FIND YOUR HAPPY: An Inspirational Guide to Loving Life to Its Fullest (8 page)

Worry makes it harder for us to recognize what is driving our lives. Many of us see things happening out in the world and we take it all in and worry about our safety or future; our “right now” is consumed with deprecating, fear-based thoughts. One solution is to turn off the media. I am serious. I do not watch TV news, or read about it on the Internet. Our media spotlights fear-based reactionary stories: natural, financial and political disasters, violent crime, dismal forecasts, and distressing exposés. The media is a huge contributor to our internal dialog. We refuse to let our children take the school bus because we fear the unknown pedophile who kidnapped a child five years ago.

A great quote I came across by an unknown author is, “Worrying is like praying for what we don’t want.” Yuck, who wants to do that? Are you “praying” for what you don’t want? We worry about potential people and what they might or might not do. Worry becomes the everyday vernacular. We stick together with our collective consciousness of worry. But what if there was another way to live? What if we removed worry from our lives and learned to embrace the unknown? What if worry became a signal of opportunity? Instead of worrying about a situation, we can learn to embrace it and accept it fully. Worrying about something doesn’t change anything except your current state. Worrying makes us feel separated, anxious, and stressed, but if we shift away from this emotional state we can bask in love, joy, and abundant excitement. When I feel myself start to worry now, I confront it and ask, “Why are you worried?” Almost every time I am able to see that the worry is just a barrier between where I am now and where I really want to be.

For example, I stayed in advertising, behind a desk job three years past the time I knew I didn’t want to be there, but worry of the unknown kept me there. My fear was, “How will I pay my bills if I quit?” I worried about the future and the giant sea of the unknown. This worry consumed me and kept me unhappy. It was really just a red flashing light into an unknown territory. The truth is, I had never ventured into the great big world of being your own boss. I knew I wanted it, but it was new and foreign to me. Naturally, from where I was sitting, it was a long haul to get to where I wanted to be: a self-employed, full-time writer. I knew what my dream was but worry stopped me from getting it. I finally took a stand for myself and punched through the worry. When I got to the other side of my fear I realized it wasn’t nearly as bad as my little voices had cracked it up to be. In life,
risks
are
not
as
scary
once
you
take
them.
Once I took that leap into the unknown I recognized a new me. For the first time in my life I had peace with myself. I felt abundant, excited, and alive. Fear and worry have a funny way of obstructing our dreams. Once we recognize their purpose we can bust through them and love every second of our lives.

A few months ago my 92-year-old Grandma was sitting next to me, and I recognized that her reality was much different than mine. Here was a woman who has lived through the Great Depression, World War II, the Civil Rights Movement, Cuban Missile Crisis, the assassination of President Kennedy, 9/11, and now witnesses the administration of the first black president. But there she sat, with a soft subtle glow. Grandma always smiles, and she had a peaceful spark in her eyes. It occurs to me that my mini dramas, the self-loathing, and worrying about my next assignment are rather superficial in comparison. I asked this beautiful woman, “In your life, how did you get through the tough times?” She looked over at me and simply says,
“Well
it
all
works
out
in
the
end
now
doesn’t
it?
There
is
no
point
in
worrying
when
things
always
turn
out
fine.”

Use Fear to Propel Yourself Forward

Fear will never go away. It is as much part of the human condition as the skin on our bodies. We will always have little voices in our heads, and fear will always pop up in some way. Many times it changes form. Whether it dresses up in stress, anxiety, or worry, fear is an indicator of stepping out into new territory.

People who take risks are generally more fulfilled and joyous in their lives. Many studies have been published that conclude people who push through their fear are a bit more intellectually curious, more self-aware, and even a bit happier than those who do not. If you want help pushing through your fears, visit
playwiththeworld.com
, a community of adventure buddies who are all living life to the fullest.

Awesome
Opportunity:

1. Call a fearless friend from your past who has been on your mind and whom you have not talked to in a long time. Have a conversation with them.

2. Share your goal/value list with your number one supporter. Encourage them to create their own list and delight each other by entertaining the possibilities of tomorrow.

In
a
Nutshell:

1. Choose positive happy thoughts to get what you want.

2. Take a mini me-retreat. Take time for you so you can be there for others.

3. Do what you love every single day.

4. Get rid of people who suck the life out of you and surround yourself with happy healthy people.

5. Don’t worry about what other people think; always be true to yourself.

6. Don’t let worry creep in and keep you playing small.

7. Risks are not that scary once you take them.

8. Let go of worry, because in the end everything always works out.

Additional
Resources:

Audio Meditation:
Find
Your
Happy:
Motivational
Mantras,
Track 6, “Choose Love Over Fear” (available on iTunes,
amazon.com
, and
playwiththeworld.com
shop).

Chapte
r
FIVE

Lif
e
I
s
a
Game
,
Ar
e
Yo
u
Playin
g
It?

“What
you
are
is
what
you
have
been.
What
you’ll
be
is
what
you
do
now.”
— Buddha

Stop Watching, Start Playing

E
ven though life is sometimes messy and unpredictable there is one constant — opportunities will always come and go. When we are open to new things and eager to branch out of our safe and cozy comfort zone, we can open up a world of new possibilities. It all starts with one easy step. Play the game and get on the court. Landmark Forum’s self-improvement course teaches people how to build their best life and the power of getting on the court in life vs. sitting in the stands.

Think about a sporting event. Spectators cheer from the stands but never put themselves at risk. They are not the ones making anything happen. Rather they sit, watch, judge, and wait, while the players are full of life. They are the doers making the game happen and work with them. They see an opportunity and go for it. They take risks and play hard. Of the two types of people which would you rather be?

