Fifteen Going on Grown Up (21 page)

“Hally it’s alright.”

Wes whispered. His voice seemed to come from far away for a moment and then she felt his gloved hand lift her chin to look at him. Then so very gently he said.

“I know what just happened to you, I’m not sure I should have let it but it is ok. Was it the first time?”

Hally felt tears sting her eyes and didn’t know why. She let out a little sob which soon turned to a flood of tears. Wes wrapped his arms around her and stroked her hair soothingly. For a while they stayed that way and soon the tears began to lessen. In a shaky voice Hally finally replied.

“Yes… it’s…I’ve never. What… did anything…you?”

She couldn’t get out the right words, in fact she really had no idea what to say to him.

“Hally, babe, no I didn’t (and at the worried look she gave him) but it’s ok. I enjoyed it just the same. Look, it’s getting very cold here, let’s get you home and we can talk about this in the warm.”

Hally didn’t know if she would be able to talk about it in a nice cosy warm room face to face. But she knew he was right about one thing, it was getting colder and as they continued the walk home the first few flakes of snow began to fall.

Thankfully when they reached Hally’s house, there were only a few lights on which told Hally her parents were already in bed. As usual they knew where their daughter would be and who with so felt comfortable going to bed while she was still out, and even though it was only just gone eleven had been going to bed quite early for a while now. Hally knew this was because of the stress and strain of Gran and also because everyone knew that a late night call could come at any time.

As they approached the back door Hally realised that she didn’t want to have a discussion about what had happened. She needed to deal with this herself first and work out her own feelings about it. She unlocked the door and then turned to Wes.

“I think I need to be by myself.”

She told him. Looking devastated Wes replied in a shaky voice.

“Hally…are you upset with me…I… did I…was it?…”

He couldn’t finish his sentence and Hally realised that he sounded very close to tears. She wasn’t quite sure how to handle this either, usually Wes was the one comforting her when she cried.

“Wes, I’m not upset or mad at you, I just feel a bit strange and need to be by myself.”

Not since the first few weeks of going out with Wes had Hally felt so uncomfortable and nervous. Wes pulled her into a hug and whispered into her hair.

“Hally please call me tomorrow. I’m sorry.”

Without moving Hally hugged him back and felt her heart wrench. He really did think he had done something terrible, but she really needed to be alone. She whispered back.

“Wes, it’s alright, please don’t say sorry…and of course I will call you tomorrow.”

She kissed him lightly on the lips, wanting to give a fuller kiss but afraid she wouldn’t be able to control her body. She then turned and stepped into the kitchen. Dejectedly, Wes turned and with his head down against the snow walked away.

Hally quietly went through the house and up to her room. She desperately didn’t want her mum to wake up, even though she knew she could talk about it to her she didn’t want to talk to anyone. As she began to undress she thought about the feelings she had experienced. Her body still tingled in places and standing in her underwear she looked at herself in her mirror, she almost expected to see something different, but her body looked just the same as it always did. It was how it felt that was so different.

Climbing into bed in just her panties Hally left her lamp on and lay in the semi-light thinking. Of course she knew about orgasms, she was after all fifteen and a half, she had read about them in magazines, talked to Corrinne and Clia millions of times, well lots anyway she told herself. She had even had conversations about the subject with her mum. She had also had some different but similar feelings the times when she had explored her body, though these were very few. But what she had felt with Wes was new, big and a whole different experience.

It wasn’t just the physical response, how every muscle in her body tightened, how her breathing had got faster or the explosion inside that made her shudder all over; no, but how she had felt emotionally at the same time. She was completely overwhelmed with love for Wes; she wanted to cling to him forever, kiss him forever, never let him go. She wanted to laugh and cry and squeal with joy all at the same time. She could not comprehend how so many emotions could take place all in such a short time. Because, she realised, it had been a short time. Even though at the time it had seemed to last forever, to go on and on it had just been moments.

This thought brought on a whole new stream of thoughts. If her moment as she thought of it happened so quickly and made her feel like she was feeling what then would it be like if Wes touched her properly, or even if they went all the way. Laying in the dimly lit room Hally felt her face begin to burn. Even though she was alone she felt embarrassed thinking about that and then realised that she was also beginning to feel a heat low down in her body too. Turning onto her side she gave a little groan and whispered into her pillow.

“Don’t think about that Hally. He doesn’t want it to happen and you don’t really either. It’s not right yet, there’s plenty of time. Think of something else or you won’t get any sleep tonight at all.”

Trying very hard to put all thoughts of Wes and how gorgeous and sexy he was out of her mind Hally finally drifted into a very restless sleep. She awoke several times during the night from dreams she barely remembered but which left her body throbbing and almost aching deep inside. When morning eventually came, she arose feeling as though she had hardly slept. She wrapped herself in her dressing gown and peeped through her blinds to see a deep white world outside. She glanced at her clock and saw it was only just after eight then glimpsed movement in the garden. Nathan was already outside taking over large steps to trudge through the snow. It was already up to his knees and snow was still falling. Hally smiled and decided to put last night behind her and go outside and build a snowman with her little brother. But first she would text Wes. She picked up her phone and quickly typed a message.

hi are you ok im fine everything is alright what are you doing today im going to play in the snow with natty for a bit will I see you later xxxxx

Hally pressed send and then went off to shower. When she came back to her room her phone indicated a message had come in. Still wrapped in her towel she read the message from Wes.

hi babe im so glad to hear from you i was very worried that you had gone off me mum and dad asked me to look after ellie so they could get some shopping done do you want to come round i would really love it if you did i have chocolate and hot chocolate xxxxxxxxxx

Hally giggled to herself and quickly sent a message back saying she would come round late-morning. She then dressed in jeans, jumper and thick socks and headed downstairs ready for some snow fun with Nathan. Her body felt normal and she felt very happy, she was going to see Wes later and more importantly she was going to meet Ellie at long last.

