Finding Forgiveness (Finding Series, Book 4) (18 page)

“Hunter-” he heard Roman start to say but Rhys held his hand up to stop Roman though his eyes never left Hunter’s.

“It’s Rhys,” he said. “And no, you didn’t.” Rhys extended his hand to Hunter. “I’m sorry.”

Hunter was too at a loss for words to respond so he nodded his head and shook Rhys’ hand. Rhys shifted his gaze back to Roman. “I was just going to get some coffee. Can I buy you a cup?”

Hunter felt Roman’s eyes on him and he quickly nodded at the unspoken question.

“You want anything?” Roman asked.

“No, thanks,” Hunter said quickly. If he drank anything, it would likely just come back up. Once Roman and Rhys headed towards the counter, Hunter turned his attention on Finn who was still standing next to the table. It was interesting to see how very much the same Finn looked but also how different. He’d filled out quite a bit, probably from the brutal work that ranch life required but his face still had the same innocence to it that had drawn Hunter in from when they were freshmen in high school and Finn had sat ahead of him in their math class. They’d always been friendly to one another but it wasn’t until their junior year that they’d started to talk a little bit more. They hadn’t exactly been friends but he’d always felt some strange connection to Finn that he couldn’t explain.

He hadn’t really understood that what he was feeling was attraction because he’d never felt it before – not for any other boy or girl. He’d spent the next two years trying to ignore how his body always drew tight with need whenever Finn was around. And he’d been successful until the day he’d broken down and asked Finn if he wanted to come to his graduation party. He’d expected Finn to refuse since they didn’t run in the same circles and none of the guys Finn typically hung out with would be there but, to his surprise, Finn accepted. And then everything had gone to hell.

Hunter forced himself to walk forward. Finn smiled slightly and then said, “Thanks for agreeing to meet with me.” Finn motioned to the seat across from him and when Hunter sat, he stuck his hands in his lap so Finn wouldn’t see how badly they were shaking.

“How are you?” Finn asked.

Since speech was still eluding him, Hunter nodded.

“I’m sorry for what happened on the sidewalk-”

Hunter wanted to slam his head down on the table. No way he could go through this a third time. “Please,” he whispered. “Please don’t.”

Luckily Finn seemed to know what he was asking because he didn’t finish the sentence. “Gray says you’re in the engineering program at the university,” Finn said.

“Um, yeah, I just switched my major a few weeks ago.”

“That’s cool. You were always so smart in school…I knew you’d go really far.”

Pain lanced through Hunter at the kind words. “I’m so sorry, Finn,” he suddenly blurted. Finn looked at him warily – he’d clearly been expecting to ease into this particular topic but between Rhys’ apology and Finn’s lack of accusation, Hunter was on the edge. Lifting his hand to his mouth for a moment, Hunter tried to get control of himself.

“That night when I saw you arrive, I was so excited. And when I showed you to the pool house so you could change, I just…I just couldn’t stop thinking about what it would be like to touch you. And then you opened the door and you looked at me like you knew what I was thinking-”

“I did,” Finn interjected. “It was exactly why I said yes when you invited me.”

Hunter closed his eyes. He’d never been a hundred percent sure if he’d somehow taken Finn’s choice away when he’d pushed Finn back into the pool house and kissed him. At some point Finn had kissed him back and had even started jacking him off but Hunter hadn’t known if he’d just gotten caught up in the moment or if he had wanted Hunter as badly as Hunter had wanted him. And then it hadn’t mattered because his father had walked in and flipped on the lights and seen his son flat on his back with Finn’s hand jammed down his shorts.

“I’ve spent the last eighteen months trying to figure out what to say to you if I ever got this chance but nothing makes sense to me anymore. I was a coward, pure and simple. I couldn’t face what would happen so I put it all on you.”

Finn was quiet for so long that Hunter actually started to rise.

“Don’t,” Finn said gently. “Please don’t go.”

