First Light (20 page)

‘Okay,’ I exaggerated. ‘Hi Cheryl, how’s it going?’

‘Great, thanks,’ she beamed, walking in and glancing around, examining the decor.

‘Can I get you both a drink?’

In unison, Mae answered tea and Cheryl, coffee. I headed for the kitchen and filled the kettle.

‘I hope you don’t mind,’ Mae asked from behind me. ‘I couldn’t really leave her, we’ve been shopping all day and I really wanted to come see you.’

‘Of course not.’ I hoped my lie wasn’t as transparent as it felt.

Silence lingered while the water boiled. I filled the cups and stirred Mae’s tea, suddenly infatuated with the whirlpool I’d created with my teaspoon.

‘Ronnie
, where is your bathroom?’ Cheryl was looking at me as though I was crazy and I realised I’d zoned out again. I didn’t know how many times she’d asked where my bathroom was, but Mae was casting me a look I can only describe as pity. I forced myself to perk up.

‘Sorry, I was a million miles away,’ I breezed, ‘the bathroom’s upstairs, first door on the left.’

With a pointed side-glance in Mae’s direction, Cheryl swept out of the room.

‘Ron,’ Mae said as soon as Cheryl was out of earshot, ‘you going to talk to me?’

‘What do you mean?’ I looked at my oldest friend. Her eyes were searching, trying to work me out. I missed her, but I could hardly tell her how I felt. She’d hated Kalen.

‘I mean Kalen leaving town. I know it’s hit you hard, but you won’t talk about it. What good is it going to do to bottle it all up inside?’

‘I’m not sure what there is to say.’ Placing the drinks on the table, I sat down and wrapped my hands around the large mug of tea. The heat scolded my palms. I didn’t let go.

‘Did he say why he left?

I shook my head.

‘Well, that’s just plain rude, you see! He was never good enough for you. You must know that. No job, no prospects and obviously zero manners!’

‘You’re right,’ I nodded, hoping that would be the end of it.

‘But you seem so down. Have you been kickboxing recently?’

I eyed her curiously. ‘Surely you know I haven’t?’

‘Taz doesn’t really talk about work, but yeah he does ask after you. He’s just worried about you. We all are.’

‘Everyone’s so worried about me, but–’ I thought better of it. What was I going to gain by falling out with Mae? ‘So, how’s that all going with Taz?’

‘Oh,’ she brightened, ‘he’s so great. He buys me flowers all the time, takes me out for dinner. It’s been nearly a month now!’

‘That’s nice.’

Her pretty face pulled into a grimace. ‘Ron, that’s nice? Is that all you can say?’

‘Sorry, I just – I guess I’m just not myself lately. So, has he met your parents?’

‘They don’t know about him yet. Taz rents his own apartment in the town centre so I stay there most of the time. He’s going to start giving personal training lessons soon and when he has enough money saved he’s even mentioned us finding a place together – maybe in the next few months. To rent of course, I wouldn’t buy this early on.’

I stared at my friend, forcing my gaping mouth to close. ‘Mae, you just said it’s only been a month!’

‘I know that, but sometimes when it’s right, you just know,’ she beamed.

I considered the notion of knowing something was right. It seemed to me like you could know something in your heart and something else in your head, so what was so obvious about that?

‘He has so many girls after him though. I have to be quick or he might get away.’ She giggled as if she’d told a joke, but somehow I suspected there was a level of truth to her words.

‘Have you decided on UEA or Kings yet?’ I asked, desperate to talk about something else.

She shrugged. ‘I’m not even sure about uni any more. I’ll have to see what happens with Taz.'

I took a moment to absorb what she was telling me. ‘Mae, don’t you have to have a degree to be a doctor?’ I asked before I could think better of it.

She lifted her shoulders a second time. ‘Maybe I don’t want to be a doctor any more. We don’t all end up how we thought we would when we were kids, Ron. Dreams change as we get older.’

I opened my mouth to tell my friend how ridiculous she sounded, when Cheryl came back.

‘You have a great house. I’m surprised,’ she said, seemingly oblivious to her insult.

‘I’m glad you approve,’ I responded sharply.

‘Someone’s touchy.’ Taking her coffee, Cheryl helped herself to more hot water from the kettle and, with what looked like a deliberate pose, she placed one hand on her hip and sighed.

‘You know,’ she began, ‘I think you need to get out more. I mean, you had a great night out with us at White Lies before that stupid guy turned up and ruined all our fun.’

‘Yeah, you’re right, if only I’d been left to take drugs and wallow in self pity, it’s just what I needed.’

Her eyes narrowed. ‘You weren’t wallowing, you were having fun, which is more than I can say for you now. I don’t know you very well, but I’m just trying to give you some friendly advice. Mae really worries about you, which isn’t fair on her if you ask me. You should come out with us more – put a smile on that face. If you put some make up on, you’re actually not bad to look at.’

I was sure someone couldn’t be so unaware of the insults they bandied about, but I refused to rise to her bitchy comments. For a while, ignoring her worked, but at every chance she got, Cheryl would turn the conversation back to Kalen and tell me how much of a loser he was. Even though he’d left town and broken my heart, I still couldn’t listen to someone speaking badly of him. In the end, I yawned, pretending I was falling asleep. Eventually, they took the hint and left.

