Fire In Her Eyes (12 page)

“Because you are acting jealous, Lucy,” Carter says from the couch.

“I am not! Mason and I aren’t even together!” She exclaims, trying to get her point across. It doesn’t.

“Whatever, I’m going to my room,” I say, and leave.

I can’t help but to feel hurt by her actions. Or maybe I am jealous as well. I want her to come to me, not some guy she doesn’t even know. Then it hits me. She doesn’t know him. At this point I’m betting strangers look
more trustworthy in her mind.

Chapter 15

Harley

“Thank you,” I say softly.

Mason turns his head to look at me. “For what?”

“For giving your shirt...you know...when I was out of it.” I feel uncomfortable talking about this. On the way home from the hospital, I overheard my dad talking to Polly about what Spencer and Mason did with their shirts.

“It was nothing. No one should have to be put through what you were.” He looks off into the sunset. I can’t help but notice the way the sun reflects off his brown hair, making it the color of honey.

“No, they shouldn’t. I’m only glad Spencer came before he got away. I wouldn’t want this to happen to anyone else.” I shudder just thinking about it. “Why are you hanging out with me, anyway? I’m sure Lucy is better company right now.”

He raises his knee and rests his arm on it, giving him a lazy pose. He is anything but. I think it’s something you can only see by looking at him as long as I have. I’m beyond fascinated with the guy. “You remind me of someone.” His lips curve up into that little half smile again. “Someone I miss a lot, and Lucy isn’t happy with me at the moment. So, you are the better company.”

“What did you do to Lucy? She hardly ever gets mad.” This is so true. That girl has the heart and soul of a saint.

“She’s jealous because I’m out here with you. She is also pissed, and I’m sure everyone else is too, that I won’t tell them where we are.” He gives out a light chuckle.

“Why would she be jealous? That’s stupid.” I try to laugh, because the situation is funny, but it’s more of a “gruff” sound. “The girls claim I’ve had it bad for Spencer for years. I don’t know why she would think I’d want you.”

“It takes getting into a situation for people to realize things about themselves. She hasn’t ever had a guy like me in her life, so if I spend time with someone else and don’t want her along, she thinks I have more feelings for them.” I stare at his profile as he talks and wonder if she has a reason to be jealous. I shake my head. No, he doesn’t get my blood pumping like Spencer does. No one ever has.

“She will get over it. I’m sorry, but you’re not Spencer.” He gives me a full blown smile after that, and he makes me feel ten years younger.

“And you’re not Lucy.” Aww...what a sweetie. I’l
l have to tell Lucy I approve.

*****

We sit out in the graveyard for a while longer. Mostly quiet. I think he knows I don’t want to talk about anything at all. I want to be wrapped up in my own head for a little while. I have to get these thoughts in order at some point.

When I get up to leave, Mason gives me a small hug and a kiss on the forehead. It’s not romantic, whatsoever. I feel about him the same way I do my brothers. He’s just better looking. As I climb into my car, he just walks off into the woods. I don’t know what it is about Mason, but he almost seems wild at times.

I drive home in silence because it helps me think better. Pulling up into the driveway, I see Spencer open the door. I hope he didn’t get all jealous like Lucy. That’s just what I need. You know something terrible happened to me. I do not have time or the willpower to start a lovers’ quarrel right now.

I get out of the car and walk up slowly. I really hope he doesn’t give me the third degree. I’m so not in the mood for that. “Hey,” is all that comes out of his mouth.

I step up to him and look into his pale blue eyes. “Hi.” I don’t know what else to say to him. The silence is awkward, but I’m in no hurry to fill it.

“So...did you have fun with Mason?” How did I know he was going to go there? If he only knew. Spencer is the guy. The one. It may have taken me way too many years to figure that out, but I have. If only he could see it.

Instead of answering him, I stand on my toes and lay one on him. I lick his bottom lip so he will open his mouth. When he does I slip my tongue into his mouth and wrap my arms around his neck. His lips move under mine in a sensual caress and I feel…nothing. Wait...what?

