First Light (23 page)

‘I’ll see you on Friday then,’ he said, as we reached the front of the house.

‘Huh?’ I almost choked.

‘Your sister invited me over for the dinner you’re cooking for her and your brother-in-law.’

It was my own fault – I should never have left them alone. Mentally I was killing Rachel, but I forced my face into a smile.

‘Maybe it’s a bit soon for a family get together.’ I tried to make a joke out of what she’d done, but Rachel appeared behind me, swinging one arm around my shoulders and pinching my skin where Adam couldn't see.

‘Don’t be silly, Ron, it’s only your big sis!’

I smiled and spoke through gritted teeth. ‘See you Friday, then.’

He winked and headed back to his car.

I wanted to turn and slap my sister round the head, but I was too hung up on his gesture – the wink. A wink I wished was someone else’s. The thought caused a surge in my stomach and with it came a wave of determination. I would see him Friday for dinner and I would erase all memories of Kalen Smith, for ever.

***

Friday came and went. It was actually okay. Rachel and Jared both loved Adam and my seeing him appeared to have calmed whatever storm had been brewing in that part of my life. He was sweet and friendly, and more importantly he didn’t make me feel like he wanted me one minute and couldn’t wait to get away the next. Over the following few weeks, things changed. I changed. My clothes got more sophisticated, my heels got higher and on Adam’s suggestion I’d dyed my hair a dark chocolate brown. It was only a semi permement colour and the box said it would be back to normal after twenty-eight washes, so I couldn't see the harm, but the more I thought about it the more I liked the idea anyway: new start, new me.

It was a Thursday night and Adam had brought over takeaway Chinese food and DVDs. It was the first time he’d been over when I had the house to myself. It got to that time, however, where kissing leads to something more and I heard myself asking him to go.

 ‘
Okay,’ he said, standing up grudgingly and running his hand through his tousled hair. ‘See you tomorrow at The Half Moon?’

‘Yeah, we’re meeting the girls at eight.’

As we reached the front door, he leaned in, grazing his lips against mine. I wrapped my hand up around his neck and kissed him back. Kissing Adam wasn’t the same as with Kal. It was softer, less intense and a little sloppier, but it wasn’t altogether bad.

‘See ya, babe,’ he said, turning and heading down the front porch to his car. His keys jingled as he walked, replaced by the sound of the engine as he drove away. Then there was quiet.

I was about to go indoors when a noise sounded from above me. I craned my neck to see up on the roof. There was nothing there – the sky was so black, I couldn't even see the moon. I stood for a moment, trying to work out what I’d heard, but the silence lingered. With a final glance around, I reached for the door handle.

Then another sound – thrrrump – as if something had fallen to the floor behind me. I froze. Fear knotted my insides, transforming me into a useless block of stone. The hairs on the back of my neck sprung to attention. I could sense that whoever (or whatever) was there, was incredibly close. I had nowhere to run.

My heart crashing in my chest, I turned around.

25 – Out Of The Dark

A large shadow loomed in front of me
. Instinctively I kicked out, making contact with his groin and sending him toppling backwards.

Turning to run, my foot caught. I fell. Through my panic I tried to think of some moves from the many self-defence classes I’d paid for over the years but, infuriatingly, when under immense pressure, I was completely unable to remember anything. I reached out for something I could use as a weapon instead. The branch of a tree, left on our porch for summer days when we would prop open the door, was the only thing within reach. I lunged for it, lifting it over my shoulder. With all my reserves of strength I stood up and swung.

Despite my erratic state, I managed to connect it with the dark figure now rushing towards me. The intruder caught the branch on impact and, too quickly for me to let go, pulled it towards him. I was dragged into his arms, which locked tightly around me so I was unable to move.

‘Red. Calm down.’

All the air rushed out of me as though I’d been winded. Slowly, I turned my head and focused on the silhouetted face, now intimately close to mine. As my eyes adjusted to the dark, Kalen’s eyes sparkled.

Torn between intense happiness and immeasurable fury, I couldn’t control the sudden swell of emotion inside me – tears spilled down my cheeks.

Kalen scooped me up into his arms, kicking open the front door and walking inside. In my living room he gently placed me on the couch. After what felt like an eternity I managed to compose myself, wiping my wet face with the back of my hand.

He crouched by my side, his eyes showing such panic that it was almost funny. Almost. He must have seen the amusement in my expression, because his own features smoothed out and his face was, once again, unreadable.

‘You frightened me,’ he said with his usual level of indifference, before sitting back in the chair opposite mine.

‘I frightened
you
?’

‘Well, I thought I’d hurt you, which I tried very hard not to do. I’m not used to holding someone down without hurting them. It was new for me.’ He smirked to himself, as if he were intrigued at having discovered something new about himself.

I didn’t return the smile. ‘If you don’t want to hurt a person, maybe don’t sneak up on them in the middle of the night.’ I swung my legs from the sofa and stared at him. I was so happy to see him that inside me there wasn’t one ounce of anger, but the pain I’d felt since he left still ached like an open wound.

He frowned. ‘You look different, your hair’s brown. Why?’

