FIND YOUR HAPPY: An Inspirational Guide to Loving Life to Its Fullest (13 page)

In 2008, Jim Carrey stared in a movie called
Yes
Man
. A shy, reserved man named Carl is at a standstill in life until the day he enrolls in a personal development program based on the very simple idea to say “Yes!” to everything. Carl discovers with amazement the magical power of “Yes!” and sees his professional and romantic life turned upside down overnight when he receives an unexpected promotion and meets a new girlfriend.

After I watched the movie I thought there might be something to this “Yes!” thing. At the time, I was in a place of regimented routine. I would wake up in the morning, work out, go to work, come home and say no to social opportunities because I was so depressed. I was unhappy and just numbed the pain by working long hours, working out extra long or plopping in front of the TV to escape from the nothingness I was getting stale in. I related to the character in the movie because I felt like I was at a standstill and had nothing to look forward to. That changed, of course, when the New Year came around and I decided to issue a New Year’s “Resolution” Challenge. For two weeks I had to say, “Yes!” to everything. If the little voice in my head signaled “No!” I would go against it and say, “Yes!” For two weeks only I would became a “Yes!” person. What happened soon after is miraculous. When the little voice in my head, the voice of comfort said, “Whoa, lady, you are in uncharted territory,” that is right where I lived for two weeks.

Chuck Excuses to the Curb

If there is something you want to do but have reasons for not doing it, these are excuses. I call excuses the things we tell ourselves to justify staying in our comfort zones. They range from, “I don’t have enough time,” to “I am too tired.” Often excuses hide out in what a lot of people like to call “reality.”

In my private coaching sessions and workshops, I often meet people who hold on to a lot of excuses. I work with them to remove these barriers that keep them from getting what they want. I recently coached a guy named “Vinnie.” He is a man who has a daughter and a family to feed. He is working in a sales position at a giant industrial corporation. He knows that he is underpaid and overworked, but he doesn’t complain. He doesn’t stick his head out or take any risks. He does what he is told and stays comfortable knowing that he has a paycheck coming every two weeks.

I asked Vinnie what he wanted to be when he was a child. He explained that he would always race around, protecting his make-believe friends and making sure justice was served. He wanted to be a police officer, a man of righteous duty. Now he is an adult and that daydream is just a fleeting thought. However, every time he hears a police siren race by, a glimmer of that dream comes back. His dream is to be a police officer, even as a 34-year-old man
.

Dreams
never
die.
Sometimes they change form and morph into bigger granddaddy dreams but the essence of what we want stays the same. Another thing about dreams is they are patient. Dreams are quiet and accommodating. They put themselves on the back burner while you are “realistic,” while you are “responsible” and while you ignore them. Dreams don’t ask anything from you, except for the possibility of entertaining them.

I asked Vinnie, “Why aren’t you a police officer?” he respond, “Because I have a little girl and a family to feed. I need to be responsible and take care of her,” as if following his heart would be somehow irresponsible. Does this sound familiar to you? The reality is, all of us have a little Vinnie in us. Vinnie is practical, responsible and conscientious. He is anything but unstable; his middle name is playing it safe, whereas the dreamers in all of us are anything but safe. Dreamers are wild, spontaneous, and overflowing with exuberance and joy. Yet, the dreamers are not full of excuses. They are full of feeling and doing. That is the difference between “doing the right thing” and “doing what feels right.” By doing the right thing, the responsible adult in us doesn’t rock the boat, is mentally safe, and full of excuses. But when did playing it safe ever make us happy? And furthermore, when you hide your true self from the world, you are not doing the right thing for you or the people closest to you. Most of us walk around in a shell of a human in fear of losing our jobs. Fear feeds us from the moment we wake up, and we lose sight of what we really want. Our minds stomp on our dreams and tell us that they will never happen.
We
play
it
safe
for
fear
of
losing
what
we
have.

