Falling for the Ghost of You (28 page)

"I don't know!"

Zane sits down on the edge of the bed and beckons me over.  "Come here."

I go over to him and he pulls me into his lap.  When I put my arms around his neck and absorb some of his strength and warmth, I feel a tiny bit more relaxed.

"You're
over thinking
things again," he says, resting his hands on my hips.  "Just relax, okay?  There's no pressure."

I take a deep breath, inhali
ng his familiar sexy scent.  "I know.  But don’t
you want to...?"

One hand leaves my hip and moves up and down my back, rubbing the tension out.  "Let's get something to eat first, maybe check out the park.  Okay?"

I can't help the relieved smile that bursts onto my face.  "Okay!  I'm kind of starving."

I jump off his lap.  Zane sighs quietly and runs a hand over his face.  Impulsively, I step toward him, nudging into the space between his legs, and place my hands on his shoulders.

"Thank you for being so patient," I say, looking directly into his eyes.

"You don't have to thank me for that."

"Yes, I do.  Thank you for this, too."  I gesture at our surroundings.

Zane pulls me closer, wrapping his arms around my waist.  "Anything for you."

I lean forward to kiss him, and it's
only meant to be a light peck.  B
ut once I touch his mouth with mine, a wild hunger springs up and overwhelms me.  It drowns every little doubt and voice of
reason in my head, taking over my limbs
.  My hands move to cup Zane's face as the kiss deepens and spirals out of control.  He responds by aggressively lifting me up and onto him so that I'm straddling his lap.

A beautiful aching heat rolls slowly through my insides, while the outside trembles with need.  I feel desperate, crazy to get closer to him.  I yank his shirt off, and hold my arms up so he can return the favor.  Then I push him back on the bed so I'm lying on top of him.

I feel all this frantic need, but...I'm not quite sure what to do!  My inexperience makes me
clumsy when I want t
o be bold, when I need to—I
don't know what I need!

Fortunately, Zane takes over.  He rolls us so that he's on top, taking control of the kiss.  I move restlessly beneath him, my fingers working to undo his jeans.

Half-laughing, half-groaning, Zane grabs my hands and pins them above my head.

"Stop, Violet," he says breathlessly.  "We have to slow down, or I'll hurt you."

"I don't care," I tell him recklessly.  "I want you to."

"Shit," h
e mutters, and briefly closes his eyes.  When he opens them again, they burn into mine.  "
No
.  We're taking it nice and slow, even if it kills me."

Does he not understand I'm the one dying here?  I strain against his hold.  "
No
, Zane," I almost sob.  "I can't wait another second!"

"Fuck, Violet."  He swears roughly.  The tortured look on his face is hitting all my good time buttons in just the right spot.  "I owe you new underwear," he growls.

"Why?"

"Because I'm ripping this one off you."

Yes, please.

******

Chapter 28

What happens next is...wow, I don't know how to describe it.  It's not anywhere near what I pictured my first time to be.  I was expecting a bittersweet love song, full of candlelight and soft sighs.

But that's not me—n
ot with Zane.  Maybe it's because it's been building up between us for so long, or maybe t
hat's the way we're both wired—
I don't know.  Instead of the gentle rain tapping at the windows, I get a beautiful savage hurricane.  Instead of
my love song, I get hard rock—
a screaming outdoor concert in the storm, with pounding bass and feral dancing in the rain and mud.  It's pain, mixed with an overwhelming pleasure, and that
somehow makes it more amazing
.

It couldn't have been more perfect, or more right.

I roll on
my side, wincing a little at the tenderness
.  Zane immediately turns to me, concerned.

"You okay?"

"Oh, yeah."  I smile up at him, giddy with an overload of emotions. 

Zane laughs reluctantly.  He rubs a hand over his face.  "Damn it, I've
never been that rough before—n
ot even with girls I know can take it.  With you... I lost control."  He reaches out and smoothes back a lock of my hair.  "I'm sorry."

I prop myself up on one elbow and peer at him.  "Wait.  You're admitting sex with me is different than with any other girl, and that it was so hot,
you couldn't control yourself.  A
nd you're
apologizing
?  Dude."

Zane stares up at the ceiling.  "I've created a monster," he mutters.

I snicker smugly, nudging his arm.  "Not bad for a virgin, right?  So, am I the best you ever had?"

He smirks back at me, tugging the sheet from my tight grip.  "Yes, Violet Mercer, you are a sex goddess.  You're the best I've ever had.  I think I went deaf there for a while."

Embarrassed, but laughing, I try to wrestle the sheet back from him.  "Is it because of my
smokin
' hot body?"

Zane suddenly rolls so that he's half lying on top of me.  He caresses my face with one hand.  "It's because of this."  He dips his head down and covers my mouth with his.  "And this."  He moves his hand over my heart.  "This," he whispers.  Then his hands trails down, over my stomach, and past it.

I gasp and lock eyes with him.  Unspoken words pass between us.  He lowers his forehead to mine, and we stay connected like that for one precious moment.

"What do you wanna do now?" he asks lazily, breaking the spell.  "We could go down to the park and grab something to eat."

I run my hands up and down his smooth hard chest.  "Or," I say.  "We could eat up here, then go down later."

Zane chuckles, low and sexy.  "I like the way you
think.  Tell you what—w
hy don't I run you a hot bath, then I'll take a quick shower, and order us some food?  What do you want?"

"Meat," I say promptly.  "You know what I like.  And I'd rather have a shower."

