Fifteen Going on Grown Up (25 page)

On the first day back to school, Corrinne, Clia and Wes came to Hally’s house. Usually they all met up on the way but this morning the three had decided Hally needed support from the off. The weather remained freezing with hard snow packed solid on the ground making the journey treacherous. However, with great care the four made their way steadily to school. Hally tried her best to be cheerful towards her friends and boyfriend and at times accomplished this without having to fake it. But as the school gates approached she wondered how she was ever going to get through the day.

English was Hally’s first lesson of the day and as she entered the classroom Mr Austin came straight over to her and quietly said.

“Hally, if you need to see me, here is a list of times when I’m not teaching. Just let which ever teacher you are having at the time know that you are coming to see me.”

He handed her a folded sheet of paper and smiled gently. Hally just nodded, she didn’t think she could speak, her emotions were bubbling to the surface and threatened to burst. She simply took the list and sat down in her usual seat. For parts of the lesson Hally was able to concentrate and absorb what was going on, but some of it went over her head and her mind wandered to memories of her Gran. These included Granddad and other members of her family and many of the things they had shared as a family. So, by the end of the lesson Hally felt disjointed and a little lost, not quite knowing what had been discussed and read. This happened throughout the day and by the time school ended Hally was exhausted and unsure of exactly what each lesson had been about. All her teachers had been sympathetic and understanding. They knew she was an excellent student and that she would catch up on anything she missed, but Hally felt she had let them and herself down.

“Sweetie, don’t beat yourself up about it.”

Clia told her on the way home. Wes’ day had been shorter than theirs and then he had to go to the café, so it was just the girls who walked home with her, linking arms on either side.

“Everyone understands Hals.”

Corrinne told her. Hally looked side to side at her friends and was about to reply when all three hit a particularly icy patch and slid to a heap on the ground. For a moment all was silent, then they all burst into giggles as they tried to untangle themselves from each other and stand up. This turned out to be more difficult than expected as each time one went to hold the other to stand, their feet slipped out from under them. A couple of boys from their school saw them and offered gloved hands to help them stand. Eventually and with lots of slipping and sliding, and the near fall of one of the boys; they finally got to their feet and away from the very icy patch. Flushed, hot and giggling, the girls thanked the boys and treading very carefully continued homeward.

Settled in Hally’s kitchen with hot drinks, they relayed the event to mum who also found it amusing. For Hally to see her mum smile too gave her an emotional boost and she felt her spirits lift for the first time in days. Silently she told herself that she knew she could get through this. That it would be hard, but with support from her family, friends and school, it would happen. She decided then that the next day she would go and see Mr Austin.

On the Friday after school started back, Wes, Corrinne and Clia arrived at Hally’s house early. It was the day of Gran’s funeral and they wanted to be there to support the family in any way they could. Mum and dad had already left for Granddad’s house and Hally had arranged with her mother to get Nathan ready and take him there a little later. The undertakers were going to be at Granddad’s at eleven and they would all go from there to the church.

At ten thirty Hally stood with mum in Granddad’s kitchen putting the final touches to the buffet they had prepared for the wake. Mum had remained completely composed all morning fussing over her father and making sure Nathan didn’t mess up his suit. Dad constantly fussed over his wife, giving her little hugs and kisses, soft touches and gentle pats every time he passed her. She smiled at him and accepted his attention with so much love in her eyes. Wes was as attentive towards Hally, and in turn she gave her attention to Nathan and her two friends, as she knew that they were grieving too. They had known Gran for all their lives and loved and missed her too.

At exactly eleven o’clock the undertakers pulled up outside the house. Softly they knocked and told Granddad they were ready when he was. Hally saw the hearse carrying her Grandmother through the window, floral displays laid alongside the coffin. From where she stood she could only see one side, a beautiful display saying ‘Alice’ and another saying ‘Mum’. But she knew on the other side she would see another saying ‘Gran’. Her parents had asked her and Nathan what they wanted it to read and at first Hally had thought ‘Grandmother’ but then Nathan had announced quite strongly.

“But we always call her Gran.”

His little eyes had filled with tears and Hally hugged him tight and replied.

“You are so right little brother. We do call her Gran, so it should say Gran.”

In complete contrast to Dana’s funeral, the church was filled to overflowing. People were quite literally having to stand in the aisles and at the back. There were wreaths and sprays and bouquets everywhere. Gran and Granddad had so many friends, both in the town and in various other parts of the country and it seemed they had all come to pay their respects. Hally, mum, Nathan and her friends walked behind the coffin as it was led by the vicar and carried by Granddad, dad and Wes and three pall bearers from the undertakers to the altar. They then all settled in the front pew as the service began.

Hally listened intently to the words from the vicar celebrating her Gran’s life. Sometimes there was gentle laughter from the congregation other times there were obvious sobs. Granddad stood at the lectern and tearfully yet with a smile talked lovingly about his wife. He spoke of her strength, of their family and how she would always be with them to support their every need. Mum leaned into dad and cried, holding a wad of tissues to her face. Then Hally stood and approached the lectern. She didn’t feel at all nervous even though she was about to speak to more people than she had ever done.

“There is so much I could say about my Gran, but it would take until spring. (light laughter came from the mourners) So, what I really want you all to know is that she was the most wonderful woman anyone could ever meet. (there were murmurs of agreement) She was funny, always gave advice that could be followed without hesitation…would talk about anything and everything…and put her family above all else. And…she approved of my boyfriend just as she approved of my dad.”

Hally felt no embarrassment at this final statement, and as she returned to her seat saw Wes look at her with warmth in his eyes as he took her hand and gently squeezed it.

