FIND YOUR HAPPY: An Inspirational Guide to Loving Life to Its Fullest (4 page)

That’s right it is as easy as saying no. Each time a marketer sends an email blast there is a way to stop it. Go into that email and at the bottom there is always a spot to click unsubscribe. As you do this you will feel a sudden shift in your own energy. You may find that you feel more free and expansive. It is a small and simple deed but it works wonders in our lives. The same goes for magazine subscriptions, email lists, mailing lists, organizations, and credit cards — anything that adds clutter to your life. Dump the extra stuff and you will feel less bogged down.

Organize Your Chaos

The importance of downsizing is significant.
Whenever
you
take
a
stand
to
unclutter
your
life
and
downsize,
you
are
sending
a
loud
and
clear
message
to
the
universe
that
you
will
remove
unwanted
things
from
your
life.
It may seem silly, but when you physically and mentally clear out space you have more room to play, laugh, love, and live. When we clean out our area and get organized, it makes us feel productive. When we feel productive, we feel good and balanced. The process of straightening up all the nitty gritty helps us get organized.

Being organized increases our prosperity. The process I am sharing with you helps you see what you have and don’t have. It eliminates waste and increases abundant space. The best part is you don’t waste money-buying things you already have, but can’t find. You will suddenly see your bank account grow, and you will have more time and moola to play. These are all great benefits worth every second of diving into the dingy grime and clearing it out for good.

Organization is a form of reverence and respect — for the time, energy, and blessings you’ve been given. When we respect our living space and the information we allow ourselves to receive, we feel more vibrant and balanced. When our living space is clean we can feel serenity. We have more time to spend with our loved ones, and can appreciate each moment. The time we spend together is of a higher quality because we are less frazzled, with more peace of mind and more physical energy. So get gallivanting, gals and guys. Start cleaning or stripping down to feel pleasantly pleased.

Time Is on Your Side

William Penn said, “Time is what we want most, but . . . what we use worst.” This saying rings true for many of my coaching clients, because it resonates with everything we do. Think about how often we say we want more time, but the moment we get more time, we misuse it, waste it or regret not making more out of our day.
Time
is
nothing
but
a
moment,
changing
every
second.
It
is
up
to
us
to
make
each
moment
count.
Ferris Bueller said, “Life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and look around every once in a while, it could pass you by.” Time wants to be on our side. It is our friend and is always rooting for us to keep going and make the most out of every moment. The beautiful part about stripping down and clearing space is you will have more time to do the things you love. When you learn to be aware of each moment and appreciate truly living in the moment, time becomes endless. Take a moment to think about your perfect day. What does it include? Where do you go? Who do you share your time with? These are all indicators of what is most important to you.

Begin to construct your life around what you value. If your perfect day includes spending time with your loved one, be specific: What do you do together? Are you cuddling in bed watching a 1940s movie marathon for eight hours, or does your ideal day start out with a high voltage jump out of plane as you skydive together and brush death? These are two very different scenarios, both very real perfect days for different people. You need to be specific. Maybe your perfect day doesn’t include another person at all. Perhaps you are into nature, writing, or painting beautiful landscapes in oil on canvas. Whatever it is, the elements that pop up in your vision of a perfect day should indicate what you value most in life.

The goal is to take these things and build your days around them. If cooking is important to you, but you worry you don’t have enough time to give it the attention it deserves, set time aside every week to cook. Invite your friends over for a meal, or cook for coworkers and bring that food into the office. When we make time to do the things we love, we feel more balanced and whole. You always have enough time, money and energy for what is most important to you. Focus on where you are spending your time and money, and if it is out of alignment with who you want to be then refocus. Simply change your routine and watch everything else fall into place. When we do things we love, time stands still as we actively participate in every moment. Life becomes more about enjoyment, wonder, and fulfillment rather than a chore.

We are in charge of our own lives and how we spend our time. You should never do something you don’t want to do. Lives are incredibly short. If it doesn’t feel right to do something then you have permission to not do it. Who cares what other people will think? If you choose to go off and travel for a year, some may say you are ignoring responsibilities, but if it is right for you, then go on. If you want to quit your job and join the Peace Corps, what is holding you back? You get to make the most out of your life and no one is in charge of your life but you. So what if others don’t understand? They aren’t you. Too many times people spend their time trying to please others, hoping to make them happy. We end up sacrificing ourselves. Internal resentments build into a burning resistance to future opportunities.

I know this from personal experience. I used to play Pollyanna Peacemaker. I spent all my time trying to make sure everyone was happy. The whole time I did this, I never asked myself if I was happy. When I finally got the courage to dig deep and peel back the layers, I saw that everything in my life wasn’t working. I would bend over backwards to help others, but I was the one left in the shadows. I always gave away my power. I never put my own opinions in the mix. This made me feel weak, alone, and depressed. My time was never my own. I spoke the words I thought people wanted to hear in the cities I thought they wanted me to live in. I share my experience with you to hopefully shine light on areas in your life where you have been inauthentic. If you are always giving your time, your money and your energy to those around you, you cannot possibly feel fulfilled. If you don’t fill up your own cup it can never spill over to really help others.