What would happen if we pushed through that fear? Andre Gide said, “Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” If we are too afraid to push out of our comfort zone then we can never grow. We will never be able to see the other side. Our job in life is to be happy, and being happy means taking risks. It means chucking excuses to the curb and trusting the universe will and can provide for all of our dreams. There is no shortage of resources to go around. The most beautiful part about having goals is that they are yours personally. No one else has the same dream. I said it before, but this quote is valuable. Oprah said,
“You
are
here
to
do
something
uniquely
created
for
you.
No
one
else
can
do
it
like
you
can.
That
is
why
you
are
here.”

No matter what your dream is, only you can do it the way you can, so push through your comfort zone and see what is on the other side.
We
all
have
a
series
of
great
opportunities
that
are
disguised
as
impossible
situations.
It is those situations that help us grow and feel life to its fullest.

In my coaching with Vinnie, I recognized his dedication to be a family provider. I asked him “What type of life would you be leading if you did follow your heart?” He realized that if he chose to pursue his dream as a police officer and left his corporate job to be what he wants in his heart, his daughter would see that anything is possible in life, that she really can be anything and everything she wants to be because her hero, her father, is pursuing his dream. He would be setting a good example for his child, showing her to never settle. He would inevitably gain more respect from his current coworkers who are stuck in the same comfort zone as well. When he leaves the company to announce he is pursuing his dream to be a police officer, looks of amazement and awe will follow him. People will be inspired by him and respect the courage he has shown, but most important is Vinnie and his personal relationship with himself. By putting his dreams into focus he is able to love himself fully. He is saying to the world, “I am worth it and my dreams matter.” When he pursues his dream, the stars seem to align, and he even earns more money doing what he loves.

Vinnie’s life is no longer about mundane ritual and comfortable responsibilities. He lives from a place of love for himself and respect for his life. He understands that his actions and choices make an impact on every person around him. They all want him to succeed and support his goals. It is always up to him to make his goals a reality.

Flash forward to five years from now. Vinnie is passionate about his job that it doesn’t feel like a day of his life is work. He has been promoted to chief of police and everyone he works with respects, values, and appreciates him. He has won numerous honorable awards and will be leaving a great legacy. He makes more money than he ever dreamed, and his daughter’s relationship with him is more grounded, deeper, and fulfilling.

When we make excuses that are candy coated with the title of “responsibility,” we sell ourselves short. Life is way too short to cut corners and play it safe. When we follow our heart and say yes to life, we will be more abundant, successful, and free than we ever dreamed possible. Life gets better when we push through our comfort zones. The famous greats in history never realized their achievements by playing it safe. All of them had to scoot a little outside of their comfort zone and resist society to push to greatness. You have a choice. You can be mediocre, safe, and comfortable, or you can be fulfilled, exuberant, and extraordinary.

Try
it
out:

1. What is your biggest dream right now? Would you be fulfilled if you achieve it today?

2. What reasons and excuses have you been telling yourself that have prevented you from making this dream a reality?

3. What would it take to make this a reality? How much time? Money? Energy?

4. Create a timeline, using the above factors. Act as if you have all the time, money and energy in the world to make this happen. Stretch it out on paper step by step.

