Finding Forgiveness (Finding Series, Book 4) (11 page)

“Okay?” he whispered.

Roman nodded and then swallowed hard. “It feels so good…I didn’t know…” Roman shook his head and then lifted just enough to seal their mouths together. Reluctant to break the connection, Hunter kept kissing Roman as he began moving his hips. He swallowed Roman’s gasp as he pulled almost all the way out and then sank back in to the hilt.

“Fuck!” Roman cried.

Hunter did it again but faster, harder. Roman’s eyes slid shut as Hunter let his body settle into a powerful rhythm and when he twisted his hips every few strokes, he felt Roman’s big hands settle on his ass. Roman made no effort to guide Hunter’s hips with his strong hold – his hands just followed Hunter’s motions and his fingers pressed firmly into Hunter’s hot skin. It was such a turn on knowing that Roman had the power to control their encounter but chose not to that Hunter actually began to lose it and he started ramming into Roman as hard as he could. He muttered a broken apology against Roman’s mouth but couldn’t slow himself down and from the way Roman began moaning as his hips lifted to meet every one of Hunter’s thrusts, Hunter knew Roman wasn’t feeling anything but pleasure.

The pressure and friction proved to be too much. “I’m really close,” Hunter whispered and he had enough sense to reach between their bodies to start jacking Roman off. He had no idea if the pressure he was applying was enough but he had his answer a moment later when Roman screamed his name and began jerking uncontrollably beneath him. The muscles in his ass clamped down on Hunter, triggering his release. Heat shot through his entire body followed by a wave of electricity that fired along every nerve ending. Hunter’s balls drew up tight as he shot his load into the condom and he let out a harsh sob as the climax consumed him. His body kept jerking long after Roman’s body had milked all the seed from his body and he felt tears slipping down his cheeks as Roman’s arms wrapped around him. Firm lips sought his out and he used every last bit of his energy to turn his head enough so that Roman’s mouth could seal over his.

***

Roman was on the verge of calling the whole thing off when Hunter finally reached for the hem of his shirt. As good as the hot water felt, seeing how distressed Hunter was about having to expose his body made Roman’s heart ache. It hadn’t taken more than a few languid kisses to convince Hunter to take a walk with him up to the hot springs but he’d seen the wariness seep into Hunter’s gaze as soon as Roman had started peeling off his own clothes.

It took Hunter a couple of stops and starts to finally lift the shirt over his head. Roman already knew there were at least half a dozen scars on Hunter’s chest, because he’d kissed at least that many the night before. So while he wasn’t at all unaffected by the sight of the red welts, he was pretty sure he managed to keep his expression neutral as he lifted his hand up to help Hunter in the water. Hunter quickly stripped off his underwear and then took Roman’s hand. The pool of water wasn’t particularly large or deep, but it was enough to cover Roman up to the middle of his chest once he sat on the natural rock formations that served as a bench of sorts. But since he pulled Hunter down to straddle his lap, more of Hunter’s upper body was exposed. With the early morning air around them as cold as it was, Roman asked, “Too cold?”

Hunter had been strangely quiet since they’d woken up about thirty minutes ago but he hadn’t withdrawn himself from Roman in any other way so Roman hadn’t called him on it. So when Hunter just shook his head and then leaned down to kiss him, Roman guessed that Hunter was still trying to absorb what had happened the night before. And even though it hadn’t been Roman’s first time, it might as well have been because he was just as overwhelmed by all the emotions that being with Hunter had called forth. He’d been honest with Hunter when he’d told him that he didn’t have an answer for why it was so important to him that Hunter see a part of him that no one else ever had. But by the time Hunter had slid into him, Roman already knew the answer. And it only served to scare him even more because it was an emotion that had always taken more from him than it had given. But unlike with his mother and Gray, Roman didn’t just love Hunter – he was completely and utterly in love with him. He’d barely survived losing his mother and he’d pushed Gray away in a desperate attempt to protect himself from further loss. What would he do if Hunter didn’t feel the same way? Hell, what would he do if Hunter did?