‘Now, don’t forget, okay, come out with us next weekend. We’re going to Tantra on Thursday. It’s in London. Have you ever been to London, Ronnie? It really is so much cooler than Clanots. Though if that seems too much for you then maybe come out on Saturday instead, we’ll just be going to White Lies like last time.’

‘It really would be great if you hung out with us more, Ron,’ Mae said softly as she hugged me goodbye.

I said I would call and closed the door behind them, taking myself straight up to bed. If nothing else, the conversation had exhausted me and so I thought maybe for once I might sleep well.

21 – New Friends

In the office, Alex’s bobbed blonde hair was even shorter than it had been the day before,
her lips painted a bright vivacious red. She was so keen to talk about the boys that I almost wished I could continue to lie, but without even making a conscious decision, I took a chance and told her the truth: he'd left me.

She was so sympathetic it was actually a relief. Insisting that, from what I’d told her, he’d seemed far too keen to have left without a word. It felt good to have someone on my side, but with that thought I began to worry about him again. Maybe something terrible had happened, and I had no idea how or if I could do anything about it. Still, his parting words echoed in my mind:
‘Everything has to end.’
I shook the thought away. He’d left because he wanted to. I had to face it.

We both had a half-day and Alex suggested we spend the afternoon together to cheer me up.

‘Starbucks?’ I offered.

‘No way,’ she stated firmly. ‘We’re catching a train to Cowford. You don’t need to be stuck here hoping to see him walk past. It won’t help. Let’s remove the possibility and we’ll automatically have a better day.’

I was more than happy with her plan. Getting a train was as exciting as my life had been lately. We paid our fare and sprinted along the platform to catch the Clanots to Cowford fast train, at the same time as a crack of lightening lit up the sky and the rain began to pour. We made it just before the doors closed, giggling as we tumbled into the carriage.

We found a seat and watched the sky glow and flicker as the storm picked up momentum. Heading out of Clanots was a relief. Cowford was only a thirty-minute train ride away, but it was at least three times the size of our little town and the anonymity was a welcome feeling. I was almost excited.

The rain had become lighter by the time we arrived. Still, we rushed through the cobbled streets to a small café that served homemade pies.

‘I hate the rain. Any other weather I can handle, but the rain messes with my hair,’ said Alex as she threw down the newspaper she’d been using as an umbrella.

‘It looks good,’ I said.

‘It’s short. No fuss, no muss. But I can’t grow it anyway, it’s too thin. You, on the other hand, have amazing thick hair. I’m totally jealous.’

Alexandra beckoned the waitress with a wave. ‘Two of the beef and Stilton please. Babe, you’re gonna love these pies, seriously,’ she directed the last part at me and the waitress scuttled off.

I surprised myself at how hungry I was. It forced me to acknowledge I’d stopped cooking for myself again. Two weeks of eating cheese on toast for dinner.

Alexandra – as I found out she liked to be called – chatted about work and the men in the office. She had a crush on the office manager Damien and thought he liked her too. Everything she said was so genuine and friendly that I instantly felt at ease with her. We spent the afternoon moving between cafés and shops and, as the day wore on, I began to feel less like a shadow and more like Ronnie again.

‘I guess we should get back,’ I said regretfully when the shops started to close. I was reluctant to go home, scared my thoughts of Kalen, that had stayed at bay for the last few hours, would return.

‘Storms suck. If you don’t want to be alone tonight, stay with us. You have the morning shift right? We can go in together.’

I accepted hesitantly, not wanting to impose. Alexandra laughed musically, telling me to loosen up. ‘You are one highly-strung chick, Ronnie. We need to sort you out, babe.’

That was how she spoke. Everyone was babe, chick or sweetie. She was dramatic and flamboyant, but the more time I spent with her, the more I liked her.

We swung by my house on the way home so I could pick up clothes for work. Rachel wasn’t home and the house was silent and empty as usual, so running back out of the front door gave me great pleasure.

My new friend whistled appreciatively, ‘Gorgeous house.’

‘Yeah, it’s great, but it’s difficult to live here all alone.’ I shrugged, not wanting to make a big deal. She was aware my dad had passed away and I knew it was difficult for people to broach the subject, but as she drove us to the apartment she shared with another girl her age, she looked thoughtful.

‘I reckon you should sell it,’ she said once we were inside. The flat was small but cosy, lit with fairy lights and a table lamp. ‘Just leave your stuff in my room on the left, babe. Bathroom is opposite if you need it. We have a sofa bed in the living room so you can sleep there tonight. After a bottle or three of wine!’

I dropped my bag where I’d been told, pondering her offer of wine and how I hadn’t had alcohol since Kalen had forced me to throw it up.

‘I might have to sell it,’ I admitted as I stepped back into the living area. ‘It seems it isn’t all paid for.’

‘Good, that’ll work out better for you.’

‘It’s our family house, I don’t feel ready to let it go yet. I’m not sure Rachel will either.’ It was impossible to be offended by Alexandra. Everything she said, though blunt, was filled with honest concern.

‘But your sister’s never there, right? It’s not your responsibility to look after her. It’s so terrible for you that your dad’s passed away, but you have to start looking out for number one. It’s the only way you’re going to get through it.’

‘Wow, Alexandra, the girl has just lost her dad. A little tact?’

I turned to see a striking girl with wild dark curls walk into the room. She was tall and slim with flawless skin the colour of coffee.

‘Hi!’ She held out a slender hand for me to shake. ‘I’m Diana,’ she beamed, ‘I’ve heard a lot about you.’