Finding Us (Finding #2) (8 page)

The distraction seemed to work for Maggie, but I was somewhere else. We were having fun, but I found myself itching to play a new song I was writing in my head. I didn’t care if it was the piano or the guitar; I just needed to play. While the three of them sat around talking, I tapped my knee while mentally playing the song.

“Right Parker?” Maggie said.

“What?” Maggie gave me a questioning look. “Sorry babe, what’d you say?”

“I was telling them that you were finished helping Grady because it would be too much with school.”

“Oh. Yeah.” The truth was the idea of focusing on school was not as appealing as it once was. I loved what I was doing with Grady, but I didn’t tell Maggie that. I wasn’t sure how she would take it. I wasn’t even sure I knew what I wanted anymore, which was why I knew for certain that conversation was not to be had out loud yet.

“You ok?” Maggie asked.

“Yeah. Just tired.” I told her as I wrapped my hand around the back of her neck.

“Let’s go to bed then.”

It was that easy to get my girl alone even though the only thing that would be happening when we were alone was a goodnight kiss and sleep. We were used to going to bed together every night in our own house, but I wasn’t about to mess around under her parent’s roof. Unfortunately, she had other ideas. I was in bed first and she crawled in after me. Where I had on boxers, she was bare. She was bare all over.
I knew I was screwed.

“Baby, you have to put on some clothes.”

She ignored me and crawled on top of me. “Why? I had three margaritas after dinner, so you know what that means.”

“We’re at your parent’s house, Mags.”

She ran her fingernails down my chest and said, “I know. Daddy’s asleep downstairs on the other side of the house. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” My body was already primed and ready to go, but all I could think about was her father seeing us on some kind of surveillance. I was not about to have a Meet the Parents moment with Jim Miller. He was one man I would never cross in business or when it comes to one of his daughters, especially Maggie.

“As much as I want you, I would rather not get my balls chopped off for deflowering his sweet little girl.”

Maggie sat up on her side of the bed, and all I could think about was the fact that she was comfortably naked right in front of me and looking incredible in the moonlight that found its way to her body from the window. “Parker, what’s going on? You have been distracted lately and now suddenly you’re using my dad as an excuse not to touch me. Daddy knows we sleep in the same bed every night at home.”

“It’s different under his roof, babe. It’s disrespectful.” I reached for her, but she climbed out of bed and pulled some clothes out of her dresser. She climbed back in the bed and turned away from me. I pulled her back against my chest and whispered against her neck, “Don’t be mad, Mags. Look at me.”

“I’m not mad, Parker. Just go to sleep.” I hated when girls did this. It was always a trap. Maggie didn’t do drama, so she might have actually wanted to be left alone. Here was the problem though. I had a feeling she actually had something to say, but she was avoiding an argument. I couldn’t decide if I should let it go knowing it would likely blow up later or push her to talk and deal with the argument knowing we couldn’t have make-up sex right away.

Then Maggie sighed and tried to pull away, and I knew it was time to talk. “Maggie, please don’t be mad.”

She kept her back to me when she said, “I’m not mad, Parker. I’m embarrassed.”

That wasn’t what I expected. I leaned up over her, so I could see her face. “Why?”

“Uhh…because I threw myself at you and you turned me down.”
Oh right.

“Don’t be embarrassed, baby. I like that you feel comfortable enough with me to crawl in bed naked and tell me what you want. I just don’t want to get carried away with your dad just down the hall. We aren’t exactly quiet.”

“Ok.” It sounded like she was agreeing, but again, it could have been another trap.

“Ok?”

“Yeah. Go to sleep. It’s late.” It seemed the argument was over, so I pulled her close to me, kissed her hair and went to sleep. Had I known she would stay awake and twist everything around in her head, I would have stayed up and talked to her right then. Instead I fell asleep shortly after my head hit the pillow.

Maggie

I stayed awake all night the night Parker turned me down after I threw myself at him naked. All I could think about was the great divide that was suddenly between us. For the first time in a long time, Parker felt distant. The only time I felt like his attention was completely on us was when we were in bed together each night. For him to not want me was worse than getting punched in the gut; it was like getting punched in the heart.