"Trust me.  You’ll feel better after a bath.
"

I frown at his back as he gets up and disappears into the bathroom.  A minute later, I hear the sound of running water.

Why would I need a bath
?  I ache a little, but not that bad.  Zane's just being overly cautious.  It's sweet.

Then I tr
y to stand and—o
kay,
ow
.  Wrapping the sheet around me, I grab some clothes from my bag and carefully hobble to the bathroom.  Zane says something to me, but I'm too distracted by his incredible body to understand.  He just laughs and shakes his head.

After helping me in, he leaves to shower in the other bathroom.  I lean my head back against a convenient little ledge and close my eyes, sighing in content.

I don't know where the tears come from, but once they start, I can't stop them.  I sob quietly into my hands, not even sure why I'm crying.  I just had the most amazing experience of my life, so why do I feel this way?
  How do I feel?  Not happy—t
hat's not the right emotion.  Ecstatically miserable?  Joy mixed with razor blades?  I can't explain it.  I fe
el like I could soar
through the clouds, but it costs me dearly.

I'm in love with Zane—o
f course I know that.  Just like I know I can't keep him.  The distance and my insecurities...it's only a matter of time before they tear us apart.  How long before he gets tired of me?  I me
an, he never said he loved me, never talked about our future.  H
e doesn't owe me anything.  He doesn't have to love me back.  No matter how much it hurts to...

Never mind.  I'll take Zane any way I can get him.  I just want to live in the moment.  No regrets.

That’s the secret of life, right?

Zane comes in to give me some
Tylenol and a glass of water, and to let me know the food will be here in twenty minutes.  Did I mention how good he looks just out of the shower?  His damp h
air looks almost black, and
that freshly showered smell clings to his skin.

He's wearing a pair of black sweatpants that hang a little from hi
s hips, and no shirt.  H
e should never wear shirts, or pants, or...

Ugh.  Need to get my head out of the gutter.

I get out of the tub, feeling invigorated and refreshed.  After vigorously drying myself off with a fluffy towel, I put on my hot pink bunny
panties and a green silk robe—p
erfect attire for lounging around with your hot boyfriend.

Our food is here by the time I'm done in the bathroom.  We sit on the ground next to the windows in the living room.  I've got a huge juicy bacon burger with steak fries while Za
ne has his usual healthy crap—s
ome kind of wheatgrass and cabbage wrap things.  Blah.

I'm starving!  It's almost three in the afternoon, and this is only thing I've had to eat all day.  Zane doesn
't care that I eat like a pig—h
e seems to enjoy my appreciation of food, thank goodness.  I don't stuff my face like I used to, but I do like to eat.

"So, am I ever going to see your place?" I ask him after taking a big drink of water.

Zane hesitates, glancing out the window.  "I was thinking we'd go by there on Monday before I take you home."

"Really?" I bounce excitedly.  "That'd be awesome."

"Yeah."  His smile is stiff, but I pretend not to notice.  Could he be less enthusiastic?

I decide to change the subject.  " So," I say, pointing a fry at him.  "What do you want for Christmas?"

"You."

I make a face and throw my fry at him.  "I'm serious."

"So am I."  He tosses my fry back at me.  "You've got Christmas break coming up, right?  Spend it with me."

I start laughing, but when I see the utterly serious look on his face, my laughter fades.  "You must be joking.  My mom would never..."

"I'll talk to her," Zane says, sitting up from his sprawled position.  "She'll say yes."

My eyes widen.  "You're going to tell her about us?"

He smirks slightly.  "You don't think she already knows?"

"That we're together like this?"  I wave my hand at our casual state of dress.  "She'll freak out!  I'll be grounded for the first time in my life!"

"What, you think she expects you to be her good little girl forever?"  Zane takes a swig from his water bottle.  "Look, I'll take care of it, okay?  If you want to stay with me, I'll make it work."

My heart stumbles when I look at him.  “Of course I want to.  That would be so…incredible.”

I love the way Zane’s face lights up.  He leans toward me, his eyes darkening.  “You’re incredible.  Come here.”

I immediately crawl over to him.  The food forgotten, we start kissing.  He tugs on the sash of my robe, pulling it open.  When he glances down, he bursts out laughing.

"Wait—t
urn around.  Is that...?"

I have no idea what he's talking about, but I turn so that my back is to him.  He slides my robe off my shoulders, then I feel his hand on my butt.

"There's that rabbit."  He chuckles, sounding way too amused.

I whirl around with a gasp.  "You remember?!"

"How could I forget?  Hell, I had dreams about those panties."

"What kind of dreams?"

Zane grins wickedly, patting my bunny's face.  "I'll show you later."

My mind goes back to that embarrassing incident.   That was the day Matt broke up with me.  I remember being totally devastated, crying like a fool.
  Ugh, then bumping into Zane—or Hot Guy at the time—a
nd how mortified I was at a gorgeous stranger seeing me at my blubbering worst.

Who could have ever predicted that I would end up like this
,
with said gorgeous stranger, and that Matt's betrayal would be nothing more than a distant memory?

Shaking my head, I smile at Zane.  "I thought I'd never see you again."

"If I didn't know I'd see you again, I'd have gotten your number."

"
Aww
, that's so...wait, what?"  I stare at him, puzzled.  "How'd you
know
you'd see me again?"

He leans back against on his elbows, regarding me with a teasing look.  "I recognized you from the fifty pictures your mom showed me of her beautiful daughter, Violet."

"Really?  Ugh!  Why didn't you say something?"