FIND YOUR HAPPY: An Inspirational Guide to Loving Life to Its Fullest (17 page)

As it turned out, none of my friends were drug tested and none of them were kicked out of the program. I played it safe, and regretted not taking a risk. Through this experience I recognized that I often put others first and didn’t take chances. I thought if I were the good girl, then I would be rewarded. My friends showed me that by taking chances life becomes more rewarding. Living a life of no regrets means taking chances and learning from them. It means loving the good and the bad of life. All of it is part of life, so embrace it fully. Do not push away the bad times, for there is always a lesson hidden within. It will be revealed to us when we choose to see it.

Regret exists because it is useful. When we feel regret because we feel guilty and embarrassed by what we have done, we are motivated to undo the wrongful things we did and make better, more careful decisions in the future. Regret is unavoidable because there are opportunity costs for every choice made. When you select a path, you immediately forfeit other choices and their benefits. By learning to let go of the lack, we can see that there are no wrong choices. Every choice is part of a bigger plan. If you make one choice and grow to regret it, then there is a lesson for you to discover, but if you choose one path and grow from it, the lesson is learned, and your new future can reveal itself. We cannot move forward as fast when we are not learning the lessons. Life on earth is like being in a big classroom. We have lessons of love or hate, of compassion and kindness. When we stay in regret we choose not to do the homework. We do not have an opportunity to pass the course because we are not doing the work. When we do the work, we grow and learn more. Then we progress to the next course. The next lesson awaits, but we must “get” or complete the first one in order to move on.

Let Go of the Past to Enjoy Right Now

Eckhart Tolle, the author of
The
Power
of
Now,
he
teaches the power of being in the present moment and releasing fears from the past. It isn’t always easy because it is natural for people to create and maintain problems. They give us a sense of identity. We often hold onto our pain far beyond its ability to serve us.

We replay images of past mistakes over and over again in our heads. We allow feelings of shame and regret to shape our actions in the present. Lori Deschene the founder of
TinyBuddha.com,
an empowering website dedicated to simplifying lives and reducing mental clutter, writes about this topic. When we play out regrets in our minds, we cannot move forward. In Deschene’s article, “40 Ways to Let Go and Feel Less Pain,” she shares, “We cling to frustration and worry about the future, as if the act of fixation somehow gives us power. We hold stress in our minds and bodies, potentially creating serious health issues, and accept that state of tension as the norm.” Here are some examples from
Tinybuddha.com
on how to let go of regrets and feel less pain:

•
Change
your
perception
— see the root cause as a blessing in disguise.

•
Make
a
list
of
your
accomplishments
—
even
the
small
ones
—
and
add
to
it
daily.

•
Feel
it
fully.
If you stifle your feelings, they may leak out and affect everyone around you — not just the person who inspired your anger. Before you can let go of any emotion you have to feel it fully.

•
Remind
yourself
that
anger
hurts
you
more
than
the
person
who
upset
you
and visualize it melting away as an act of kindness to yourself.

•
Remind
yourself
these
are
your
only
three
options:
remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it. These acts create happiness; holding onto bitterness never does.

Learning to let go of the past is a powerful way to relax into your life. By learning to appreciate the moment, we can enjoy more opportunities. Numerous studies have been performed to determine the link between happiness and living in the moment. Psychologists at Harvard University collected information on the daily activities, thoughts and feelings of 2,250 volunteers to find out how often they were focused on what they were doing and what made them most happy.

They found that people were happiest when having sex, exercising, or in conversation and least happy when working, resting, or using a home computer. Although the subjects’ minds were wandering nearly half of the time, this consistently made them less happy. The team concluded that reminiscing, thinking ahead, or daydreaming tends to make people more miserable, even when they are thinking about something pleasant. By practicing staying in the moment and letting past fears subside, we can settle into our lives more comfortably.

In
a
Nutshell:

1. Regrets are opportunities to learn and grow.

2. Holding on to anger and resentment hurts you more than the offenders.

3. To enjoy life fully, appreciate the moment and get out of the past and future, be in the present moment for optimal joy.

Additional Resources:

Audio Meditation:
Find
Your
Happy:
Motivational
Mantras,
Track 4, “You Make a Difference” (available on iTunes,
amazon.com
, and
playwiththeworld.com
shop).

Chapte
r
TWELVE

Mak
e
Ever
y
Da
y
You
r
Birthday

“At
the
end
of
life,
our
questions
are
very
simple:
Did
I
live
fully?
Did
I
love
well?”
— Jack Kornfield

T
here is something magnificent about the magic energy that swirls around you on your special day. Any day that includes cake and ice cream as a staple and friends lavishly loving you is worth talking about. Your birthday is one day every year that you can count on extra joy flooding in. Even if you hesitate to bump up in age, there is no denying that on our actual birthday it is nice to feel a little more like royalty. Most of us remember what we did for our birthday ten years ago, but we can’t even remember what we did last Friday night. It is no secret that birthday celebrations leave a fantastic feeling flooding through our bones, and for most of us it becomes the most memorable day of each year. The secret sauce in birthdays is pure enchantment because the world toasts to you! Love, respect, and hugs are given freely, and you are the center of all the existential goodness. But what about the rest of the lonely, bored 364 days of the years? Excluding holidays, most other days we go about life just making it through. We fall into comfort zones and ripple into boredom. There is a solution to this pouting problem: Make every day your birthday. Let’s take a moment to explain why birthdays rock our worlds.

