Fighting for the Edge (14 page)

Her heart hammered against her chest. She had to play it cool. Chris was giving her a simple kiss. She couldn’t get carried away and try to make out with him, which is what she wanted to do. So badly.

“Three! Two! One!”

Fireworks exploded in the distance, and Chris hugged her. “Happy New Year.”

Okay, hug first.
She wrapped her arms around his broad shoulders. “Happy New Year.”

He held onto her but pulled his head back just enough so they faced each other. His eyes stared into hers as his warm breath fanned across her lips. She thought she might have a heart attack from the anticipation.

His hands pressed gently on the small of her back and then his mouth was on hers, so soft and careful. And quick. Too quick. Their lips divided, and she expected him to pull away, to leave it at that one kiss.

But he didn’t.

His mouth lingered within a whisper of hers, daring her to lean forward. The fireworks boomed overhead, but they were nothing compared to the emotions exploding inside her – mostly desire but also a surprising amount of fear.

“Whoa! What is this?”

Aubrey looked behind Chris, and Nick stood there half-laughing, half-gaping at them. Chris let her go, and the cold air hit her with a sobering blast.

“Is something going on I should know about?” Nick’s eyebrows danced up and down.

Aubrey exchanged glances with Chris and then put one hand on her hip. “You told me I had to kiss someone.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t think you’d have to resort to Chris.” Nick held up his hand. “No offense intended. You know what I mean.”

Chris didn’t respond as he still looked a bit startled. Aubrey said, “Look, there was no one here I wanted to kiss, Chris offered to help me out, and I did what you wanted me to do, so… there it is.”

Nick slowly bobbed his head, still eyeing them suspiciously. “There it is.”

She hugged her arms to her chest and started toward the exit. “I’m gonna see if I can get a cab.”

After a moment, Chris followed her. “I’ll go with you.”

They entered the warmth of the building and rode the elevator down to the lobby in silence. The awkwardness hung so thick in the air she almost choked on it. Why wasn’t Chris cracking jokes like he usually did? Maybe if
she
made some kind of joke about the situation, all would return to normal. But she couldn’t think of anything to say because there was absolutely nothing funny about what had happened.

With no cabs in sight in the residential area, they walked a couple of blocks to Charles Street, where Chris flagged down a yellow taxi. Aubrey’s phone rang with “Candy” as they climbed inside, and she breathed with relief. A call from Em would save her from more awkward silence.

“Happy New Year,” she answered.

“Happy New Year,” Em said. “I just wanted to call before I conk out again.”

“Did you miss the countdown at midnight?”

“Almost. I fell asleep on the sofa at ten o’clock and just happened to wake up at quarter to twelve. I hope your night was more exciting. Did you find a hottie to kiss?”

She looked at Chris out of the corner of her eye. “I did.”

“Sounds like it was a good night, then.”

“Yeah, it was… interesting.”

They finished with good night wishes, and she put away her phone as the taxi pulled up in front of the brownstone. She tried to give Chris money to split the fare, but he wouldn’t take it. At least they were talking again.

Chris headed straight for the kitchen after he dropped his jacket onto the couch. Aubrey threw her coat next to his and lingered for a minute in the living room, but he didn’t reappear so she went upstairs. She’d get comfy in her PJs and try to think of something witty to say for when she returned downstairs. Maybe Chris thought she was uncomfortable from their kiss and that’s why he was being so quiet. Or maybe he regretted doing it.

Or… maybe he’d felt the same rush she had, and he didn’t know what to do about it either.

She took off her heels and removed the pins from her hair. Reaching behind her, she tugged on the zipper of her dress, and it stuck not far from the neckline. She pulled harder, but it wouldn’t budge. With her arms contorting every which way behind her back, she wrestled with the zipper, cursing as it refused to move. Asking Chris to help her get undressed wasn’t the witty conversation starter she needed. But unless she cut herself out of the dress with a scissors, there was no alternative.

She went down to the living room, and Chris looked up from his laptop. He’d shed his sweater, leaving him in the white T-shirt he’d worn underneath. Music played softly on the computer, and when she moved closer she heard it was “Crush” by Dave Matthews Band.