Awesome
Opportunity:

1. Go to your email inbox and delete every message that no longer serves you or your path to happiness. Unsubscribe to messages/ updates and magazines you no longer read.

2. Go through your closet and get rid of anything you haven’t worn in over one year. Trust me you won’t miss it. Donate it.

3. Update your picture frames. Chances are you haven’t really looked at them in a few years. Put fresh faces inside of them. This refresh will reboot your entire attitude.

In
a
Nutshell:

1. Take responsibility for how you feel and how you treat yourself. If you don’t like something about your life, then look inside yourself to see how it is a reflection of your inner state.

2. Take inventory of your life, your stuff and your relationships. Get rid of everything that isn’t working.

3. Every day should be a perfect day. If its not, go back to your value list and add in more of your values and what you love.

4. The
Pursuit
of
Excellence
self-improvement series reminds us that you always have enough time, money and energy for what is most important to you.

5. Make every moment matter. When you appreciate the moment there is an infinite amount of time.

Additional
Resources:

Audio Meditation:
Find
Your
Happy:
Motivational
Mantras
, Track 1, “Strip Down” (available on iTunes,
amazon.com
, and
playwiththeworld.com
shop).

Chapte
r
TWO

Giv
e
I
t
Up

“Open
minds
lead
to
open
doors.”
— Unknown

Let Go

O
ne constant in life is change: seasons change, our jobs change, our relationships change, and circumstances will always change. If we know change is inevitable, then why do we get so bruised up and bent out of shape when it happens? Over the years I’ve learned to look at situations with a little more ease and perspective. I’ve realized that change isn’t something to be feared but rather revered. The best opportunities in my life have been direct results of changes. From the outside, some changes could have felt brutal, such as layoffs, illness, car accidents, etc. Each change in my life has had a specific role in helping me peel back the layers to see the bigger picture.
Nothing
happens
in
life
that
doesn’t
help
us
grow
and
connect
more
closely
with
our
true
selves.

If we spend our time worrying about every outcome, life cannot flow or happen to us. When we seek to control, grasp, and manipulate situations, we essentially hide from our true purpose and connection to ourselves. If our desire in life is to play and relax into fun, then we must learn to let go and embrace every change. When we are consumed with worry and fear about situations, we hold ourselves back from reaching our full potential. However, saying it is as easy as “letting go” and actually letting go are two different monsters. I can speak about this because I was the queen of grasping and thinking, “Hold on tight fellas, we are in for a bumpy ride.”

Some years ago, I called home a giant timber brick loft three blocks south of the mighty Sears tower in Chicago, Illinois. Although I grew up on the west coast I thought it suited me to venture out into the great wide-open America and nab a good job. I lived in five cities over a period of three years, and that didn’t at all seem odd to me. I worked at one of the most well-known and respected international advertising agencies in the world. I had a man who wanted to marry me and a giant paycheck that I had no idea what to do with. I would go on spending sprees or drinking binges, always using substances to unknowingly disappear behind. I was a mess. I refused to admit that I was depressed. Crying hysterically to sleep every night should have been a red flag, but like all the others, I just skipped over it in pursuit of happiness in denial. In every relationship, every city, every job I took, something was always missing. I would tell myself this is what I want; I need to work at a big advertising firm, but when I got the position, it felt shallow, empty, and wrong.

Life will always throw us curve balls, and it is up to us to play ball. We have an opportunity at every moment to flip things around. If things are not going the way you’d like them to, then choose your thoughts wisely and switch it around.

I was beyond miserable in Chicago. What I didn’t realize then was that I was manipulating my life to be something I “thought” I wanted, but my true self, the authentic me, knew that none of that mattered. I remember coming home one night, so overwhelmed with tears of rage that I was debilitated. I was cold and shaking and I knew that the hard tile floor could no longer be a source of comfort. As I started to choke on tears of fear, anger and resentment, I did something radically different for me. I let go of the expectation that my life was supposed to be anything more than it was. Suddenly, a shift took over my body as I started to laugh. Pleasure could pop through the pain. It was in that moment that I realized that I was holding on so desperately tight to my life, controlling every last minute detail, that there was no room for organic growth or real fun to come in.

Letting
go
of
expectations
is
the
single
most
important
thing
we
can
do
for
our
well-being.
When I let go of expecting my life to turn out a specific way, I was able to release the pressure and relax into the rhythm of life. This, in turn, became the tipping point for my life to unfold naturally the way it was designed. After my midnight meltdown, I took stock of my life and started to see things the way they were, not the way I had “hoped” they would be. The dingy rose-colored glasses were off and I was becoming the person I authentically wanted to be.

I know a lot of people who say,
“When
I
have
a
house,”
or
“When
I
am
married
,” or
“When
I
have
kids,”
I will be happy. Best-selling author and my dear friend, Gabrielle Bernstein, calls this
“the
when
I
haves”
When I have (whatever it is), then I will be happy. I rode this rollercoaster for almost 25 years and it didn’t result in anything but a substance abuse problem and depressed bipolar state. Ditch the expectations and let go of how your life is supposed to turn out and you will be free. Life is supposed to flow and be natural. It is not designed to be an uphill hike every day of our lives. We aren’t supposed to struggle 365 days of the year. The universe wants to give us all the things we desire but we need to do our part and let go.