1. It’s a celebration of life.

2. We make wishes and dream big.

3. Anything is possible.

4. We take time to play.

5. Family and friends go out of their way to make us feel loved.

6. Food is consumed guilt free.

7. We are more generous with others and ourselves.

8. We spend quality time with loved ones.

9. We sport perma grins the entire day.

10. We appreciate every moment.

After reading through this list, who wouldn’t want every day to be their birthday? Whether it’s your own birthday or the birthday of someone you care about, the party doesn’t need to stop on the actual day of birth. That is the charm of celebrating our awesome life. We can take the same secret sauce of birthdays and apply it to every day of the year. Imagine if you gave a gift to a best friend for no reason, how would they respond? What if you ate chocolate cake for breakfast and left the guilt behind? It sounds pretty fantastic doesn’t it? By applying the ten secret powers of the birthday potion to every day of your life you will see a giant transformation in how you live, love, and play. Don’t be surprised if you notice how the rest of the world, including all of the people and opportunities around you, shift as well. By simply making small adjustments in your daily patterns, your relationships will be more fulfilling. You will have more self-love, gratitude, and understanding of all of mankind. Like any change in life, it can’t happen overnight without intention and focus. Let’s rock out each reason together as we dive into the enchanted world of pure bliss.

Celebrate Life

We come into this world protected, safe and secure inside our cozy, gentle mothers; then without warning we are violently thrust through a dark, wet tunnel and pushed into the wide-open light. On top of this there are strangers staring at us, picking and probing. At this moment we realize that life is unpredictable, scary, and not always a safe place. Being born is a significant representation of the ups and downs that will continue throughout our entire life. One moment we feel comfortable, relaxed and untouchable, and then out of nowhere we are laid off, find out a close family member has cancer, or the spouse we thought was the love of our life wants a divorce. There is no running from the reality that life will always deliver peaks and valleys. Life is not always easy, but that is precisely why it is so precious.

The majority of life’s best rewards are possible only because of the hard work, the push and pull of the difficult times. If life were an easy, breezy joy ride, then most of us wouldn’t appreciate happiness or understand real fulfillment. There is no better time to honor the trials and tribulations of our own life than on a birthday. On that one day of the year, we forget about all of the drama that lurks in our shadows. All of the stress slithers away and we relax into the peaceful knowing that everything is always going to be okay. On birthdays we lighten up and laugh as we find comfort in the little things. It is a day we recognize that we do live in a beautiful world and life is so precious. By taking a few moments every day to be thankful for the beautiful things in our lives, despite any dramatic events, we can move ourselves closer to a state of constant happiness. When we are happy, we enjoy life more, and let’s face it, no one likes being around a cranky pants. It’s no coincidence that on our birthday people flock to us and want to party along side the perma-grinned beauty. We are happy and like attracts like. Naturally, people want to be around happy people, so even when times are tough, shine light on the awesomeness that surrounds you.

Whether you spend extra time petting your dog or cat, or you hold the door for a stranger, or let someone else in front of you on the freeway, little gestures will span a long way. The ripple effect is infectious, and pretty soon, one small act of kindness and celebrating life will transform your entire day. But what is a celebration without a party? If you are feeling really gutsy why not throw yourself a “HAPPY DAY” party? Birthday parties aren’t the only times we should shake our moneymaker, so why not throw a “Surprise! Our life is rad!” bash in the middle of winter? The point of all of this is to move outside of our heads and appreciate life and all it has to give. Humans tend to get stuck in a negative thought process that derails our hopes and dreams, but on that one special day every year, we remind ourselves to smile. We laugh more and play with loved ones. By actively connecting with the feelings of love, gratitude and joy, we can elevate our life experience and celebrate life every day.

Make Wishes

Every birthday, the candles come out and the wishes want to play. As the dreams pop to the surface, we blow out the flames with the secret ambition to see our deepest desires realized. Why do we dream bigger on our birthdays? There is no reason we can’t apply this same optimistic, positive, and powerful potion into our daily routines. I started doing this on my birthday by taking the age I just turned and making that many wishes. So when I turned 28, I made 28 wishes. I wrote them all down and sealed the piece of paper with a kiss. Miraculous things can happen when we state our intentions out loud. The energy that we use when we make a wish on our birthday is the same powerful stuff we can use to create an awesome opportunistic life throughout the year. A year later I pulled out my wish list, and 25 out of the 28 wishes had come true.

Our dreams do want to come to life. They are like plants; we must feed them, tend to them, let them grow. But if we never even plant the seed, how are we supposed to enjoy the garden? Maybe I am being too metaphorical here, but you should be able to get my gist that dreams belong in our lives. When we wish upon a star, we do more than just connect with our childhood imagination.

In fact, when we set goals and then achieve them (even seemingly small ones) we raise the dopamine levels in our brain. High NE levels are associated with feelings of joy, excitement, and even euphoria. By making wishes and setting goals you can experience an outrageously cool aura. I no longer reserve wishes for my birthday. They come out to play every day. Every morning when I wake up, the first thing I do is smile and set an intention for my day. By making a morning wish, I can focus clearly throughout the day and stay in the realm of possibilities.