“Can you help me?” she asked. “My zipper is stuck. I’ve been trying and trying, but I can’t get it.”

Chris sat frozen, one hand on the computer and the other gripping a bottle of water. Had he heard her?

“Sure,” he finally said.

He set down the bottle and made his way behind her. She swept her hair over the front of one shoulder to get it out of Chris’s way, and she stood as still as a statue as he leaned in close and fiddled with the zipper.

Each second Chris stood behind her made it harder to stay composed. The crisp, clean scent of his body wash teased her, reminding her of what could’ve happened on the rooftop if Nick hadn’t interrupted.

He made a swift tug, and a zipping noise followed. She turned her head slightly, but Chris didn’t move.

Then she felt it.

His fingertips touched her skin, so lightly they were like a feather brushing down her back. Goose bumps spread over every inch of her body. Chris bent his head and breathed in her hair, and a warm shiver rocked her body. She couldn’t stop this. She didn’t want to stop this.

She turned, and their eyes connected for a split moment before their lips crashed into each other. Chris’s mouth opened hers, stealing her breath and making her dizzy. She grasped his waist and pressed against him, and he groaned low in his throat, deepening their kiss.

His hands cupped her face then threaded through her hair, tangling the silky strands. His touch felt so good, so right. She pushed up his T-shirt, dragging her fingernails across his back, and his mouth left hers for just an instant as he pulled the shirt over his head and tossed it onto the floor.

He returned for another breathtaking kiss, and she wrapped her arms around him, melting into the hardness of his muscles. She’d never felt so vulnerable, like she was losing all control of herself. She was at the total mercy of Chris’s lips and his touch.

He unzipped her dress farther and slipped his hand inside, and the heat of his palm on her skin made her body ache even more for him. Her knees were about to give way. She was a few moments away from surrendering completely to him.

She had to stop this. Somehow.

There were too many risks, too many feelings, too many fears. She couldn’t let herself be exposed.

Chris softly kissed her throat, and she fought within herself, summoning the strength to pull away from him.

“I can’t…” she said breathlessly. “I can’t do this.”

And she ran up the stairs.

Chapter Twelve

Aubrey shut her bedroom door and pressed her back against it. Her body was buzzing, her breaths coming in quick gasps. She could still feel Chris’s hands on her skin, still taste his hot kisses.

Stumbling forward to the closet, she ripped off her dress and put on a T-shirt and flannel pajama pants. She needed something to help her feel normal again if that was even possible. Her emotions were so out of whack she couldn’t make any sense of them.

She collapsed onto the bed and lay on the blanket, gazing at the low ceiling. She’d made out with a lot of guys, gone further with a few, but there’d always been a part of her she’d kept emotionally closed off to them. No one had ever come close to breaking through and reaching it… until now.

And that terrified her.

Besides that not-so-little issue, there was the Marley factor.

A light knock on the door shot her up into a sitting position. She stared at the door for a minute before she took a few calming breaths and walked slowly toward it, opening it even more deliberately.

Chris had put his shirt back on… thank goodness. He rested one hand against the door frame, and his eyes crinkled with concern.

“Are you okay?” he asked. “I didn’t mean for things to get so… intense.”

“Yeah, it’s… it’s okay.” She rubbed her arms, though she didn’t know why because she wasn’t cold. “We just shouldn’t… you know, because of Marley.”

“We broke up months ago.”

“But you were together a long time.”

Chris took his hand off the frame. “Can I come in so we can talk?”

She glanced behind her at the only seating option – the bed.
Not a good idea.

“Let’s go downstairs,” she said.

They sat on the sofa, and she pushed aside their coats and wrapped herself in the fleece blanket that was folded under them. Again, not feeling cold but needing something as a comforting shield.

Chris watched her bundle herself into a cocoon before he began, “I’ve had more fun the past couple of weeks than I’ve had in a really, really long time. And it’s because of you.”

Even wrapped in the blanket, she felt goose bumps prickle the back of her neck. “I’ve had a lot of fun, too, but if you want more than that, I can’t…”
Why am I having so much trouble getting the words out?