I pull away with a gasp. Spencer has lust in his eyes, but when I back up he drops his hands and steps away. “I’m sorry...I just...I’m...” I stutter.

“It’s okay, Harley. It’s too soon. I didn’t mean to push you too far.” He looks sad and disappointed, but I know he’s disappointed in himself.

“You didn’t, I swear. I’m trying to say that I didn’t feel anything.” I’m so ashamed that I said that out loud, but he has to know it wasn’t him. I don’t want him hurting
a
nymore.

“Well...okay, then. I’m just going to head...umm...away.” He starts to turn around to go back into the house, but I grasp his wrist to stop him.

“No, Spencer, I enjoyed the kiss. It just didn’t turn me on. Wait...that sounds bad.” Gah! I’m messing it all up again. “I don’t know what to say to make it better. I wanted the kiss; I wanted to be turned on. I’m trying to say, it’s me, not you.” Fuck that’s worse than anything I have said before!

“Yeah, Harley, that’s what every guy wants to hear.” He rolls his eyes and jerks his wrist out of my grasp. I feel sick inside. I guess I should have said even if Channing Tatum came up and kisse
d me, I wouldn’t feel a thing.

Spencer

I can’t believe that just happened. How do you even handle that? I mean, wow. I’m utterly speechless and want to puke. I do realize that she went through a huge ordeal, but damn that was harsh.

My mom is standing in the living room when I enter the house. Fuck, I just got dumped while my mom was listening. “Spencer, Harley, can I have a word? I think I can help with your situation.”

I sigh and walk over to the couch. If mom wants to tell you something, then you better get ready to listen. Woman could talk your ears completely off. Harley takes the seat next to me and grabs my hand. I want to pull away, but I don’t. She’s been thr
ough too much for me to act like
a total asshole over this.

“Now, Harley, I’m not sure if Spencer told you or not but I was raped repeatedly by my husband.” She takes in a shuddering breath, and I almost get up, but she gives me her look. You know that one where it says, “I’ll hit you upside the head, boy”. “I know it’s not the same situation, but they are close enough that I know what you are going through. I also know why you couldn’t feel anything with Spencer.”

Harley looks a little green, so I squeeze her hand. She gives me a half smile and my stomach flutters. It wasn’t a whole smile, but it sure is close enough. “Now, after the last time with Spencer’s father, I dated the sheriff for a little while. At first, I couldn’t get turned on whenever we tried to get physical.”

“Oh my god, Mom, that is so gross!” I exclaim. That is what every guy wants to hear.

“Shut up, Spencer, I’m getting to my point.” She glares at me. “He took me to a shrink and they said I had HSDD which stands for Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder. It’s very common among
rape victims. It pretty much
means you have no desire to have sex. I’m not saying this is what you have, but it could be. I talked to your father earlier and we both think you need to go see a psychologist. Now, before you say no, I want you to know the one I went to is a woman. She is very nice and listens. She’s not one of those that makes you lay down or takes notes instead of listening.” She looks at Harley, full of hope. “So, what do you think?”

“I think I need to go. My head isn’t on right anymore and I would like to get it back in place. I also don’t want to hurt Spencer anymore. Or get really angry at Dad.” She shudders and tries to let go of my hand.

Yeah, I don’t think so.

“I’ll go with you, if you want. I won’t sit in on the sessions if you don’t want me to,” I say, rubbing my thumb over her palm; back and forth.

“I would like that.” Her lips twitch, and I think she is going
to smile, but nothing happens.

*****

I’m sitting in the living room watching Family Guy on adultswim when Dean stops by. I’m not really in the mood for company, but I let him in anyway.

“What’s up, man?” He says, sitting down on the couch with me.

“Nothing,” I huff out.

“Are you going to act like a chick on her period for the rest of your life? Geez, lighten up!” He tries to make it sound like a joke, but I know that he is serious.

