Fighting for the Edge (16 page)

“Happy New Year, Aubrey.”

“Hey, Mr. Jim.” Aubrey shoved the drugstore bag deeper into her purse. “Happy New Year.”

“Em, are you feeling better today?” His blue eyes showed concern behind his glasses.

“I’m okay,” Em said, avoiding his gaze and walking away. “We’ll be upstairs.”

As they climbed the steps, Aubrey said, “I assume your mom’s not around? She can smell a problem a mile away.”

“She and Aunt Deb went outlet mall shopping. She’ll be gone all day.”

They shut themselves in Em’s bedroom, and Aubrey handed her the package. Em sank onto the window seat and stared at the rectangular box.

“I’m not ready to do it yet,” she said. “Talk to me about something. Anything other than this.”

Aubrey sat on the bed. “Umm…”

“Tell me about the New Year’s party… about the hot guy you met.”

Should I get into the Chris situation right now?
She really wanted to talk about it, and the news could be big enough to distract Em from her troubles.

“Well… I didn’t exactly meet him. I already knew him.”

“Who was it?”

Aubrey felt a smile forming on her lips. “Chris.”

“I knew it! I knew something was going on with you guys.”

“How did you know?”

Em waved her hand. “That’s not important. Tell me about the kiss.”

Aubrey smiled bigger. She’d definitely succeeded in distracting Em, and she had no objections to reliving that night.

“It was Chris’s idea to help me out since I hadn’t found anyone to kiss and it was almost midnight.” Aubrey brought her legs up onto the bed and crossed them. “So, he kissed me, and I think he would’ve done it again but Nick interrupted us.”

“What happened after that?”

“Long story short, we went home and we ended up making out.” Aubrey watched Em’s eyes get bigger. “But that’s as far as it went.”

“That’s still pretty huge.”

“We’re not dating or anything. Neither of us wants to get serious, and I wouldn’t do that without talking to Marley.”

“So, are you like friends with benefits?” Em’s forehead wrinkled.

“No,” Aubrey said emphatically. “At least not the kind of benefits that usually come with that arrangement. We’re just hanging out and having fun. I don’t wanna overanalyze this because things are good, you know? I just enjoy spending time with him.”

Em studied her with a thoughtful gaze. “You like him a lot.”

Aubrey looked down at the sandy-colored carpet. She wasn’t prepared to think about the feelings she had for Chris much less discuss them.

“He’s a really great guy,” she said.

Em’s cell phone rang, and she bit her lip as she looked at the screen. “Hey, love,” she answered.

Aubrey looked around the room as Em listened to Sergei on the other end of the line. She’d spent a lot of nights there, singing karaoke with Em in their pajamas, giving each other manicures, and watching
The Breakfast Club
on the old VCR. She never dreamed she’d be in that room supporting her best friend while she took a pregnancy test.

“No, I don’t need anything,” Em said and paused. “Okay. Love you.”

She ended the call and stood with the test in hand. “He’ll be home in an hour. I need to do this.”

She marched to the bathroom and closed the door, and Aubrey went over to the antique vanity where she and Em used to do makeovers. It was weird seeing Sergei’s cologne and his comb next to the mirror.

Em rushed out of the bathroom with the same intensity with which she’d gone inside. “It says to wait at least two minutes but not more than ten.”

“Try to breathe. I know it’s hard,” Aubrey said.

She took a long inhale and exhale. “We didn’t get to finish talking about you and Chris.”

“You’ve got bigger things to deal with right now.”

“I wanted to say something before Sergei called.” Em’s eyes softened from their anxious look. “Be careful, okay? I don’t want either of you to get hurt. I love you guys.”

Aubrey hugged her. No one would get hurt if they kept everything fun and games. She just had to make sure she stayed in control. She couldn’t let herself get carried away like she did on New Year’s.

Em slipped out of her embrace and took another deep breath. “It’s time.”

****

I paused in the doorway of the bathroom and eyed the white stick on the sink. In a few seconds, my life would change with a simple plus or minus sign. It was a moment I’d thought Sergei and I would share together… in the future when we were actually planning a family.

Maybe I should’ve waited for him to do this.