Chris’s eyes darted over her face, so she looked away at the laptop on the coffee table. She didn’t recognize the rock song playing, but the singer was wailing about love gone wrong.

Chris tapped his fingers lightly on his jeans. “Why don’t we just keep having fun? Keep doing what we’ve been doing?”

“Including what we were doing a few minutes ago?” She swung her eyes over to him.

“Is that a trick question?” he asked.

Laughter snuck up on her, and she couldn’t contain it. It felt wonderful after all the crazy emotions she’d experienced that night.

“How do you always make me laugh even when I’m being serious?” she asked.

“I was being serious, too,” he said with a little smile. “Depending on how I answer your question, I could get in a lot of trouble.”

“How’s that?”

“If I say I’m cool with keeping things platonic, your feelings might be hurt, even though I’m trying to be a gentleman. And if I say I want to pick up where we left off a few minutes ago, you might think I’m just another guy with a one-track mind.”

“So which is it?”

He paused and gave her a long look. “Both.”

She smiled. “Very smooth. And you claim you have no game.”

“My game is very much a work-in-progress.” He shifted so his whole body was facing her. “Bottom line is – I wanna hang out with you. That’s all.”

She loosened the blanket so she could angle more toward him, too. “I just want to make sure you don’t have any expectations because I know you’re usually all about relationships and romance–”

He pshawed. “I’m Mr. Casual now, remember? I am firmly anti-romance.”

“Oh, you are?” She laughed.

“Yes, I am.” He nodded and then his face lit up with an apparent idea. “I can prove it to you. I’ll take you out this week for the most unromantic evening you’ve ever experienced.”

“Where are you taking me – the city garbage dump?”

He let out a loud laugh. “I said unromantic, not disgusting.”

She lifted one eyebrow. “This sounds like a date.”

“A casual date. Between two people with no expectations. Just having fun.”

It seemed harmless enough. She was so happy to have joking Chris back, and keeping things light meant she didn’t have to face her fears and all those other confusing emotions. How could she say no?

“I’m in.”

He grinned. “Excellent.”

So, Chris really was just looking to have fun, and he had no deeper feelings. She thought she’d felt something more from him. In the moment before he’d kissed her on the rooftop, she’d seen a look in his eyes that felt...
real
. But she must’ve been mistaken. She should be happy, right?

****

I slowly lifted my eyelids and read the digital clock on the nightstand. Why did I feel so tired after nine hours of sleep? Pangs of hunger turned my stomach, telling me I needed to get up.

The sound of rhythmic breathing came from the side of the bed, so I rolled over and saw Sergei in his gray gym shorts doing push-ups on the carpet. The muscles in his bare back and shoulders rippled with each thrust of his arms. I quietly watched his workout for a few minutes, enjoying the rise and fall of his tight backside.

“I can’t think of a better way to start the New Year,” I said. “Can I get this view every morning?”

Sergei stopped and sat back on his knees. “I can give you an even better one.”

In an instant he was on top of the bed and hovering over me, his arms outstretched as they’d been on the carpet. He bent to kiss my neck, and the moisture on his chest dampened my nightgown.

I squealed. “You’re all sweaty.”

“Come take a shower with me.”

I was ready to jump out of bed with him, but my stomach growled again. “Can I get breakfast first? I’m starving.”

He smiled and cupped my hip, running his hand up along my ribcage. My stomach responded with a very different and much more pleasant sensation.

“Yes, feed this beautiful body,” he said. “And then it’s all mine.”

“Always,” I whispered.

While he went into the walk-in closet, I got up and put on my robe. I opened the bedroom door and was at the top of the stairs when the smell of cabbage assaulted my nose. The rolling contents of my stomach rose to my throat, and I hurried to the bedroom with my hand over my mouth.

I opened and slammed the door shut and swallowed hard, trying to push down the sickening sensation. Sergei came out of the closet and gaped at me.

“What’s wrong?”

I crept to the bed and took my paperback from the nightstand to fan myself. “I don’t feel so good.”

“You were fine a minute ago.” Sergei sat beside me and combed my hair from my face.