“How did you know I was here?” Hunter asked as his fingertips began rubbing back and forth over Roman’s cheek. He liked how Hunter seemed to like touching him in such small ways.

“I didn’t,” Roman admitted. “I was hopeful but since you weren’t here last weekend or the one before-”

“You’ve been coming here for two weeks looking for me?” Hunter interrupted, his shock evident.

“Your phone was fucking disconnected!” Roman bit out, unable to hide is frustration.

Hunter stilled and then his features softened. “Roman, God, I’m sorry,” he whispered as he leaned down to brush a conciliatory kiss over Roman’s lips. “The phone was under my dad’s name so I got rid of it. He must have had it disconnected.”

“Why didn’t you send me your new number?”

Hunter dropped his eyes. “I didn’t think you’d want to hear from me again.”

Hurt lanced through Roman. “Did I do something to make you think that?”

“No-”

“Because I’ve been going fucking insane thinking something happened to you,” Roman snapped. He knew his anger was too much and just further proof of how deep he was into whatever this thing with Hunter was, so he tried to push Hunter off of him so he could get out of the water.

“No, Roman, please don’t,” Hunter said as he grabbed onto Roman’s upper arms to keep from being dislodged.

“I just need some space right now,” Roman muttered.

“Please, Roman, just wait,” Hunter begged as he tried to reach past Roman to where his jeans were lying near the edge of the pool. He had to release Roman to actually get them and he kept glancing back at Roman as if afraid he’d move away and that was the only thing that kept Roman from following through with his need to escape.

Hunter fumbled with something in his pants pocket. He finally managed to pull his phone free and he carefully held it above the water as he began tapping the screen. “Here,” he said as he handed the phone to Roman. Since his hands were wet, Roman reached behind him to snag his shirt so he could dry his hands and then he took the phone. He stilled when he saw his name in the header of the text message and the two words underneath.

Miss you.

He used his finger to go back a screen and saw more than a dozen messages listed, all in draft format, all with his name on them.

I heard your voice today, Roman. I was so close to hurting myself again and then you were there. I could feel you next to me, whispering to me that everything was okay…that I was okay.

Tears stung Roman’s eyes. “Why didn’t you send these?”

“Two days, Roman. We were together for two days and all you saw of me was me at my worst. These” – he pointed to the phone – “are just more of the same,” he murmured. “I wanted to wait until I could show you there was another side of me…a side you might want to get to know better someday.”

Roman couldn’t move or speak. Hell, he could barely fucking breathe. He could feel Hunter getting tense and when he subtly shifted his weight, Roman said, “Don’t you dare fucking move.”

Hunter froze and Roman turned his attention back to the phone and began hitting the send button on each and every message. He stopped counting after twenty and he guessed it took him a full three minutes to get them all sent and then he put the phone down on top of Hunter’s jeans. He pinned Hunter with his gaze and said, “You need to make a decision right now because I fucking refuse to go through the hell of not knowing if you’re okay or not ever again. I want every part of you, good or bad. And just so you know, the only bad part of you I’ve seen is whatever part it was that convinced you that you’re somehow not good enough for me. I want a shot at figuring out whatever this thing between us is but if you don’t want that then tell me now because I-”

Hunter cut off his tirade with a hard kiss that effectively shut down all his remaining frustration. “Yes,” was all Hunter said as he reached over Roman’s shoulders to brace his hands against the edge of the pool. Roman had no trouble feeling the apology in Hunter’s next kiss. When Hunter finally drew back, Roman felt the constriction in his lungs ease.

“Thank you for looking for me all these weeks,” Hunter whispered as he kissed the corner of Roman’s mouth. “And for finally finding me.” Another kiss on the other side of his mouth. “And for letting me in so I could see you.” A quick brush over his entire mouth. “And for seeing the real me.”