I glanced at my panicked expression in the mirror. No, if it turned out negative, there was no need to put him through the worry, too.

I crept toward the sink, holding my breath. Keeping my eyes on the mirror, I folded my hands in prayer and waited until the last possible moment to look down at the stick.

Positive.

My heart pounded harder, so hard I started to gasp. I covered my face and peeked between my fingers, hoping the plus sign would miraculously change into a minus.

It didn’t.

With my hands on my head, I slowly turned and walked into the bedroom. Aubrey’s eyes widened.

“Em…”

“This can’t be happening.” My voice shook. “No, no, no.”

“Oh, Em.” Aubrey touched her mouth.

“I can’t be pregnant! This can’t be real!”

Aubrey grasped my waist and steered me to the bed. “Come sit down.”

I sat and bent forward, letting the blood flow to my head. This had to be a bad dream, a wickedly cruel nightmare spawned from my months of pre-Olympic stress. I’d been so worried about a fluke accident happening and ruining my Olympic chances. Never, ever, ever did I think that accident would be a baby.

I’m having a baby.

Tears seared my throat, and I choked back a sob. Finding out I was pregnant, having Sergei’s child, should be a wonderful thing, but instead I felt overwhelming fear and dread.

Aubrey rubbed my back. “Don’t think the worst. There’ve been women who skated pregnant–”

“Not at the Olympics!” I cried as I sat up. “What if the doctor says it’s too dangerous? What if he tells me to stop skating immediately?”

“You’re in perfect physical shape, you train smart, you take care of yourself – those are all things in your favor.”

Aubrey’s words weren’t calming my nerves. I just kept thinking of more bad things.

“How am I going to tell Sergei? He’s not going to believe this is happening again. It’s like some horrible twist of fate.”

“Your situation is nothing like what happened with Elena. You’re married, and you were careful–”

“Not careful enough,” I squeaked.

Aubrey circled her arms around me, and our heads rested together. “You’ll find a way to get through this. You’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever known.”

I dabbed at my eyes, and we sat for a few minutes quietly holding onto each other. I needed to pull myself together before Sergei came home. This wasn’t the kind of thing I wanted to blurt out as soon as he walked in the door.

Aubrey hugged me long and hard as she left. Alone and jittery, I threw away the pregnancy test, did a spontaneous scrubbing of the bathroom, and then showered and changed. As I sat at the vanity and put on my makeup, I scrutinized myself in the mirror, looking for anything different in my appearance. How long would it be until I started to put on weight, until my clothes, my costumes became tighter? Normal women didn’t show until a few months into pregnancy, but I wasn’t a normal-sized person. A few added pounds on me would be a huge deal.

I’d just finished applying my lip gloss when Sergei breezed in and kissed the top of my head.

“You look like you’re ready to go out,” he said, removing his heavy Team USA jacket.

I swiveled on the stool. “I was thinking we could go into the city, maybe take a walk and then grab dinner.” We had to get out of that room. Telling Sergei the news was nerve-wracking enough. I couldn’t do it in my childhood bedroom, where it would feel like I was a teenager who’d been knocked up by my boyfriend.

“You must have your appetite back.” He went into the closet with his jacket. “I was worried when you looked a little shaky at breakfast this morning.”

“Yeah, I’m feeling better.”
Probably only until tomorrow morning.

“Let’s go wherever you want then. I’ll get changed real quick.”

“Have you heard from Liza?”

He reappeared with a dark pair of jeans and a sky blue sweater over his arm. “She called when I was in the car. They’d just gotten home.”

“Good. I hope Elena doesn’t hover over her too much. I told her to call me if she wants to talk more.”

Sergei tugged his long-sleeved T-shirt over his head. “Thanks again for taking the lead on her uh… problem yesterday. If I’d had to deal with it on my own, she probably would’ve locked herself in her room.”

One corner of my mouth curled upward. “You would’ve handled it fine, but I’m happy I could help.”

After Sergei changed and we bundled up in our coats, we walked to the Coolidge Corner T stop. The night was cold, but it felt invigorating, giving me more energy. At least now I knew why I’d been so tired lately.