Since he started playing with the band again, it seemed he didn’t want to talk to me even though it was clear to anyone who knew him that he had something going on in his head. It hadn’t really bothered me until now because we always had our time where we connected and talked about everything and nothing before we made love. Tonight he had been distracted all night then he rejected me? The worst part was I didn’t believe he wanted to be respectful to my dad. Sure, we had never fooled around in my parent’s house, but we hadn’t stayed there since we started messing around either. It was hard to believe that was his reason, which led me to wonder what his actual reason was. I thought guys always wanted sex all the time, so what the hell happened?

The next morning we had brunch with Daddy before we headed home. I was so glad my mom was out of town. I don’t think I could have handled one of her critiques this morning considering the shape I was in. I had tears in my eyes when I said bye to Daddy knowing it would be November before I saw him again. I slept the whole ride home, which I never did, but I was just too tired to face Parker or pretend to be interested in a conversation with Max and Becca. They all seemed perfectly happy, and I was…well, I was not perfectly happy. I was suspicious, a little embarrassed, and bordering on lonely even though my friends were right there with me. Maybe I was crazy, but I felt certain the honeymoon was over.

Maggie

School started the following Monday. I found comfort in the rhythm of studying and the daily schedules. During our first class I sat next to a girl who looked to be about our age and reminded me a little of Sarah. She was perfectly dressed with her hair pulled into a sleek bun.

Before the professor came in the room, she turned to me and said, “Did you do
all
of the required reading?”

“Unfortunately, yes,” I told her.

“Ugh. I have never had to drink so much coffee in my life. I was so worried I would miss something that I kept re-reading.”

I nodded in agreement. “I know what you mean.” I really did. While Parker was fine with just reading through the material once, I was so worried law school was going to be like college on crack that I read and read again until I practically had the material memorized for the first lecture.

“Sorry,” the girl said, “That was rude of me. Hi. I’m Ivy.”

I smiled. “Maggie. This is my boyfriend, Parker,” I told her. Parker nodded his head in greeting.

“Nice to meet you. I was kind of freaking out because I know next to no one in Georgia, so I told myself to be brave and introduce myself to whoever sits next to me.”

“I’m glad you did. Where are you from?”

“Ohio. Needed a change. I was accepted to four schools and chose to move down south to Hotlanta.”

“Welcome then.” I felt like an idiot.
Why was making new friends still so awkward for me?

“I signed up for a study group if you two are interested. It is just one other girl and two guys right now, but the more the merrier, right?”

I turned to Parker to see what he thought. He shrugged and said, “Why not? Supposedly it’s a lot of work.”

“Sounds good,” I said. Just like that we had a new group. They were nothing like the old group, but you can’t beat perfection once you’ve already had it.

The first time we met was in the library. Our group was the six of us. Parker, Ivy, and I sat on one side of the table. Across from us sat Tony, Miles, and Sophie. Sophie was married to a doctor who transferred to Emory, so she could attend law school. I thought her story was sweet. She obviously loved her husband very much judging by the starry-eyed look she had in her eyes while she spoke. Tony and Miles both graduated from Georgia State, but they were as different as night and day. Tony was a little conceited nerdy guy whose family owned some vineyards or something while Miles was kind of a hippie and a vegan, which he proceeded to tell us all about at that first meeting. Our group was interesting to say the least.

“So let’s get through these legislation questions first,” Sophie said as she waved her printed version of the questions for the upcoming lecture around.

Tony nodded, “I think we should do that and then start going over the cases for Torts.”

We split up the work and started gathering the information. I kept feeling like someone was watching me when I was looking for the books I needed for my part, so I glanced up and found Tony’s eyes on me. “Do I know you?” he asked as he approached me in one of the aisles of books.

“I don’t think so,” I replied and tried to get back to work.

“I think I do. I wouldn’t forget a face like yours.” I turned bright red and looked to see if Parker had heard anything.

He was typing on his laptop reading from a book in his lap completely oblivious to my uncomfortable situation.

“Well, I don’t know you. Sorry.” 

