Fading (46 page)

"Open your eyes, Candace. Look at me."

"Don't make me look," I softly plead. I'm afraid if I watch him, it will remind me too much of watching Jack. I'm scared.

"Baby, please open your eyes. I need you to be here with
me
. It's only me."

When I cautiously open them, I can see the concern in his eyes.

I focus on him and gradually begin to soften myself into him and relax. He takes his time as he starts to gently move inside of me. The room begins to fill with our soft moans and breaths of pleasure, never taking our eyes off of each other. He wraps me up in his strong arms, and I cling my hands around him as we slowly move together.

"God, I love you," he sighs.

I lean my head up to kiss him, needing more of him. "I love you," I whisper against his lips.

He's all around me, and my breathing grows heavy as the air thickens.

He takes my hand and laces his fingers with mine, holding on tightly to each other as he pushes himself deeper inside of me. Grabbing behind my knee, he pulls my leg up around him then runs his hand up my thigh, gripping onto my hip. I'm overcome with the closeness I feel with him on top of me, with him inside of me.

I push my hips against his hold, needing to move with him. Letting go, he runs his hand up my side and into my hair, threading, and gently grabbing. The pleasure he gives me runs from my thighs through my core and up my chest where my heart is enduring most of the intensity. I can no longer keep my eyes open when I begin to feel a swarm of sensations deep inside. I realize I've never felt this before, and my legs clench apprehensively to his hips.

"Relax, babe."

I hang on tightly around his neck as the feeling begins to build. When my hand jerks in his, he says, "Open your eyes. Stay with me."

They flutter open, and I see the want in his gaze. His face is heated and flushed, and when a whimper escapes me, my breath catches.

"Baby, let go for me."

`I lock my eyes with his as I fall and begin to shudder beneath him, giving him every piece of me as the intense pleasure radiates through my body. I feel myself pulse and tighten around him as he buries his head in my neck, grunting my name, and I feel his release.

Wrapping my legs tightly around him, I try desperately to hold back the tears that are threatening. I'm completely overwhelmed with emotions. To me, that was my first time. He's what I have always needed. Being with him like this, together in this special place that only we share, I know I'll never love anyone the way I love him.

When our breathing slows, he lifts his head, and brushes my hair back. I can feel the tears roll down my temples.

"God, baby, what's wrong?" he asks, as he brushes my tears away with his thumb.

I shake my head to let him know I'm
okay. When I'm finally able to speak, I hand my heart over to him and bare, "Being with you...that's all I want."

Dropping his head to mine, he confesses softly, "You're the only one I've ever done that with. You're the only one I've ever made love to."

And with that, I pull his lips back to mine.

Waking up, I am wrapped up in Ryan. Last night was incredible, being with Ryan in a way I never thought I could. I gave him all of me and have left myself entirely vulnerable to him. When he tells me he will never leave me, I believe him.

I gently ease my way out of his hold, careful not to wake him. I find my clothes that are strewn across the floor and quickly slide them on before walking to the bathroom. Brushing my teeth, I notice a necklace on the counter between the two sinks as I rinse the toothpaste out of my mouth. When I turn off the faucet, I pick up the thin, delicate silver chain that has a flat bar that horizontally connects the chain together. I see that the bar is etched with tiny letters that scribe:
And though she be but little, she is fierce.

He had to have lain this here last night after I feel asleep, because I would have noticed it yesterday. Carrying the necklace in my hand, I open the door and see Ryan awake in bed.

He smiles at me when I hold up the necklace. "What's this?"

"Well, it's definitely not a birthday gift, because that was two days ago."

I can't help but laugh as I slip back into bed with him.

"I love it," I say as I hand it to him so that he can clasp it around my neck.

When he does, he crawls over me, forcing me down on my back. He drops soft kisses along my collarbone and back up my neck to my ear where he whispers, "Do you know how beautiful you are?"

"Mmmm," I softy moan.

"You were amazing last night."

Tangling my hands in his messy hair, I enjoy the shivers he sends through my body as he licks and kisses me while peeling off my clothes.

Last night was a first for me, and I know Ryan was being cautious, but lying here with him now, I am calm under his touch. I know he senses it, and when he removes my pants, he softly nips his way up my thigh. I watch as he makes his way up my stomach, and when he peeks up at me, I grab his face and pull him up to my lips.