“I’m sorry. I just had a bad day.” I rub my hand down my face and sit up straighter on the couch. “Mom talked her into going to see a shrink. I told her that I would go with her.”

“That’s good. That is exactly what she needs.” He pauses and eyes me up and down. “Have you told her yet?”

“No, and I’m not going to. She has enough going on
without
all that shit Dylan said to fuck with her some more.” I sneer at the sound of his name. I will wish that bastard dead until the day I die.

“I’m not talking about that.” A chill goes down my spine when he says that.

“Shut the fuck up. Don’t bring that up anywhere near her. I told you that
while I was upset
, and you swore up and down you wouldn’t say shit to anybody, ever.” I have a secret, big fucking deal. Everybody does.

“I’m not going to, man. You know me better than that. I just think that
you should tell her. These kinds of things always come out. She will handle it better if she hears it from you and not someone else.” After he says this, he says goodbye and leaves.

I think on what he said for another hour before heading to bed. Harley had curled up in my bed again. This time I was prepared for the sight. I had also put an air mattress on the floor to sleep on. I don’t know about you, but I don’t wan
t another dislocated shoulder.

Chapter 16

Harley

As it turns out; I didn’t have to go anywhere to see a shrink. She came to me. Dr. Justine Newton is an older lady with salt and pepper hair. She has warm brown eyes and a sweet face. She is wearing an expensive black pant suit but she doesn’t flaunt it around like you see some rich people do.

I didn’t even have to get out of my PJs for this, which only includes a pair of red and grey sleep pants and a white tank top. Spencer chose to get dressed, though. He looks very se
xy in his tight white shirt and
loose low ride jeans. He didn’t put any shoes or socks on. I’m surprised that his feet are nice looking, not hairy like some guys and his toes are neatly trimmed.

We are sitting on the couch in my living room and Dr. Newton is sitting in a kitchen chair Spencer brought in for her. She doesn’t even have a note pad or pen. She see
ms to be waiting on me to start
talking, but I have no idea where to even begin.

“Harley, I know this might be awkward for you, but I’m leaving it up to you to start. Polly told me what happened, but I want you to tell me your side of things. You’re the only one in this house that was there,” she says to me in her soft voice.

I take a deep breath and grab Spencer’s hand before I begin speaking.

“My friends wanted to go to the bar that night. I went along, of course, but I only wanted one drink. I wasn’t looking to get drunk or anything. Spencer went with his friends, Dylan included, to a different bar. It didn’t seem all that strange at the time, but now that I look back on it, they usually go to the same bar we do. Though nobody expected Dylan to do what he did.”

 
I pause and a take a deep breath to calm my racing heart. “I ordered a beer and sipped on it before the girls wanted to get up and dance. We leave our drinks by themselves all the time there. Nothing had ever happened before. When we got tired of that, we headed back to the table. I drank the rest of my beer and it wasn’t long after that that I started to get sick.

The girls were wondering why I was acting so drunk with only one beer, but none of us thought it was because I got drugged.” My palms start to get sweaty and I try to let go of Spencer’s, hand but he won’t budge.

“I felt like throwing up, so Paige took me outside to get that done. Everything is fuzzy, but I do know that Paige got hit in the head not long after we went outside. She was holding me
up, and when she fell, I fell.
I remember Dylan walking up and thinking ‘Hey he will help me up’ and he did. He also did a lot more.” I shut my eyes, reliving the memories in my head. I don’t want to talk about
this, but I know I have to if I
want to return to my normal life. “He said some things to me but I can’t really recall any of it. I know he hit me a couple of times and slammed my head into his truck door. I know I threw up and I
also know
he had a knife. I was really confused while it was happening, I also remember that. I kept thinking
that it feels really good when
Spencer and I are having sex. I couldn’t wrap my m
ind around the fact that it was
hurting. I pictured Spencer’s face throughout and it made me feel as if I wasn’t totally alone.” This next part I brace myself for. Spencer is going to get upset because of it.