The train into Boston was busy with rush-hour riders, although not as packed as the Green Line heading outbound from the city. Sergei hugged my waist with one arm and held onto the railing with the other as we stood in the crowded car. Through the twenty-minute ride, I thought of all the responses I might get from Sergei upon hearing my news. Sure, he wanted kids soon, but not
now
. Not with the biggest moment of my career six weeks away.

We exited at Arlington Street, and I suggested we walk through the Public Garden. It was a peaceful escape from the noisy streets filled with people and traffic. Sergei and I joined our gloved hands, and we strolled along the snow-cleared path toward the frozen lagoon.

“I’m glad you wanted to spend tonight alone because I need to talk to you about something,” Sergei said.

I tilted my head up to him. “There’s something I need to talk to you about, too.”

“You can go first,” he said.

My chest tightened, and I felt like my voice had disappeared. I touched his arm. “You… you go.”

“Okay.” He peered at me a moment and then said, “I’ve been asked by the Skating Club of Boston if I’d be interested in coaching here permanently.”

I stopped walking. “They want you to move here?”

“Us. Want
us
to move here.” Sergei took my other hand in his. “They know you’ll be coaching with me once you retire.”

“What about all your students? They’d have to move, too?”

“I’d have to talk to them. They could possibly commute, like most of them are doing now. Court’s done with high school, so she and Mark might be able to move up here. There are a lot of things to think about, but the number one thing is whether this is something you’d want to do.”

His eyes searched mine, looking for a response. But I had none. I couldn’t wrap my head around all the changes that were suddenly knocking at my door. A baby, leaving our home, possibly losing my chance at the Olympics… it was too much. I pulled my scarf away from my neck, seeking more air.

I shook my head. “I can’t think about this right now.”

“I know you’ve got nationals on your mind and–”

“It’s not nationals.” My head moved back and forth with more vigor. “It’s something else.”

“Is it what you needed to talk to me about?”

I switched to nodding briskly. A few people passed us on the path, and I squeezed Sergei’s hands and pulled him further under the trees. Our boots squished the slushy snow covering the grass.

“What is it, Em?” Sergei’s thumbs stroked mine.

I stared up at him, the man I loved more every day we spent together. My throat swelled with emotion, and I swallowed hard. This wasn’t how this moment should feel. I should be jumping up and down, ecstatic to tell Sergei we were having a baby. I shouldn’t be frightened and worried and in denial.

Just say it. You have to face that this is real.

I looked directly into his deep blue eyes. “I’m pregnant.”

As expected, he said nothing. He uttered no sound, moved not one inch. He’d become one of the frozen statues that decorated the Garden.

When more than a minute passed with still no response, I pressed my hand to his chest. “Sergei?”

His lips parted, and he whispered, “How?”

“The pill didn’t work.”

He stared at me again. “You’re pregnant.”

“Yes,” I croaked.

He placed his palm on my cheek, and the soft leather of his glove warmed my face. His caring touch brought out the tears I’d been holding back, and my chin began to tremble.

Sergei took me into his arms and held me tightly to his body as if he was shielding me from a storm. With his mouth pressed to the top of my knit cap, he mumbled, “How far along are you?”

“I think almost five weeks.”

“Have you been to the doctor?”

“No, I took a home test.”

Silence set in again, and the faraway sounds of car horns and tires on wet pavement came into focus. Sergei remained quiet, but the caress of his fingers in my hair let me know he was still there with me in the moment. His head was probably spinning as much as mine had been since the second I saw the plus sign.

He leaned back and cradled my face in his hands. “We’ll get you to the doctor tomorrow, and we’ll find out what we need to do, what’s best for you and the baby.”

Tears leaked from my eyes. “I’m really scared.”

Sergei wrapped me in another embrace. “Let’s go home.”

I nodded against his jacket. How had I thought I could go to dinner after this? It must’ve been a product of my denial of the situation. All I wanted to do was to curl up in Sergei’s arms, to feel safe. And the way he held onto me, it felt like he never wanted to let me go.

Chapter Fourteen

Sergei still looked dazed when we reached my parents’ house after our walk. We attempted to duck upstairs unseen, but Mom caught us as she came out of the kitchen.

“Dad said you were going out for dinner.”