I didn’t answer him, but I looked him over too. His hair had grown a little, it was less military than usual. His blue eyes were the same though: dark, brooding and annoyingly indecipherable. I gulped.

‘You’re back,’ was all I could manage before my voice failed me and more tears trailed down my cheeks.

‘Yes, I thought... I
hoped
you might be happy to see me, but you’re still crying.’

‘I’m not dignifying that with a response, Kal. Why did you leave without even telling me?’

‘I had to leave Clanots for a while.’

I met his eyes sharply. ‘Is that all I get?’

‘Red, please, let’s not fight,’ he said, standing up and walking to the window.

‘I don’t want to fight either, it’s just, you left and I thought you were never coming back.’

‘Would you rather I hadn’t? I see you’ve moved on quite nicely.’

‘Why would you say that? I didn’t ask you to leave, Kal! I was so los…’ I pursed my lips, determined not to pour my heart out.

‘I thought our reunion would be nicer than this,’ he said quietly, still gazing out into the night. ‘I should have called.’

I laughed bitterly. He who didn’t own a phone should have called – yes, that would have been a wonderful start! ‘I thought we were friends,’ I replied, instead of voicing my thoughts.

He made a
hmmm
sound without looking at me. ‘Friends.’

‘What did you mean anyway – I’ve moved on?’

‘Your male visitor. I assume he’s your boyfriend?’

‘You don’t assume anything, Kal, it is not in you to
assume
. How long have you been back?’

‘Long enough.’

‘And you’re only just coming to see me now?’ I got up and stood in front of him so he was forced to look me in the eyes. Any happiness at having him back was sullied by his nonchalance. He didn’t owe me anything, but his talking to me like he couldn’t have cared less was almost too much for me to take.

‘What I told you about myself,’ he said, ‘it must have disgusted you. No matter what you said or how you pretended to be okay with what I am. I did you a favor leaving. You can’t really want to be friends, or anything else, with me.’

‘Don’t tell me how I feel. If you’re too far-gone to see when someone really cares about you, then you should go. You’re right, Kalen, I am different and it’s not just my hair! I am not the same weak, needy girl I was two months ago. Get out, do whatever it is you want to do with your life and do it without me.’

He stood perfectly still, his mouth set in a way that told me he was waiting for me take back what I’d said. When I didn’t, he walked past me and out the front door. It fell shut and I closed my eyes. The sound of my heartbeat grew loud in my ears and the room wobbled around me. I fled up to my bedroom, turning off all the lights as I went, all the while trying desperately not to let him back inside my head. Had I really told him to leave? I almost retched at the thought.

Finally, flicking off the main light in my room, I sat in the pale illumination the moon cast through my window. I’d got used to being alone, something I never thought I’d do. I no longer needed lights on in rooms I wasn’t in. The feeling of comfort from having other people around was long gone for me. I no longer cared.

I turned back the bed covers in a trance and went to close my curtains.

Kalen was crouched on my windowsill.

I must have been becoming immune to shock because I didn’t even flinch. Had I hoped he would come back – even known it?

‘This must be the only window I didn’t lock,’ I said, walking back to my bed. It was true, but not because I’d forgotten it. I hadn’t locked it since the day he left, hoping for this exact moment – his presence at my window. ‘But I guess it wouldn’t have made a difference. You could have got in anyway, right? What’s a lock to you?’

‘I’m sorry,’ he said quietly.

Ignoring him, I found some lint that needed picking from the quilt cover.

‘Red, look at me.’

‘No.’

‘Please.’

Reluctantly, I did as he asked, chewing on the inside of my cheek to prevent my hurt from showing in my face.

‘I missed you. A lot. That’s why I’m back. For no other reason would I be here. The boys – well, I’m not in their good books since I made us return, put it that way.’

I continued to stare, unblinking, trying to resist the urge to run to him.

‘I wont leave again, if you tell me we can still be friends. I know you have a boyfriend and still, I want to be around you. Please forgive me. Ace wants to see you, too,’ he added.

I smiled despite myself. ‘Don’t bring Ace into this, that was incredibly low, Kalen Smith.’

‘Sorry.’ A look of relief swept across his features and his dimples penetrated my heart. ‘It was terribly low of me, but hey, you’re smiling now.’

‘You hurt me,’ I croaked. ‘I’d just lost my father and then I lost my – my friend. My only friend.’

‘You have friends here now.’

‘Yeah,’ I admitted, ‘I suppose I do.’

‘I’m here now too.’

‘Why did you leave?’

His jaw clenched, like he was searching for what to say. ‘I thought it was better for you.’

It wasn’t the entire truth, and I think he wanted me to know that. But at that moment it would do – I was too happy to pretend otherwise.

‘Well, why are you back then?’

‘Because it wasn’t better for me,’ he said with a rueful smile.

After a long silence, I closed the gap between us, unsure what to do once I reached him. He leaned in and took my hand.

‘I’m glad you’re back.’ I admitted, my voice tiny.

‘
I never imagined I could be attached to another person. I didn’t know I was capable of missing anything. I–’ he faltered. ‘You have no clue how much I’ve changed because of you.’ His eyes were filled with such sincerity that I slipped my hand out of his, afraid I wouldn’t have the strength to deny him anything he wanted.