I tried to turn away, but he caught my arm. “I’m sure I’ve seen you. Perhaps it was a dream because that’s the only place someone like you could exist, right?”

“What?” I squeaked out. That had to be the cheesiest thing I’d ever heard.

“You’re beautiful, Maggie.”

“I also have a boyfriend.” I wrenched my arm away from his grip and scurried away back to the table and the comfort of Parker. He looked up and smiled when I sat down. His hand came over and rested on my knee as he went back to his reading. When I covered his hand with my own and his fingers tangled with mine, I forgot all about the awkward encounter with Tony. It was a moment when everything felt right in the world.

Of course it was just a moment. Parker somehow managed to find time to play with the band a lot throughout the semester while I felt like I was drowning in the required readings. They were recording in the music room turned office turned back into a music room at Dr. Pryce’s house, so when I finally took a break one night, I brought them dinner. They played a few of the new songs for me, and all I could say was how great they sounded. They were very Tom Petty-ish with a piano and sometimes a violin. Parker and Grady both sang, and I couldn’t help but find myself captivated by Parker in his element. I could see why his world was better with music in it. It was who he was.

Unfortunately I had a selfish streak in me that I hadn’t been aware of before. Because I found myself alone at night more often than I liked, I found myself turning back into that frightened, insecure girl I was in high school. While I was at home studying, Parker was busy playing with the band. I studied because it was the thing I could control. If I could just be good at this one thing, I thought everything would be ok. That meant hours of reading and answering questions then going over the same material, so I knew it backwards and forwards. I was bordering on the cliff of insanity one night when I decided I wanted to do something fun. More importantly, I wanted to do something fun with Parker.

Unfortunately the first time I wanted Parker to stay home with me instead of going to play with the guys didn’t go so well. We had just walked in the door from class on a Thursday evening when I asked Parker what he wanted for dinner like the old married couple we pretended to be.

He responded by saying, “I don’t care. Something quick. I’m supposed to meet Grady in an hour.”

“Oh. I thought we could go out since we already have our work for the rest of the week finished.”

“Sorry babe. I promised,” he said nonchalantly as he pulled out a bottle of water out of the fridge.

“You could call them and tell them you can’t make it. I mean it isn’t like you won’t get to play with them over the weekend.”

“Maggie, I already have plans with them. They are going to be there in an hour, so I’m not going to cancel to go out to dinner.” He sounded exasperated as if I asked him to cancel on the guys all the time. He never spoke to me like that, so it took me by surprise. My response was less than helpful.

“Fine Parker. I didn’t realize dinner with me was so painful,” I snapped.

Parker rolled his eyes at me. “Oh, come on Maggie. Don’t be like that.”

“Like what? Disappointed that my boyfriend would rather hang out with the guys in a band he isn’t even really in than me? I’m just curious, but why is it that the only time we spend together is when we’re studying?”

He slammed his bottle on the counter causing water to splash out onto the granite. “You’re ridiculous, Maggie. When did you get so fucking needy?”

I gasped at the shock of his words.
Needy? Was I being needy because I wanted to spend time with my boyfriend?
I felt the tears of humiliation and anger burn my eyes. I didn’t mean to be
needy
. I was simply trying to express my frustration at the fact that the honeymoon period of our relationship had most definitely come to an end.

“Oh great. Now you’re going to cry. Why don’t you run to Max and tell him what a jackass I am? You know you want to.”

“Seriously, Parker? What’s your problem?” I blinked back the tears that were almost out of my eyes at this point.

“You know what? I’m not hungry.” He turned and walked out of the house. His storming off was punctuated by the slamming of the front door. I slumped to the ground and let the tears fall. Our first fight as a couple reduced me to crying on the floor of my kitchen. How weak was I?

Parker

School was surprisingly easy for me. It was likely due to all of the time Maggie made me study. I didn’t mind studying on Sundays and with our study group even though I wanted to punch Tony in the face for constantly flirting with my girlfriend. Maggie avoided talking to the guy at all costs unless it was about what we were studying, so I tried to ignore the extra attention he gave her. By ignore it I mean I gave him death stares that had him avoiding all eye contact with me. He knew Maggie was mine, but Tony was really asking to be punched in the face every time he looked at Maggie’s ass when she walked away from the table.