Hally arrived at Wes’ house warm and a little out of breath. The snow had settled everywhere, in places quite deep and especially near Wes’ home at the edge of town. Wes opened the door to her and pulled her into a tight hug as soon as she was inside.

“I am so glad you are here.”

He told her as he squeezed her. Hally held him back and was glad that her body was behaving normally. He helped her out of her coat and sat her down and pulled her wellingtons off. They had no time for further discussion because a tiny dark haired toddler came waddling into the kitchen waving an empty cup.

“Pappy Es, dink ta.”

She said offering the cup to Wes. He scooped her up laughing and took the cup from her tiny hand. He turned her towards Hally.

“Ok, Ellie this is Hally. Say hello.”

The little girl studied her for a moment, then without warning leaned towards her reaching out both arms. Luckily Wes was holding her securely. Hally reached out her own arms and took the child onto her lap. Bouncing her slightly she smiled and said.

“Hello Ellie.”

Ellie looked up at her and curled the fingers of one hand into Hally’s hair. For a moment she studied Hally’s face, twirling the ends of her hair but without pulling it. She placed the palm of her other hand on Hally’s face and softly rubbed her cheek.

“Eyo. Me ike oo.”

Hally giggled and looked to Wes for interpretation.

“She just said hello and she likes you.”

“I like you too Ellie.”

Hally told the little girl. As quickly as she had wanted Hally, she turned back and reached for Wes who was ready to take her back.

“Anyway tike, how did you get past your gate, you know you’re not supposed to be in the kitchen.”

Wes asked Ellie as he refilled her cup with one hand whilst holding her with the other. Hally watched interestingly, he obviously felt completely at ease dealing with his little sister’s demands. As Ellie slurped on her cup Wes turned to Hally.

“During the day we have a child safety gate to keep her out of the kitchen but I think she’s worked out how to open it.”

He turned still holding Ellie and headed towards the doorway to the lounge. Sure enough the safety gate was open.

“The catch can be turned around, so that will foil her for a bit.”

Wes told her as they made their way into the other room. Toys were strewn over the floor and as Wes lowered Ellie to the floor she waddled over to a little pink vacuum cleaner and started pushing it around the carpet whilst making vacuuming noises.

For the next two and a half hours Hally and Wes entertained and were entertained by the little dark haired girl. She was like a whirlwind picking up and discarding toys, flipping through picture books, pointing at pictures sometimes able to tell them what the pictures were, other times waiting to be told and trying to repeat what she’d heard. Most of the time it was “Pappy Es.” this or “Pappy Es.” that, occasionally throwing in “Ayee” which Hally now could interpret as her name.

“Why does she call you Pappy Wes?”

Hally asked.

“Well she calls dad Pappy Ikle ‘cos she can’t say Michael and mum Mam Mam Tate, for Kate. We can’t get her out of it and mum thinks it’s just a stage, that when she gets a bit older she will just start using the proper words. We’re not even sure where she heard it to pick it up in the first place.”

Hally left Wes to go to Gran’s about mid-afternoon with the promise that she would call him later. They had not raised the subject of the previous night and Hally was relieved to keep it tucked safely away inside her own mind. She knew eventually it would resurface either because of physical contact between them or because one of them would broach it verbally, she suspected that would be Wes, but for now it wasn’t mentioned.

Gran was in great spirits that afternoon. Even though she looked thinner and more frail and her skin had a grey pallor to it she was ironically the life and soul of the family, despite having to remain in her recliner. Nurse Mildred had placed a special piece of equipment just inside Gran’s clothing, a pump system that Gran could control by pressing a button to deliver pain relief when she needed it. It was not too obvious and though Nathan had spotted it and asked about it, once they explained as simply as possible what it was for, they could for the most part ignore that it was there.

Granddad had already been in the garden with Nathan and built an entire snowman family, one for each of them, and Colin had taken several photos and uploaded them onto his laptop to show Gran who was too weak to venture even to the window. Whilst Gran was looking at the photos Hally wandered into the kitchen to find her mother. May was standing with her hands in a bowl of foamy water but was staring out into the back garden.

“Mum?”

Hally moved to her mother’s side and saw tears pouring down her face. Hally took a towel from the rail and took her mum’s hands from the water and wrapped the towel around them. As though she were the grown up she pulled her mum into a hug and let her sob on her shoulder for a change. Mum cried silently, but Hally could feel her pain shuddering through her. For a while neither said a word, Nathan poked his head around the door, but a quick small shake of Hally’s head sent him back into the other room. Gradually mum’s sobs lessened and slowly she stood up straight rubbing her hands across her wet face.

“I’m so..so..sorry my angel. I didn’t mean for you to have to deal with that.”

Mum told her in a very shaky voice.

“Mum, it’s ok to let go now and then. You can’t always be the strong one.”

Hally swallowed back her own tears determined to support her mum.

“We are all in this together, a family, we have to prop each other up. We all know it’s only going to get harder, even little Natty knows that. Look, sit down, I’m going to make you some tea.”

As she was filling two cups Colin came into the kitchen.

“Nathan whispered you were crying.”

He said to his wife as he placed his arms around her, and at her frown.

“Oh it’s alright, he didn’t let your mum hear. He was quite grown up about it actually.”

Mum gave him a little smile, tears threatening again.