Roman groaned and swept his tongue over the seam of Hunter’s lips on his next pass. Hunter instantly opened to him and as they kissed, Hunter began rocking his hips back and forth so that their cocks rubbed deliciously against each other over and over. Roman allowed the contact for several seconds before dragging Hunter’s hips forward so that there was no space between Hunter’s cock and his abdomen. He urged Hunter to resume his grinding by using his hand to press Hunter’s lower body against him and then he guided his own cock to Hunter’s crease. Hunter tensed up for a brief moment when he felt Roman’s flesh brush his hole but then he frantically resumed his pace. The water began to slosh all around them as Hunter’s lower body worked them both into a frenzy. Hunter’s shout of pleasure was enough for Roman’s own body to give it up and as he came, his only regret was that he couldn’t see the proof of his orgasm coating Hunter’s perfect skin.

Once they’d both caught their breath, Roman forced himself to ask, “What happened at the CB Bar?”

Hunter didn’t seem surprised by the question and Roman was strangely glad when Hunter remained plastered to his chest, his thumb playing with some spot on Roman’s collarbone. “He apologized to me,” Hunter whispered.

“Who did?”

“Mr. Bale…Callan. He apologized for Rhys hitting me,” Hunter murmured. “When he said those words, I wanted to die.”

“Why?”

“You know why,” was all Hunter said.

He did know why and he knew it was something that Hunter would likely struggle with for the rest of his life.

“What happened after that?”

“I told him I was going to tell the truth. He wanted…he wanted me to make sure I was safe first.”

Roman tensed at that. He forced Hunter to straighten and said, “Why would he say that?”

“Good and bad, right, Roman?” Hunter asked softly.

Roman forced himself to take in a deep breath. “Good and bad,” he agreed.

“The night I accused Finn of assault, I told you that I tried to tell my dad it was just a misunderstanding.”

“Yeah, you said he freaked out and kept asking if you were a queer.”

“He did more than just freak out. He started hitting me and I could tell he wasn’t going to stop this time so I took it back and said I was just trying to make up an excuse so I wouldn’t have to admit that a fag had touched me.”

“This time?” Roman repeated with barely concealed rage.

“It wasn’t the first time, or the last. But I’ve gotten pretty good over the years at reading him, at knowing what sets him off.”

“And you knew that if he even suspected you were gay…”

Hunter nodded. “That night after my parents went to bed, I snuck out of the house and went to see Finn after a friend told me his dad had beat him up badly enough to put him in the hospital. He was asleep when I got there,” Hunter said but then had to choke back a sob before he could continue.

“He looked so bad, Roman…If I’d known that his father was like mine, I never would have done it. But the few times I saw them together, they were always laughing and happy. I figured if Finn’s dad didn’t already know, he wouldn’t care because I could see just by the way he looked at Finn that he loved him.”

Roman reached up to brush a stray tear from Hunter’s face. “I believe you.”

Hunter nodded shakily and then said, “I didn’t get to talk to Finn because he was asleep so I left. I guess Callan saw me as I was leaving. We’d never met so he didn’t know who I was at the time but when I talked to him at the ranch, I guess he recognized my hair. He saw the bruises on my face that night. When I told him I was going to tell everyone the truth, he said I had to make sure I was safe before I did it. He said something about seeing the hatred my dad has for people like him.” Hunter hesitated for a moment and then said, “Like us.”

Roman guessed it was the first time Hunter was truly accepting that he was gay but he was too preoccupied with Hunter’s admission about his father’s abuse to acknowledge it. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Would you have left if I had?”

“Fuck no!”

Hunter tipped his head and Roman grudgingly said, “Continue.”

“I knew he was right so I went back to school and started trying to figure out what my next steps would be. I figured the first thing my dad would do when he realized what was going on would be to try and get back the money he spent for tuition so I went to the financial aid department to see if I had any options.”

Roman opened his mouth to speak but Hunter clapped his hand over it. “Roman, I swear to God, if you offer me money right now, you’re going to see a really bad side of me and since you said you’d take both the good and the bad, I’m not going to hold back, do you understand me?”