Maggie didn’t notice anything though. She seemed to be obsessed with school. All she ever wanted to do was study, and school was all she would talk about. I felt like the only break I had from discussing contracts and common law jurisdictions was when I played with the band. I admit that I played with them every free chance I had even though I knew it bothered Maggie. It was guy time now that Alexis wasn’t around, and I really enjoyed shooting the shit with Grady, Billy, and Nick.

On top of that we were working on something for Maggie. Grady and I had worked on a few songs that were really about us or about my feelings for her. I wanted this New Year’s to be a big deal because I planned on proposing at the exact place where I first told her I loved her. With Grady, Billy, and Nick’s help, it would be the proposal all girls would measure their proposals against. It was going to be epic…at least in my head anyway. Executing this perfectly was a whole other thing.

In the mean time Maggie and I seemed to spend just as much time at each other’s throats as we did studying. The first time we fought, I lost my shit and stormed out of the house. Of course I felt bad about it immediately, but I went to meet the guys anyway. I wasn’t there an hour before Grady said, “Dude, whatever happened, go fix it. You’re worthless tonight.”

He was right. I couldn’t concentrate because all I could think about was how I had wanted to kill someone when Maggie had cried in college. This time I had caused her tears, and I would rather cut off my fingers than be the guy who hurt her. I hurried home and apologized a million times with promises to make it up to her that weekend. 

The next time she wanted to go to the movies when I had planned to go play with the band, I idiotically asked, “Are we going to do this every time now?”

She glared at me for a moment then simply walked away in response.

Of course my stupidity knew no bounds because I followed her and said, “Maggie, don’t be like that.”

This time it was Maggie who walked out of the house. “Have a good time, Parker. See you tomorrow.”

She climbed in her car and left. I didn’t follow thinking she was headed to Max’s house, but when I checked in with him, he never heard from her. The irony of it was I ended up cancelling on the guys anyway because I spent the night wondering where she went and waiting for her to come home.

While I hated every second of the arguing, I wasn’t exactly sure what to do about it. We were fighting more and more. There were days when we went without speaking. She seemed different…sad, maybe. I couldn’t place my finger on what it was exactly, but she was definitely not the same brave, starry-eyed naive girl I met four years ago. I didn’t know what had changed, and I was a little afraid to find out.

It was one afternoon when Maggie was on the phone with Sarah that I overheard what I needed to know. I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, but she was sitting on the porch with the door open while I was in the kitchen. I couldn’t help but overhear.
Seriously
.

The conversation started with her asking questions, “How’s life on the farm?”

A short pause.

“Have you talked to Billy?”

An even shorter pause.

“He misses you. You should call him.”

A longer pause. Then it all came spilling out of her, and I couldn’t stop myself from listening.

“No, I haven’t seen him. Parker hangs out with him all the time. If we aren’t studying, he’s with Billy, Grady, and Nick. Max and Becca have become less available as well. We only see them a couple times a week, if that. I used to have all of you in the house and soccer and working out with Parker, and now I have studying and working out alone. That’s it. I spend more time with my study group than I spend with my friends, and they are all lost in their own lives. It’s mine that’s pathetic.”

She was silent for a few moments then I heard, “Yeah. I guess I’m just having a hard time adjusting. It’s lonely.”

I left the kitchen scratching my head wondering how she could feel lonely. I was with her most of the time. That weekend I decided to spoil her. We went out to her favorite bar with Max and Becca then I took her home and worshipped her in the bedroom. We even slept in late the next morning, and I brought her breakfast in bed. Naked breakfast was to be recommended, by the way. That day we didn’t make it to the library until after noon. Maggie wasn’t even bothered about getting such a late start. In fact, she seemed downright pleased. Everything felt normal again.

It didn’t last though. In her mind all I wanted to do was hang out with the band. She wasn’t totally wrong, but I wanted her to stop being so needy and start being the understanding girl I fell in love with, not that I didn’t still love her though. I simply wanted her to understand that this opportunity was too good to pass up.