5. Which step can you take right now to work towards this goal?

Embrace Every Opportunity
That Comes Your Way

By becoming the yes-master, life will start to open up more opportunities for you. When we say yes to life, life says yes to us. Rather than playing it safe and staying in a comfort zone, I promised myself that for two weeks I would say yes to everything, within reason, of course. I challenge you to do the same thing. Obviously there is no need to break the law or put your life in danger, but say yes to more opportunity at work, say yes to house sitting a friend’s vacation home, say yes to signing a contract for something that is important to you, say yes to trying the new spin class. Say, “YES!” Saying yes to things you would normally say no to will open up your world to new possibilities. You will see your world become more flavorful. If you have never eaten sushi because of your fear of raw fish, take yourself on a raw date. Go to a nude beach. Dust off your passport and go on a spontaneous international trip. Round trip tickets to Europe can be less than flying across the United States. Life is short and we must live it fully. By declaring you are a “Yes!” person, things will unfold in front of you. It will be like a magic carpet opening at your feet. As it unfolds, you become the super star. Your life is magnetic, magnificent and full of pizzazz. Like the super stars we see on the red carpet, you will be the person who lights up the room. You will be the center of attention because by experiencing new things you become centered in self. Life rewards us when we play with it. When we choose to try new things, we grow and growing is part of life. The more we grow the more we learn, and the more we learn the wiser we become. Life is enriching and enchanting when we do things we wouldn’t normally do.

Awesome
Opportunity:

1. For the next 14 days, say, “Yes!” to every invitation and opportunity that comes your way. Watch how your world will change.

2. Write down specific feelings and opportunities that come your way. Document the changes.

3. After the two weeks, look back over your list and decide if living a life in the “Yes!” zone is for you. Try the two-week trial risk free. You have nothing to lose.

Choose Love Over Fear

Excuses are really just cleverly disguised fear-based thoughts. When we tell ourselves, “Oh, I don’t have enough money for that goal,” what we are really saying is “I fear that I won’t have enough to pay my bills if I spend my money on that other thing.” We’ve talked a good deal about fear and how it creeps into our minds to try to rule our lives. Many times we do not even realize our decisions are based on fear.

Think about a situation in your life when you wanted to do something, but you didn’t. For me, this has happened a lot. For example, when I was working in the advertising agencies, I was so miserable, the thought of sitting in front of a computer all day chipped away at me like having Jenga blocks being removed from the tower. The longer I stayed in that environment, the more unpredictable and shaky I became. I desperately wanted to leave the corporate world, but I kept telling myself I didn’t know what I would do for work if I left advertising. The fear of not knowing where my next paycheck was going to come from stepped in and prevented me from following my heart. I believed that I had to work to make a living so I could pay my bills. I stayed uncomfortably rooted in this vicious cycle. I would look through the window at work and wish I were playing outside. My mind would wander to far-off exotic lands and loving thoughts of all of my deepest desires until I snapped back into reality, I would realize I felt trapped in my current environment, but there was nothing I could do; at least that is how it felt. The thought pattern that kept repeating in my mind was that I didn’t have enough money to support myself on another type of salary.

What I didn’t realize was, that what was circulating around in my head were really just fear-based thoughts repeating themselves. My biggest fear was not having enough, and it manifested into many different aspects of my life. For example, I often found myself overeating well past the time I was full because subconsciously I feared there was not enough to go around. It was difficult to share with boyfriends, because I feared there wouldn’t be enough for me. There was never enough money, enough time, or enough energy. What I really feared was the need to be recognized because I secretly feared that I was not enough.

It is a journey to the heart to discover that you are the source of your own happiness and sadness. Everything in your life is there to help you learn, but, more importantly, everything in you life is there because you put it there. This may be a hard concept to grasp at first, but hang in there for a moment and stay with me. Entertain the idea that life is exactly what we make of it, and every single thing in our existence is there because our higher self or greater good wants us to grow, learn, and appreciate it. When we grow we expand, and when we expand we connect closer to our true self, so naturally when we take on new challenges, or take steps to activating our goals, the little voice in our heads, the fear, gets insanely louder. It screams at us, “Whoa! Warning! Warning! This is uncharted territory!” When we listen to that voice, it keeps us playing small. It keeps us from doing what we were made to do. We all have a right to stand up for ourselves and be, what we are supposed to be but when we listen to the negative voices in our heads we sell ourselves short and stay in a mediocre, static state. You have the choice to listen to the loving, kind voice in your head, or repeat the same negative thought patterns. The human brain can hold one conscious thought at a time, so let’s choose a positive thought.