Tears flowed furiously from Hally, her parents, Nathan, her friends and many others as they stood by the graveside and the funeral was completed. Each of them took a small handful of the dirt offered by the vicar and gently dropped it onto the coffin. They followed this with red roses, their deep colour standing out against the white of the snow and ice laying deeply across the churchyard. When the service and burial was finished, people came over and whispered words of comfort to them. Many took their hands and held them, others gave hugs or gently pats, but all said the same, how sad that Alice was gone.

Back at Granddad’s, the house filled with friends for the wake. Dad passed drinks out and Hally with Wes, Corrinne and Clia, kept a supply of tea and coffee going. By early evening there was just a handful of people left still reminiscing to Granddad and mum about Alice. Hally could see the exhaustion on both their faces and felt worn out herself, but no one wanted to suggest they all now get some rest. Finally dad turned to Hally and said.

“Baby, could you take Nathan home, and you need some rest yourself.”

“I’m ok dad, but I will take him home. It’s been a long day for him and he’s been so well behaved I think maybe he will need to let off a little steam soon.”

Hally replied. Dad smiled and pulled her into a tight cuddle.

“You are your Gran’s granddaughter.”

He said, his voice filled with emotion. He kissed her on the top of her head and as he turned she saw him wipe tears from his eyes. Hally kissed him back and turned to Wes and the girls to explain what they were going to do.

By the time they reached Hally’s Nathan was in fact drooping, so instead of needing to calm down he compliantly went and changed into his pyjamas and dressing gown. Then he settled on the lounge floor and played with his new action character Hally had bought for Christmas. Hally and the others sat comfortably on the sofa and chatted about the day and how well it had all gone. It seemed to Hally that this kind of small talk was all any of them could cope with just then. Then for a while they sat in silence. Wes, his arm around Hally squeezed her gently and nodded towards Nathan.

“I think he’s asleep.”

He told her quietly. Hally lowered herself to the floor and softly crawled towards her little brother. Sure enough, Nathan had curled up still holding his toy and was fast asleep. Hally brushed his hair away from his face and gave him a little kiss on the cheek, he looked so sweet and didn’t stir at all.

“Do you want me to carry him up to bed?”

Wes asked gently coming over too. Hally felt more tears welling in her eyes and she didn’t really know why, so she just nodded and stood up as Wes lifted the child into his arms. Clia and Corrinne both stood and gave Nathan a kiss as well, then Hally and Wes took him up to his room. As Wes lowered him onto his bed and Hally covered him with his duvet he stirred ever so slightly, then rolled over still holding his toy. Hally didn’t try to take it away even though she was worried it might dig into him, she thought as hard as the toy was it was at least offering him some comfort, so she left it where it was and left the room.

With the funeral over, Hally tried to bring some normality back to her life. Slowly and with the counselling from Mr Austin Hally caught up with her school work and found she could again concentrate on her lessons. She and her family were still deeply grieving but were beginning in tiny steps to move forward with their lives. Wes was a real bolster to her and because Corrinne and Clia were also grieving arranged with Gregg and Rhys to spend as much time as possible all together.

“He’s just so considerate mum.”

Hally said one day after school when she was having tea with her mum.

“Yes, he is. I’ve seen how he is around you and how he gives Nathan lots of attention too. Perhaps having a toddler for a sister has helped him grow lots of patience.”

Mum told her with a smile and a squeeze of her hand. At mum’s words something stirred in the back of Hally’s mind, something she was going to ask Wes about. She couldn’t quite get the memory, it hovered just out of reach, something about New Year’s eve, but it wasn’t about the evening.

“Your tea’s getting cold baby.”

Mum said and the oh so near memory faded spirit like and disappeared. Hally smiled at her mum and finished her drink, but resolved to concentrate her thoughts later when she was alone and remember what she knew was important.

Wes was supposed to come round for dinner with Hally that evening but called to say he was going to be late because Ellie had picked up a tummy bug and was being sick. When he finally did arrive, he told her his mother had asked him to help take care of Ellie while she stripped off the toddler’s bed and remade it. So he had bathed and changed her and tried to encourage her to take some liquids until his mum had been able to take over the care again. Hally hugged him feeling her emotions rising.

“You are so good with her. I try with Nathan, but well…(she struggled for words) maybe it’s the age difference.”

Wes held her tightly, smiled wistfully and said.

“She’s just so tiny, and when she was being sick her little face was all screwed up and flushed. She didn’t know what was happening really and she cried. It was heartbreaking to see her, her little hands holding her tummy and trying to tell us where it hurt.”

Hally held him back, a little confused about the obvious emotion emanating from him. She got upset when Nathan was ill, but this seemed to go much deeper with Wes. Perhaps it was the huge age gap, maybe it made people react differently to their siblings, so hugging him, she decided not to question it, he was just a wonderful person she told herself.

Later when Hally was tucked up in bed she again pushed her mind to remember what she had been going to ask Wes about on New Year’s Eve. However, too many other thoughts just kept crashing in, how Wes was with Ellie. How he was with her, since the kiss in the snow they had not really had any chance to get that close again. Hally was disappointed and relieved at the same time, but with everything that had happened she knew it was circumstances and not deliberate. Then there was the whole thing about his plans after school. Suddenly it came to her, exactly what she had wanted to ask. Why had he failed his exams? That was it. She would not forget that question again. Tomorrow, she told herself, she would finally ask that nagging question. For some reason she could not fathom, this question was so very important, she felt their relationship almost depended on the answer. This thought gave her more than a jolt of fear, it bombarded her entire being. What was it Gran had said to her such a short time ago ‘I think there are things you don’t know about him.’ What could she have meant? But now she thought about it, Hally knew there had always been something there, she was just too afraid to ask.