First Light (22 page)

‘You mean you won’t,’ I snapped.

He lifted his large shoulders. I was so angry I could barely speak. My fingers trembled at my side. Who the hell did he think he was, telling me what to do? It wasn’t fair! If Kalen had never left, I’d be with him on my birthday. None of this was even my fault.

I held my chin up defiantly. ‘Denver, nobody tells me what to do any more. Not you, or Kalen Smith. You can’t stop me.’ With that, I spun on my heel and began to walk away. Perhaps I would let Adam take me home after all, just to spite him. But before I could make it two steps Denver was in front of me again.

‘You can’t stop me,’ I repeated, with slightly less confidence.

‘Ronnie,’ he began, his eyes deadpan, ‘you know I can.’

I stared at him incredulously, but I knew all too well what he was capable of. My lame attempt at resistance was quashed and my chin slowly slipped back down. To make matters worse, Adam was next to me again, probably in some attempt at chivalry. I found myself babbling for him to call me to arrange our date just to get rid of him before Denver made good on his threat. I slid into a waiting taxi with the girls, each of them asking me to explain what had happened. I shook my head – I had absolutely no idea.

‘That was the gorgeous one!’ Alexandra giggled. ‘You should have introduced me.’

‘I wouldn’t do that to you,’ I muttered under my breath, glancing out of my window at Denver as we pulled away.

They were here. They were still in England, just a few miles away and Kalen hadn’t come to see me. He wasn’t in danger. He just didn’t care any more.

My head was a mess, too many thoughts compounding one another and none of them making sense. Of one thing I was certain: none of those thoughts were of the pleasant guy I’d just met.

23 –
Change

‘Call him back!’ Alexandra said for the tenth time.
It was raining again and we’d fled into Starbucks on Clanots High Street after work, to wait it out.

‘I’m not calling him.’

‘Babe, he’s called twice and left a message, if you don’t call back he’s gonna think you’re not interested.’

‘And I keep trying to tell you, I’m not.’ Adam had seemed really nice. During all the fun on my birthday, giving him my number had felt like a good idea. Now it just seemed pointless. I couldn’t even think of dating someone.

She chewed on her thumb and looked at me. ‘It’s been five days, babe. If Kalen was going to come back he would’ve by now,’ she said quietly.

‘This isn’t about him.’

‘Yeah right, like if Denver hadn’t shown up out of the blue you wouldn’t be down in the dumps again? You’d just started to pick yourself up. Just call Adam. Better still, text him! What harm can it do?’

I stared at my phone. Adam had left a voicemail. He wanted to take me out for dinner. It was so nice, so
normal
. But I didn’t care, not like I should have cared anyhow.

‘Here, let me.’ Knocking the back of my hand so my phone flipped into the air, she caught it and flashed me a satisfied smile.

‘Don’t you dare,’ I threatened, crossing my arms.

‘You’ll thank me later.’

I watched as she typed out a text. I could have easily snatched my phone back, but something was aching inside me to try it out. Curiosity. If Kalen was really never coming back, could I ever be happy again? The thought sent a chill through to the tips of my toes.

‘Let me see what you’ve written then,’ I sighed. Leaning forward to take a look, I instantly went to object, but she’d already hit send.

A reply came through almost straight away. I swiped my phone back. The text from Alex read:
Hey Adam, I’m free this weekend if u still wanna go out, let me know.

His reply read:
Saturday night. Pick you up at 8. Text me your addy x

I looked at Alexandra, who was sipping her drink, trying her best to look innocent.

‘Dammit,’ I mumbled. ‘Now I’m gonna have to figure out what to wear.’

‘Well now, babe, you know I can help with that.’

***

Alexandra and Diana were dragging me around the shops. I’d had a whole night to think about my impending date and considered canceling at least twenty times, but Alexandra had threatened me with blind dates if I did, so reluctantly I’d agreed to go to the mall with them. When I’d met Adam I was more glamorous than ever – a fact the girls kept reminding me of.

They started with underwear. I wanted M&S, they wanted Ann Summers – we settled on La Senza.

‘Why does it matter what underwear I have on?’

‘You have to feel good from the inside out,’ Alexandra lectured.

‘By good, do you mean like a porn star?’ I grimaced as she held up a sheer black bra, studded with Diamanté.

‘She’s right, babe, that’s streetwalker material right there,’ said Diana.

‘I have this.’ Alexandra looked mortified as she stared at us. Diana and I burst into fits of laughter.

It only got worse from there. Dresses, heels, handbags – I was exhausted by the time they dropped me off at my house. On the porch, I waved the girls off and was about to head in, but hesitated. A strange feeling crept over me. The same one I’d had in the supermarket before Christmas – like someone was watching me. Back then, I’d put it down to the fact the boys had been waiting outside, but right now I was all alone. I stared across the front garden at the trees that surrounded most of the house. Nothing stirred.

The feeling didn’t go away, but I shoved it aside and headed indoors.

As the evening wore on, I started to plot ways I could get out of the date without telling Alex. I came up blank. Seven-thirty arrived and my phone rang.

‘What you wearing?’

‘Nothing yet.’

