FIND YOUR HAPPY: An Inspirational Guide to Loving Life to Its Fullest (7 page)

Awesome
Opportunity:

1. Focus on an area of your life that isn’t working as well as you would like.

2. Ask yourself (be honest) what you have been telling yourself in your head about this situation. What story have you been replaying?

3. Is this story true? (Most likely the story is NOT true. Did your boss really tell you he doesn’t like you? Did your best friend really say you are fat? Etc.) Now that you recognize the story is not true, what benefits have you been getting by believing in the story? Do you get to be right, are you empowered, etc.?

4. Are you willing to let go of that thought pattern and start to tell yourself another story? For example, rather than saying no one wants to date you because you are fat, simply start by saying. “I have fabulous gifts to offer a significant other. I am an outstanding cook, lover, friend,” etc.

5.
TRY
IT
OUT:
When the negative thoughts creep in, slap them in the face and start to say your new positive mantra.

In
a
Nutshell:

1. We are responsible for everything in our lives. Love it or leave it, but don’t complain about it.

2. At the end of our lives we will remember the relationships we had and the people who touched and inspired us.

3. Forgiveness is important in helping you live your life to the fullest.

4. Don’t take things personally because it is not about you. It is about them and their insecurities.

5. Think positively and more opportunities will come your way.

Additional
Resources:

Audio Meditation:
Find
Your
Happy:
Motivational
Mantras
, Track 3, “Release Resentment” (available on iTunes,
amazon.com
, and
playwiththeworld.com
shop).

Chapte
r
FOUR

Clea
r
You
r
Fear

“Man
cannot
discover
new
oceans
unless
he
has
the
courage
to
lose
sight
of
the
shore.”
— Andre Gide

Recognize the Little Voice in Your Head

A
ccording to Charlie Greer, The National Science Foundation reports that the average person thinks about twelve thousand thoughts per day. A deeper thinker puts forth fifty thousand thoughts daily. Most of us don’t even realize these thoughts are going on. But the little voice inside our heads is the number one reason we stay safe in life. The little voice, often called the ego, is engaged in non-stop running dialogs. The conversations usually focus on judgment, under-appreciation or condescending tones. Rhonda Britten, founder of the Fearless Living Institute says people fall into two categories. Some blame the world for their problems; others blame themselves.

Depending on which category you fall into, your running internal dialog may differ. It is important to recognize what the voice is saying. Most of us go through life thinking that the little voice in our heads is “us” and that is why things are the way they are. But the reality is that voice inside our heads is not us. We do have control over what the voice can say. We can choose positive thoughts and loving intentions. Rather than judging other people or feeling insecure or jealous, we can remind ourselves to choose better thoughts. This practice will generate tremendous results in your life. The first step is to recognize that this voice exists, and it tells you things about yourself, about the world, about your past, and things that aren’t true. Most the time the voice creates stories that feel real but are not real.
A
Course
in
Miracles
states, “Fear is nothing but an illusion of separation.” This essentially means that fear is simply something we create in our heads to try to protect us. Every person on the planet has the little voice. So, first recognizing that there is a little voice, and then understanding that everyone else is playing the same warped fear game can help make the next couple steps easier.

People often find that going with the flow and sticking to the normal is the best way to live life. The security of the steady paycheck, the ability to plan for the future and stash hordes of money away so we can play at the end of our lives is what society has conditioned us to abide by. Most of us travel through life feeling a little pull that we were meant for more, but ignore its push. My nudge was a tiny voice that kept saying I didn’t have to sit behind a desk 40 hours a week to make a living. “What if there was another way?” I asked myself this three years ago when I hit the first of my three rock bottoms. I said, “There has to be another way. This 9-5 doesn’t work for me.” I immediately took myself on a me-retreat and dove into personal reflection. I asked, “What is going to make me happy?” I started by dissecting every single thing in my life ranging from my relationships to the clothes I wore. I rearranged my life and got rid of everything that wasn’t working, including people that weren’t working.

Take a Me-Retreat

There is only one person in the entire world who knows what will make you happy: you. Most people race around without stopping even to ask themselves, “What do I want?” I lived on that roller coaster until traumatic emotional pain made me get off. I moved from city to city on a mission to find my happy. I took the best jobs in the hippest cities to prove to myself that I was worthy and could do what it takes to be successful and happy. But none of it felt like me. I was always being someone I wasn’t. I thought I wanted to lived in a giant loft in downtown Chicago, but I found that my happy could be in a little bungalow in the South Pacific spending less than $20 dollars a day. Simple is better for me, and usually the simpler we can make our lives the more we can make room for what is really important to us. So take yourself on a mini me-retreat. My mini retreat has lasted many years and will always be part of my life because I have learned that putting myself first is the essential ingredient to loving my life to its absolute fullest. How did I do this? I started with a list of simple questions that I never thought to ask myself before. Once I sat down and got honest with myself I learned a great deal. This process helped me cure my own depression and move towards a blissful, unapologetic exciting life.

Awesome
Opportunity:

1. What five things do you value the most in life?

2. If you won the lottery and had a limitless amount of money, what would you do with your day?

3. What are the top three things you want to do during your life? (See more about creating a magic list in Chapter 7.)

4. What have you always wanted to learn?

5. What have you always wanted to have?

Most likely, after answering these questions, you will have a clear focus on what makes you excited in life. The trick to feeling fulfilled is to align your life with what matters most to you. For the five things that you value the most, make sure you incorporate at least three of them into everyday and all five into every week.