Hunter dropped back down in the chair and folded his hands together on the table. He didn’t realize he was rocking back and forth until Finn’s hands closed over his and effectively stopped his forward motion. “Callan says you came to the hospital that night. He said you had bruises on your face.”

He’d had them everywhere but he didn’t say that. “I deserved them,” he responded. “Maybe not for the reason they were inflicted but I deserved them anyway.”

“Your dad?” Finn asked.

Hunter nodded. “I didn’t know your father was like mine. I swear, Finn. I wouldn’t have done it if I’d known. I know that doesn’t make it right but I thought he knew about you…I thought he accepted you because you guys were so close.”

“We were close,” Finn said. “He was my hero. After my mom left, he was all I had. I never told him I was gay because it didn’t even occur to me that he would care either way.”

“God, Finn, I’m sorry…”

“Hunter, it would have happened at some point. Maybe when I brought home a guy I wanted him to meet or when he caught me looking at a guy a certain way,” Finn explained. He laughed and said, “With the way I was always latched on to Callan, I’m amazed my dad hadn’t already figured it out.”

Hunter couldn’t help but smile briefly. But he sobered quickly and said, “It doesn’t make it right.”

“No,” Finn admitted. “It doesn’t. But after seeing firsthand what some of the people in this town are capable of and remembering how your dad looked at me when he called me a few choice names, I suspected what drove you to it. How long has it been happening?”

He didn’t need to ask what Finn meant. “Since as long as I can remember. He was always real careful to hit me where people wouldn’t see the bruises though.”

“No one suspected?”

Hunter shook his head. “I got good at hiding it. My mom, she kept telling me it was for the best so between them, I didn’t have any reason to think it should be any different.”

“And the gay thing?”

“That started when I was twelve or thirteen I guess. If I did anything he deemed too “girly” he’d call me names, smack me around and tell me to “man up.” If I spent more of my time playing sports or hanging with the cool kids, he actually seemed proud of me.”

“Your mom?”

Hunter shook his head. “I thought she knew about me, about who I was. But she backed him up every time. I begged her to leave once after he’d knocked me around pretty good but she just looked at me like I was suggesting we fly to the moon.”

“What about your grandmother?”

“I never told Gran and Pops about what was happening. Gran called me a couple days after I lied about you and told me I should tell the truth. I was so ashamed that I never spoke to her again after that.”

“I see your grandmother all the time, Hunter. She’s been up front about not believing what you said that night but she’s never once condemned you. I know she’d love to hear from you.”

Hunter nodded as a lump of emotion got stuck in his throat. “I will…I’ll go see her soon.” Hunter forced his eyes up and said, “I’ll tell everyone the truth, Finn. I’ve fixed things so my father can’t touch me anymore, and I’ll go back to Dare and admit what I did. I’ll go door to door if I have to.”

Finn was quiet for such a long time that Hunter began shifting nervously in his seat. He had no idea what else to say to Finn to convince him of his intention to follow through.

“That day on the sidewalk when Rhys went after you,” Finn began. “You didn’t try to stop him. He was about to hit you a second time and you didn’t even blink. It was like none of your instincts to defend yourself even kicked in.”

God, this was not the direction he thought Finn was going to take. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Finn.”

“I don’t care if the whole town ever hears the truth or not. I have exactly what I want. Two men who love me more than anything else in this world, an extended family that most people would kill for and a future doing work that I love. What I want is for you to have those things,” Finn said gently.

“My guess is you’ve got the love part covered if the guy you came in with is anything to go by and I’m hoping the fact that Luke and Gray are already very protective of you means that you’re well on your way to getting the family part. And I have no doubt that you won’t have any trouble with the work part. But what I want most is for you to forgive yourself for what happened that night because I’m afraid that when I tell you that I forgive you, it still won’t be enough for you to stop punishing yourself.”