More often than not I have been a spectator in my own life. I let life happen to me and fell into deep, moldy holes. The only way to pull me out of each episode of depression was to take responsibility for my own life and start making calls, literally getting my butt up out of Self-pity Ville and taking action to guide me in a better direction. It started by taking one single step forward, by getting on the court of my own life.

If you look at your lives as a best-selling book, or blockbuster movie, how is yours playing out? What kind of picture are you in? Is it full of depression, mistakes, regrets, and secrets? Or are you the hero in your own starring role? Are you in a role that challenges and excites you? Do you seize the day and make the moment matter? The opportunity here is to dream of possibilities beyond the traditional confines of cultural and social acceptability. Whenever there is an area of our lives that we are unhappy with, the human tendency is to ignore it and simply act as if it is not an issue; out of sight out of mind.

For example, maybe you are unhappy with your job. I was the queen of bitter job certainty. I lived the “this is how things are” card to its death, meaning I was a victim of the negative perceptions of my job. I worked with people who didn’t understand me or respect my contributions. They always made me feel like an outsider, and I always had a boss who seemed to have ulterior motives. I could never trust them. No matter what city the job was in, this was the way I perceived my job. I’d quit one company and start working at completely different companies, sometimes even different industries, and would always find myself crying in the bathroom on lunch break.

I would tell myself it was normal to cry at work and this is just how life is supposed to be. I would come home and complain to whoever would listen about how bad my job was, how lame the people I worked with were, and how I wasn’t getting what I deserved. That’s a lot of “me, me, and me” talk if you ask me. I was pretty self-consumed and exhausting the victim role. I kept playing out my same reality over and over; One day I was talking to a friend, I was complaining about my new boss and the work I was doing, when she gently said, “Sounds like your last two jobs.”

I realized then and there that the only thing all these nasty, toxic environments had in common was me. I was the connecting thread to all of these mishaps in the workplace. I took mental stock and realized I was accountable for everything in my life. All of these patterns that kept surfacing were a common thread of my life, not theirs. I asked myself, “What have I been doing to create this reality?” Quite simply, I hadn’t been getting on the court or playing a starring role in my own blockbuster. I had been letting life happen to me vs. co-creating with life and being accountable for my own actions and patterns. These patterns were really an inner cry for help. I kept living the same reality of moving between jobs, states and countries to get away and start fresh, but I wasn’t able to look at the big picture. No matter where I went, these patterns would keep recurring until I learned to recognize each situation as an opportunity to learn something new. Each new job was a lesson, and the lesson would keep coming up until I recognized it and greeted it full-heartedly.

Is there a situation in your life that is causing you frustration? Challenge yourself to look at the situation with fresh eyes and ask yourself, “What is this situation trying to teach me? What can I learn from this?”

Until I took full responsibility for my spectator role I would continue to be a victim of my own life. What I wanted was a change. I needed a break from the draining existence of letting life happen to me. I immediately took stock of my life and realized what wasn’t working must change. No longer was I in a position to ignore it or act like this was just part of life. I knew I had the power to change things and make my life better. If I wanted a happily ever after, then I needed to start with a happiness makeover.

Get a Happiness Makeover

Life is what we make of it. If we are bored, depressed, sad, or lonely, we have the power to change it. Every part of your life that isn’t working is a place to shine light and let love in. I couldn’t stand my job. No matter where I went, which job I took, the same unhappiness followed, until I gave myself a happiness makeover. A happiness makeover is just a simple way to look at life with a fresh perspective. I started by taking stock of what wasn’t working. I sat down and made a list of what I wanted, not what I didn’t want. Most of the time people get bogged down in what we don’t want rather than focusing on what we do want. Life is a magical journey to a wonderland of fun, fulfillment, and utterly extraordinary happiness, but we can never get there if we don’t declare what we want. We will continue to get what we don’t want if that’s what we focus on.

That is why I kept meeting up with the same boss in different jobs. If we shift our minds to focus on what we want we will see a shift in our reality. If you don’t believe me, try it out for a week, just seven days. See how your world reflects your inner thoughts. If you still don’t believe me and think this is hocus-pocus, then ask yourself, “What isn’t working in my life? What have I been telling myself?”

For me, one area I was unhappy with was my weight. I was overweight and struggled with feeling secure about myself. I would go on spurts of eating a very healthy diet, counting calories, and working out daily, but every time I looked in the mirror, I would see blubber and the fat kid who was bullied from third grade on, who used food to block her real feelings from the world. I couldn’t say, “I love you,” to my reflection in the mirror or even say, “I am beautiful.” It was next to impossible to lose weight through this process. I would scream and yell because my actions so clearly should have been achieving better results, but the problem wasn’t my actions, it was my thoughts. My thoughts about myself were so overpowering that they would take me on a wild roller coaster and stay situated in fatville. The truth is I wasn’t even that fat, but our ego mind plays nasty tricks, manipulating our reality.

It wasn’t until I started to look at what I wanted, not what I currently had, that I saw a change. Sure I was overweight and felt uncomfortable in my skin, but I had to move past my current reality to get to a place of peace.
I
have
to
accept
what
is,
in
order
to
get
to
what
I
want.
I started to look in the mirror and say nice things to myself. “I like the way you did your makeup today, Shannon.” Or “Your nose looks really pretty.” I had to start small in order to move the process forward. I would picture myself in smaller size clothes and celebrate all of the wonderful things I did for myself. “I drank green fresh juice for breakfast,” “I worked out today.” Rather than beating myself up mentally for eating the cupcake at work or only working out for 30 minutes, I would say thank you to myself for the kindnesses I did for myself. Soon enough my world started to reflect my intentions. I found the weight naturally fell off and I was able to see the power of setting an intention and focusing on what I want.