I looked at my list and poked at the holes. Not long ago I was sitting at a desk job, not enjoying nature, travel, or expressing myself. Naturally I was out of alignment with who I really was. If you feel like your life is off track or there is an area that is not working, ask yourself what you value and how you are incorporating that into your day. Chances are what you value is not present in the areas where you are struggling. When you make a value list, the things that are most important to you will rise to the top. The next part is simple; you simply incorporate what you value into your daily regimen. If you value family, then do not read the newspaper at breakfast; sit with your loved ones and listen, laugh, and love them. Turn off the TV at night and play with your friends, children, or pets. If you want to travel but worry about money, then focus on saving money vs. spending money. (More about making the most out of money in Chapter 6.)

The answer to the second question what you would do with your time if you had a limitless amount of money clearly reveals what is really most important to you. If what you answer in this second question does not include the five things you value the most that you listed in the first question, then you have a disconnect. What you do with your dream day should naturally incorporate every single one of your values. If it doesn’t, take a look again and get honest with yourself and look a little deeper. When we make a list, our subconscious goes to town and begins to craft ways to make it happen. (More on setting goals and making life rock every second in Chapter 7.)

Part of my mini retreat was taking a vacation with me. I took myself to the movies by myself; I saw a movie I always wanted to see. I took myself to the ice cream parlor and ordered my favorite flavor. I left guilt behind and enjoyed me-time. I took a hike in nature and reflected on all the great things in life. I spent time with me. Part of a mini me-retreat is to take time out for you. If you feel more fulfilled, you can be there for other people; but make sure the people in your life are worthy of your awesome self.

Surround Yourself with Fearless People

Almost everyone has a “social vampire” in his or her life. Social vampires suck the energy out of you when you hang out with them, and make you feel icky when you leave. As part of my deep cleaning, I looked at all my relationships and thought about who made me feel good, supported and excited to be around. Who was dreaming big and interested in solving problems vs. talking about them? Those people who made me feel bad about myself, who didn’t support my goals or left me feeling cold and bored, I chucked to the curb. It seems harsh, but I had to find a way to keep my distance. I stopped returning their calls and slowly weaned them out of my daily life.

Many times social vampires find their victims when they are down and in the dumps. When I was depressed, the majority of my friends were substance abuse addicts, depressed and negative people. I wanted so much to be a positive influence that I tried to stay strong and remind all of them that it gets better if you just believe and stay positive. Misery loves company and eventually I found it easier to join the dark side and complain, judge, and worry about things that didn’t really matter. I joined forces because it was easier than going upstream and against the grain. Whenever I would provide a positive nugget they would laugh and say that I was naïve and stupid. I felt ashamed of myself, and didn’t realize that I was a becoming a product of my environment. I grew up a happy, positive girl, but the more I hung around with people who didn’t think highly of themselves and blamed the world for their problems, the more I lost myself. They wanted me to be like them, they wanted me to stay stuck in fear. My inner self kept screaming at me, “This is not you! You need to be yourself.” I broke away, and a group of them even started an “I hate Shannon” club. People who I thought cared about me suddenly began spreading rumors and hate messages about me. Through this process I had to realize that
it
doesn’t
matter
what
other
people
think
about
you.
As
long
as
you
follow
your
heart
and
you
are
being
yourself,
then
you
are
living
a
life
of
integrity
and
honor.

Part of making the most out of life is to dig deep into yourself, your life, and your dreams and uncover the areas that aren’t working as well as they could be. It starts with you looking inward. The people I called friends were not really my friends; they just felt safer when they had someone else to complain with. As soon as I removed myself from the toxic emotion sucking vampires, I found my productivity, self-esteem, and my opportunities expanded. My quality of life immediately bumped up and I felt more content and happy.

You may be wondering how on earth you are going to remove negative people if they are your best friends or family members. You can always do what I did. I set an intention at the beginning of each conversation. I said, “I will only hold space for happy, awesome thoughts. I want to hear about the good things going on, your goals, and how I can help you reach them. The moment you complain or start to judge someone or something I will have to hang up.” Most of them got the message pretty quickly. What I noticed was that the “friends” who only wanted to gossip and talk dirt about their lives stopped calling me. They didn’t want to talk about goals and were more comfortable complaining about situations vs. trying to solve them and learn from them. The people who were inspired and interested in making the most out of life called me more. Our relationships became so much more rich and fulfilling, just by sharing ourselves with each other and holding space for support, growth, and opportunity.

You may be asking who I surround myself with now. The people in my life are my power posse. They support me, lift me up, and challenge me to think even bigger. They always have my back, and I do the same for them. They take risks and show me what is possible in life. We have an opportunity in life to make every second fantastic and it starts with you and your friends. Surround yourself with positive, supportive people and you will immediately see the quality of your life expand.

Worry Is an Ugly Cousin of Fear

Many social vampires are just stuck in fear. They worry about the unknowns, they think about what could or couldn’t happen, and they worry the life out of every situation. You don’t have to be a social vampire to be a worrywart. There is a reason worriers are called worrywarts. Because worrying is a nasty ugly bump in your life. Worry makes things seem worse than they are. Worry is an ugly cousin of fear. Worry was my middle name a few years ago. I worried about everything from what drink I should order at Starbucks to why my boss hadn’t said good morning. My entire life revolved around the tight knot clenched in my chest. I was anxious, scared, and saturated in fear. Fear is just our mind’s way of saying, “Whoa! Watch out! Danger ahead, uncomfortable things approaching.” Fear can actually help us make better choices. Fear is synonymous with the little voices in our heads. When we hear them we can choose to listen and believe them to be true or to say, “Thank you for your input but I would like to not listen to you. Fear, please go away.”