Hunter felt like his heart was being ripped out and he couldn’t stop the tears that stated to fall. A hoarse cry erupted in his throat but he managed to stifle it and accepted the napkins that Finn slid across the table. Finn’s hand settled over his and he said, “I forgive you, Hunter.”

At his words, a sob tore free of Hunter’s throat and he wasn’t surprised when Roman appeared and sat down next to him and pulled him against his chest. He had no idea if other people were watching or not but he didn’t care either way because he couldn’t stem the tears that fell. Finn’s words had released some kind of dam inside of him and he doubted anything he did would put it back. And in truth, he wasn’t sure he wanted to.

“Okay?” Roman murmured against his hair once he settled. Hunter nodded and then used the remaining napkins to wipe at his face. He looked across the table to see Finn’s chair was empty. “He’s getting a refill,” Roman said as he slid a paper cup with a cover on it in front of Hunter. “Vanilla latte.”

Right. Because they were his favorite.

Hunter felt in control of himself enough to take a sip of his latte. “Did you and Rhys make nice?” he asked, hating how his voice still sounded shaky.

“We did but only after he agreed to let me take a swing at him for him sucker punching you.”

“He did not,” Hunter said in dismay.

“Well, it wasn’t like you were going to do it yourself, so I’m your champion,” Roman said.

“My what?”

“Haven’t you ever watched
Game of Thrones
.”

“Yeah,” Hunter said, still completely confused.

“Remember that episode where the dwarf guy has another guy fight for him in his trial?”

Hunter couldn’t hold back his smile. “Yeah.”

“That guy was his champion.”

“Wait, didn’t the guy die? Like horribly?”

Roman seemed to have to think on it before saying, “That’s beside the point.”

“No, the big guy he was fighting like crushed his head. It was disgusting.”

“Oh, hey, are you talking about that scene from
Game of Thrones
,” Rhys interjected as he appeared with Finn at the table and sat down. “Because that was fucking epic!”

“I know, right,” Roman said. Hunter and Finn exchanged smiles because even as their men began dissecting the infamous fight scene, they both maintained some kind of contact with their lovers. Rhys’ hand was covering Finn’s and Roman was still holding Hunter pressed up against his chest and had his arm draped over his shoulder. Hunter reached up to lace the fingers of his free hand with Roman’s and then looked at Finn and mouthed the words, “Thank you.”

***

“What are you doing?” Hunter asked as he put his toothbrush away and crawled into bed next to Roman who was looking at something on his tablet.

“Looking for a house,” Roman said.

“You’re buying a house? I thought you liked living at the hotel in Big Sur.”

“Not in California. Out here,” Roman responded. “And I’m thinking we should just rent a place until you finish school and then we can decide where we want to live full time.”

“What?” Hunter said. When Roman didn’t immediately answer him, Hunter grabbed the tablet and tossed it aside. “You’re staying here?”

“I’ll have to travel for work still but I think I can figure something out so I’m only gone a week or two each month.”

“But…but are you sure that’s what you want?” Hunter asked even as he crawled over Roman’s body so he could straddle his lap.

“Do you really have to ask that?” Roman murmured as he kissed Hunter. “And did you hear the part where I said ‘we’?”

He had but he hadn’t let himself believe what he was hearing. Roman kissed him again and said, “Hunter, that was my way of asking if you’ll move in with me.”

Too overcome to speak, Hunter nodded vigorously and then crushed his mouth down on Roman’s. He maneuvered Roman until he was flat on his back and then proceeded to torture him until Roman was begging for relief. But it wasn’t until Roman threatened to rescind his offer that Hunter took pity on him and surged inside of him with one hard thrust. Roman reached down to grab his ass as Hunter started pounding into him and even though he was topping, he happily gave control over to Roman whose fingers dug into Hunter’s cheeks as he set the pace he wanted. Hunter focused his attention on Roman’s needy cock and spit into his hand and then wrapped it around the pulsing flesh and then adjusted his motion to match Roman’s. Brutal and fast one minute, slow, deep and twisting the next.