Fashionably Dead in Diapers (28 page)

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Authors: Robyn Peterman

Tags: #paranormal romance, #Romantic Comedy, #Humor

BOOK: Fashionably Dead in Diapers
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"Will you marry me?"

 

I would swear I was hyperventilating, however that was an impossibility. Blood thundered in my ears and I wanted to tackle him and ride him till we were both blind, but…I wanted to hear the words again. Maybe there
were
a few human things I missed.

 

"Repeat."

 

His laugh reverberated through me and my grin practically split my face. "Astrid, will you marry me?"

 

There was screaming and there was blubbering. Son of a bitch, I should have locked those old bags in a closet. They were horning in on one of the most magical moments of my life. I whipped around to rip them a new one, but no one was there. Martha and Jane weren't sobbing and Ethan certainly wasn't blubbering. The only option left was me… It was me crying like a fool, but I didn't care—not even a little. Until this moment I had no idea how much being married to Ethan would mean to me. I knew it was considered a silly formality amongst Vampyres because it could end in divorce. A ritual so flimsy wasn't worth speaking of, but it wasn't silly to me. My tears flowed freely and I had no clue I could love the man kneeling before me more than I already did.

 

"Will you be my wife?"

 

"Yes, Ethan. Yes, I will be your wife."

 

His grin of delight made me giddy and I threw myself at him. We tore at each other's clothing until we were skin to skin. His body felt new to me and I reveled in the smooth, beautiful skin over the hard muscle.

 

"Come with me." He took my hand and led me outside and down a trail to a breathtaking garden. Massive ivory flowers that shone in the moonlight spilled from delicate trellises. Tall grasses swayed in a light breeze and rushed over my skin like a caress. Flowering vines of riotous colors made a natural wall around the huge garden.

 

"Ethan?"

 

"Yes?" he said as he pulled me farther into the maze.

 

"We're kind of naked here," I replied. His carnal grin caught me off guard and I almost tripped over a blossoming shrub.

 

"Very astute," he said with a sexy crooked smile. "We need to be naked for what I have planned."

 

"And what exactly do you have planned?" I asked as everything in my tummy started to dance with excitement.

 

"I suppose you'll have to wait and see." He dropped my hand and sprinted into the maze. His strong naked body in the moonlight was like watching a statue of a god come to life.

 

"I suppose so." I grinned and took off after him. The wind in my face made me feel free and happy. I was young and in love. I had a man who loved me and a child I adored…and I was getting
married
. Gemma would freak. I couldn't wait to tell her.

 

"Where are you?" I called out. I could find him easily by scent—just as easily as he could find me, but this was fun.

 

"In the bedroom, darling," he called out. "Why don't you join me?"

 

"Perhaps I will." I giggled as I pushed my way past a fragrant weeping cherry tree in full bloom and opened a charming lattice gate. I stopped dead in my tracks. A smaller garden appeared before my eyes. It was pure magic. Candles hung in the air connected to nothing but the breeze. Flowers swayed in the wind and the stars in the sky appeared bigger and brighter. Flocks of wildly colored birds darted in and out of the grasses and trees. I was either in Disneyfuckingland for grownups or my own private paradise. The best part was the massive bed in the middle of the chaos and magic—and what was lying atop it.

 

How was it possible to love someone so much? Could this feeling last? The most perfect Vampyre in the world watched me with eyes full of adoration and lust. I had never felt so beautiful, so wanted—so powerful. I approached the bed knowing the image of my lover would stay with me for eternity.

 

"You are exquisite," he murmured as I climbed on the bed and straddled his chest. The evidence of his need thrilled me.

 

"You have me beat," I whispered as I leaned in and ran my tongue along the seam of his full lips.

 

I wanted to explain to him everything that was bubbling over inside me, but words were simply not adequate. A song would better describe my thoughts, but I had a voice like a cow…and when words and music fail, dance is the only thing left. With movement I could explain to him the depth of my need for him. With gesture and touch I could lay out my soul. Running my hands over him and memorizing every nuance fed my wildest desire.

 

"You will keep your eyes open," he said roughly as his strong hands cupped my breasts and his lips captured mine. "You will watch what you do to me. You are my miracle."

 

My body felt molten, and I was slowly coming apart in his arms. He flipped me beneath him and his tongue and lips feathered over my skin, sending wave after wave of desire roaring through me. I wanted to be closer. I needed to be closer.

 

"More," I said as I writhed against him.

 

"Are you sure?" he asked with narrowed eyes and a sly grin. "My grandmother will be home soon. If she catches us, we’re dead."

