this with him—I'll only ever want this with him.

"
I can't find shit in here," Ryan says from deep within my closet.

He offered to help me pack since I didn't get much sleep last night. I was so wrapped up in the moment that I forgot to take my sleeping pill, and I kept waking up all throughout the night. I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever be able to sleep without them. My dreams weren't terribly vivid, but when my mind would begin to drift, Jack would find me.

Ryan suggested that I should talk to someone about what happened, but I quickly shut him down, same as I did with Jase when he brought it up months ago. Sitting around and hashing out what happened when all I am trying to do is move on doesn't sound like it would be beneficial at all.

"Just grab a few pairs of jeans."

"Which ones? You have like fifty pairs in here."

Laughing at his dramatics, I say, "It doesn't matter."

He walks out of my closet and puts them in my suitcase while I am going through my dresser.

"Could you grab everything that is sitting on my bathroom counter?"

"Yeah."

When I dig back in my top drawer to find my wool socks, I come across something I haven't seen in seven months. Pulling it out, I look at it, and I'm immediately taken back to that sterile hospital room. Jase was with me, never letting go of my hand, while the nurse scraped Jack's bloody flesh from under my nails. I can still feel the stinging of my eyes as my salty tears flowed effortlessly.

I stash Detective Patterson's business card back in the drawer and close it when I hear Ryan walk out of the bathroom.

"Is this everything?" he asks.

"Umm...yeah," I say as I continue to stand at my dresser, but when my voice comes out shaky, Ryan doesn't miss it.

"Babe," he says, and he walks over to me. Placing his hands on my arms, he continues, "I'm sorry about last night. I should have made sure you took your pill."

I don't correct him when he assumes my mood shift is due to my lack of sleep.

"No, it's not your fault. It's fine."

Kissing my forehead, we move around my room and finish packing my bags. I put in my dance DVDs that I picked up from the studio the other day.

"Okay, I think that's everything." I zip everything shut and Ryan grabs both bags off of my bed, and I lock up as we head out.

I sleep most of the drive to Oregon, but Ryan wakes me up as he exits the highway.

"Where are we?" I say, still groggy.

"Portland."

"Why?"

"Because I want to stop by Voodoo Doughnut. I'm starving."

"Do we really need to drive all the way into the city to get a doughnut?" I groan.

Looking at me with all seriousness, he says, "Yes."

Giving him a half smile, I shake my head. We drive through the city and when we find a parking space, we walk, and get in the line that wraps around the building.

Standing in line with a variety of sugar-crazed Portland hippies, we finally make our way inside the artsy grunge doughnut shop. I stand next to the glass display and stare at the insane doughnuts that rotate on the round trivets. I look over at Ryan and ask, "You're really going to eat one of those?"