Alexandra giggled. ‘I like your style. Naked – it’s a statement.’

I felt myself flush. ‘I’m
going
to wear dark-blue skinny-jeans and the black bandeau top you forced me to buy.’

‘No dress?’

‘Not tonight.’

‘Heels?’

‘Yes –
maybe
.’

‘Heels!’ she said more forcefully.

I said goodbye and threw my phone on my bed, reaching into my wardrobe rebelliously for my ballet flats.

In the mirror I fluffed my hair to give it some volume, the light in my room made it look redder than ever. Unfortunately, no matter what I did, I couldn’t seem to forget the boy I wanted to forget.
Red.
His name for me would haunt me whenever I looked in the mirror. Frustrated with the never-ending thoughts of my past, I brushed some mascara onto my lashes and plumped my lips with too much gloss. Then I took myself downstairs to wait for Adam.

He arrived a little after eight. I opened the door to find he was better looking than I remembered. If anything his messy blond hair and bright green eyes reminded me of someone I used to dream about and I felt my cheeks grow hot at the comparison with my fantasy hero.

‘Hi,’ I said shyly.

He whistled. ‘You look great.’

‘Thanks, you too.’ He was wearing dark jeans and a roll neck jumper and, from the looks of it, everything was some designer or another.
Rachel would be so proud,
I thought.

His car was parked close to the house – a brand new silver sports number.

‘It’s a company car,’ he said, though I hadn’t asked. ‘One of the perks of working in the city.’

I slid inside. ‘So, where we headed?’

‘I thought we could see a movie.’

I let my head fall back against the seat. A movie was perfect – it meant minimal conversation. He drove us to the multiplex in Cowford and let me choose the film. I skipped everything remotely romantic and went for a thriller.

Inside the theatre, I glanced around at the other couples lit by the flashing screen, holding hands and cuddled close. I wondered to myself:
maybe this is how it’s supposed to be?

He took my hand in his and I resisted my instinct to pull away.

When the film ended, Adam dropped me home and we lingered in his car.

‘So, Veronica, I don’t think I’ve asked you how old you are.’

‘I’m eighteen. Tomorrow actually, what about you?’

‘Twenty-one. Funny, you seem older that eighteen.’

I laughed. ‘Is that good or bad?’

He leaned towards me, his voice husky and low. ‘A compliment. You’re not like most of the girls I meet, all obsessed with celebrities and hairstyles. You’re different.’ He brushed a strand of my hair back from my face. Sensing he wanted to kiss me, I leaned away.

‘So, you work in the city?’ I said lightly.

I liked him, but I wasn’t sure it was enough. I wasn’t sure what it was.

‘Yeah,’ he said with a lazy grin, dropping his arm across the back of my seat. ‘I’m a junior investment banker. It’s long hours, but it’s gonna make me rich and that’s what it’s all about, right?’

I smiled, not knowing how else to respond. He asked about my job at the Travel Shop and we made smalltalk about school and the differences between Clanots and Cowford. I was just starting to relax when he said, ‘So, how come you don’t have a boyfriend?’

And that was it. I needed to get out. Suddenly, the space felt incredibly small, like it was going to fold in on me. I leaned forward and gave him a peck on the cheek, thanked him for a nice night and almost threw myself out of the car.

Once inside my front door I fell back against it and let out a long breath. I’d done it. It was over. As far as I was concerned, I could go back to being alone and no one could say I hadn’t tried.

24 –
Normal

The morning was bright and I didn’t have to work.
I was trying to decide what to do, when the doorbell rang. I ran down the stairs and yanked the door open to find Rachel with Cloud in her arms.

‘Where are your keys?’

‘I forgot them, hey can you have Cloud this morning?’

‘Sure,’ I said, giving my niece a kiss and taking her from my sister.

‘Happy Birthday. I’ll take you shopping next weekend. There’s some vouchers in the card.’

She handed me a sealed envelope as we walked through the house. I’d just ripped through the paper when the doorbell rang a second time.

‘Expecting someone?’ Rachel asked.

I put my niece down and headed back through the hallway. Adam greeted me at the door with a smile, wearing slim blue jeans and a button-up shirt and his blond hair perfectly styled so it hung over his face like a fringe. On his index finger he dangled my new grey cardigan. I’d obviously left it in his car.

‘Hey Birthday Girl, thought you might miss this.’

Cursing internally, I tried to thank him and get him to leave without asking him in. But of course Rachel had other ideas.

She swung the door open wide. ‘Who’s this?’ she asked with one of her best smiles.

‘Rachel, this is Adam,’ I wagged my finger between them. ‘Adam this is my sister, Rachel.’

Ignoring my imploring glances, she invited him in and Adam sat in the kitchen with her while she grilled him about all sorts of personal things.
Where did you grow up? Where do you work? Do you have any tattoos?
My ears pricked up at that. He unbuttoned his shirt, showing us one on the top of his right arm: a dragon. I muffled a laugh and took Cloud into the garden, before he started explaining to Rachel what it meant.

Ten minutes later Adam poked his head out the back door and yelled goodbye. Knowing it was the polite thing to do, I followed inside.