 

Ohmygodohmygodohmygod, this was so the man for me. Almost painful desire took the express train right to my core and I ramped up the stakes by taking him in my hand. "Not a problem," I said as I stroked him from root to tip.

 

"How do you figure?" He moaned and grew even larger.

 

"It's not a problem because we're already dead. So I say let's get rid of my embarrassing virginity and give your granny a show she won't forget."

 

"I can work with that," he said.

 

It went from silly to serious in a heartbeat. His hands and his mouth were everywhere. My nipples beaded painfully and I rubbed against him with abandon. His scent filled my mind, but I wanted his body to be one with mine. I arched my back and opened my legs, begging for more. Our eyes blazed green and our fangs clashed as our kisses became violent with need.

 

"More," I moaned. "I want more."

 

"As you wish," he hissed as he entered me in one swift thrust.

 

We both cried out and color burst behind my tightly closed eyes. Orgasm number one ripped through me and a scream flew from my lips. I trembled and clenched him inside me as I rode out the waves. As soon as it ebbed another took hold and I wrapped my legs around his waist and moaned.

 

"Open," he said as he held still inside me. "Open your eyes. I want to see you come."

 

I dragged my lids open and gasped when I saw the raw power and savage desire written across his face. He was not a man. He was a Vampyre with needs that could destroy a mortal woman, but I wasn't mortal, and I would willingly give him what he wanted—everything he wanted.

 

"I. Love. You," he ground out, punctuating each word with a deep thrust that sent intense pleasure through my body. "You. Are. Mine."

 

The speed of his thrusts increased and I bucked wildly beneath him as we careened toward an orgasm so intense it would certainly kill us for real dead. My gaze locked on his and the vulnerability I felt was overwhelming. His eyes were wild and the sexy sounds he made went all through me. I knew now what it meant to love completely—to be one with a person. He was my miracle and I was his.

 

"Come with me," he demanded.

 

And I did.

 

I always would.

 

He would never have to ask twice.

 

Epilogue

 

Dear Susu,

 

Me miss you so much. You asked me to tell you a story, so I will tell you about a little boy named Samuel (hehehe). Come and visit me soon. I want you to teach me how to flip and I will show you how to turn people’s skin purple.

 

xoxo Samuel

 

There was once a boy. He was a very special child. He had a wonderful mommy and daddy who adored him. He was very excited because his mommy and daddy were going to get married. Everyone called his mommy a Bridezilla. The boy thought that was a very funny word. However, his mommy did not. Daddy promised the little boy he could be the best man. This made him happy. Of course he had to promise not to change the color of people's skin, not to shift into Shrek and most importantly not to call others names like
assjacket
and
fucker
. This was difficult for him, but he was becoming such a big boy he was sure he could behave. Plus, he was negotiating for a pet baboon, so it would behoove him to be good.

 

The child was excited because Heathcliff and Racquel were going to teach him things that a big boy needed to know. Heathcliff and Racquel did not like each other, but the daddy threatened to rip their legs off if they didn’t learn to get along. If he received good grades his mommy promised him a treat. He told her that he would like a baboon for a treat. His silly mommy laughed and laughed at that. He was certain that meant he would be getting a baboon.

 

The only thing that made him sad was that The Kev and Gemma had to go away. They had to go to their own land and take care of business. His mommy did not want them to go. The child heard his mommy say that they were walking into a
motherhumper shitty clusterfuck of epic crapass proportions
. The mommy had to wear tape on her mouth for a week after that one. Gemma and The Kev promised to be back in time for the child's daddy to have a ball and chain. The little boy didn't know why his daddy wanted a ball and chain when a baboon would be much more fun to play with.

 

There were no other children in the compound to play with, but the Baby Demons were so much fun. They taught the child anatomy and new and interesting words that they made him promise not to tell his mommy about. He was good at keeping a secret. His friends Martha and Jane were on a TV show called
American Idol
. Mommy and Daddy did not let the little boy watch it. After he shifted into the Pillsbury Dough Boy all the TVs were removed from the house. He missed watching
Deadliest Catch
but he still had a good life. Although a baboon would make it better.

 

The child was wise beyond his years and young enough to cause tremendous amounts of trouble…thank goodness he was adorable.

 

# # # THE END (for now) # # #

 

NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR
:
If you enjoyed this ebook, please consider leaving a positive review or rating on the site where you purchased it. Reader reviews help my books continue to be valued by distributors/resellers and help new readers make decisions about reading them. You are the reason I write these stories and I sincerely appreciate you!

 

Many thanks for your support,

 

~ Robyn Peterman

 

Visit me on my website at
http://www.robynpeterman.com
.

 

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