He must have already been awake when I woke up because I can taste the mint when I slide my tongue over his. When I graze my teeth across his lip, he pulls back and says, "All I want is you, every fuckin' piece."

I melt into him and give him myself. We take our time now that my nerves are more settled and get to know each other in a whole new way. Ryan's lovemaking is slow and intent and when we can't hold on any longer, we lose ourselves entirely to each other.

Being curled up with Ryan in his sheets, I've never felt more secure. Folded up in his arms, we stay in bed for the rest of the morning.

Ryan went into work this afternoon to take care of some things so that he could stay home tonight. While he's gone, I drive over to Jase's place to hang out for a while. I know I need to tell him everything that's happened since seeing him the other night. When I get there, Mark is there too.

"Hey, what's up?" Jase says from the kitchen.

"Not much. I'm so glad you're home. Ryan had to go into work for a few hours, and I had nothing to do."

"Is he not working tonight?" Mark asks.

"No, he's taking the night off to hang out at the loft."

"So...?" Jase hints.

"What?"

"You never called. Did you get the solo?"

"Oh! God, I'm sorry I forgot to call. Yes, I got it!"

"That's awesome!" Mark says, and when Jase walks in the living room with beers for all of us, he sets them on the coffee table before giving me a hug. "Congratulations, sweetie."

"Thanks."

"Is Ryan's mom still in town?" Mark asks, and then takes a swig of his beer.

"No, she left yesterday. But hey, I have to tell you something, but you can't embarrass me and get all crazy, okay?"

"Shit, this sounds good," Mark teases, and when I eye him, he says, "Sorry."

"Promise. We both do," Jase says.

"Okay, so last night..."

"Holy shit! I knew it!" Jase yells.

"What?" Mark and I ask in unison.

"Oh, come on. It's written all over her face," he says to Mark while gesturing to me with his hand.

Mark looks at me and gets a wicked grin on his face.

"What did I just say about embarrassing me?"

"Candace, you're always getting embarrassed. Spill it," Mark says with a hint of laughter.

"Seriously, guys."

"Okay, serious," Jase affirms. "I had no idea you were even thinking about going there."

"Well, yeah. I mean, we love each other and I've been wanting to, but I've always been too scared. It's not like I've had anything good to associate with sex."

"So, how do you feel about it now?" Jase asks.

"Happy. He's what I've been missing my whole life."

Leaning in, Jase hugs me and whispers, "He's lucky to have you."

"Thanks."

"So what kind of lover is he?" Mark asks with gossipy intent.

"Mark!" I say in shock. "I'm not telling you."

Jase starts to laugh and when I narrow my eyes at him, he defends, "What? You know that Mark thinks Ryan is hot. He's not gonna stop asking."

Mark shrugs his shoulders, laughing. "Gross," I say to him.

"Why's that gross?"

"Cause he's my boyfriend."

"So! I let you sleep with
my
boyfriend," he says, tipping his head at me and lifting an eyebrow.

"That's different," I argue.

"Candace, it's not that different," Jase chuckles.

"Aren't you supposed to be on my side?"

Jase and Mark laugh at my childish remark, and I give them an equally childish eye roll.

The three of us continue our playful bickering and hang out for a couple of hours. I never reveal anything to Mark even though he keeps pestering me. Jase, being as levelheaded as he is, just laughs at Mark's crooked curiosity.

When I get back to the loft, Ryan still isn't home, so I decide to get some schoolwork done. I have two exams next week before the end of the quarter that I need to prepare for. Spreading out my books and notes on the coffee table, I make myself comfortable on the couch. I lose track of time as I flip through my books and study some of the dance terminology that I need to know for one of my classes.

When I notice the grey, misty sky beginning to darken as the sun sets behind the clouds, I wonder why Ryan isn't home yet. Picking up my phone, I call him and he sounds stressed when he answers.

"Babe, hey."

"Hey, I didn't think you were going to be working this late."

"I wasn't, but one of our distributors stopped by today and notified me that we are now a COD contract. When I went back, I saw that Michael hadn't been paying the fucking invoices. So, I've been going through the back logs making sure there aren't any outstanding."

"Have you found any?"

"No, but this shit pisses me off. I need a manager who is more organized. This shit's a mess in his office."

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine. Just been a long day. I'm about to pack up and leave."

"Have you eaten anything yet?"

"Yeah, I had one of the bar girls run out and pick up some food."